My mom smiled at my dad and patted his arm. “Well, I like them,” she said to us. “It’s good to have a sense of humor about yourself. It’s one of the things I love most about your dad.”
“It’s clearly not his fashion sense. Lyssa, what do you think?” I goaded her.
“Whatever makes everybody else happy.” Lyssa stared at her sneakers.
Realizing that the appalling T-shirt wasn’t even close to the most embarrassing thing about my family, I gave in and took the shirt my dad held out to me.
He frowned at my hesitation. “Aren’t you proud of who you are?” he asked. “Jews don’t have to hide in this country. My grandfather fought in World War II so you could wear this shirt.”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong,” I said. “It’s not the Jewish part that’s embarrassing. It’s the Bigfoot part. And orange isn’t really my color.” I gestured to the possibly flammable fluorescent shirt.
“Well, Sammy,” my dad stroked the stubble on his chin. “Perhaps they are a bit bright.”
“Just like you girls, bright and cheery,” my mom said, flashing her eyes at me. The subtext was clear: make your father happy and wear the damn shirts.
Sophie threw her shirt over the tank top she was wearing and I did the same. Shortly thereafter my family marched back to the base camp for the judges’ table, one behind the other, like prisoners on a chain gang. Nothing good ever happened in this shade of orange.
“If Dad was so into ugly uniforms and team sports, why didn’t we all take up bowling like Mom?” I grumbled the entire way.
We were the first team to arrive, which was fine with me. My parents and sisters sought out Mindy for makeup to complement the orange shirts. Good luck with that.
I leaned up against a nearby tree, letting it support me. Constantly carrying around so much family stress was exhausting, and I suddenly felt like I was going to collapse under the weight.
The slam of a metal door made me jump. Jake burst out of the production trailer with Colin hot on his heels.
“Jake, wait,” Colin said. “This is a good thing! This is really going to catapult your career. Think apologies on late night talk shows, and spreads in celebrity magazines. Plus, romantic tension is great for ratings. You’ll see.” Colin had a wolfish grin, which disappeared when he saw Jake’s stormy expression.
“You mean it will catapult your career. I’m the one who has to deal with the angry fan base and the paparazzi,” Jake snarled, marching off.
“Oh, sorry, Sam,” Colin said a bit sheepishly when he noticed me standing there. “Listen, I told your parents the same thing. I wish I could help you guys, but that footage is fantastic. It’s going to be picked up by every major news outlet. Sorry.” He shrugged and shuffled to his director’s chair, where Beth was standing by to hand him a huge stack of folders.
He accepted the bundle, barely glancing at her. “Colin!” she said in a harsh tone. “Here are the production sheets for today and in this folder is everything you need for the rest of the shoot. And this is my letter of resignation.” Beth handed him a thin business-sized envelope.
Colin stood up from his chair and the folders fell from his lap onto the grass. He made no move to retrieve them. “What? You’re quitting? Why? We’re almost done here.” He started pacing. “Beth, I need you! I can’t replace you so quickly.” He kept talking, not waiting for an answer from her. “Did you get another job? Because, unless it’s CNN, you need to stay here and finish this out.”
Throughout his tirade, Beth stood with her arms by her side and calmly watched him like he was an agitated tiger in a cage at the zoo. Everyone on set had stopped what they were doing to watch their exchange.
“I’m leaving because of the footage you insist on using,” she said. “I don’t want to be part of a show that degrades young girls.” Her voice started to falter. “That’s not the kind of work I want to do. I’ll find something else. I’m sorry, but I have to quit.”
Colin hung his head. “I could try to talk you out of this, but I know it probably wouldn’t work. I respect your decision.” He gazed at her with wide, almost admiring eyes. “I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do without you, though.”
Beth turned and strode away to the production trailer, leaving Colin standing defeated, amidst the mess of papers and folders, watching her go.
I searched around for Sophie, and found her sitting at one of the picnic tables alone and dejected, tearstains evident on her face. I guessed she hadn’t had a chance to talk to Kyle yet.
Sophie rubbed her eyes and blew her nose. Traces of mascara were on her hands and on the tissue. “I hope Mindy can fix me up again. I must be a mess.”
“Nah, you’re fine. You just look like someone who’s had their heart broken, slept on the ground, and was forced to wear the ugliest polyester T-shirt to ever grace the earth. No biggie.”
Sophie started laughing a little at first, then hysterically. My joke hadn’t been that funny, but before I knew it, I joined her and laughed until my stomach hurt in an I-ate-too-many-tacos way. We must have been loud because Devan and Kyle homed in on us as they walked toward the base camp.
“Stop, stop,” Sophie whispered to me between bursts of laughter, when she noticed the boys staring and Steve’s camera fixated on us.
“No, don’t. The boys probably think we’re laughing at them. It will make them completely paranoid.”
“Awesome.”
My sister and I stood and linked arms, snickering, and trotted right by the bewildered boys and into the makeup trailer.
Chapter 26
“I was helping my wife pick tomatoes in our backyard when our Yorkies started barking their little heads off. Wouldn’t you know it, there was this big hairy thing flashing by me. I’m just glad he didn’t take any of her prize-winning tomatoes.”
—Jim Duckworthy, interview in “Witness to Bigfoot the Majestic”
Colin straightened the edge of his button-down shirt and cleared his throat. “Okay, let’s get everyone in places for the judging.”
“Devan and Sam,” Colin said, “I’m going to need you to stand closer. You need to be in the same frame. At this point, I’d settle for the same state.”
I inched closer to him, but refused to meet his eyes and did my best impression of a statue.
Devan’s eyebrows squished together when he took in my shirt. “Why do you look like a giant Cheeto?”
“Why do you care is a better question.”
“I don’t care, but I am morbidly curious.”
I turned to glare at him and that’s when I realized he was out of his sling.
“How’s your arm?” A bandage peeked out from the bottom of his sleeve. His eyes got soft and melty on me. “It’s better. Thank you.”
“Good. You’re welcome.” I gave him a professional nod.
“Sam . . .” Devan whispered. “I want to apologize.”
I cut him off with a brisk shake of my head. I didn’t want to second-guess my decision, not right before we were going to be filmed.
“I didn’t mean those awful things about your family. If you had let me continue . . .”
“Not now,” I said through gritted teeth.
He had voiced his opinion more than enough earlier. I couldn’t bear to hear him utter one more word. I closed my eyes, to further shut him out, and waited for the judges to get into place.
I opened my eyes just in time to see Jake slither into the clearing with a snarl on his face. He knew we were all watching him and loathing him. I couldn’t decide which was more obnoxious, his pouty babyface or his shiny skin-tight embroidered dragon shirt. Jake may as well have worn a shirt that said Bad Guy on it.
“Asshole,” Devan spat out, directed at Jake.
“You know the microphone is on, right?”
“I don’t care.”
“What do you care about?” I asked with a huff.
He opened his mouth to answer, but he clamped his mouth shut when the guest judge ambled onto
the set. It was Dr. DeGraw, decked out in a beige linen dress, big floppy hat, and a mic pinned to her collar. My eyes narrowed. “I thought she was only here in an off-camera advisory capacity.”
“The other judge got malaria and had to bow out.”
“Oh. That’s awful,” I gasped. Malaria could be deadly. And here I was worrying about a Bigfoot hunting contest.
Devan noticed my concern and his expression softened. “The guy’ll be fine. They caught it early.”
“Good.” I let out my breath, which I hadn’t realized I was holding.
“You really do worry about everyone, even people you don’t know.”
I shrugged, trying not to show him any more pesky emotions. They always popped up when I tried to be mean or detached. “She’s not a fair judge,” I said. “She kind of hates me.”
“But you’re on my team, so it will be fine.” Devan said.
He had a point. If Dr. DeGraw had to step in to judge, this was the best challenge for it. No matter which pair she chose as the winners, it would include one of my teammates.
“I’m not concerned,” I said, but that could be filed under “L” for lying. The shoot began and I half listened to Dr. DeGraw rattle off an extensive list of the digs she had been on, the papers she had published, and a bunch of other crap I really didn’t care about.
I glanced at Devan’s strong profile. Yeah. He was right, not that I’d tell him. There had been something between us. And even if I hated his attitude toward my family, I had to admit that I couldn’t stop thinking about him and our campfire kisses. But it didn’t matter. I had the contest to think about. And I had blown any chances of any happiness between us when I told him I hated him. He probably hated me back now.
I snapped out of my angsty contemplation when Dr. DeGraw asked for the three teams to present their findings.
Jake preened into the camera, hiding his crankiness behind Hollywood bravado. “We’ll start with our lovebirds, Kyle and Sophie.”
The two looked miserable. You could have put an iceberg between them and their coolness toward each other would have kept it frozen through the summer.
Kyle was a wreck. His usually wrinkled clothes looked like they had been in a hamper for months. His sneakers were untied, and I could spot the toothpaste on his shirt from a few feet away. It was possible he was really unhappy with his decision to cut things off with Sophie. Good. I was glad it wasn’t easy for him.
“I guess they aren’t exactly birds of paradise,” Jake joked. “Show us what you’ve got anyway.”
Kyle gestured for Sophie to speak. With a hoarse voice she said, “Kyle and I heard some howling, which we traced back to an audio recorder in a tree. We could tell it was a fake because of the way it was repeated on a loop over and over. We also found some hair, which resembled the hair from a standard poodle.”
Dr. DeGraw peered over her glasses at them. “A good effort, but we planted three other clues in your area. I’m very surprised that you didn’t spot the fake blood.” She waved to dismiss them.
“Next up, we have Caroline and Lyssa. If they find Bigfoot, he’ll be a lucky dude.” Jake winked.
“God, I hate him,” I growled, until Devan shushed me. I waited for Colin to yell cut, but he just rolled his eyes.
Neither girl seemed offended, although it was hard to tell considering they both plastered big fake smiles on their faces for the camera and ignored Jake entirely. Caroline did the speaking. “We found three clues. There were animal bones, probably from a chicken. We know that Bigfoot doesn’t have access to chickens in the forest, and tends to eat berries and other scavenged foods. Then we found some very suspicious um, feces,” she curled her lip, annoyed at having to talk about poop.
Lyssa quickly added, “We also found the recorder with looping animal noises.”
Dr. DeGraw pursed her wrinkled lips and the girls’ beauty queen smiles faltered just a little.
“Good. But, you should have picked up on the footprints and the costumed intern we had running around out there.”
Jake jumped into frame. “Devan and Sam are next. Let’s see if they could stop fighting long enough to find anything.” I rolled my eyes but Jake continued in a more conversational tone. “Yes, it seems Devan and Sam were arguing by a lake and he fell in and hurt his arm. At least they say that’s what happened. Anyone else think there may’ve been some skinny-dipping involved . . . or other activities?” he waggled his eyebrows.
Dr. DeGraw cleared her throat.
“So what do you have for us?” Jake added.
I wanted to offer him a kick in the ass, but let my teammate answer.
“We found four clues.” Devan’s tone was clipped and businesslike but his face was a storm cloud about to burst. “A fake footprint, fake claw marks, and some other rubbish that was a gigantic waste of time. I can’t do this!” Not waiting for a response, Devan marched off the set.
Dr. DeGraw called after him, “Devan, what do you think you’re doing? There is no room for these kinds of antics. Get back here immediately!”
Caroline stepped forward, “Oh let him go, you old bag.”
Everyone gasped at Caroline’s slam, which seemed to have flown directly out of left field.
“Miss Bing, what on earth has come over you?” Dr. DeGraw demanded.
“I’m tired of you bullying us and telling us what to do every moment of the day.” Caroline was calm but fierce. She took a step toward Dr. DeGraw’s chair, but Kyle reached out and pulled her back. “You think you own us just because we were lucky enough to be accepted into your stuffy school. Honestly, it should be the other way around. Do you have any idea how much money our parents donate to Netherfield on top of our ridiculously expensive tuition? We pay your salary. You can’t do anything to us.”
Dr. DeGraw’s lips were pressed into a thin white line, while her face was turning purple with rage. “This is absurd! I won’t tolerate this behavior.”
Kyle stepped in front of his sister. “I totally agree with Caroline. You can’t tell me who I can be friends with anymore.” He crossed back to Sophie and took her hand in his. “Sophie, I’ve been an ass and I’m sorry. I don’t know why I let Dr. DeGraw’s opinion, or anyone else’s, matter to me. If I like someone I should tell them, right?” He glanced at her for approval.
“Right,” she whispered, wide-eyed with a surprised smile blooming on her face.
“Will you give me another chance?” Kyle asked.
Sophie wiped a couple of tears from her eyes and nodded yes.
Kyle gave her a friendly one-handed bro-hug then glanced at the cameras and shrugged before he grabbed Sophie and kissed her. Half the crowd gasped, the other said “Awwwwww.”
I was glad Kyle had finally figured out he was being a tool. I was also relieved to not have to kick his ass, which I had fully intended to do. I may have been smaller than him, but I was scrappy and I didn’t fight fair. Not when my sister’s heart was on the line.
“I won’t sit here and listen to this nonsense!” Dr. DeGraw stood up and tottered off the set on her sturdy troll legs. “And you two are sorely mistaken if you think there’s any way I’m allowing you to come back to Netherfield in the fall.”
Colin threw his binder on the ground in frustration and shouted, “I guess we’re taking a break! Let’s come back in fifteen minutes and try to contain our outbursts, this time, please.” He walked away muttering, “This is turning into a goddamned soap opera . . . Not what I had in mind.”
Sophie and Kyle hugged. Caroline grinned like a Cheshire Cat. And everyone else started whispering about what had just gone down.
I went in search of Devan.
Chapter 27
“What if the search for Bigfoot is more about looking for life beyond us? Or a desire to discover something new in the world? But I don’t take Philosophy 101 until next year, so check back with me then.”
—Devan Das, senior at Netherfield Academy
It took a few minutes, but I finally found hi
m tripping down the stairs of one of the production trailers.
“Devan, wait,” I called, running to catch up with him. “What was that all about?”
He stopped when he heard me call. His breathing was shallow as if he’d just run a race. “I can’t . . . Jake just makes me so angry . . .”
I put my hand on his bad arm by accident and he flinched. “I know you’re upset. I hate Jake, too.” I raised my voice and pleaded, “But we need this win. I need this win. I know you don’t owe me anything, but please, we’re so close to the finish. Please, come back.”
He nodded his head once, and turned to walk back to the set with me.
Devan sighed and ran his hand through his hair, which had grown longer in the two-and-a-half weeks we had been here. It was a little floppy, but it suited him.
“Oh, by the way, you missed quite a show,” I added. “Caroline and Kyle both flipped out on DeGraw. It was unbelievable.”
“Really?” He seemed less surprised than I thought he would be by this news. Maybe the preps had all been complaining to each other about their hideous mentor.
As if I had summoned her with my thoughts, Dr. DeGraw was huffing and puffing her way directly toward us.
“What kind of thing do you think you were pulling back there, Devan?” She blinked her toadlike eyes at him, waiting for a response.
Devan just looked at the ground. His frustration rolled off of him in palpable waves.
“I thought I made myself clear,” Dr. DeGraw continued. “Our school needs to win this money for research. I don’t know what is going on with Caroline, or with you and Kyle and these girls, but you’ve all been unfocused and undisciplined since you arrived.”
She said the word girls like we were common streetwalkers or an unknown sticky substance on her shoe.
“I’m very disappointed. In fact, if I were asked to write a college recommendation for you right now, I am not sure what I would say about your future.” She pointed a stubby finger at his chest. “This is the last warning you will get from me, and that goes for your teammates, too.”
Sasquatch, Love, and Other Imaginary Things Page 21
