Betty, however, looked unconvinced. ‘You know, if there’s anything else bothering you Julie, you’ve only got to say. You can talk to me any time.’
Julie paused for a moment, deliberating whether to confide in her mother.
‘There is something isn’t there?’ asked Betty.
‘Well, yes,’ Julie admitted. ‘It sounds stupid though; you’ll think I’ve lost my marbles.’
‘Don’t be so daft! Come on, out with it.’
‘Well, it was after Rita rang me from her holidays, you know, the day after she arrived there. I answered the phone and her and Debby sounded like they didn’t have a care in the world. It started me off thinking about Amanda, and as I looked towards the window I thought I saw Amanda watching me, but when I walked towards her she was gone.’ She paused a moment, gauging her mother’s reaction, but when it wasn’t forthcoming she added. ‘There, I said you’d think I’d gone mad, didn’t I?’
‘I don’t think anything of the bloody sort!’ replied Betty. ‘I was just a bit shocked that’s all. It sounds to me like the pressure’s been getting to you more than I realised. Oh Julie love, why didn’t you tell me? I can’t help you if you don’t tell me, can I?’
Julie looked embarrassed.
‘Now you listen to me Julie Quinley,’ Betty continued. ‘I want you down at that doctor’s on Monday. Sod work! I’ll ring them and tell them you’re not well, OK?’
‘Yes,’ Julie replied.
‘Good, then get yourself upstairs when you’ve finished that drink, and try not to let things get to you so much.’
Betty gave Julie one last reassuring squeeze before she went to bed. Julie sat in silence for a few moments contemplating the conversation that had just taken place. A short while later she finished the brandy and dragged herself to bed feeling mentally and physically exhausted.
Chapter 20
Sunday 20th July 1986
It was the following day when Rita paid Julie a visit after returning from holiday. Rita’s appearance surprised Julie. Not only was she suntanned, but she had a radiant glow about her.
‘You look well!’ Julie announced on seeing her. ‘It looks like you’ve been having a good time. You’ll have to tell me all about it.’
‘Julie it was brilliant! You should have been there. The weather was gorgeous. The place was really nice. We partied every night and chilled out on the beach every day, and as for the talent!’
‘Go on!’ beckoned Julie, knowing there was more to follow. ‘What’s his name, how old is he, what does he do and is he good in bed?’
‘Yansis, 25, a waiter and absolutely bloody fantastic!’ Rita replied. ‘I think I’m in love Jules, I can’t stop thinking about him. I’ve phoned him twice already since I got home.’
‘Jesus Rita, the bleedin’ sun must have gone to your head,’ replied Julie in surprise.
‘Well Jules, sometimes it takes us by surprise when we least expect it, and he took me by surprise a few times, I can tell you,’ Rita replied, laughing.
‘Oh you dirty cow!’ Julie responded.
They remained silent for a few moments while Julie digested the news. Then she said, ‘What are you going to do then? If he lives over there, how are you going to see him?’
‘Well, we’ve talked about that a lot. I want to go and live there. I told him I’d use my redundancy money to put a deposit down on a bar, but he was having none of it. He says he wants to do his share so he’s going to see if he can raise some of the money himself. His dad’s invested some money in olive trees for him apparently.’
‘Bloody hell Rita, this is all a bit soon isn’t it? You hardly know him!’
‘It doesn’t matter Julie. It feels right. I know it does! There’s no point waiting around. Sometimes in life you’ve just got to go for it and as soon as I get the OK from him, I’m over there. There’s nowt to stay here for, is there?’
‘Oh thank you very much, Rita!’
‘Sorry Jules, I didn’t mean it like that. I’ll miss you all, of course I will, but you’ve got Vinny and your nice family. Who have I got?’
‘I’m sorry Rita; I don’t mean to put a damper on things. It’s just that I don’t want you to make a big mistake, but if you know you’re doing the right thing then I’m really happy for you.’
Julie tried to put on a brave face while she hugged Rita and congratulated her.
‘Jesus Rita, I’ll miss you, you know.’
Julie then shocked Rita by bursting into tears.
‘Go on, you daft cow!’ said Rita. ‘We’ll still see each other. It’s not as if I’m going to the ends of the earth, is it? I’ll be on the phone every five minutes, and just think of all the cheap holidays you’ll be able to have.’
She then noticed the anguished expression on Julie’s face and asked, ‘What is it Julie; are things still bad at work?’
‘Yes they are, I can’t stand it anymore! I ended up having panic attacks. I’m going to the doctor’s tomorrow to try and get a sick note and whatever else he can give me that might help.’
‘Oh Julie, you shouldn’t let it get to you so much.’
‘I know,’ said Julie, her voice trembling. ‘But that’s just the way it is.’
‘What about Vinny? Have you seen anything of him?’
Julie shook her head in response.
‘Julie, for God’s sake! He’s a good guy. You can’t let this take over your life. Get your act together!’
‘I can’t Rita. I can’t explain it. I just can’t be mithered when I feel like this.’
‘Oh well, suit yourself,’ Rita replied. ‘I must be off now anyway.’
She left Julie to wallow in her self-denigration, but just before departing she turned towards Julie and said, ‘Cheer up, everything will work out right in the end, you’ll see.’
The news had knocked Julie sideways. She couldn’t help but wonder how she was going to cope without Rita around. Under normal circumstances she would have missed her, but the way things were at the moment she felt as though she was having her life support machine removed.
The last couple of weeks had been bad enough, but the thought of being left indefinitely to face the music alone was just unbearable. Suddenly, she became wracked with guilt. How could she ever have suspected Rita? She was a good friend; she always had been. It was only now, when Rita was going away, that she realised just how good a friend she had been.
She thought about Rita’s words. Maybe she should get her life back on track, give Vinny a ring and find out if she could make amends. But when she tried to decide what to say to him the prospect became daunting. What she hadn’t told Rita was that Vinny had tried ringing her but she had been abrupt with him, telling him that she didn’t feel like seeing him at the moment; she just wanted leaving alone.
How could she excuse her behaviour towards him and expect to pick up where she had left off? She wasn’t even sure that she wanted to. What if she felt the same as she did the last time she saw him? He would take a further rejection as an insult to his pride, and where would that leave their relationship?
Finally, having resigned herself to the fact that she wouldn’t contact Vinny until she was in a better frame of mind, she went over to the stereo and selected an album. As she listened to Whitney Houston’s “How will I know?” she could feel the suppressed tears of frustration stinging her eyes.
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Sunday 20th July 1986
Once Rita had left Julie’s home she headed in the direction of her own house exuding an air of self-confidence following the good time she had enjoyed on holiday. In addition to her usual skimpy clothing, her suntan brought out the best in her and gave her the overall appearance of being moderately attractive.
Despite her confident air, as she strode along the road she was troubled by thoughts of Julie. She had never seen her at such a low ebb, and she feared for her friend’s emotional and mental well-being. She didn’t want to cause Julie any more trauma, but knew that her forthcomi
ng plans were bound to upset her. Rita pushed these thoughts out of her mind, deciding that she had her own happiness to think of.
After Rita had left Julie in her bedroom, Betty had snatched a few quick words with her as she made her way towards the front door. The conversation was hurried and whispered as Betty did not want Julie to overhear, but the gist of it was that she was very worried about Julie as she had sunk into a deep depression and was finding it difficult to cope from day to day. Rita was at a loss as to what she could do to make things better for Julie.
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Monday 21st July 1986
Julie sat in the dreary waiting room of the doctor’s surgery surrounded by arthritic pensioners, snivelling babies and hyperactive toddlers. She was dreading seeing the doctor; she felt like a fraud. Julie wasn’t actually ill, not in the physical sense anyway, but she knew, nevertheless, that things weren’t quite as they should be. Besides, her parents had been so insistent about her visiting the doctor; if she let them down she feared that they might never speak to her again.
She had turned down her mother’s offer to come with her, giving some meagre excuse. The real reason was that if she had a last minute panic and couldn’t go through with it, she wouldn’t be able to back out if her mother was there.
Julie had rehearsed what she was going to say to the doctor several times in her head, but it never sounded quite right:-
“I think I’m having a breakdown” – (No, too dramatic.)
“I’m losing it doctor” – (Losing what, you daft cow? I think you lost that years ago but we can arrange an internal examination if you prefer Miss Quinley.)
“I’m having panic attacks”- (What makes you say that? I don’t know, my dad told me I was.)
Finally she settled on “I’m having trouble with my nerves.” Then at least she’d have got the condition out of the way in as few words as possible. She knew that the doctor would then prompt her to go into further detail, but she hoped that by then she would have calmed down a bit.
“Thank God I’m seeing Doctor Frazer,” she thought. “At least it’s better than seeing Doctor Weiller.”
Julie had only been to see the doctor twice in the last five years so she didn’t know what to expect, but she had heard about Doctor Weiller’s reputation for insensitivity from her mother. Doctor Frazer, on the other hand, was a considerate 30 something female with whom Julie felt more at ease.
She was becoming increasingly tense, and every time the buzzer sounded it made her jump to such an extent that she felt sure the other patients could see her exaggerated reaction. When the buzzing was accompanied by the receptionist announcing her name, she felt the bile rise in her throat. “Here goes,” she thought.
‘Come in,’ shouted the doctor when Julie knocked on her surgery door.
Julie approached the doctor’s desk and waited for her cue to begin speaking.
‘Take a seat. What can I do for you?’ asked the doctor.
‘I’ve come with my nerves,’ said Julie in a flurry of words. Embarrassed at her cracking voice and lack of articulation, she cleared her throat and corrected herself. ‘I mean, I’m having trouble with my nerves.’
The doctor sensed that Julie was worked up and said kindly, ‘All right, perhaps you’d like to explain how it’s been affecting you. Take your time, there’s no rush.’
‘Well, I don’t know where to start really. Everything’s been getting on top of me. I’ve had a really bad few weeks. I’ve been getting panic attacks. It all started when my friend died.’
As soon as she began describing the situation she broke down and found it difficult to speak coherently; instead she rushed her words.
‘It’s all right,’ soothed the doctor as she passed Julie a tissue. ‘It sounds as though you’ve been having a rough time of it. Do you work?’
Julie could only nod in response.
‘And how are you coping with work?’
‘Terrible,’ cried Julie. ‘It’s hell! They all think I killed Amanda and I can’t stand it anymore,’ she said between sobs.
The doctor was shocked but remained professional. She didn’t probe any further, knowing that Julie was having real difficulty discussing her troubles.
‘Right, I want you to take two weeks off, and I’m giving you something that will help you,’ said the doctor. ‘At the end of the two weeks I want you to come back and see me, then we can decide if you’re still unfit for work.’
‘Thank you,’ said Julie as she took the prescription and sick note.
As soon as Julie got outside the doctor’s surgery she felt tremendous relief, but she also felt weak and pathetic and wished that she was able to deal with her problems as well as Rita.
Chapter 21
Thursday 31st July 1986
When Rita approached number 20 Claremont Road, she wasn’t thinking about Yansis or Julie as she had more immediate matters on her mind. Vinny soon appeared at the door and she abandoned her well-rehearsed, provocative pose as she stepped inside.
‘Oh, hello Rita, I’m glad you could make it,’ he said, smiling.
She looked up at him and replied, in sultry tones, ‘I think that you and me should take up where we left off, don’t you?’
Once Rita had made her way inside, Vinny shut the door firmly behind her.
So engrossed were they by their own concerns that they failed to notice the curtains twitching across the road at number 25. This was in fact the home of Melanie Butterworth, one of Clare Quinley’s school friends. She had been for tea at Clare’s home a few times and was used to seeing Julie there with her friends, including Rita and her boyfriend Vinny.
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Friday 1st August 1986
The school environment is in many respects similar to other working environments in that, when a topic becomes the subject of gossip, it is discussed indefatigably for several weeks until people tire of its contents or are unable to embellish the tale further.
However, should a new element of the tale be discovered, it will re-ignite public interest in the story. Such was the case with the Julie Quinley scandal, and this latest revelation spread ferociously through the school with its libellous flames enveloping everyone in their pathway. It was only a matter of a few hours until Clare Quinley became engulfed in their fiery force and had to bear once more the consequences of the scandal to which she had become a central figure.
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Friday 1st August 1986
When Clare arrived home from school, Julie could tell that something was wrong. Instead of the excited bustle that usually accompanied Clare, she was quiet and contemplative.
She had seen Clare behave in this way before, a few weeks ago when news of her arrest had first spread. Now, however, she thought that things had settled down so it surprised her to see Clare looking so troubled.
Julie noticed how quick her parents were to detect Clare’s mood. When they tried to discuss Clare’s day with her, they received monosyllabic replies. Julie wanted to find out what was troubling Clare, but she was afraid to ask in case the whole sorry subject became the focus of her family’s attention once more. Her father, however, was determined to get to the bottom of things.
‘What’s wrong Clare love, have people been having a go at you about things again?’ he asked.
Julie felt tremendous guilt knowing what the word ‘things’ referred to. She recalled what a difficult week Clare had suffered at school when everyone had found out about her arrest. Unfortunately, she had been so troubled with her own situation at the time that she had not given her sister the care and consideration that she would normally have bestowed on her. Bill, however, had soon settled matters by visiting the head teacher and insisting that he put a stop to the taunts.
During tea Bill continued to press Clare until she opened up to him.
‘Nobody’s been having a go!’ Clare answered.
‘Well, what is it then? Has someone said something to upset you? Who i
s it? Is it one of your classmates? Is it a teacher?’
‘No!’ shouted Clare. ‘They weren’t teasing me. It was just something that happened, something that Melanie Butterworth told everybody!’
On saying these words Julie noticed Clare casting a sidelong glance in her direction.
Julie’s heart sank as she realised the implications. Melanie Butterworth lived across the road from Vinny. She guessed at what was to follow; Vinny had grown tired of waiting around for her and had found himself another woman. She needed to hear it from Clare first though, before she could accept the facts.
Clare spoke quietly and self-consciously, avoiding Julie’s gaze.
‘Vinny’s got another girlfriend. Melanie saw her going into his house.’
She paused as her parents gazed at Julie in horror. Julie grew silent and let her fork drop as the words hit her.
Clare continued. ‘She said it was our Julie’s friend, Rita.’
Silence descended on them. For a moment nobody moved. Then Julie rose from the table leaving her plate half empty as she headed out of the room.
She had been in her bedroom for a few minutes when her mother walked in to find her with her head buried in her pillow trying to stifle the tears. Julie looked up on hearing Betty approach.
‘How could she Mam? How could she do that to me when she’s supposed to be my friend?’ Julie pleaded.
But Betty didn’t offer Julie an explanation. Instead she sat on the bed beside her and took her in her arms while Julie cried incessantly, occasionally trying to speak out against the injustice of it.
Betty silenced her. ‘Shsh love, it’s all right,’ she assured as she held her and brushed back the hair from her eyes. For Julie it wasn’t all right though; she was already in a fragile emotional state and she could have done without this further upset.
That night the nightmares returned. This time Vinny and Rita were the main subjects. Julie saw them in a passionate embrace. She approached the loving couple, puzzled, but as she drew nearer to them they turned towards her, their garish and distorted faces mocking her. She felt gripped by an overwhelming anger but when she tried to shout at them her words were no more than a whisper. ‘Why, why?’ she asked but they ignored her and went back to their petting.
Slur: The Riverhill Trilogy: Book 1 Page 13
