by Lowe, Anna
* * *
Lexi paced back and forth. It was a long drop from the top of the Lindorm’s chest. She felt unsafe and exposed up here. But the silver bowl of water drew her. She fought the compulsion to gaze into it again. Theo had changed her bath water and Loki’s pool was limpid. She could see every scale on the dragon engraved on the bottom.
She breathed the words of power. The liquid silvered. Her own worried eyes gazed back at her. Again she spoke. Theo coalesced in the bright depths of the pool. He was swimming, deep down where the monsters lived in the dark. The only light came from the magic lamp he bore on his forehead. Even underwater it stayed lit.
His tightly fitted orange swimming livery covered even his hair and beard. A wide black belt circled his waist. It was hung with the things he took when he went to feed his pets. A large sack, bulging with treats, bumped against his left hip as he kicked his legs and flapped his absurd shoes.
Above his head, a black shape almost as long as him, and nearly as thick, swept by. Lexi’s breath caught in her chest. Theo ignored this ominous shape and swam lower. The creatures that dwelt down in the depths were strange and horrible. A crab as broad across as one of Theo’s enormous hands scuttled by, moving sideways on the vertical face of the rock. The crab was not alarmed by Theo’s shadow. Its six legs did not slow or change direction, although its two large pincers opened and closed like vicious mouths and its terrible eyes swiveled on stalks.
For years, she had watched her dragon swimming in this watery realm. Despite the dangers Theo had never been hurt, and he had always returned. But although he had often brought food to these monsters, today he sought to steal one of their treasures. Such Quests were always perilous. At least they were in the old stories. And she knew of no others.
Lexi held her breath as Theo inspected crevices and hollows. He opened the pouch at his waist several times, and removed some tiny scrap and handed it to the monsters who dwelt within. They took his offerings with delicate greed, but he kept moving. Sluggish gray fish moved past him with graceless ease. He did not frighten them. But when one of those black, log-like animals circled around, they scattered and fled faster than the blink of an eye.
Theo stopped at the cavern of the sea monster who held her ring. Lexi again saw the strings of white eggs the creature had draped her walls with. She was guarding her cache, but when she saw Theo she made a flirtatious curtsy, half defensive posturing and half beckoning welcome. Her fearsome eyes popped open. Don’t be tempted, Lexi shrieked a silent warning. But as usual Theo paid no attention to her.
He reached into his pouch, and brought out a crab only slightly smaller than the one he had passed. The octopus was a strange, ghastly, bleached blob in the dark cave. Her movements were listless, but she desired that crab. She advanced towards it and Theo drew it back gently. The monster pulled all her arms back into her cave and came back with shells, and when he shook his head, with bones. He held up his hands and his fingers formed a circle in their black gloves. After many false starts, the monster brought out the ring of Hrothgar.
Lexi recognized it with mounting excitement. It still gleamed gold. The runes inscribed on it were still bright. But Lexi had also been correct about the perfidy of the monster. The treacherous serpent had no intention of keeping its bargain. She intended to keep both ring and crab. Two of its arms seized Theo’s ankles. He dropped backwards. The monster was going to reclaim her prize, and probably eat Lexi’s dragon into the bargain.
As Theo’s huge body hit the sea floor, plumes of silt exploded upward. The sea serpent twined more arms around his orange arms and legs and held him fast. Others reached for his face. Her dragon’s gigantic feet in their floppy shoes churned the silt into an opaque veil. He was going to die.
Lexi didn’t want to watch. But moving away from the murky images in the water was impossible. Ripples spread in interlacing circles. The picture wobbled and winked out. She was weeping into the pool of Loki, and her tears had erased the vision. The immaculate water cleared and the only dragon visible was the one etched by the silversmith and outlined by the gilder.
* * *
The little octopus was grimly determined to renege on her bargain. And Theo was equally determined not to reward her for trusting him by cutting off her tentacles and leaving her eggs defenseless. Octopuses could regenerate their arms, but this elderly specimen would be dead long before that happened. And, unless defended, her eggs would all be eaten and her life wasted.
It took all Theo’s strength to pull himself away from that little boneless mollusk. Twice she tore the regulator from his mouth. With just two hands to her eight tentacles, and constrained by his determination not to harm her, it was hard for Theo to peel her tentacles off and escape. One arm seized his headlamp and removed it. But that left him wrestling in the half-light with the other seven arms. One probed the edges of his mask and found his beard.
Fortunately, he had other treasures in his pouch that he could produce to entice the octopus. One of her tentacles had unbuckled his pouch before he knew what she was doing. She wanted the ring, but she could not resist the clams she found first. Her greed was her undoing. Theo filled her suckers with clams and she swiftly passed them to her beak.
While she was engaged in tussling with Theo, and claiming the clams, a starfish seized the opportunity to move towards her lair. Enraged, the octopus flushed red, released Theo and defended her young. During the resulting melee, Theo managed to swim away, and make his way back to the surface and his inflatable.
By the time he was pulling himself and his Zodiac onto the rocks – the wooden dock having been removed for the winter – he was chilled to the bone and every muscle ached. His head pounded from a combination of adrenaline, cold and fighting for his life. He stood under the steaming shower in the dive hut and took stock. He was too fucking old for this kind of shit. Too wise to go on fucking Quests for fucking Eleven Princesses. And he should damned well have told that little nag so.
His face stung where suckers had left welts like hickeys. Clumps of his beard had been yanked out. His arms and legs and torso were covered in bruises that would look worse tomorrow. His neoprene suit was torn in several places – ruined in fact. No wonder he was so cold. He had lost his dive lamp. And what had he gained: Princess Alexandra’s fucking ring. She could bloody well take it and disappear into her forest.
Chapter Six
It was the final straw to discover his itty bitty director of operations serenely sleeping in his bed. Lexi was nestled in the jumbled mess she had made of his bedclothes. Her path of destruction through his normally neat quarters was plain.
The room was awash in pixie droppings. A couple of his socks had lost a fight. They lay on the carpet knotted together. One of his handkerchiefs was festooned on a picture frame. Another was sodden and making a large white patch on his dresser. His book was face down on the floor. Mice had been nesting in his drawers, and nibbling his chocolates. Towels lay in puddles on the bathroom floor, and the tap was dripping.
Princess Lexi was curled up fast asleep with her little trident clutched in one tiny fist. She had changed this morning’s fluttery red and white garment for a fantasy of blue and silver gauze. She looked cute in the nest she had made of his tidy bedclothes. But he suppressed that fact, and scowled down at his little tormentor. His shadow must have disturbed her, for she zoomed onto his shoulder.
“You’re back! Where is it?”
Her squeak in his ear eroded his last nerve. Theo snatched at the whine. He held her up to his nose where she turned into two tiny pixies, which was twice as aggravating. “Aren’t you going to ask me about my adventure?” he demanded angrily.
“You obviously survived the attack of sea serpent, Dragon,” Lexi said gleefully. “But I wish to hold the ring of Hrothgar once again.”
Theo gave her the scowl that generally had his sailors seeking safe harbor. Other than a certain eager vibration in the little body he was holding in his hand, his fury made no discernable impre
ssion. He should just squeeze tightly and be done with her once and for all.
Instead he held his hand away from his face and opened it just enough that she could sit on the base of his thumb. Either his vision was improving, or Lexi was getting larger. Her green eyes were sparkling with happiness and her pink lips were stretched in a wide smile.
She waved her little trident imperiously. “Give it to me.”
Here he was, covered in bruises, exhausted, chilled to the bone, and all she cared about was her prize. That was the trouble with this relationship.
“Here it is, Princess.” He reached into his pocket and produced the gold circle. She fluttered across to his other hand and took the ring. She placed it first on her head, and then on her wrist, and then around her neck, finally leaving it at her waist. Each time the magic amulet changed size and became smaller or larger as needed. She was fucking playing dress-up.
“There you go, Princess,” he growled. “One magic ring, exactly as specified. You may be on your merry way.”
Alexandra continued to adjust the ring at her waist. Her blue and silver costume became a sleek tube of scarlet satin. The ring nestled comfortably between the curve of slight bosom and slighter hips. She spun it ninety degrees. Now a different set of runes graced the front of her garment. And then her tiny auburn brows snapped together over her nose – as if she had finally registered what Theo had said.
She spread her arms and began to scold. “But I am not going anywhere. You have fulfilled your Quest, Dragon. You have earned yourself the reward. You get to marry the Princess and live happily ever after.”
He couldn’t help it. She was so minute and so oblivious to the sheer impossibility of any union between them. He threw his head back and laughed like a drain. In the blink of an eye she vanished.
You just had to be firm, when dealing with Thumbelina. His hair was still dripping down his back. Theo poured himself a glass of schnapps and set it on the table beside his armchair, while he went to comb and dry his hair in the bathroom. He was going to sit and sip his schnapps and rejoice in a bedroom that was finally pixie-free.
* * *
Her dragon needed discipline. He had been vilely rude to her. She wasn’t going to put up with it. A mate was for life. And once she had mated with this dragon, and used the ring, she would have to remain a mortal woman until, well, until she died, as mortal women did. He didn’t deserve her. But she was very tired of being alone. Many centuries had passed since she had seen or spoken to another elf. What was the use of immortality, if you were always alone?
The pool of Loki had shown her that the groves of Erikki had long ago fallen. Her father and his retinue had vanished from the face of the earth like fog in the summer sun. She could either continue as the lonely last of her kind, or she could marry this insolent, unkind dragon and become a mortal woman. Fate was indeed capricious.
Theo Lindorm should have been ecstatic – all the stories said that the hero was ecstatic – he should be anticipating their nuptials with joy. Instead, he did nothing but insult her. Well, if he didn’t want to be her husband, she would make him her slave.
Instead of celebrating, Theo had poured himself some water from his flask, and disappeared into his washing room. The sleeping room immediately filled with the smell of junipers and something spicy that wafted from his glass. It was just like that selfish brute not to think that she, too, would be thirsty. She hovered over it and filched a sip. A fiery stream scalded her throat and set her choking. That fiend had poisoned her.
Once the choking had stopped, she rather thought she might try more of his strange nectar. Lexi stood on tiptoe and took a second, more cautious sip. It was as fiery as the first. But this time she didn’t cough. She had a third sip, and a fourth. And then the level of the liquid in the glass was too low. She tipped it towards her. A deluge of ice cold nectar soaked her to the skin. The glass rolled off the edge of the table and fell to the carpet. Nectar dripped off the table. The fiery aroma intensified.
Theo came out of the washing room rubbing his hair with a towel, his beard looking even fiercer than usual. “Lexi,” he roared, “what have you done now?”
She was not going to be spoken to like that. Not by her mate. And she had not given him permission to call her Lexi. She fluttered away and perched on the lampshade. She must have misjudged her landing, for the entire contraption fell over with a loud and unpleasant crash. Shards of glass scattered over the floor. Theo looked at his bare feet indignantly, and went to a cupboard. He came back wearing slippers.
Lexi didn’t care for his attitude, or his roaring, or for broken glass. She cast about for someplace safer to sit. There was a picture on the wall. The top of the frame would do splendidly, and give her a good view besides. But something was wrong with gravity today. Like the lamp, the picture wound up on the floor. There was more broken glass and the frame splintered.
Lexi had had quite enough of hard things. This time she aimed for the bed. There was something peculiar about the cushions and pillows, for they all tumbled down on top of her and buried her alive. She pushed ineffectually at them, but they would not budge. And that brute laughed. Positively, he laughed at her.
“You’ll be safe enough there for a bit, Princess,” he said.
And then, when she was almost asleep, he hauled her roughly out of her cozy nest, and woke her up. Clearly he needed a lesson. She bit him. Or she tried to. Her teeth slid harmlessly off his skin. So she licked him instead. He tasted divine. Musky and masculine with an overtone of soap.
He picked her up by the back of her gown and held her at arm’s length. “You smell like a distillery.” His tone was an offense. “You need a bath.”
He had filled her basin with warm water. She dove in without bothering to remove her satin dress.
“You’re as drunk as a lord,” the boor said.
“I am not.” Lexi mustered her dignity. In her wet costume she felt at a disadvantage. “I am poithoned. I am sorry I spill – split – thpilled your nectar. The grass was heavier than I wealized — realigned.”
A big forefinger stirred her bathwater. “This is cooling off quicker than I thought it would. I’ll get you a towel.” He sounded patronizing and amused. Drat the dragon.
He came back with a big fluffy white square of fabric. “Up you get,” he said.
She had a hard time finding her feet on the slippery bottom of the bowl. Fortunately, the etching of the dragon gave her toes a little foothold. But she had to cling to the side of the bowl or she would have fallen back into the water. He picked her up and wrapped her in the cloth. It wasn’t as soft as it looked.
“You should really take that frock off,” he advised.
“If you wish.” She muttered the spell and was pleasantly naked. “Stop that – it trickles.”
But he seemed to have lost interest in drying or tickling her. Curses. He set her gently on his sleeping place and left her to fight with his giant piece of rough cloth until he returned.
“Here,” he said. He handed her one of his handkerchiefs.
“What am I supposed to do with this?”
“I thought you could improvise some sort of sarong, Princess,” he said. “But if you’re up to one of your quick changes, go for it.”
Lexi attempted a spell. It should have clothed her in in one of her favorite garments. Fluttering white blossoms on a pale blue-gray embroidered with pearls ought to have wrapped her from collar bones to ankles. But nothing happened. She stayed completely nude. Well, that was embarrassing. She wound his handkerchief around her body, grumbling under her breath.
“What did you say?” Theo asked
She glowered at him. This was not going as she had planned. He had poisoned her. And spoken roughly. She would be revenged on him. As soon as the world stopped spinning.
* * *
By the time he had cleaned up and aired some of the overpowering aroma of schnapps from his room, Theo was no longer interested in sitting and sipping brandy. He was no lo
nger feeling those bone-deep shivers and gut-wrenching aches. Sheer rage had warmed him right through.
He mopped up the puddles on his dresser and emptied Lexi’s bathwater. She had left her ring lying on the bottom. He slipped it onto his little finger for safekeeping. It caught on the first knuckle, and then expanded and slid down to the base of his finger. A sense of peace and contentment enveloped him unawares.
Lexi was fast asleep. She was making a sort of soft burbling noise — an elvish snore. Although he supposed that Elven Princesses didn’t snore. He moved her carefully to a pillow which he placed in the center of the bed where she was unlikely to hurt herself. He was going to have to make sure his pixie stayed away from schnapps. She had no head for alcohol.
His wrath had melted. Lexi was so confused. He had to make allowances. She was all alone in a world altered beyond recognition. Her father’s kingdom had vanished and her own tiny preserve was now this year’s Christmas tree. He had to help her find a new home – and keep her away from all forms of spirits.
Chapter Seven
When Lexi woke up from her nap, it was dark outside. Not the faintest glimmer of light showed through the windows. Theodor was asleep beside her. Her head ached as if all the squirrels in Elvendom had cracked nuts on it. Her mouth was parched. And she was completely naked. For a moment she could not remember why or how. And worst of all, the ring of Hrothgar was gone. What had Theo done to her?
It was very hard to remember the words that would clothe her decently, but eventually she managed. She huddled inside her rabbit skin cloak. She needed something to drink. Really, this dragon was a terrible host. No food. No drink. And a loutish tendency to mock her. To say nothing of poisoning her. She was going to have to be very strict with him, otherwise she could see that life would not be worth living.
