by Meg Ripley
“It’s not like that.” For most of the last week, when she hadn’t been agonizing over her new identity as a bear shifter, she’d been agonizing over Dean—specifically their single kiss, and how much more she wanted. She craved him and she’d silently cursed his name a million times over while her body burned for his touch. But now, she was thankful he’d insisted they stopped. At least she didn’t have to lie to her father.
“Yes, I understand that now. He’s a good man. And if anybody can help you, it would be a Longstrider.”
“How am I going to tell Mama?”
“I’ll talk to your mother.”
“Can I watch the rodeo tonight?”
“Of course. It’s the 4th of July.”
Mari felt her mouth readjust itself into a smile. “Can I see Dean?”
“Yes. In fact, I think we should go see him together. We have much to discuss.”
They resumed walking towards the arena, Mari gripping her father’s hand. “Daddy, how is this possible? Are you a shifter?”
He shook his head. “No, I’m not—but it can skip a generation. Sometimes even two. Your great-grandmother was a shifter. So are two uncles and three cousins.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“For the same reason you won’t tell me the truth about Dean. And you should know, all three of your cousins graduated from college. There will be some adjustments, but that doesn’t have to stop you from achieving your dreams.”
“They might not let me on campus.”
“Then you can take classes online.” He squeezed her hand and smiled down at her. “We’ll figure it out. I promise.”
Mari returned his smile through her drying tears. Her skin felt hot and tight and her head still throbbed, but her burden didn’t feel so heavy and each step was lighter than the one before.
****
When Ernie and Mari came knocking on his trailer door, Dean knew Mari had finally found the courage to tell her father the truth. Ralph and Waldo were eating breakfast at the narrow table, and he gestured to them to get out before opening the door.
“Good morning, Mari. Sir.”
“Good morning, Dean. May we come in?” Ernesto asked.
“Of course.” He stepped back and allowed them to enter. “Would you like some coffee?”
“Yes, thank you,” Mari said, shooting a shy smile at Dean’s brothers. They quickly gathered up their cards, greeted the visitors, and ducked out of the trailer before Dean could give them another warning look. Dean poured three cups of coffee and invited them to have a seat.
“I reckon you know why we’re here,” Ernesto said.
He looked at Ernie warily. “I have a guess.”
“I want to thank you for helping Mari. Especially since I wasn’t there for her when she needed me.”
Dean released a long breath. “It was the right thing to do. Especially since she’s my friend.”
Ernesto sipped his black coffee and leaned forward. “Do you think she killed anybody?”
“Nope.”
Mari jerked like his answer surprised her. “But I was covered in blood.”
“That doesn’t mean you killed anybody,” Dean said. “And you haven’t shifted in the past week or been a danger to anybody. I don’t think you went out and killed that man.”
“What do you think happened?” Mari asked.
“I think you smelled the blood and went to find it. I think whoever killed poor Curt was the same bear that killed old Red,” Dean answered.
“But how do you know?” Mari pressed.
“Because there were two sets of human prints where Red was killed. Whoever killed him shifted once they got to the edge of town.”
Ernesto nodded. “So, there’s another bear in town.”
“I believe so.”
Ernesto narrowed his eyes, his gaze holding Dean’s. “Was it you?”
“No. I have my shifting completely under control. I only shift when I want to, and I don’t hunt humans.”
“Can you teach me how to do that?” Mari asked.
Dean didn’t answer her right away, and he didn’t look away from Ernesto. He wanted the older man to understand him; to understand that Dean had trusted him with his life, and that he could trust Dean with the most precious thing in his life: Marisol. Dean wanted nothing more than to keep her safe—both from the world and from her herself. He would continue to protect her and help her with or without Ernesto’s approval, but it would be much easier if he had her father’s support.
“I can help you. It’ll take some time, but you’ll never have to be afraid of losing control of yourself. Does your mother know?”
Mari shook her head. “Not yet.”
“It’s important to get rid of any stress. I know there’s been some...tension in the house,” Dean said carefully. “Right now is a very delicate time.”
“I’ll take care of that,” Ernesto promised.
“We also need to make sure you’re eating right after you shift,” Dean continued. “A side of beef would be ideal.”
“I can take care of that, too.” Ernesto finished his coffee with a gulp and stood. “In fact, I was on my way over to visit with Chad O’Brian and his sons; I’ll arrange for them to deliver some fresh beef to the house.” He leaned down and kissed Mari’s cheek. “I’ll see you tonight after the rodeo.”
She smiled. “I love you, Daddy.”
“Love you, too, mija.” He shook Dean’s hand and ducked out of the narrow trailer, finally leaving the two alone.
Dean released his breath in a long sigh. “God, you’re looking pretty today.”
Mari’s cheeks darkened and her smile was both pleased and shy. “Oh stop. My eyes are puffy and my nose is runny.”
“I don’t care how puffy your eyes are. I’ve missed seeing you.”
“I’ve missed you, too. And I’ve missed watching you ride. I’m so glad I get to see you tonight.”
He reached across the table, taking her hand in his. Her fingers were callused from a lifetime of work, but they felt so nice entwined with his equally rough fingers. Holding her gaze with his, he brought her hand to his mouth and placed a soft kiss on each knuckle. She caught her breath, and he realized he was holding his own breath as he kissed a path back from her pinky to her thumb.
“We need to... talk,” Marisol said, her words breathy.
“Mmmhmm.” They had a lot to talk about—Dean couldn’t dispute that fact. But he didn’t want to use words; he wanted to communicate with her on a deeper level.
He wanted to get to know her body better.
The back of her hand was warm and smelled of lavender, but he wanted to kiss the rest of her supple body, wanted to learn her most intimate scents, wanted to feel every inch of her. In the back of his mind, he calculated how much time they had before his brothers would return or before her father came back to collect her.
“Dean, we need to talk about how I can keep myself safe,” she continued, though her voice was halting.
“Mmmhmmm.” He turned her hand over and kissed the center of her palm. The tension drained from her arm as his lips lingered over her skin, moving to her wrist. Her pulse pounded against the kiss, her heartbeat increasing, her blood rushing hot. His senses were always in a heightened state—and just then, he wondered if she ever noticed her own special abilities—and her arousal only sharpened his own hunger.
She wants you, a voice from deep inside told him. She wants you, and you could have her right now. Right here on this table.
The thought made his groin tighten and his pants suddenly felt two sizes too small. He shifted in his seat, but nothing would relieve the pressure short of unzipping his fly. And nothing would soothe the throbbing ache except finally taking her. Claiming her. Making her his.
Dean took a deep breath and forced himself to stop, lifting his head and gently lowering her hand to the table. She looked at him with heavy-lidded eyes, and he could see her hard nipples through the thin cotton of her T-shirt—w
hich didn’t help his self-control or the bulge in his jeans.
“Why did you stop?” she asked huskily.
“Because...we can’t.”
“Why not? We’re both adults. I want to. You want to, don’t you?”
“More than you know.”
“Then why do you keep stopping?”
“Because now is not...it’s not a good time. Trust me. There’s enough going on...inside of you, and with your parents and with the rodeo and you don’t need me making it worse.”
“I feel like you would only make it better.”
“I shouldn’t have started anything.” He released his breath. “We need to work on meditation.”
“Why? What does meditation do?”
“It helps you stay calm and focused.”
“I don’t care how much meditation I do, I can’t stay calm and focused around you.”
Dean snorted. “Yeah, I know the feeling.”
“Well maybe I should just go. I can’t hide here forever.”
“I don’t want you to go,” Dean admitted. The trailer would feel empty and dour without her. He could try to distract himself by heading to the stocks and looking over the bulls, but for the first time in his life, he didn’t feel any care or desire to see the bulls.
“That’s why I shouldn’t stay. I’m just distracting you and you’ve got a big ride tonight. You could get your card this weekend. Then you’ll be able to join the professional circuit and before you know it, you’ll be world champion.”
Dean laughed. “I’m not even qualified to ride professionally yet, and you’ve got me winning the world title.”
“I know you’re better than anybody else riding today. Maybe better than anybody ever.” She tilted her head, looking at him thoughtfully. “Aren’t you ever scared that you’ll lose control?”
“Nope.”
“You really have perfect control over the bear?”
“Yeah, I do. It’s something that I’ve worked very, very hard on. I only shift when I want to.”
“Did your father really lose control?”
“No. When that bull jumped the fence, he knew he had to do something. It could have hurt or killed a lot of people. He knew the consequences, but what choice did he have?”
“Would you do the same thing,” Marisol asked, “if a bull jumped into the crowd like that?”
“I don’t know,” Dean answered honestly. “My father lost his career, his family, everything. I don’t even know if the man is still alive. On the other hand, who can just stand by while innocent people are being hurt?”
“How do you shift on command? Or avoid shifting if you don’t want to?”
“Well, that’s why I was going to teach you some meditation techniques. Meditation clears the mind. It silences that inner voice that’s constantly talking. Once your mind is silenced, you can hear it.”
“It?”
“The bear’s spirit. And it can hear you.”
“And once I hear it, I’ll be able to summon it?”
“Yup.”
Marisol nodded. “Okay. Then tell me what to do.”
Their conversation had gone a long way in cooling his blood and his jeans were no longer too tight. But he knew it was a temporary sort of peace. She was so gorgeous in the morning light, and his hunger for her would never fade. It lurked just beneath the surface, waiting for the moment his guard would slip so it could come rushing back like the tide—overwhelming and out of his control. And that was what made it so goddamned scary. Nothing could be out of his control. A slip anywhere could spell catastrophe.
****
From the time she was old enough to work the food truck, Marisol resented working on the 4th of July. The park adjoining the rodeo arena was turned into a festival, complete with games, rides and booths crammed full of interesting things. The air was redolent with popcorn, peanuts, hot dogs, cotton candy, and fried dough. Mari never wanted to work; she wanted to explore and meet people, play the carnival games and ride the rickety rides, but her mother would never allow her to wander away from the truck.
This year, Mari’s desire to explore the festivities was only compounded by her need to spend time with Dean and the awkward, almost painful silence between herself and her mother. Mari didn’t know if her father had told her mom the full truth. She didn’t know if there would be another explosion of anger; if her mother would accuse her of being a liar. She didn’t know if there was a fight brewing in the silence between them or if they were on the long road towards healing and mending the abrasion in their relationship. All she knew was that her mother wanted her to work the range instead of the window, and sweat poured from her as she prepared the orders that her mom shouted back to her. For a full day, that was the extent of their communication.
The Independence Day rodeo was a four-night event. The cowboy with the highest score across all four nights would win the fifty-thousand-dollar purse. For Dean, that would be enough to qualify him for the professional circuit.
Ralph and Waldo were also on the cusp of having enough to join the pro circuit. They all got off to an excellent start—Dean had a score of 90 for his first ride, and Ralph and Waldo had the fastest time for the team ropers.
“I hope they win,” Anna commented the next morning as she poured her coffee. “Then maybe they’ll get the hell out of town.”
Marisol sucked her breath in, drawing her mother’s sharp look. She averted her gaze, pretending not to notice, and tried to focus on her eggs, but she couldn’t get the thought of Dean leaving out of her mind. It never occurred to her that he wouldn’t win—and he deserved to win—but this was the first time she considered the reality of him becoming a professional bull rider. Of course he would leave Cody, and maybe only return once a year. If at all.
On the second night of the rodeo, Dean had the highest score with a ride worth 92 points. Mari stood in her customary spot to watch the ride, clapping and cheering as loudly as anybody else, but she didn’t linger in the arena to congratulate him after the fireworks. She couldn’t stop thinking about him leaving, couldn’t forget about the disappointment sitting in the bottom of her stomach like a heavy stone. She couldn’t ignore the reality that in a few days he might be gone and she could never see him again.
Marisol focused on her meditation exercises, doing her best to quiet her mind and focus on the bear spirit, but images of Dean invaded at every opportunity. When she finally gave up and turned off her bedroom light, she heard a small cough and the scuffle of boots outside. Peeking through her window, she saw him settling on the grass below the sill, feet out in front of him, hat pulled over his eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again before any sound could escape. She didn’t know what to say. Didn’t even know how to talk to him without her fear and disappointment spilling out of her.
Dean found her the next day. She wasn’t trying to avoid him per se, but she did hope to not see or speak to him. Those hopes were dashed when he stepped up to the truck, wearing his most charming smile and a blue and black shirt that brought out all the rich tones in his brown eyes. He’d attracted the attention of several young women; they were blatantly making eyes at him, vying for his attention, but he didn’t appear to notice them.
“Two beef tacos and a lemonade,” Dean said.
“Coming right up. Will there be anything else?”
“Yeah,” he smiled. “Somebody who will share the tacos with me.”
“I’d love to, but I can’t.” She gestured at the long line behind him. “Too many people.”
“What about a walk after the rodeo tonight?”
Mari almost said yes before she could stop herself, but she called back the enthusiastic acceptance and simply shrugged. “Maybe? My mom might not let me.”
“I see. Tell her that we need to talk.”
“I’ll tell her.”
“Mari, if you don’t want to meet me tonight, just tell me.”
“I want to see you, Dean. I just don’t know if I can.�
�� The line behind him was growing longer, and her mother was shooting her a glare from the range. “Here are your tacos and the lemonade. That’ll be five dollars.”
He handed her a ten. “Keep the change.”
She spent the rest of the day lost in her own thoughts, debating what she should do. She wanted to see him more than words could say—especially since she knew their time together was running short. Paradoxically, that was precisely the reason she didn’t want to meet him after the rodeo. Soon he would be gone. Why prolong the agony and extend the grief by seeing him, smelling him and touching him while knowing she could never have him?
That night, Dean didn’t have the best ride. He came in third for the evening with a rather lackluster score of 81. The bull was sedate, almost tame, compared to the other beasts, and Dean finished his ride, but he didn’t look good doing it. Mari could have tried to make her escape from the food truck to meet him after the ride, but instead, she took on all the work of cleaning up and closing down for the night. When she finally dragged herself home and collapsed in bed, she heard Dean in his customary place outside her window.
****
The morning of the Fourth dawned bright and beautiful—and hot. Not a single cloud drifted through the vibrant blue sky, and the temperature reached the upper 80s before ten. The town’s festivities began early with a parade, a pancake breakfast, and a junior rodeo, and for the first time in her life, Mari wasn’t interested in attending any of it. She didn’t want to stay in the house or deal with the weird tension between herself and her mother, either, though, so she made her way to the center of town.
“Well, fancy meeting you here, pretty lady.”
She turned to see that Dean was right at her elbow. The crowd was too dense to make a graceful escape so she could only smile at him. “Good morning, cowboy.”
“Enjoying the parade?”
“Yeah. There are some good floats this year.”
“There are,” Dean agreed. “Would you honor me by accompanying me to the pancake breakfast?”
“I don’t think I can. I need to get back to the truck.”
