Chapter 20
DAN QUICKLY settles into a routine around the farm. He’s working a lot, more than he did in Kentucky, even, but it’s not like he has anything better to do. He can only ride so many hours in a day before even his work-hardened legs give out, and the barn is well-staffed so he doesn’t have to worry about chores. But there’s still lots to keep him busy, and most of it takes longer than it should because he’s doing it for the first time and figuring it out as he goes.
He and Evan had agreed that the horses should be competing, if only as a way to build up the reputation of the stable. There’s no hurry to sell, which is refreshing—Dan doesn’t want to see Justin’s horses going for a bargain price to someone who might not even appreciate them just because the economy’s bad. But they’re going to want to start selling eventually, and the Kaminskis are starting a new barn, so they need to get a name for themselves, and competitions are the way to do it. But Dan has never really been in charge of picking the shows before, or registering or arranging transportation or any of the other little details. And he’s not really familiar with the California equestrian scene. He thinks about getting in touch with Jeff, but he feels like that would be imposing. Jeff was an incredible help to Dan in Kentucky, and he’ll never forget that, never stop being grateful, but Jeff’s making it pretty clear that whatever Dan might have thought was happening is not going to carry over to California, and Dan has to respect that. And if there’s no personal connection, then there’s really no excuse for Dan to expect his boss’s boyfriend to help Dan do the job he was hired for. So Dan consults with Michelle, the other assistant trainer, and even with Tatiana, since she’s done at least some showing in the region. It’s not ideal, but he is doing the best he can.
On the first Saturday morning, a week after he arrived, Dan reaches the barn at his usual time and finds Tatiana already there, helping with the feeding. She beams at him when she sees his surprised look. “It’s the start of my summer vacation! So I wanted to come down early and see the horses first thing. I want to spend the whole day here, so I can really understand what happens in the barn. You know, everything.”
She sounds like she’s anticipating some sort of high drama, and Dan hopes she isn’t disappointed. “Well, live it up. Your brother isn’t going to miss you?” Dan hasn’t seen Evan since his visit on Monday night, but he remembers Evan saying that he tried to keep his weekends mostly free for family stuff.
Tatiana just snorts. “He probably won’t even notice that I’m gone. He’s super busy at work, and then he’s over at Jeff’s all the time, trying to get ready for his art show, or, you know… whatever.” She blushes a little bit, and then brightens. “But that’s okay, because I’ve got twenty-four new friends at the barn!” She cuts her eyes to Dan. “Is it okay that I counted Smokey? I know we don’t own him, but he’s still a friend, right?”
Dan just grins at her. “It’s fine that you included Smokey, but I’m a little insulted that you didn’t include any of your new human friends in the total.” He looks over at Robyn, who shakes her head sadly.
Tat’s eyes widen. “Oh, of course I count you guys! So… twenty-nine new friends! Who needs a stupid old brother?” She heads off happily to help Robyn take the horses outside, and Dan remembers back to his own teenage years. He figures that the fact that she can chat and joke about her brother probably means that she’s actually pretty secure in the relationship, even if Evan does occasionally get preoccupied.
A couple of hours later, Dan’s riding Chaucer, and Tat is on Sunshine, and both are working in the dressage ring. He’s pretty much on autopilot with Chaucer, just working through transitions and trying to get the horse to pay closer attention to him, so he has some extra attention to spend on giving Tat advice. Between the two horses, though, Dan is pretty focused, and he doesn’t notice their audience until Tat does, and waves. Dan looks over to see Jeff and Evan standing by the rail.
Tat trots to the fence and starts raving about Sunshine, and offers to show Jeff what she can do. Jeff nods and stands back to watch, and Dan flashes back to the first day he’d met these three, not that long ago but somehow in a different lifetime. It throws him off a little, thinking about all the changes since then, and he decides that Chaucer’s had enough training for the day. Maybe he’ll take Monty out. He’s challenging enough that he’ll keep Dan’s mind from wandering.
Dan cools Chaucer down at the far end of the arena while Tatiana shows Sunshine off, and then when Tat pulls her up and starts talking, he takes Chaucer up to the gate, near where the others are standing. He sees a tension between the three of them that he’s never noticed before, and just sketches a wave and jumps off to open the gate, hoping to not interrupt. But he’s not that lucky.
“Dan!” Tatiana sounds upset. “Dan, Evan and Jeff can stay in the barn today if they want to, right? They wouldn’t be in the way?”
Dan doesn’t know what’s going on. “Uh, I think it’d be fine?”
“See?” Tat spits at her brother. “If you don’t want to hang around with me, that’s fine. But don’t make excuses. I’m not stupid.”
Evan tries to sooth her. “Tat, we didn’t say we didn’t want to spend time with you. We just thought you might want to do it somewhere else. Like shopping, or… or anything, really.”
Dan hears the “anything but this,” and he’s almost as confused as Tatiana. But he’s quieter about it. She’s almost yelling. “Yeah, great! So you know exactly what I want to do, and then you say you don’t want to do it, ’cause you know I’ll stay, and then you can have the day to yourselves. Nice.” She shakes her head. “You know what? Fine. Go ahead. I’ve got stuff to do here, and I’ve got twenty-nine new friends to do it with.”
There’s only one reason Dan can think of for Jeff and Evan not wanting to be in the barn. Robyn had said that they spent a lot of time there while the new horses had arrived, but this is the first time all week that they’ve been down. The first time since Dan got here. He doesn’t really know what he’s done to make them feel that level of distaste for him, and he’s not really sure he cares. He knows he was going to be businesslike, wasn’t going to try to drag them back into his personal drama, and if they think he’s that weak, he guesses that’s their problem. He’s almost to the barn now, and he can’t hear what they’re saying. He thinks about calling back to them, saying that he was going to take the rest of the day off, but that might make things more awkward, so he keeps going. Let them sort out their own issues. He’s just going to do his damn job.
He leads Chaucer down the aisle and the sign on Smokey’s stall catches his eye. People have been adding names to it as they think of them: there’s “Smoke on the Water,” “On Top of Old Smokey,” and “Smokin’ Hot.” There’s also “Smoke Frog,” which Dan doesn’t really get. He hopes it’s not some California drug reference that the guardian of a fifteen-year-old might not appreciate. But in general, the new names calm him down a little. At least some people have welcomed him and his horse into the barn and are making them feel at home.
He pulls Chaucer’s tack off and runs a hand down his chest to check for heat. The barn’s hot-walker is still on order, one of the few things that isn’t complete yet, but it’s a warm day out with hardly any breeze, and Chaucer isn’t really hot, just warm, so he should be okay out in the paddock. Dan thinks about taking him outside. He’s not sure whether the Fighting Kaminskis are still at the dressage arena or if they might have moved. He sneaks up to the door a little and tries to peer out, and jerks his head back quickly when he sees all three of them on their way in, not ten feet away. He scurries back to Chaucer and grabs the lead rope, busying himself with putting it on. He’s sure that Jeff at least saw him sneaking—not really the way to impress someone with your “strictly business” attitude. Damn. He turns Chaucer around and heads for the doorway, and the three visitors stand to the side for him to pass. Jeff isn’t looking at Dan, as usual, but he’s pretty sure he can see a little snicker twisting the corners o
f his mouth.
Chaucer gives a celebratory buck when he’s turned out with his friends, and Smokey trots over to greet him. The little cow horse has made friends with the big geldings easily, and seems to have appointed himself the social convener for the group. Tatiana thinks it’s adorable, and Dan thinks it’s nice that the little guy has got something to do. And nice that he, at least, is able to get along with everybody.
He heads back to the barn with some reluctance, not wanting to deal with the tension in general or Jeff’s opinion specifically, but when he gets there things seem to have calmed down. Tat is showing Evan how to groom Sunshine, and Jeff is looking over some papers in the doorway to the tack room. It seems idyllic, but Dan feels a lurch in his stomach when he recognizes the papers. They’re his rough notes for the competitions, and he’d had them at the barn because he was working on them and trying to get people’s advice, not because he thought he was done, not because he’d wanted anyone to judge them.
Jeff looks up and sees him staring at the sheets, and says, “I saw these on the desk, thought I’d have a look….” He trails off as he sees Dan’s frozen expression, and slowly lowers the sheets. “I can put them back if I’m stepping on your toes or something.”
“No, it’s fine.” Dan tries to smile in a professional manner. “They’re just really rough, still. I mean, we’re coming into the season halfway through….” Evan has looked up, apparently monitoring the conversation, and Dan speaks to him a little. “We talked about that, remember? Said this year we could just feel out the competitions. We’re not going to be winning any championships or anything starting this late, so it would just make sense to poke around a bit, see what’s out there?” Dan can see the confusion on Evan’s face and knows that it’s more in reaction to his tone than to his words. Fuck! Professionals do not act like this. Professionals are not insecure. They’re confident, and they don’t freak out because somebody is looking at a few sheets of paper!
Evan shrugs calmly. “Yeah, man, I remember that. It’s fine.” He turns to Jeff. “Right, Jeff?”
“Yeah, no problem.” He holds the papers out to Dan. “I was just going to say that it looks good. Looks like you’ve hit all the big competitions and found a couple interesting smaller ones.”
Dan nods, but doesn’t go any closer to pick up the sheets of paper. “Yeah, okay, thanks.” He looks at the three of them, so peaceful before he’d arrived, and knows that he’ll just ruin things if he stays. He can already see Evan watching Jeff closely, as if he’s waiting for a sign that Dan is dangerously deranged rather than just painfully awkward. “So, you guys are fine here, right? I was thinking I’d go have some lunch. If that’s okay.”
Tat looks disappointed. “Already? It’s only eleven! I thought we were going to do jumping. You said I could ride Kip.” She catches herself, and Dan can feel her trying to sound more mature, less spoiled. “I mean, are you coming back after lunch? We could do it then, if that’s better for you.”
Dan doesn’t really feel like spending the rest of the afternoon confirming his employer’s low opinion of him. But he also doesn’t want to look like he’s ducking out of work, or breaking a promise to Tatiana. “Well, if Jeff’s staying, you could ride Kip for him. I’m sure he’d have more to say about the riding side of things than I do. No point in having two teachers for one lesson, right?”
Evan breaks in. “Dan’s not your personal slave, Tat. He’s allowed to have time off.” He turns to Dan. “She’s been going on about what you’re doing every day this week. Have you had a day off since you got here?”
Dan shrugs. “I like the horses, so I don’t really need time off. I’d just sit at the house and wish I was at the barn.” He catches himself. “But today I’ve got stuff to do. Laundry, and… house… stuff.” He struggles a little. “Groceries? And… errands.” He’s done.
Evan gives him an odd look. “Yeah. Uh, are you getting out at all? You know, having fun?”
That’s none of Evan’s business, but Dan isn’t quite sure of the polite way to say so. “I’m fine, thanks.” He turns to Jeff. “Are you okay working with Tat this afternoon?” Jeff nods, but as usual he’s looking somewhere over Dan’s shoulder. “And, Tat, you can ride with Jeff, right? You’ve got all summer to work with me.” He smiles at her, and after a momentary pout she smiles back.
“Can we go to the cross-country course?” She bargains. “Tomorrow, maybe?”
Dan grins at her and nods. “Yeah, that sounds fair. First thing, before it gets too hot?” She smiles back, and Dan heads out of the barn, on his way back to the guest house. He’s halfway to the gate when he hears a voice calling out from behind him, and when he turns he sees Jeff jogging after him. Evan is standing in the doorway of the barn, watching them but not coming any closer. Dan stops. Did he forget something? He turns and waits for Jeff to catch up.
“Hey, k—” Jeff catches himself. “Dan. Can I just…. Can we just talk for a minute?” And then he looks Dan in the eye. There’s no heat, but there is warmth, and Dan finds himself relaxing a little.
“Yeah, sure. What’s up?” Jeff seems a little uneasy, and Dan’s in the unusual position of trying to help Jeff relax. Unfortunately, he really has no idea how to go about doing that. Well, he has lots of ideas, but he doesn’t think any of them are really appropriate for the current situation.
Jeff sighs. “Dan, look… I just wanted to let you know… I mean….” He sighs, and then smiles ruefully. “Sorry. I just wanted to apologize—for not being a better friend since you got out here.”
Dan frowns. “Jeff, you’ve got nothing to apologize for. I mean… you were great in Kentucky, but honestly, man… we barely know each other. I’m not expecting you to be my best friend or something.” Dan remembers Evan’s question in the barn, asking if he’d been getting out. “And I’m not totally pathetic. I can make my own friends. I’ve only been here for a week, and I’ve been busy.” Dan puts as much warmth as he can into his smile. “Seriously, man, it’s not your job to baby-sit me, and I never expected you to do it.”
“Dan, come on. It’s not babysitting. I enjoyed spending time with you in Kentucky. I mean, it wasn’t the best circumstance, but I enjoyed getting to know you.” Jeff frowns. “But things got a bit complicated out here. You know?”
“Yeah, man, sure. I mean, this is your real life.” Dan wonders whether he’s really getting what Jeff’s saying. It seems like there’s more to it, but Jeff isn’t really being clear, and Dan doesn’t want to make things more awkward than they already are, so he doesn’t want to ask a lot of questions. “It’s fine, seriously. I came here for the job, for the horses, not…. I wasn’t expecting anything.” He glances back over at the barn, sees Evan still in the doorway, looking down at the ground and scuffling his feet. “Is Evan afraid I’m going to make a nuisance of myself? Is he… I’m doing the best job I can, and I think I’m learning about the business stuff. Is he thinking he should have hired someone else?” Now that the idea’s in his head, Dan wonders if it makes the most sense. Evan’s a nice guy, he wouldn’t want to fire someone, but he’d probably been expecting someone who could be a little more self-starting, and would know more about running a barn.
Jeff jumps in. “No, Dan, not at all! Seriously, he’s thrilled with how much Tat’s enjoying herself, and he said you seemed to have a good grasp on how to make things work, business-wise. There’s no problem with your work at all.” Jeff looks at Dan again, and his eyes seem to be sincere. “We’re just… he and I are working some things out between us, and we’re just trying to make sure that nothing spills out of that. You know?”
“Uh, no, not really… but look, man, I probably don’t have to, right?” Dan knows that complicated emotional situations are not his strong suit, and he’d rather avoid them if he can. “I mean, your business is your business. I don’t need to know everything.”
Jeff sighs. “No, you’re right. There’s no reason to go dragging you into things.”
That doesn’t sou
nd quite right. “I don’t mean I’m not happy to help…. I mean, I owe both of you. A lot. So if you need something, I’m there—no problems, no questions. I just meant… if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine too.”
“I think… I think we’re going to have to leave it like that for a while.” He looks like he’s thinking about something, and then nods decisively. “It’s just a lot easier for everybody. All right?”
Dan nods warily. He’s still not exactly sure what’s going on. Jeff had chased after him to apologize for something that he had no reason to feel bad about, and then told Dan that he liked him fine but didn’t want to hang out with him, even though he felt bad for not hanging out with him… Dan gives up. He’s beginning to feel like he’s listening to Tatiana talk to one of her friends. “So, everything’s okay?” he asks cautiously.
Jeff looks a little frustrated, like he knows he hasn’t got his message across but doesn’t want to be any clearer. “Yeah, man, we’re good. Sorry for all the drama.”
Dan grins a little. “No, it’s great. It’s nice to be able to sit back and watch stuff happening without being in the middle of it!”
Jeff looks like he’s thinking about arguing that point, but he lets it go, and Dan sketches a wave to Evan and heads back out toward the guest house. He glances back when he gets to the main road, and he sees Evan leaning back against the side of barn, Jeff standing in front of him. It looks like they’re having a pretty serious conversation, and Dan is glad that he can’t hear what it’s about. He still doesn’t know exactly what’s going on with those two, and he guesses he’ll probably never know.
He goes into the house and looks around. He wasn’t lying, he does need to do laundry, and he really should get some groceries. He throws in a load of wash and then thinks about heading into town. Maybe it’s time to make some new friends. If nothing else, he can hope that Jeff and Evan will calm down a little if they see him spending time with someone else.
Dreamspinner Press Year Four Greatest Hits Page 47
