“What happened?” Clark scowled. The years had done nothing to diminish Clark’s beauty, in fact, maturity and self-confidence had added another element to his overall appearance, and he was breathtaking, despite his disheveled just-got-out-of bed look. His jewel-toned eyes were peering at Lil intently, expecting an answer.
“Grier lost it after someone called him a loser.”
“I told you to be careful.” Clark lifted off his seat. “You know nothing about this guy!”
“Clark, relax,” Jody said, pulling him back down. “Let’s hear him out.”
Lil recounted the chain of events, beginning with the dinner and Grier’s bad mood. When he explained what happened in the bathroom, and Grier’s complete loss of control, he wasn’t surprised that Clark and Jody were speechless for a few minutes.
“Is the other jerk okay?” Clark asked.
“His neck looked like he’d escaped a hanging, and he’ll be feeling the effects of the blows for a few days, but yeah, he’s fine.”
“Christ,” Jody exclaimed.
“It was pretty shocking.”
“It sounds like Grier’s got anger-management problems,” Clark said. “You’d better break it off with him.”
“Wait a minute,” Jody cautioned. “You’re assuming he’s got anger issues without even listening to his side. As I recall, there was one very frustrated football player who would routinely knock holes into Sheetrock before I laid my loving hands on him.”
“That’s different,” Clark defended.
“Why?” Lil countered. “Because it was you? You have no idea what kind of pressure Grier is dealing with. From the little I’ve gathered, he’s being played by that bitch who mothered his child. They may have had a fight, his father may have lit into him, or his asshole brother could have done something to set him off. Give him a break, will you?”
“Why should we when you’re obviously giving him every excuse under the sun. Someone’s got to watch out for you, Lil. What if he’s got ’roid rage?” Clark suggested. “He’s got the body, why not the temperament?”
“Grier is one of the kindest, gentlest men I’ve ever known. You should see him with his son.”
“Lil,” Jody soothed, “we’re only playing devil’s advocate here. You’re in love with a guy you’ve known for what, four days?”
“Who’s counting? I know in my gut and in my heart, he’s a good person.”
“I think it’s your dick that’s doing the thinking right now, bud.”
“Clark!” Lil and Jody said simultaneously.
“I’m just saying. You sure are giving him a lot of leeway.”
“It’s my decision, my choice, and my life,” Lil pointed out. “I would appreciate a little more support and a lot less negativity.”
“Wow… you really are hooked on him,” Clark said in disbelief.
“I think we’ve established that.”
“I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, but I want you to be honest and tell me if there’s another incident like this. Promise me, Lil.” Jody pinned him down with one of his more forceful doctor looks, and Lil agreed with a quick nod.
“I’m positive this was an isolated event,” Lil rationalized. “It was the booze talking, and whatever baggage Grier brought to dinner.” He stood and placed his empty cup in the sink. “Get me up before you leave, okay?”
“You’re on vacation, Lil. What’s with the time clock?” Clark asked.
“I’m not sure if Grier needs to be somewhere today. I want him to sleep for a few more hours, but I’d better get him up before noon.”
“Lil?”
“What, Clark?” Lil sighed, fully expecting more unwanted advice.
“I do like Grier.”
“Fooled me.”
“He seems like a nice guy, but I’ve learned to question things, and not trust people blindly like I used to. It took awhile to get here, but I hope you understand that it’s because I care for you and want you to be safe.”
“Thank you for saying that. It’s nice to know you’re watching out for me, but I trust my instincts, Clark. I don’t think Grier is a bad person.”
“Good people are just as likely to get frustrated, Lil. One has nothing to do with the other. I had some harrowing moments before Jody rescued me, and I don’t consider myself a bad person.”
“I hear you. Let me try and get to the bottom of this before we jump to conclusions, okay?”
LIL WENT downstairs and crawled into bed. He was exhausted and needed to recharge his batteries, or he’d be useless the rest of the day. Despite everyone’s misgivings, he had no qualms about sleeping beside a man who’d almost choked someone to death. Grier looked angelic in sleep, and Lil scooted up to him, gently sliding an arm under Grier, pulling him closer. He fell into a deep sleep and only awoke when he felt the bed shift. Grier was dressed and looked ready to bolt.
“Hey,” Lil said sleepily. “Are you leaving already?”
“I have to go.” Grier’s tone was resolute and uninviting.
“Sit with me for a minute, love.”
Grier perched on the side of the bed and stared at a spot over Lil’s head. He couldn’t look him in the eye, and Lil reached out and clasped his hand gently. “Please look at me.”
“You must think I’m some kind of psycho.”
“I don’t.”
“I’m so ashamed.”
“Don’t, love.”
“Would you believe me if I told you I’ve never done anything like this before?”
“Of course I believe you.”
“I’ve never acted out like that―ask anyone who knows me. When I’m frustrated or angry I don’t fight. I get another tattoo or go for a marathon bike ride.”
“So your tattoos are a symbol of your pain?”
“Yes and no… it started out that way. It was the only part of my life I could control. Nobody could monitor my body or tell me what to do with myself, so I went a little crazy with the tattoos, but now I think of it as body art. I no longer use them as an outlet for my feelings of helplessness.”
“What do you do when you feel like life is getting away from you?”
“I take my bike and go on a road trip. By the time I’m back, my head is usually on straight. The guys I ride with don’t let me wallow in my misery for too long.”
“They sound like good friends.”
“They are. Lil, I want to pay you back for the money you spent last night.”
“We’ll work it out,” Lil said.
“What were the damages?”
“Grier, it’s not important.”
“Please tell me.”
“I gave the club manager my credit card. He’s supposed to call me in the next few days and give me the final figure.”
“You practically gave him a blank check?”
“Pretty much.”
“Jesus, Lil.”
“Hey, how much can a bathroom door cost?”
“What about the guy I hit?”
“Fortunately for you, he’s one of the club’s biggest troublemakers. This wasn’t his first offense, and he was more than happy to keep the cops out of the picture. I did offer to pick up his medical expenses through the club. I’m not dealing with him directly.”
“He was an asshole.”
“You were both drunk and got carried away.”
Grier shook his head forcefully. “I still can’t believe I put my fist through the door like a character out of Iron Man. What was I thinking?”
“You weren’t.”
“Christ, I could have hurt him really bad.”
“Sweetie, it’s over… stop dwelling on it.”
“I can’t stop! This is going to haunt me for a while.”
“It’ll get better.”
“I have to go.”
“Will I see you later?”
“I’ll be at the Taste from four to close.”
“Can I meet you there?”
“Do you really want to hang out with me after
last night?”
Lil sat up and drew Grier into his arms. He was stiff, and resisted, but Lil hung on. “Don’t push me away, love. I’m on your side.”
Grier didn’t say anything, but he visibly relaxed and leaned into Lil. They paused for a few minutes, listening to each other breathe. “Thank you for believing in me.”
“Grier, I trust you.”
“You don’t know how much it means to be with someone who isn’t judging me all the time.”
“You’re a good man and a very good father.”
Grier pushed away, and Lil could see the vulnerability laid bare, the dark eyes swamped by tears. He kissed him deeply, hoping to provide some comfort, but broke off the kiss before Grier broke down completely. The last thing his lover needed was to feel even more humbled and stripped of pride. “Go do your thing, love. I’ll see you tonight.”
Grier leaned his forehead against Lil’s and drew in a ragged breath. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
THE DRIVE back to Elk Grove was swift, given the hour, and Grier took advantage of the empty road, opening up the throttles on the powerful engine of his V-rod as he raced up I-90. The wind in his face and the familiar sounds of his Harley worked their magic. He could feel himself loosening up and letting go of the anger that had gripped him since last night. He was glad he’d decided to drive his bike yesterday afternoon instead of catching a ride with the Garcias down to the Taste. He much preferred this mode of transport and the solace it offered.
He was home in less than thirty minutes and was surprised to find his father sitting at the kitchen table having a cup of coffee and reading the paper. He was normally on the road by six, and it was close to seven.
“Hey, Dad.”
Santino put the paper down and smiled “Good morning. Where’ve you been?”
“I spent the night in Bucktown.”
“Yeah? Whose place?”
“Clark Stevens and his partner, Jody.”
“I didn’t know you were acquainted.”
“We met at the Taste. They have a friend in town, and we sort of hit it off.”
“Is this the new guy you’ve been seeing?”
“Yes.”
“Pull up a chair, son. Let’s talk.”
Shit. The last thing he needed was a heart-to-heart after last night. “Let me grab some coffee,” Grier said, stalling for time. He parked his helmet, keys, and wallet on the counter near the door and reached for a mug off the stainless steel mug tree beside the Mr. Coffee. He threw a splash of half-and-half into the dark brew and slid into the chair facing his dad.
“What’s up with your hands? Have you been in a fight?”
Grier looked at his right hand guiltily. His knuckles were swollen and looked like raw meat. “It’s nothing,” he mumbled.
“Doesn’t look like nothing to me,” Santino said, frowning. He stood and left the room, returning with a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, a tube of antibiotic cream, and some cotton balls.
“I’ve already cleaned it, Dad. Don’t fuss.”
“I want to make sure you don’t get an infection.”
Grier nodded, touched by his dad’s concern, and allowed him to doctor his hand. “There,” Santino said, after dabbing the cream on the scrapes. “I think you’ll live.”
“Thanks, Dad. How come you’re still home?”
“They canceled the move so I get the day off.”
“Wow, a free Saturday. You got plans?”
“Not really. Enteng and I are talking about playing nine holes, but it’ll depend on who can watch the boy.”
“Where’s Jill or Tita Nita?”
“Both working.”
“I can watch Luca.”
“That family sure is lucky to have you. I’ve never seen such devotion.”
“I love that kid, Dad. It’s not a bother.”
“Well, soon he’ll be someone else’s responsibility.”
“What do you mean?”
“Ali’s dating Jillian.”
“I heard,” Grier grumbled. “When did that start?”
“Who knows? I can’t keep track of Ali’s love life, but if he and Jillian work out, I wouldn’t be opposed. It would be a relief to know she and Luca are in good hands. She’s had a rough road of it since that boy’s birth.”
“What are you talking about?” Grier objected a little too loudly. “We’ve waited on her hand and foot, and she’s hardly lifted a finger to take care of Luca. I think I’ve changed more diapers than she ever did.”
“Why do you sound so angry?”
Grier looked up at the ceiling to avoid Santino’s probing gaze. “I don’t know.”
“You’re not jealous of your brother dating Jillian, are you?”
“I just find it so sudden.”
“Love is sudden, Grier, although, to be honest, I always thought you and Jillian would end up together. You two were like Mork and Mindy for a long time.”
“Who?”
“Was that before your time?” Santino mused. “You know Robin Williams, don’t you?”
“The comedian?”
“Yeah… he had a sitcom in the late seventies and early eighties.”
“Dad,” Grier smiled indulgently, “I was born in nineteen eighty-five.”
Santino chuckled. “So you were. Anyway, it was a great show, and your mother loved it.”
“And the point is?”
“You and Jillian were like those two characters, always arguing over something but moving as a unit. I honestly thought you’d marry her.”
“I’m gay, Dad.”
Santino stood abruptly and went to refill his coffee. “Let’s talk about this whole gay business.”
“Go ahead.”
Santino sat down and wrapped his hands around the mug seemingly gathering his thoughts. “It’s hard for me to understand how you can be attracted to other men when you are more masculine than half the men I know, including your own brother. Look at you,” Santino said. “You’ve obviously been in a fight, you love speeding around on that murderous bike of yours, and you lift weights and enjoy sports. I just can’t wrap my head around the idea that you’d rather be with a man than a woman.”
“Not all gay men are effeminate, Dad. You’re stereotyping.”
“Am I? I know nothing about homos so you need to explain it me.”
“You can start by not calling us names.”
“Sorry. I’ll try and be more careful.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Can’t you control your feelings?” Santino asked. “Put thoughts of other men out of your head and start dating women. You could have a family, Grier. Hell, Jillian would probably marry you if you asked her, and you could be Luca’s daddy.”
“That’s not saying much about her feelings for Ali, is it?”
“Oh, shit.” Santino stumbled. “I don’t know anything anymore. I wish your mother were here. She’d know what to do.”
“She’d tell me to be true to myself. I can’t force myself to like women to please you.”
“You’ve never even tried,” Santino spat out. “Have you ever slept with a woman?”
Grier raised his eyebrows, surprised by his dad’s frankness. “As a matter of fact, I have.”
“And yet you prefer to be with a guy instead of a woman? The thought of it makes me sick.”
“I’m sorry, Dad. I wish I could be everything you expect in a son, and I know I’m a big disappointment, but I can’t deny who I am any longer. It would be like asking me to learn how to write with my left hand.”
“That’s a stupid example.”
“No dumber than asking me to try and like women.”
“How can you be intimate with another man? The parts don’t even fit?”
“Move beyond the sex, Dad! It’s not always about that.”
“If it’s not the sex, then what would make you choose a man over a woman? I really want to understand, Grier.”
“It’s about finding the r
ight fit, with the one person who completes you, who makes you feel whole, safe, and loved. The way you felt with Mom.”
Santino gaped at him. “Couldn’t you find that with a woman?”
Grier shook his head. “I wish I could, for your sake. Life would be much simpler, but forcing a relationship because it’s convenient would be unfair to everyone involved. I’d be living a lie, and eventually, it would lead to a lot of misery.”
“You don’t look terribly happy right now.”
“I’m sorting out some stuff.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
Grier couldn’t share his worries until he and Jillian came to an understanding, which seemed pretty unlikely at this juncture. Nonetheless, he was touched by his father’s new attitude. “I’ll manage, Dad.”
“Going back to the sex,” Santino grimaced. “I don’t want you to get sick. There’s all this crap going around with those people.”
“Don’t,” Grier said, reaching out for his father’s hand. “So far, you’ve been respectful, and I appreciate your willingness and effort to try and understand, but don’t insult me, please, or this discussion is over.”
“I’m just saying, Grier.”
“And I’m asking you again, nix the sex, or I’m out of here.”
Santino heaved a sigh. “Who is this new guy in your life?”
“Lil’s an architect and a good friend to Clark and Jody. He’s visiting from San Francisco and will be gone in a few days, so it’ll be over as quickly as it began,” Grier said, and the truth of his statement blindsided him. He was gripped by such a powerful feeling of loss, he almost broke down. “I’d better get cleaned up.”
Grier attempted to leave, but Santino held him in place. “You really like this guy, don’t you?”
“Yes, I do.”
“You can always go out and visit him.”
“I guess so,” Grier’s voice was despondent. “Tell Enteng I’ll watch Luca so you guys can play golf.”
“Grier?”
“What, Dad?”
“You know I love you, don’t you?”
Grier nodded and quickly left the kitchen. If he stayed another minute, he’d break down and start bawling like a child, which would lead to a general spilling of his guts. He wasn’t ready to deal with the fallout. He needed time to process his feelings and everything that had happened over the past few days. Only then could he sit down and talk to his father about the mess he’d made of his life.
Dreamspinner Press Year Four Greatest Hits Page 142
