“Cowboy Bob told me you went to buy cattle.”
“The hands weren’t allowed to tell you I rode the circuit. Your mother was very strict about that. They were to always make up a story that made sense if you asked about me. She hated the rodeo. She hated being alone all the time, but you know what?”
“What?”
“She was supportive for a long time. She did her absolute best to be happy for me when I did well. She poured her heart and soul into this place and into you.”
“So why did you stop competing?”
“When you were four, she was diagnosed with cancer. When you were five, she was in remission. She stayed in remission for a couple of years so, although she begged me to stop and stay home with the two of you, I wouldn’t do it…I told her one more season, then I’d have enough money to make this ranch really something and I’d stay home. We always think we have another tomorrow. I didn’t – and neither did you. Your mother died unexpectedly that year as I rode in the finals. I came home a widow with a son I didn’t even know. That rodeo took everything from us, Mark – don’t let it take what you have left.”
“Dad…Wow, that’s…”
“Horrible. That’s what it is, that’s how I felt. Your mother was the love of my life. I didn’t know how to deal with losing her or the guilt of not being here when it happened. I withdrew from everyone and threw myself into the ranch. I left you to flounder with the ranch hands acting as both your mom and dad because I hadn’t been around. I didn’t know how to be a father. I didn’t know how to be a single parent. I was scared to death and you suffered for it. Our relationship suffered for it. All of it was because of my obsession that damned rodeo!”
“Dad, I wish you would have told me all of this sooner. I would have…”
“What, Mark? You would have given it up?”
“No. It is my life, yes – but it’s not an obsession. I wouldn’t turn my back on family for it…”
“That’s what you do every time you drive out of here!”
“No, I don’t see it like that…”
“Neither did I! Now look at me.”
“You have a chance to start over…”
“You have a chance to quit now, Mark! Do it while you still can, before you have a woman you love more than life itself and you have to choose.” I couldn’t help it, I thought about Lexi. Would I choose her if she gave me that chance? I was confident I would.
“Dad…”
“Leave me alone, Mark. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. We’re not getting anywhere.”
“But…”
“Go!”
I left him there. I wanted to tell him that although he made a horrible mistake with my mother and a lot of mistakes with me, he wasn’t alone. I still loved him and Lydia loved him and he wasn’t old and alone – he had a family. I wanted to tell him that I see him turning his back on that choice once again. I had a strong feeling that it wasn’t going to do any good. I didn’t want to argue with him…not tonight. I was headed for the finals. I’m strong and confident, and I know I can do this. I headed back towards the two people I knew were in my corner. If my father refused to be happy for me, then I would celebrate with Lexi and Lydia.
When I got back into the dining room, they both looked up at me cautiously. Finally after a period of silence Lydia said, “Are you okay?”
I smiled. “Yeah, I’m okay. Dad has his reasons for not being happy about this and that’s okay. But I’m happy, and I won’t let him or anyone take that from me.”
“Why don’t we go out on the porch and have our dessert and a celebratory glass of wine?” Lydia said.
Lexi looked at me with a secret smile and said, “Make the cowboy’s a beer.”
CHAPTER NINE
LEXI
I spent some time with Mark down near the chutes as he got ready to ride and I learned a lot. For one thing, bull snot is a glorious thing. It shoots out like a sling shot or silly string from the bucking and snarling wild bull that wants out of the chute and it splatters across everyone and everything within its path. After standing three feet from a bull named Bovine Brad, I needed another shower.
I learned from an old timer who loved to talk that if you stick your chest out and “squeeze it” that this helps you stay parallel with the bull. He says this is the “sweet spot.” He also had a lot to say about setting your knees and ankles and hips.
“How long have you been riding?” I asked him.
He chuckled in a raspy, two pack a day voice and said, “Honey, I’m sixty-two. I ain’t been on a bull’s back in about twenty years. As it was, I was damned old when I retired. The wife was plumb fed up with me by then.”
“How long have you been married?”
“It was forty years in May,” he said, proudly. “Ain’t an easy thing to do…being the wife or the girlfriend of one of these stubborn, hard-headed bull riders.”
“Was your wife a rodeo girl?”
He laughed again. “No. I met Elaine at an exhibition rodeo in Madison Square Gardens. She was the event coordinator and just about as big city New York as a person could ever get.”
“So she gave up the city for you?”
“No, she and I had this idea between us that neither of us had to give anything up. Of course, that was idealistic and we found out later that it wasn’t necessarily true, but we tried hard to keep each other happy and here we are forty years later. She kept her apartment in the city and we had a house in the country on the west coast that my granddaddy left me. When I was in that area, I’d stay with her and closer to the west coast, I’d stay there. She came out to ten or fifteen rodeos a year. We made it work.”
I smiled. “That’s nice. What about kids?”
He looked sad for a minute. “We didn’t have any of those. It was one of those things we didn’t exactly agree on. Elaine didn’t want to bring kids into our ‘unorthodox’ lifestyle. I couldn’t really blame her. I wasn’t ever home and every other week or so I was injured…it ain’t no life for a father, I reckon.”
“Did you ever get injured badly?”
He chuckled again. “I’m left handed and I’ve always had this habit of sliding to the right. I’ve had my right eyebrow split open so many times I lost count. Them bulls are fond of rearing back with their heads and I’d get a head butt or the horns would get me. I had about a half a dozen concussions; I broke most all of my ribs at one point or another. I’ve had double knee replacement, and I got pins in my shoulder….” I kind of just let him drone on and I tuned him out at that point. I was falling in love with a guy who loved spending time with a beast that only wanted to kill him. What the hell was I thinking?
I found a seat when the rodeo began, and I watched numbly as the barrel racers did their graceful thing on their graceful horses. Then I watched the saddle bronc riders and the bare back riders. I watched the ropers and the team ropers and I was even a little bit proud of myself for beginning to understand what was going on and what a good score was and wasn’t. I ate a lot of crap and drank too many sodas and by the time the last event, which was always the bull-riding, began…I was practically spun out. There were four rides before Mark’s turn. The first two guys didn’t make it the eight seconds, but the third guy got an eighty-seven, which I knew to be a good score at this point.
Then it was time. I wasn’t paying any attention at all to the fourth guy’s ride – I was watching Mark climb up into his chute. He’d drawn a bull named “Bushwhack” who had only been ridden twice, Mark had said. When he was standing up on the side of the chute, his eyes found mine and he smiled and waved. I forced myself to look happy and not nervous and I smiled and waved back. I watched as he lowered himself down onto the bull and his right hand, the inured one, was tied to the rigging on the bull. I thought I saw him wince, but it could have been my imagination.
I held my breath as the chute opened and Mark and the bull that was the size of a Volkswagen came busting out. The bull was pulling up off the dirt with all fou
r of his feet as soon as he was out. I knew now that I wasn’t wrong about the wince. The look on Mark’s face was pure agony. I was wishing this was a fight and I could throw in a white towel and stop it. It was killing me that I had to sit here and watch him in pain…and then it was over, just like that.
The buzzer rang and that beautiful man who takes my breath away slid down to his booted feet with a grin from ear to ear. I was on my feet with most of the rest of the stands cheering my lungs out and when the ruckus settled down I heard the announcer call out his score…an eighty-five. He was in second place and looked thrilled about that. I was happy for him, in spite of myself.
I could hardly contain myself as I waited for it to be over so that I could congratulate him. When I saw him coming towards me at last, I didn’t wait for him to get there. I ran and threw myself into his arms. I forgot about his hand for a few seconds. “I’m so proud of you!”
He was still smiling. “I’m proud of me, too,” he said. After he sat me down, he was holding onto his wrist with his other hand.
“Oh, Mark! I’m sorry. I hurt you.”
He cracked up. “I just tangled with a two-thousand pound beast. I don’t think the pain came from picking up my hundred and fifteen pound girlfriend.”
I liked the way that sounded – “girlfriend.” “A hundred and twenty-five after all the crap I ate today,” I told him.
“Come on, let’s go back to the hotel and work it off of you.”
“That’s the best offer I’ve had all day,” I told him.
He threw his arm around me and we headed for his truck. He already had his tack and Sarge loaded up. When we got there and he opened the door for me, I saw my phone on the seat. I’d forgotten all about it all day.
CHAPTER TEN
MARK
I was on top of the world. I’d just placed second at a rodeo that a few weeks ago I was told I’d never ride in. Lexi was here and she was “proud” of me. I could tell that she’d been nervous all day, but she’d done such an amazing job of supporting me and not showing it that I was “proud” of her, too. Now, all I wanted was a hot shower and an evening with the most beautiful girl in the world. I opened her door for her and by the time I got around to my side and got in she had her phone in her hand and a stricken look on her face.
“What’s wrong?”
She furrowed her brow and said, “I don’t know. Mom has texted me about five times in the last few hours. She’s called twice, but she didn’t leave a message.”
“You should call her.” Lexi nodded and as she pushed her mom’s number and listened to it ring, I pulled out my phone. I also had multiple missed calls and texts from my dad. The last one said, “Get your ass home now!”
I heard Lexi say, “Mom! What’s wrong?” then after a few seconds passed she said, “What do you mean you’d rather talk to me about it at home. Why not now? Mom, you’re scaring me. Is someone sick or hurt? We just left the rodeo, Mark came in second. Yeah, that is great, but you don’t sound very happy. Mom, please tell me what’s going on. Damn it!”
“What was that about?” I asked her.
“I have no idea. I’m really pissed at her.”
“My dad’s been calling all day, too. She said no one is hurt or sick?”
“Yeah, she told me that much, at least. It’s not fair for them to do this, though, and let us spend an hour driving home worried about what’s going on.”
“You think it’s about us?”
She looked like that hadn’t crossed her mind yet as she said, “I don’t know…you think? How would they know?”
I handed her my phone and said, “Do me a favor, call Emily please.”
She furrowed her brow again but she did what I asked. When Emily answered, she put it on speaker and said, “Hi Emily, this is Lexi…Mark’s stepsister…”
“Hi, Lexi, what’s going on? Is Mark okay?”
“I’m fine, Emily. Have you seen Taylor recently?”
“Um…yeah. I’m sorry, Mark. She’s been going around telling anyone who will listen that you’re…um…that you and your sister are…”
“A couple?”
“Yeah, only not that nicely. She’s a vindictive little witch, Mark. I’m sorry. Most people who know Taylor know that. I don’t think most people even listen to anything she says anymore….”
“Thanks, Emily.”
“Of course. How did the rodeo go?” I remembered how happy I was just a few minutes ago. I was on cloud nine and now…shit!
“I came in second,” I told her.
“Awesome! Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” I said goodbye, hung up and looked at Lexi. “They know.”
“Yeah, I kind of gathered that,” she said. I could tell she was shaking even from where I sat. The first chance I had, I pulled the truck off the road. “What are you doing?”
I scooted over a few inches towards her and put my arm around her. “It’s going to be okay,” I said. I could feel her trembling. “Are you okay, baby?”
She nodded. “I think the best thing to do is tell the truth,” she said. “If they already know, there’s no sense in trying to deny it, right?”
She put her head over onto my shoulder. I wished it weren’t all so complicated once again. “We’ll do whatever we need to do to get through this together, baby.”
“I keep playing it through in my head and keep thinking that if they are mad, it’s really kind of silly. I mean, we’re not doing anything technically incestuous or illegal or wrong…we’re both adults, right? I mean, if they’re really mad, they’re over-reacting, right?”
“I can tell you honestly that with my dad, it’s going to be about how this will look to everyone else. He’ll be embarrassed and ashamed.”
“I know. I think the thing I worry about most is that Mom will defend me at all costs. If she does that, it will put their marriage in jeopardy. I think she’s really happy on the ranch and I hate the thought of her losing that because of my choices.”
I wanted to tell her that I loved her and that I didn’t care what anyone thought, but she was too upset right now. I wasn’t looking forward to my father’s wrath, but luckily, I was used to it. He just better keep it in check where Lexi is concerned, though, because as long as I’ve controlled myself when it came to his verbal abuse of me, I know that I won’t be able to do the same if he attacks Lexi. I will protect her at all costs, even at the risk of losing any relationship I have left with my father.
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