“Oliver?” I said, my face paling as I stared at the boy again. Everything clicked in place. Oliver. Ollie. No wonder the kid was concerned his dad was going to kill him. His father was none other than my boyfriend. Did he know about my relationship with his father and, was that the reason he was acting out?
Impossible. He couldn’t know.
“Yes, you might have heard of the troubled Oliver Mattis.” A knock sounded on the door, snagging our attention. “That must be his father now. We’ll deal with the problem once and for all. It’s now in our hands, Mr. Moreau. You may go back to your class.”
I didn’t have a class, but the stubborn look on Principal McLean’s face and I knew whatever I said would not have made a difference. I rose to my feet, feeling weak in the knees. Gordon would never forgive me if I had caused his son to be barred from graduation. But what was I to do? Even if I had known who his father was, I was still bound to report the kid for his insolent behavior.
Chapter 24
Gordon
How a day could go from a perfect score of ten to zero seemed to be my cross to figure out. One minute I was perfectly content at work, even humming, which Glenna had pointed out to me. The anticipation of meeting Beau later and being with him made me hot just thinking about it. It was like being shot with a sudden bout of energy. I couldn’t wait for the day to finish fast enough.
I should have known by now that my state of happiness rarely lasted long. If I didn’t have to worry about something, my day didn’t seem to be complete these days. Glenna had almost looked reluctant in passing me the news that Ollie was in trouble again, and this time his offense had been to a teacher. I knew it was bad. Lacovia Academy didn’t tolerate disrespect to their teachers even when I was in attendance.
I tried not to be upset but to wait until I arrived at the school to hear things out and then cast judgement, but how could I give him the benefit of the doubt when it was Ollie? If I’d been called to the principal’s office because of Charlie, then I would not have believed she did anything wrong until I had hard evidence. With Ollie, it was different. With him, it wasn’t a matter of if he did it but what did he do this time?
The secretary directed me to go into the office where Ollie and the teacher were waiting with Jackson. I rapped on the door to announce my presence and waited. A few seconds later, the door opened from the inside, and I came face to face with Beau. He looked paler than usual, and he gnawed on his bottom lip, his eyes full of worry. I pushed my hands into the front of my pockets because I wanted to reach for him and ask him what was wrong.
“Gordon, I’m so sorry,” he apologized which bewildered me. “I didn’t know.”
Even as he said the words, his face reflected doubt. Before I could ask him what he meant, he was gone, walking down the corridor. I entered the office, closing the door behind me. Seeing Ollie with his head bent, unable to look at me, was guilty enough for me to be his executioner.
“Gordon, so glad you could join us,” Jackson announced. “Have a seat?”
I didn’t feel like sitting. I’d had enough of this bullshit with Ollie and wasn’t in the mood to be pacified. Besides, I now had a suspicion why Beau had been here and had apologized to me.
“Why don’t we save all the pleasantries and cut to the chase,” I answered. “What’d he do this time?”
He handed me a report sheet. “Read for yourself then kindly inform me what you think is a fair punishment. The last time we spoke, we agreed, any further infractions and he will not be allowed to graduate.”
The first thing that caught my eye was Beau’s name printed just above his signature. The bottom of my stomach fell right at my feet. Ambivalence weighed in as I read the incident report sheet of Ollie’s disrespect to Beau. When I read the nature of it, I wanted to sit on the floor and cry. He wouldn’t understand. He wouldn’t be accepting of my relationship to Beau if he found out the truth. My heart grew heavy, and I took the seat I had been offered earlier.
I wanted to find out from him where his homophobia stemmed from. Not one homophobic statement had ever been uttered at home as far as I was concerned, but here I had a son who hated the very thing that I was.
I returned the paper to the principal, feeling every bit of my thirty-eight years. I had nothing to say that could ever make the situation better.
“What’s his punishment?” I asked Jackson, unable to look at my son any more. This was not the boy I had helped raise. This was not my son.
“He will stand before the disciplinary committee with regards to him being barred from graduation. Naturally, he’s not allowed to be anywhere near the prom venue as well. This kind of insubordination and hateful speech will not be tolerated in this school.”
Ollie’s head snapped up. “Nobody said anything about prom. I can’t miss the prom."
I glared at him, wishing I was close enough to slap him across the head. “That’s what you’re worried about in all of this?” I demanded. “That you’re going to miss some prom? You’re not thinking about how this will affect your permanent record and getting into a good college?”
He knew better than to respond. After settling his punishment, which included two days of suspension, we finally emerged from the office. Walking side by side, I kept my hands firmly in my pockets.
“I’ll walk home,” he said as soon as we walked out the front door of the high school.
I turned to glare at him, my whole frame taut with anger. “Do not try me today, Ollie. Get in the damn truck.”
He swallowed hard but didn’t argue. We walked to my truck and got in. I drove the distance to our house in silence. As soon as I parked in the driveway, he jumped out and headed for the steps. He used his key and was in the house as fast as a bullet. I followed him, ready to put a stop to this once and for all.
When I reached the top of the stairs, it was to hear his bedroom door slam shut followed by a bolt sliding in place. I’d not complained about the bolt before because he hardly locked it anyway, but now, the first thing I would do was to get it off. I refused to knock on the door.
“I’ll give you three seconds to open the door,” I told him.
“Can we talk about this some other time?” he asked from inside. “I don’t want to talk about this now.”
“One. Two.”
The bolt slid back from the bolt, and the door opened. Ashen-faced, he stared back at me, trying to be tough but I could see the fear in his eyes, the trembling in his lips.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I demanded. “You were doing so much better and now this? This! What are you trying to prove, Ollie?”
If it was possible, he turned even paler. “I wasn’t trying to prove anything. He’s gay. I told you so before.”
“What does that have to do with anything? How is it a concern of yours?”
“Because gay men aren’t real men!” he cried. He burst into frustrated tears I never saw coming. He swiped at them with the back of his hands but more just kept coming. “They have no place in Lacovia! We are treated like crap in this town, and that will never change.”
Shocked, I stared at him. “Did you just say we?” My question came out rough. “Ollie, are you saying you’re gay?”
He looked stricken at the very thought, his face mottled with anger. He scrubbed at his tears with the back of his hands. “Of course not! I’m not gay. I’m not. Okay? I didn’t say we. I said they. Just leave me alone.”
He slammed the door shut in my face. I collapsed against the door, my forehead on the smooth surface as it started to make sense. I could hear him sobbing inside, and I wanted to go to him but how could I? I stumbled down the stairs and to my truck, wanting to get away from him. I couldn’t be around him any longer. I had to return to work, just about the only thing that made sense these days.
***
Later that night, after having an awkward dinner at home with Charlie, Ollie locked up in his room and refusing to come out, I finally cracked. I could not stay in the house where m
y skeletons were all coming out of the closet. I was a terrible father. What kind of dad didn’t inspire the confidence in his son that he would feel he could approach me about something like this? What kind of dad was I that even now, knowing the truth, I still could not speak to him about it? What was I to say? I was in the closet, and that could not help him with what he was going through.
I told Charlie I was going out and to call me if she needed anything. I made the trip to Ollie’s room to tell him I was going too but retraced my steps. He was listening to heavy metal music and wouldn’t hear me anyway. At least that was the explanation I gave myself.
Twenty minutes later, I knocked on Beau’s apartment. I could hear him shuffling inside to get to the door. The door opened, and there he was looking concerned.
“Gordon, I’m sorry,” he apologized again. “I swear I didn’t know he was your son until after I’d already sent him to the principal.”
“I need something strong to drink,” I said and walked by him to get to the kitchen. He followed me, his nervous energy bouncing off the walls. I went straight to the fridge and found it stocked with grocery. There was no beer. I gave him a look of disbelief.
“You said I needed more groceries,” he said defensively. “I was concentrating so much on getting those items I forgot the beer.”
I shut the fridge with a thud. “The goddamn one time I actually need it.” I closed my eyes and rubbed at my temples.
“I can run by the gas station a few miles from here and pick up a few,” he offered.
I shook my head. “It’s fine. I’ll do without it.”
He pulled out a kitchen chair. “Sit.”
“I’m too keyed up to sit still.” I paced the small kitchen which wasn’t big enough for me to lose much energy and only left me feeling more frustrated.
“What happened when I left?” he asked. “I tried the whole accepting an apology to let the whole thing go routine, but Principal Jackson didn’t buy it.”
“He is not allowed to go to prom.” I turned accusatory eyes on him. “And he has to meet with the disciplinary committee to find out if he will be allowed to graduate or not.”
“Shit.” He ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at the tips. “And it’s all my fault.”
“You said you didn’t know he was my son?”
He shook his head. “I’ve never seen him before, although you talk about him often.”
“But you were in my house, dining with my mother and daughter,” I remarked in disbelief. “I have pictures of my kids on the walls.”
His eyes widened. “Oh my God. That’s how he looked familiar. I’ll talk to the principal again tomorrow,” he answered, albeit hesitantly. “Although to be fair Gordon, this is putting me in a tight spot. I can’t just bend the rules because he is your son.”
“Couldn’t you have just dealt with it without taking it up with the principal?” I asked, too keyed up to watch my tone. “You could have given him detention. Even that would have been better than taking him in.”
“He was blatantly disrespectful to me in front of the entire class, questioning and trying to belittle me because of my sexuality!” Beau answered sharply. “Might I remind you this is also your sexuality? Besides, I could not let his disrespect slide. Once you do that there's a breakdown in the system. If there is no punishment great enough for the offense, other kids follow suit believing they can get away with it. I’m sorry it had to happen to your son, but maybe if you’d tried being honest with him that you’re gay, he wouldn’t be so hateful about it!”
His words cut deeper than any other could because of its accuracy. I turned my back to him and leaned against the counter. Ollie’s sobs echoed in my memory and haunted me. So much now made sense to me. Maybe if I had paid more attention to him, and looked beyond the trouble he was causing to the root of it all, I would have understood.
“Gordon.” Beau came up and wrapped his arms around me from behind. His chest pressed into my back. I stiffened, torn between wanting to blame him and drawing from the comfort of his arms. “I didn’t mean that.”
“Yes, you did.” I reached for his hands around my waist, intending to pry his arms from me but he held on tight.
“Please, don’t be mad at me. I don’t want this to come between us.”
“I’m not mad at you,” I said with a sigh. “I’m mad at me. So fucking mad. I’m the reason that kid’s messed up, Beau.”
“No! That’s not true. You care about your kids. You’re a wonderful father.”
“A wonderful father who didn’t know until today that his son is gay!” I pried his arms away from me then and turned to face him. “Can you believe that? You should have seen him, Beau. He was scared and crying. He hates himself because of it and how can I not blame myself? If I’d been strong enough to come out a long time ago, he would not have to struggle so much to accept who he is? I could have been a role model for my son, but instead, I let him down.”
“Did you tell him you’re gay?” he asked softly.
“How can I?” Tears gathered in my eyes, and I tried to force them away. “If I tell him I’m gay too, he’ll only resent himself and me more. If his father kept it a secret for so long, why should he feel comfortable being himself when I’m not even comfortable being who I am?”
“You have to tell him,” he said. “Talk to him and make him understand.”
“I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”
“Calm down.” His voice was soothing to the ear. He took both my hands in his and squeezed them. “I know things look bad now, but they'll get better. Are you sure he's gay?”
I nodded. “Positive. He said something when we got home today that made everything fall into place. He's struggling to accept himself like I did at that age. I don't want him to go through what I did, Beau.”
“Then you know what you have to do. Be honest with him. You've been living a lie for twenty years, and that has not made you happy. Guide him to see he'll only be happy when he accepts himself.”
I grabbed him to me and hugged him hard. “I’m afraid. So afraid to see the disappointment in his eyes if I tell him.”
Beau was right of course. I’d never have peace of mind until I spoke to Ollie about what was bothering both of us. It was time for me to stop hiding and be the example my son needed. It was scary thinking about it, but Ollie deserved to be at peace with who he was. I had let him down for so long that I must be able to do this one thing for him.
Chapter 25
Beau
“Is the Principal in, Rebecca?” I asked the secretary clicking away at the keyboard of her computer. She glanced up, her fingers still flying across the keys without looking down.
“Mr. Moreau.” She greeted me with a smile. “How is the school year treating you so far?”
I returned her smile, trying not to show how nervous I was. “It’s okay. You know kids will be kids.”
She rolled her eyes. “Tell me about it. I see them walk by here every single day. Always the same ones getting into trouble.” She stopped typing and snapped her fingers. “Drat, you didn’t stop by to chat with me but to see Mr. McLean. He was on a call just now. Let me check if he’s available.”
“Thanks.”
I rocked back on the heels of my shoes while she went to poke her head into the principal’s office. I had no idea if he would even listen to what I had to say, but I had to at least try for Gordon’s sake. He didn’t know I was planning to lobby on his son’s behalf to get him to graduate, but I felt it was the right thing to do. The suspension from school which would mar his record anyway should be enough. The school had to take into consideration his circumstance. He’d just lost his mother and was acting out. Not to mention Gordon had explained the boy was gay. The kid didn’t seem like he was handling it well at all.
If only Gordon found the courage to tell him the truth, but he insisted that he would just let down the kid. As far as I saw it, the longer he kept it a secret, the more complicated it got,
especially now Oliver had given his own sexuality away. The least Gordon could do to give his son some measure of comfort was to open up to him.
“You may go in,” Rebecca told me, reclaiming her seat. She lowered her voice in a conspiratorial whisper. “Between us, he’s not in the best of moods so you may want to keep it short.”
I nodded. “Thanks. That helps.” I didn’t plan to invite myself to lunch anyway, just to give him my opinion then leave.
I knocked once on the office door before I entered, closing the door behind me. Principal McLean glanced up from his desk, and his face was etched in a scowl.
“Mr. Moreau, what can I do for you?” he asked. “If it’s to ask how the Mattis boy’s case is going, we’re still working on it. We’ll have a disciplinary hearing with him and his father next week and make an official decision on what we are going to do.”
“That’s exactly what I wanted to talk to you about, sir,” I answered, approaching his desk. “At the time when I brought in Oliver Mattis, I had no idea who he was. I found out later that he lost his mother under tragic circumstances. Given the case, I think it’s worth it to extend some measure of leniency towards him.”
He frowned at me. “You think we are too hard on him?”
“Given the circumstances, yes,” I answered. “He is going through a devastating time and has personal issues he’s dealing with. His mother died around this time last year.”
“His father got through to you, didn’t he?” he demanded. “Gordon Mattis knew his words would hold no sway with me, so he turned to you to ask you to plead his son’s case.”
“Gordon has no idea I am here,” I answered with honesty.
His frown deepened even more. “And what’s your connection to Gordon? Is there something I should know?”
As I only served him in a professional capacity, I couldn’t see how my romance with Gordon was any of his business, so I declined to comment on it.
“This is concerning Oliver,” I said. “He’s been through a lot, Mr. McLean. I don’t think taking away his graduation will be an effective strategy for reform.”
Easy Does It Twice Page 18
