Kat pulled away enough to look up into Julian’s eyes, wanting to talk to him. As she did, she found herself entranced in his gaze. He looked down at her and moved his hand up to the back of her head. Before she could formulate the words, he pulled her closer and placed his mouth on hers. Kat whimpered beneath his touch. Giving in to the kiss, she dug her nails into his chest, collapsing her body into his.
When he pulled away, Kat was breathless. By his look, she knew Julian felt the same. “Why are you here, Julian?”
“I needed to see you,” he told her, brushing the hair off her face.
Kat leaned her forehead against his chest for a moment before pushing away from his embrace. She needed distance to think. Her body protested with every step taken. She walked over to the other side of the coffee table and perched on the edge of a chair, hoping that would be enough space to think.
“I get that Julian, but we both know you could’ve seen me any time before now. Why now?” She ran her hands through her hair, clenched her fists together, then dropped them away.
Julian watched her and fought the urge to grab her and take her to bed. He glared at the roses on the table. “I wanted to make sure you were okay. I had a feeling you needed me.”
I do Julian. I do. She glanced at the roses on the table too. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
“Stop that Kat.”
“Stop what?”
“You know what.”
“Tell me what you’re not saying.”
Julian studied her. “Are you okay?”
Kat shrugged and stood up. “How do I look? Does it look like I’m okay? What do you think?”
Julian smiled. “You look beautiful.”
Kat shook her head, biting back her smile and looked down at the floor. “Julian.”
“You do.” He let out a deep sigh. “I want to see you safe, Kat. I want to see you happy.” He looked at the roses again, the rage showing in his eyes when he looked back at her. “He can’t make you happy. He is too dangerous. We are too dangerous. You shouldn’t be around us, Kat. You need to forget us.”
“You’re really good at telling people what to do, aren’t you?” Kat glared at him, crossing her arms. She paced the floor. “And at hiding the pain you feel when you say that.”
“You don’t understand—”
Kat stopped and looked at him. “Oh I understand all right. I have the scars to prove it. I understand you don’t want me, but you won’t let anyone else have me either. Correct?”
“Yes. No. It isn’t like that. I want to see you happy. You can’t be happy with someone like me. I will remain this way forever. You will age and die. Cameron will hurt you. I know that. I know him.”
“And I don’t? Julian! You underestimate me. And you know what? That pisses me off. You’re treating me like a child.” She threw her hands up in frustration and began pacing again.
Julian closed the gap before Kat noticed him move. The air stirred, then he was in front of her, holding her arms and looking down at her. “You don’t know him the way I do. You know the side of him he wants you to. Do you think he’s naïve enough to show you his Vincent side? He would lose the trust he’s built with you and lose you, the one thing he wants. What the Raaka wants. Kat, trust me. Stay away from him.”
Kat jerked herself free when he went to touch her face. “Don’t tell me what to do, Julian. Have I not already explained clearly enough for you to understand? Don’t. I’m not a child. Nor am I one of your subjects. You can’t tell me what to do. Don’t be disrespectful. You’d think after living so long, you would’ve learned at least that. I think it’s time that you leave—”
“Kat—”
Julian tried stopping her, but she wanted no part. She pointed to her balcony. “No. At least Cameron comes to knock on the door, not barge in the balcony when he wants to talk. He’s shown me more respect. He hasn’t tried telling me what to do. He hasn’t tried anything you have. We both know this is the real reason you came. You knew he came here and gave me roses. Hell, you won’t stop glaring at a plant for god’s sake. You had to come and tell me what to do again. When you learn you can’t control me and learn some respect? Come find me. Until then? Out.” She turned her back on Julian, finalizing everything and fighting back the pain in her heart.
“He’s showing you what you want to see Kat. Don’t trust him. . . .”
Kat turned around to object and tell him off, but Julian was gone.
Thirty Four
Kat knew Julian leaving was for the best, but she couldn’t stop hurting. They both wanted to be together. That much was clear, but why did she want to yell at him every time she saw him? Why did he keep trying to tell her what to do? She was tired of all of them telling her what to do.
What did he think? Because she was human and mortal—as if that was a bad thing—it made her a naïve little child? That’s how he made her feel at least, which annoyed her more than words could say.
She shook her head, trying to dislodge thoughts of the previous night while she tried reading. Well, she wasn’t really reading, more like she staring at the pages, unable to focus on the words. It was far too aggravating to deal with Julian lately, who felt he had some superiority over her.
Kat threw the book on the table and walked over to her balcony doors, tugging them open. She knew he was there and she wanted to talk to him. It got to the point where she knew when he or one of the others was around. Her normal empathic feelings she’d always experienced had heightened since meeting Julian and the others, since being kidnapped.
She kept her ability from Julian and the rest of them, but wondered if they had any clue. She saw no reason to tell any of them, but she had a feeling Kober knew about it. He always told her there was this strength he noticed about her. Could that be what he sensed?
The darkness had always been a friend of Kat’s as well, and since meeting everyone and she’d been kidnapped, she became even more at home in the dark. She’d also never enjoyed staying up late, but now she found it hard not to prefer the nighttime hours. She grew tired of the daylight. She grew to dislike the sun long before all of this because her skin was so sensitive to it, but now she had begun to detest it. Was it her friendship with them that made her crave the dark, or was something inside of her changing?
“Please come up here,” she spoke into the dark night. “I’d like to talk to you.” The moment she left the balcony and walked back inside, a burst of air against the back of her neck told her she had company.
“Is something wrong?” Kober asked in his always genteel manner. He moved into the condo behind her, closing the balcony doors before turning to face her.
“Tell me why, Kober.” Kat perched on the edge of the couch, watching his patient, quiet demeanor, with a look of impatience.
“You know why, Kat. Please do not ask questions of that nature.” Kober remained in his place, watching her with concern.
“Kober. . . .” She ran her hands through her hair. “I—I just don’t understand.”
“Kat,” Kober’s sorrow echoed in his voice, “Julian means well. I have known him for many centuries. He is a good man, but he has done many horrific things. You have to understand. He wants you safe and happy. People like us, creatures, they. . . . How can I make you understand? You love him like you have never loved another. Do you not?” She nodded and he continued, “Of course you do. If I could make you forget that love, this would be so much easier, but you have proven it cannot happen. I do not know how, but I know I cannot change it. I merely wish I could.”
Kat watched the pain cross Kober’s face and her heart ached for him. He truly believed he was a monster, and there was no way for her to convince him otherwise. You are a good man too Kober. He looked at her as though he heard her words and smiled.
“Kober. . . . You’re a good man too. I wish I could tell you something to make you understand. I understand you are creatures as you say, monsters, as everyone points out. Okay? I really, really do. But that gives nob
ody the right to tell me what to do, or who I can be around. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of trying to explain myself when I have no reason to. I’m tired of defending my damn actions.” She stood up and walked over to Kober to look up at him. “Stop telling me what to do. Tell Julian. Stop telling me what to do. I’m done with it. I won’t listen anymore. If someone tries to intervene in my life that way, I’m no longer going to want anything to do with them. Do you understand that?”
Kober waited with his normal sweet patience until she was finished, before replying, “Yes, I do.”
Kat touched his cheek. “Then understand that I know what you’re capable of. I know. I’ve seen it. I’ve been thrown across the room by your kind by a smidgen of the strength you’re capable of, I’m sure. I’ve experienced the violence you’re capable of. I’ve been the victim of a lot of things from your kind. I may be an infant compared to all of you and I wasn’t born millions of years ago, but I was not born yesterday. How do I explain that to people?”
Kober smiled and took her hand in his to kiss the back of it. “I understand, Kat. I promise you I appreciate it. But let me ask you something if you would permit it and not be angry with me?”
Kat smiled. “You are always such a gentleman, Kober. It’s why I consider you such a friend of mine. Ask.”
Kober grinned. “It is a treasure to hear you call me your friend. I can assure you. I want to inquire, for my own sake. Do you fully understand what Cameron wants with you? Do you understand he may be using you to anger Julian?”
Kat clenched her jaw to combat the quick retort. She needed to remember who asked the question. She took a slow deep breath and released it, strolling back to perch herself on the arm of the couch.
“Yes, I do. I get that Cameron is probably using, no, most likely using me, to get back at Julian, or to hurt him in some way. But you know what? That isn’t my responsibility. If Julian wants to allow Cameron to get under his skin, I can’t stop that. He shouldn’t allow Cameron to do so. Julian needs to stop acting like I’m stupid and unaware of the situation. As though in some way, it’s my problem he gets so angry and jealous. He gets angry when he sees us together because, not only does he believe Cameron is using me without my knowledge, but Julian wants me with him, not Cameron. Again, that isn’t my fault.”
Kober smiled. “I understand how he could feel that way.”
Kat grinned and ducked her head when her cheeks reddened. “Kober. You know what I’m trying to say. He has no right to get so angry and tell me to stay away from Cameron. He needs to trust me to make my own decisions. He needs to trust me to make the right decisions.”
“I understand, Kat. I truly do. He fights his own demons every day. After all these years still. I am afraid when he sees you around Cameron or any man, the beast within takes over and wants to claim you. It is an animal instinct, but still a man problem he has yet to learn. He worries about you every day. He does not wish for Cameron to hurt you. He does not want you to get hurt in any way, from anyone.”
Kat looked around her condo and back to Kober. “I understand Kober. Well, in a way I do, and in a way, it shocks me to hear you say it. It’s just that . . . well . . . I just wish instead of bullying me, he would try and talk to me. Listen to me and hear the words I say. I am not going to stay away from all of you. Do you understand me? I like you. I want to be around you. Sorry if I’m just a human, but that’s all I can be. I can only be myself. I can’t change that.”
Kober nodded and moved over to kneel down in front of her. “Yes, but Kat, Julian lost control when he found out Vincent took you. He lost control. He was furious and ready to kill everyone to find you. He never gave up on you. When I took you home that night, Julian killed Vincent. He left him out in the sun where he could not find shelter in time. Vincent dared to defy him and worse? He hurt you.
“Julian lost control and did not bother to ask what the other leaders wanted to do. Leaving him to die in the sun is the least honorable death for one of our kind, death reserved for animals. He burned him alive. If Vincent merely defied him, I have no doubt Julian would have gone by the rules we live by which protects the Awakened and protects humans. The way which allows us to live in peace alongside humans. Julian did not honor those rules for you and he knows that, which he has to live with.” Kober watched Kat a moment, letting it all sink in.
Kat stared at him, shocked by what he told her. “I had no idea.” She sighed and sat there a moment, thinking. “But Kober, that still gives him no right to tell me what to do and make the decision for both of us. He’s not respecting me. He should allow me to make my own decision regarding whatever is going on between the two of us.”
Kober stood and walked over to look through the balcony sheers at the night beyond. “I understand how you feel. You should be allowed to make your own decision, but you must also understand his position as well. When he is around you, he loses control. He has to fight every instinct he knows because of his feelings for you. He understands when it comes to you, he did not follow the rules and that is dangerous.”
“I understand. I really do. Argh. I’m sick of saying that!” She jumped off the couch and stormed over to stop in front of Kober. “But I’m tired of explaining myself. I’m getting angry and it’s not even you. It’s Julian. He makes me confused and I’m sick of that. I’m sick of wanting someone so bad, I’m left to wonder if it’s only because I’m not with him, or because I’m scared that I’d feel the same being with him. I shouldn’t want him as much as I do. I shouldn’t feel this way either. I lose control with him too. It’s not all about him, damn it. I feel the same damn way and I’m so fucking tired of hearing everyone say ‘I don’t understand’! I do understand. I do. I do. I do!”
She moved away from him. “I understand Julian wants us together, but because he is just as scared as I am, he stays away. Well in my world, when you want someone, you go after them. If he doesn’t have the courage to come to me? If he doesn’t have the courage to talk to me and allow me to make my own decisions? Then everyone is right. He needs to stay away from me.
“I won’t avoid places like Inferno because he may or may not be there. So you tell that to your little prince. I’m not staying away from the club. I’m not staying away from him if I bump into him, and most definitely? I am not staying away from Cameron, because if I want to enjoy spending time with him and the Raaka? I will. Nobody can stop me. I mean it. Anyone who tries? Is messing with the wrong damn woman. I’m not weak. I thought I proved it already with Vincent, but maybe that clan is right. Maybe I do have a Raaka’s soul—”
“Kat do not say a thing like that. I know it angers you, but please do not say those things to spite Julian.” Kober turned to face her.
Kat’s eyebrows rose. “You think me capable of being so deceitful and manipulative? Or worse, that I would do something like that because I can’t be with Julian? So what? I might as well make him pay?” Kat laughed and threw her hands up in the air. “You’re kidding me right? You would think me that type of person? Seriously? That type of woman? Please. Do you know how many Julians there are out there? Well, okay, maybe not, but there are plenty of men out there Kober. I’m not desperate.”
Kober stood still and calm. “Do not be angry, Kat.”
Kat’s anger faded as fast as it came on. “Kober, I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at the situation. And hurt that nobody is listening to me. I’m just mad period. I’m tired and frustrated. It’s a broken record. Repeating the same thing over and over again.”
“You are a special woman, my dear child. You are one of a kind. I am sorry Julian cannot understand how he underestimates you, and the strength you possess. Or how perceptive you are. I do not believe he wishes to admit it to himself. He has been a bit about himself as of late, and for that I apologize. It is what you do to him. He cannot think straight around you. I can appreciate why.”
“Stop that. You think it’s any easier for me? You think it’s easy to watch him, to know he is within my grasp a
nd yet I can’t touch him, I can’t be with him? I can hardly talk to him without getting furious. I hate that he keeps treating me like a child. I hate that he won’t let us be together. It drives me up the wall.”
Kober grimaced. “I am sorry. There is nothing I can say regarding that which would make you feel better. Know he feels the same. I promise you he does.”
A tear fell down Kat’s cheek. “Yeah, but yet that doesn’t seem to make any difference.”
Kober’s face fell. “Tell me what I can do or say. If there is anything I can do to make this easier on you, you have only to ask it of me.”
Kat looked up at him and she swiped another tear making its way down her cheek. “I’m sorry, Kober. This time there is nothing you can do. Thank you for talking to me and letting me vent. I would like to be alone.”
Kober nodded and made his way to the balcony. He looked back once more and watched her walk toward the kitchen—to her bedroom he guessed. Shaking his head, he made his way out of the condo. He felt her pain as though it were his own and wished so much that he could make her forget everything she’d seen and knew, forget Julian, and even him.
It would break his heart, but she’d be happy. Kat could find peace, if only he could make her forget. The problem was she’d shown she was immune to his spells. Not immune as much as resistant. He could do it, but it wouldn’t hold. He didn’t understand how it was possible. Nobody was immune to them. Something about her, as he stressed over and over again, there was just something about that woman he hadn’t felt. Ever.
The pull between her and Julian was too much. The way they both reacted around each other, when they weren’t together. The way they looked at people who got too close. Between them was a bond which would never break and one that would bring them back together in the end, he was sure of it.
He left her alone as she wished, but didn’t go too far.
Dark Illusions: The Beginning Page 12
