by J. H. Croix
She tapped the speaker button. “Yes?”
“Jan here. A Sawyer Hamilton is on his way to your office. I couldn’t find him in your schedule, but he insisted he had an appointment with you.”
Violet stared at the phone, her cheeks getting hot and a flush running through her entire body. “Violet?” Jan asked.
Violet gave herself a shake. “Right. Okay. Thanks, Jan.”
She couldn’t bring herself to say he didn’t have an appointment because Jan had already sent him her way. The one and only downside she’d discovered to living and working in a small, friendly town like Diamond Creek was people tended to assume the best of everyone. In New York, no one would ever be sent anywhere in the hospital by intake unless they knew for certain the person was supposed to be there. In Diamond Creek, Violet learned some elderly patients refused to allow their data to be entered in the electronic health record, so they had paper files—unheard of anywhere else. Jan wouldn’t think twice about assuming the scheduler must’ve confirmed an appointment without entering it in the system. Now, Sawyer was headed her way, and she was all a muddle inside.
It had been four days since she’d seen him. Four days since he’d blown her mind and sent her body soaring to heights she’d never contemplated. Four days during which she swung between poles of longing and indecision. She wanted so much more than one night with Sawyer. But she couldn’t face letting herself fall for someone again. She thought she was half-crazy for being so into him, but that’s how she was. She fell, and she fell hard. She’d had to keep a leash on her desire before, but she’d never had anyone fray her control the way Sawyer did. He had special powers over her, and she needed to try to think clearly. He’d think she was nuts if she told him she needed to keep her distance because she was afraid he wanted kids someday and she’d instantly let him down if that was the case.
She quickly logged off the computer and closed her laptop. Her pulse was racing, and she was hot all over. Even while she was spinning in circles in her mind, part of her was jumping for joy. Sawyer had come to see her!
There was a sharp knock at the door. She stared at it, her heart pounding so hard it almost hurt. “Come in,” she said, her voice cracking at the end.
The door opened and Sawyer stood there, his hand resting on the handle. He was quiet for a moment, his gaze coasting over her. Her skin prickled, and her breath became shallow. Still not speaking, he stepped all the way into her office and closed the door behind him. The soft click nudged her.
“Hey. I, uh, didn’t know you were coming by,” she said.
“I didn’t either. I just decided it might be the only way to get you to talk to me,” he replied. He paused, his shoulders rising and falling with a deep breath. “It’s good to see you.” His gruff voice sent a shiver through her.
“You too,” she managed.
Oh God. This is a mess. You want him. So much. You’re crazy, and you have to explain before he realizes how crazy you are. Her kinder side snapped back. You’re not crazy. You’re complicated, just like everyone else.
While her mind lobbed volleys, her emotions were a riot. She wasn’t sensible when it came to Sawyer, and she’d tried so damn hard to be sensible when it came to men. She looked up into his silvery gray gaze and tried to keep breathing. Restless, she fiddled with the end of her ponytail. Back and forth, back and forth she went in her mind. She could not let herself get all hung up on any of her baggage. They weren’t serious, nowhere close, so she needed to stop running down these crazy paths in her brain.
Twirling her ponytail in her hand, she prayed he couldn’t tell what a mess she was inside.
His assessing eyes coasted over her face. He cleared his throat. “Thought I’d stop by to see if I could persuade you to have dinner with me again,” he said, his expression almost boyish.
She was nodding before she realized it when she suddenly remembered she’d told Ginger she’d meet her and Delia for drinks after work. “I can’t tonight though,” she blurted out. The moment she nodded and spoke, she mentally kicked herself. What the hell was she thinking? Well, she wasn’t, but she definitely wanted to see him again, so there was that.
The swift disappointment on his face nearly made her cheer. It wasn’t that she was happy about his disappointment, but she was gratified to know he wanted to see her enough to be disappointed. Given that barely a spare moment had passed when she wasn’t thinking about him, she didn’t feel so alone in her state of infatuation. “I already told Ginger and Delia I’d meet them for drinks after work. Maybe tomorrow?”
“Or maybe you have drinks up at the lodge?” he countered.
Oh, he was too much. Grinning like a fool, she shook her head. “Delia specifically said she wanted to meet at the Brewery.”
Sawyer shrugged. “Okay, okay. What time?”
“What time am I meeting them?”
At his nod, she replied, “Five.”
He grinned. “Perfect. That’s early. Mind if I join you around six-thirty?”
She blushed furiously and burst out laughing as she shook her head.
“Does that mean ‘no, you don’t mind,’ or ‘no, you do mind?’”
She caught her breath on a gasp. “I don’t mind.”
“Great. I’ll see you then.”
At that, he stood and stepped to the door. Reflexively, she stood with him and followed him to the door. He turned and glanced down at her. In a flash, the air around them hummed to life. Her pulse skittered, and heat slid through her. His eyes went smoky. They were still for several beats, the room so quiet, she feared he could hear the wild pounding of her heart.
In slow motion, he lifted a hand and caught the end of her ponytail in it, sliding his fingers through it as he tugged her to him. He dipped his head, pausing when his lips were but a whisper away from hers. “In case you forgot…”
He fit his mouth over hers, and she went up in flames inside. Inside of a nanosecond, their kiss nearly melted her—hot, wet, and overpowering. A low moan escaped when he drew back. She didn’t want him to stop. At all. But he did. The lines of his face were tense as he held her gaze for a moment. On the heels of a deep breath, he stepped back, her hair slipping free from his grasp.
“See you later,” he said, his voice sending a ripple through her.
She couldn’t even manage a polite reply and simply watched him leave before collapsing in her chair, her pulse racing, and her panties wet.
Chapter 14
Violet swirled the wine in her glass and laughed at the look of mock horror on Ginger’s face. Delia had just finished explaining her morning, which involved a clean up project after Nick stumbled on his rush to the bathroom and threw up all over his bedroom floor.
Delia shrugged and grinned. “Hey, it could’ve been way worse. I’d rather clean up the floor than his bed. It’s life with kids.”
With her honey gold hair and blue eyes, Delia’s coloring matched her generally soft demeanor. Violet was still just getting to know her, but she seemed to be a practical, caring friend. Ginger, on the other hand, was a force of wit and emotion. She caught Violet’s gaze and shook her head slowly. “I’m mentally preparing myself to deal with all the messes I’ll be cleaning up once I have this little one,” she said as she pointed to her belly.
Delia rolled her eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous. You work with kids all day long,” she said in reference to Ginger’s job as a speech therapist at the elementary school. “Plus, once you have them, you laugh about the mess. Like me,” she offered with a chuckle.
Their waiter approached. “Any refills?”
“Yes please,” Ginger replied quickly, holding up her empty glass of water.
Delia shook her head, while Violet figured she could use one more glass of wine herself and slid hers to the end of the table. Their waiter filled Ginger’s water and took Violet’s glass before threading his way through the tables to the bar. Diamond Creek Brewery was crowded as usual. The low hum of conversation surrounded them.
> Ginger looked back to Delia. “I suppose the mess is good for a laugh. I love working with kids, so I hope it’s as much fun to be a mom. What about you?” she asked, her gaze swinging to Violet.
One thing Violet had come to learn about being thirty was most people had no qualms about asking about kids, whether you were with someone or not. She was used to the question, so she had a practiced answer. “That decision was made for me after I had leukemia. The chemo did a number on my eggs, so I got to get over the whole obsession about it sooner than most,” she offered with a slight smile.
Her explanation left out was how devastating it had been to learn she didn’t have the luxury of a choice. She didn’t know if it was because she’d recovered from a major childhood illness, but she’d generally been a realist and tending toward sarcastic about life. It was hard not be a realist when a chunk of your childhood was spent in the sterile environment of medical settings while your parents hovered around with worry glimmering in their eyes at all times. It shaped a slightly bleak outlook.
Oddly, the way she used to be about romance had been a bit of a rebellion against that side of herself. She’d chased after the love of her life, a mystical creation that she thought she found. Reality gave her a vicious slap with that, and she’d done a lot of work to stay realistic about what she could have in life. Her last conversation with her mother came to mind—the point that she didn’t like it when they worried over her, that she put up boundaries to keep people out. She had, and she’d thought she’d done so for good reason. After her engagement ended, she’d done her best to pull the frayed edges of herself together, yet she hadn’t projected ahead how that might look. She wondered what to do now…and if she could find the courage to let herself hope for something.
Violet glanced between Ginger and Delia who’d both gone quiet. “Oh, don’t worry. I’ve known for years. I’m okay with it,” she offered, unsure how to interpret their expressions.
Their waiter arrived and delivered her glass of wine. Violet promptly took a gulp, reasoning she’d walked here, so if she got a little tipsy it didn’t matter. Delia looked over at her, and Violet felt as if she could see right through her. It was nice getting to know more friends here. She had a few from work, but she’d spent so much of her first year here behaving a bit like a tourist who happened to have a job that she hadn’t taken the time to find her tribe. That said, Delia’s perceptiveness was a bit disconcerting.
“I suppose you kind of had to find a way to be okay with it,” Delia finally said.
Violet sensed Delia had more thoughts on it and suddenly found herself wanting some serious girl talk. Her closest friend from New York was, well, in New York. Between their conflicting work schedules and the four-hour time difference, chances to chat on the phone were few and far between. She looked between Ginger and Delia and decided to dive in. “Okay, on this topic, I have a serious question.”
Ginger narrowed her eyes. “Give it to us. We’re great at advice,” she said, so seriously Violet couldn’t help but laugh.
Delia laughed with her, leading Ginger to glance between them. “What’s so funny?”
“You,” was all Delia had to say.
The moment gave Violet just enough bravado to lay it out. “I didn’t find out I couldn’t have kids until I was engaged. The shitty part was it was a no-go for my fiancée, so that was that.” She paused to take a swallow of wine.
“Asshole,” Ginger interjected.
Violet almost spit out her wine. Ginger’s protectiveness was so fierce it was funny at times. “Maybe so, but once I got over it, I figured it was for the best. Anyway, to make a long story really short, I decided I’d rather be independent and didn’t really want to worry about romance.”
“Oh there’s more to the story than that,” Ginger added.
Delia nudged her with an elbow. “Let her talk.”
Violet shrugged. “There is more to the story. Let’s just say I used to be a tad foolish and silly when it came to romance. My break-up kind of woke me up, so I thought it would be best to be more level-headed.”
Delia nodded slowly, her gaze assessing. “Romance isn’t really level-headed for anyone,” she observed, to which Ginger nodded emphatically.
“I might agree, but I get your thinking. You might think I’m lucky in love with Cam, and I suppose I am, but that was after my first husband treated cheating like a sport. Delia gets it too,” Ginger said with a glance to her side at Delia.
Violet was naturally curious, but didn’t want to pry. Delia saved her and said, “Oh, I get it. Nick’s bio-dad took off the second he heard I was pregnant. I barely heard from him for years.”
Violet was confused. “Wait, I thought Garrett…?”
“Was Nick’s father?” Delia finished for her with a smile. At Violet’s nod, she continued. “He adopted Nick after Nick’s bio-father died in a car accident. He’s Nick’s father in every sense that matters. Anyway, my point is just because you have a shitty experience with one man doesn’t mean it’ll always be that way. You might not believe it, but before I met Garrett, I was dead-set I’d never date again. Aside from not wanting to bother, I was crazy busy as a single mother. Then…” She shrugged and her cheeks flushed.
Violet glanced between them and almost burst into tears. After everything fell apart with Ted, she’d shored herself up behind strong walls. She’d been so happy to move to Alaska. Aside from her childhood dreams of coming here, it had also represented a fresh start for her, one where not everyone in her world viewed her through the lens of childhood cancer survivor and dumpee. “Okay, guess I’m not the only one with a few battle scars. So, see all this was going just fine. I love being here in Diamond Creek, I love being independent, and I really think I’m okay about my useless eggs.” She paused for a breath, her cheeks flushing about what she wanted to ask next.
“It’s Sawyer, isn’t it?” Ginger asked, a subtle gleam in her eyes.
Delia elbowed her again. “I swear, it’s a good thing you’re so loyal and protective. Otherwise, you’d drive us all crazy.”
Ginger swung to her, her eyes flashing. “How come?”
“You’re pushy, and you bulldoze right into sometimes touchy topics,” Delia answered quickly. “I still love you to pieces, but take it easy on Violet.”
Violet burst out laughing. No matter what, Ginger lightened the mood, that was for certain. After she caught her breath, she forged ahead. “Yes, it’s Sawyer. Honestly, I thought I was totally over the guy thing. Here and there, I’d feel a little zing, but never enough to care. With Sawyer, well…”
“Oh, we see what it’s like with Sawyer,” Ginger added with a wink.
Violet’s cheeks got hot, and she took another swallow of wine. “What do you mean?”
“I was busy playing at practice the other day, but it was hard not to notice the chemistry between you two. Sawyer could barely keep his eyes off of you, and I’m pretty sure you were making out in the dugout. Just sayin’,” Ginger said with a sly grin.
Violet could’ve used a fan to cool her face about now, mortified to realize she and Sawyer were that obvious.
Delia elbowed Ginger again, but addressed Violet. “For what it’s worth, you might as well know it’s hard not to notice the way Sawyer looks at you. He’s got that whole tall, dark and dangerous vibe going and then he turns all gooey-eyed when you’re around.”
Violet resisted the urge to squirm in her seat and clap. It was absurdly wonderful to hear that. She bit her lip before giving into the urge to grin like a foolish girl. “Okay, that’s pretty good for my ego.”
Ginger and Delia burst out laughing. Violet shook her head and sobered. “Here’s the thing though. I can’t let myself hope for too much. It’s obvious he’s a family kind of guy. That’s not an option for me, and it’s not fair to him if I don’t say something about it before things get serious.”
Ginger angled her head to the side, her gaze considering. “Well, I can’t tell you what to do, but I don’t t
hink you should be worrying about that too much. For one, kids are an option for you. You just heard Garrett adopted Nick. It’s not like you can’t do the same thing, with or without Sawyer. I also don’t think you should assume it would matter to him. Your ex was a jerk. Maybe it really did matter to him to have biological children, but if he really loved you, he would’ve tried to work through it together.”
“I don’t usually completely agree with Ginger, but I do now,” Delia offered. “Don’t cut yourself off from opportunities over what-ifs. I might not know Sawyer the way I know Garrett, but I don’t think anyone in their family would be hung up on the bio kid thing. That’s just not how they are. So don’t make decisions based on assumptions. That never helps anyway.”
Violet glanced between them. She was unprepared for the hard thump of her heart just now. Considering that the possibility of biological children might not be a deal breaker for Sawyer opened up vistas of hopes and dreams she’d long ago cast aside. It was a blessing and a curse for her. A blessing because maybe she could find the courage to be open to possibilities with him. A curse because she’d worked so hard to get a handle on her tendency to go all romantic and starry-eyed.
“I think you should give him a chance,” Delia added.
Ginger nodded emphatically, her hair swinging back and forth as she did.
That silly hope shot up another flare inside Violet’s heart. She chewed her lip and traced the base of her wineglass on the table. “Okay. I guess I didn’t really think about it like that.”
Violet was quiet long enough that Delia spoke. “So was that your question?” she asked gently.
A rush of emotion rocked Violet. She took a deep breath and looked over into Delia’s warm gaze. “No, it was more the impossible. What should I do?”
