He took her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm. “I wanted to save him.”
“Anne told me a little of what happened. You told me that you and the crew arrived at shore. But you didn’t arrive together. Why didn’t you get in the smaller boat with the crew?”
“Father and I had planned to. We were loading the boat when my father suddenly said he’d forgotten something. I have no idea what. But he left, and I went after him. The pilot of our boat cut the smaller boat free.”
“Leaving you to die?” The fury surged through her. “Why didn’t you tell someone?”
“And have him held accountable for my father’s death? A common man against a duke? He wouldn’t have stood a chance. Besides, he was right to do what he did. He had his crew to think about, and my father was being reckless. As was I.
“I had only just caught up with him when the mast snapped.” He closed his eyes tightly as though the memory were too painful to bear.
“And you saw it strike him?” she asked, her heart aching for him.
“Only after he shoved me out of the way so it might not strike me.” He opened his eyes. “Had I not gone after him, had I boarded the smaller boat as he’d commanded me to do—my disobedience cost him his life.”
“No,” she whispered. “No. You were in a storm—”
“And I could not control it. Yes, I know. My mother told me that a thousand times. I could not control the storm. I could not control the sea. I could not control my father. And so I’ve tried to control everything else. Including you and your happiness. How many tears did you shed yesterday? And even now, look at you. You still weep. Farthingham tried to warn me, but I would not listen. I thought I was oh so wise. And I have recently discovered that I am naught but a fool.”
“You’re no fool, Richard.”
“I wanted to save Farthingham,” he said.
“I know.”
“I wanted to save you. My heart broke when you announced to the Attorney-General that you were with child before we wed. I know you wanted no one to know there had been any intimacy between us before vows were exchanged. I know the shame you endured revealing all—”
“No, no. The only shame I would have known was if they’d sent you to the gallows when I could have stopped it. I would have told them anything.”
“Even a lie.”
She ducked her head as more tears pooled. “It was only a very small lie.”
“You were not carrying my child the day Farthingham died.”
“I could have been. That night in Harrington’s garden, I could have become with child then.”
“No, you couldn’t have,” he said. “I only brought you pleasure with my—”
She quickly pressed her hand to his mouth. “I would not have said no had you wished to go farther. It’s only because you’re a gentleman that I remained chaste for as long as I did.”
“A gentleman? Where you are concerned, I have always been anything except a gentleman. I fear once we return to Drummond Manor, you will discover that I am a despicable scoundrel.”
They’d arrived at Drummond Manor three days earlier. Although Kitty felt fully recovered from her ordeal of chasing a ghost through the rain, Richard had insisted that she continue to rest. He served her huge platters of food that a giant wouldn’t be able to finish. He brought her tea and biscuits and flowers. He read to her. He saw to all her needs as though they had no servants about to look after her.
And then today they’d finally gone sailing. Their destination was the Isles of Scilly. Richard had ordered that the yacht be moored near an island that appeared deserted, and he alone had rowed her to shore, hauled the boat onto the sand, and secured it before helping her disembark.
“Why did you bring me here?” she asked, glancing around. He’d not brought food, so she couldn’t imagine that they were going to have a picnic. Although the way he’d been spoiling her lately, he might have set things up in the middle of the night so that he might surprise her now.
“I wanted to share something with you.” He pointed toward the foliage. “Do you see those two tall trees there, the one that’s marked with a bit of white cloth twisting in the breeze?”
“Yes,” she answered, smiling. So her suspicions were correct. He’d already been there and was planning some sort of surprise.
“Walk between them, and keep going. You’ll know when to stop.”
She glanced over at him. “You’re not coming with me?”
“No, but I’ll be waiting here when you’re ready.”
She released a self-conscious nervous laugh. “What is it?”
“Something I think you’ve been searching for. It’s time you found it.”
Baffled, she shook her head. “Richard—”
“Go on,” he urged.
She couldn’t imagine what it would be, and he was almost morbidly serious. Still, she hiked up her skirts and trudged to the trees. She could hear birds twittering and an occasional movement in the brush. She glanced over her shoulder. “Is it safe to go in here alone?”
“Yes.”
“I won’t get hurt?”
“I’m hoping you won’t, but I fear that you might.”
“Then why—”
“Because it’s for the best. Trust that I would never intentionally harm you.”
Trust. It was a game then. A test. Designed to show that she did indeed trust him. How could he doubt it after all she’d done to save him from the gallows? Perhaps he needed more. Perhaps he needed proof that she did trust him. That she would follow blindly wherever he led. That she would leave Nicky behind. That she would stop seeing his ghost wherever she turned.
Trepidation caused her heart to pound and each breath to feel as though it were a struggle. With a nod, she turned and marched with purpose along the path that barely seemed a path at all, although she thought it might have contained evidence that someone had passed this way before her. Richard wouldn’t harm her, she was certain of that. Her breathing began to ease, her heart’s rhythm began to slow.
She did trust him. She realized that now. And all it had taken was walking through overgrowth, thinking of him and all he’d done for her. Never making her feel guilty about the child. Pleasuring her. Loving her. Yes, she trusted him completely. And maybe more. Maybe she—
She staggered to a stop at the sight before her. Her heart beat with an erratic rhythm. Blood rushed between her ears, drowning out the sounds of wildlife. Her breaths came in terrified pants. No, no. no. This couldn’t have been what Richard had wanted her to see.
And yet she knew with all her heart that it was indeed what he’d wanted to share with her. She stared in stunned disbelief at the boulder and the man sitting on it.
And then he smiled, the wonderful smile that she’d loved for so long. “Hello, my sweet.”
Chapter 29
“Nicky?”
Pressing a trembling hand to her mouth, she took a tentative step forward. “Nicky? You’re not dead.” She said it as though in a fogged daze, because she was having such a difficult time believing that he stood before her.
“Not quite yet.”
“I don’t understand. What happened? How did you manage to survive?” And then she realized that none of it mattered. He was alive. Nicky was alive! She launched herself at him, felt the solidity of his arms going around her as he hugged her close. Her tears pooled and flowed.
“I thought you were dead.”
“I know,” he cooed, rocking her comfortingly against him.
She wept almost as much as she had when she’d learned he’d drowned. How could he be alive? Richard had insisted Nicky was dead, discouraged anyone from searching for him. If only they’d searched…
And the reason they hadn’t searched dawned on her with startling clarity. If Richard found Nicky, he wouldn’t have her. The motive that the police had suspected for Richard killing Nicky was more accurate than she’d realized. It was the motive he’d used not to search for Nicky.
“D
amn him!” she hissed, pulling back. “Richard. Damn him. He wouldn’t let us search for you. He didn’t want me to find you. He didn’t want me to know you were alive. Oh, God!” She spun away from Nicky, the fury rushing through her. She hurt. She wanted to double over from the pain of Richard’s betrayal.
Nicky placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “He didn’t allow you to search for me because I didn’t wish to be found.”
Slowly she turned around and stared at him. Profound sadness touched his eyes, perhaps even regret. She’d never seen him not happy. It was as though she were looking at someone she didn’t know. “I don’t understand.”
“It’s so difficult to explain.” Shaking his head, he looked to the sky. “Damn Weddington.”
“He’s responsible for this, for keeping you from me—”
“No, Kitty.” He placed a finger against her lips and shrugged. “Well, a little I suppose. He’s responsible for my facing you now. He called in his forfeit, damn him. The one I owed him. I’ve been cursing him to perdition ever since. But I am a man of honor…within reason.” He released a self-deprecating laugh. “Although I doubt you’ll believe that once I’ve explained everything.”
He indicated the boulder upon which he’d been sitting when she arrived. “Please, make yourself as comfortable as possible. The surroundings leave much to be desired, but I didn’t wish to risk being seen. I realized the foolhardiness of that endeavor the day you married Weddington.”
“You were there,” she said, stunned. She hadn’t been going insane. He’d been standing in the crowds near the church, probably near a man similar in height, similar in coloring. To blend in, so that if she spotted him, she might mistake one fellow for the other.
His face blushing red, he wore the difficult-to-meet-your-eyes expression of a man who had much to hide and little he wished to reveal. “I wanted to see you, to see that you were happy. You were radiant until you spotted me.”
“Why didn’t you let me know you were alive? We could have stopped the wedding—” Only she couldn’t have stopped it, she realized. She was already carrying Richard’s child.
Little wonder Nicky hadn’t wanted to show himself, was even now hesitant to be seen. He must have known then about her delicate condition. And even if he hadn’t, what must he have thought to see her traipsing up the aisle so soon after his supposed drowning? She couldn’t imagine the pain she’d caused him with her betrayal. The embarrassment. The humiliation. “Oh, Nicky, I am so sorry.”
“My sweet, you have nothing for which to apologize, I assure you. It’s all my doing. Please, sit so I might explain. It’s a rather lengthy story.”
She sat on the boulder. Joining her, he took her hand, removed her glove, and threaded his fingers through hers. Palm to palm. It was the first time they’d ever touched so intimately. She was surprised to discover that she experienced none of the spark of warmth, tingling, awareness that she did each time Richard touched her. But then that was the very reason she’d always considered Nicky safe. Because he didn’t cause the earth to tilt on its axis.
“Where to begin?” he murmured with a sigh.
“At the beginning?” she suggested.
He smiled sadly. “I think not in this case. Although you might be right. Perhaps I’ll start at the beginning, skip the middle, and rush right to the end.”
“You’re putting off telling me,” she pointed out.
“Yes, because I fear it will alter your opinion of me, and perhaps not for the better. But there is no hope for it, I suppose, except to face the possibility.” He released a deeper sigh. “I never wanted the responsibilities that came as a result of my being born first.”
He tilted his head from side to side, as though pondering how best to explain. “I suppose I didn’t really mind being a marquess. The title certainly opened doors for me that might have been closed otherwise. But I was never comfortable with the notion that I needed to marry in order to provide an heir or that I needed to marry a woman of wealth in order to provide the much-needed fortune that my family lacked.”
She squeezed his hand for reassurance. “I always sensed that you were uncomfortable with the money that would come to you through marriage to me.”
“I was very uncomfortable with our situation and for many more reasons than simply that. I adore you, my sweet, but I’ve never loved you as you deserve to be loved.”
She felt as though he’d closed his fist around her heart and squeezed it painfully until it could no longer beat.
“Weddington saw that from the very beginning. He urged me to be honest with you, to explain the ways of my heart, to release you, but I had those blasted responsibilities, you see. I had to marry. I had to marry a woman of wealth. Why not marry a woman I adored, even if I knew I’d never love her?”
With his confession, tears stung her eyes. He said Richard had known. She remembered Richard asking her how she’d feel if Nicky loved another. And she’d laughed, so certain of Nicky’s affections for her. She dared to whisper, “Do you love someone else?”
If at all possible, his eyes filled with more sorrow. “Yes, I do. Very much.”
“Will you marry her now?”
“Marriage is not an option for us. It never will be. But the more I saw of you and Weddington together, the more I came to realize that marriage shouldn’t be an option for you and me either. And so, I devised an elaborate scheme to fake my own death.”
Blinking, she stared at him. “Why didn’t you simply tell me how you felt? I would have been hurt, but I would have hurt no more than I do now. I—”
“Because much more was at stake.”
“So you put me through hell?” She lunged to her feet and faced him. “Do you have any idea how I mourned losing you?”
“Yes, Weddington told me. He even urged me to reconsider. To allow myself to be found washed up onshore. But I’m selfish, Kitty. I was free of the constraints of my title, and I didn’t want to be shackled again.”
“Your family—”
“Must never learn that I’m alive.”
Spinning away from him, she began to pace. This was insanity. Unkind. Cruel even. She’d loved this man, thought he’d loved her. She faced him abruptly. “How can you cause them to suffer like this?”
“Because they would never approve of the life I wish to live. I don’t think they could accept what I need in order to be happy. If I were unable to live up to the expectations of the title, I would bring them shame. It’s better for their unhappiness to involve mourning my death rather than mourning my life.”
“I can’t believe you think they’d prefer that you were dead.”
He shrugged. “For many years my wants have battled my obligations. You were the compromise. Someone with whom I thought I could be happy while still carrying through on my responsibilities.”
“I was the compromise,” she said quietly, testing the words, finding that she didn’t much like them.
“Yes. As I said, I adore you. Weddington loves you.”
Weddington had a damned strange way of showing his love. Not trusting her with the truth, allowing her to suffer.
“He agreed to this scheme to fake your death?”
“Reluctantly, but eventually, yes. It was the only way I’d give you up, you see? And he desperately wanted you to be happy. He truly believed you wouldn’t be happy with me, and in all honesty, Kitty, I have to admit that I think he may have been quite right.”
“Why didn’t he simply tell me that you loved someone else?”
And then she remembered that he’d done just that—during their first meeting in her garden, and she hadn’t believed him. She’d laughed at his absurd suggestion.
“Because he is a good friend. And years ago, when I confided in him, told him of the conflict within me, my fear of disappointing my family, bringing shame to my title, he swore to me that he’d never breathe a word of my confession to anyone. He’s been true to that promise and been a much better friend to me than I’ve ever
been to him.”
“They arrested him.”
“I know.”
“They arrested him for murdering you, and you were alive!”
“Had he been found guilty, I would have revealed myself.”
“How damned considerate!” She was shaking with anger that she didn’t know where to put. Into his face was the only logical place. “You were standing in the crowds outside Parliament as well.”
“Yes. How you always spot me, I haven’t a clue.”
He said it as though it were a joke. “We were in hell, Nicky. He, his mother, his sister, all of us. I loved him. Doubted him. Thought he’d killed you in order to have me. My God, do you have any idea how much I hurt him with my suspicions?”
“I know, and I’m terribly sorry. It was never my intention to hurt anyone. I knew you would mourn, but I also knew Weddington was near to offer comfort. It was indeed a tangled web, and I know discovering the deception is painful, but you must believe me when I say it is all for the best.”
She scoffed in disbelief. “You hurt so many people.”
“I am well aware of that fact. But I hurt them so much less than I might have. I draw comfort from that knowledge.”
She shook her head. “The storm. How did you know you’d survive it?”
“Because I was never in it.”
Oh, she wanted to hit him, to plow her fist into that fine patrician nose of his. “Richard was in the storm.”
“Yes, but he wasn’t supposed to be. I woke up that morning, saw the red sky, and thought if a storm did blow in, we’d take advantage of it. We took the boat out, making certain everyone saw us together. Once the sky began to darken, we sailed around to an isolated cove. A bit of smuggling, I suppose. His ancestry at its best. I disembarked. He took the boat back out. We’d hoped the storm would wait to hit, that he could get safely to shore under cover of darkness and pretend to have battled the storm. But storms aren’t predictable. He’d only just begun to sink the boat when it hit.”
Invitation to Seduction.html Page 30
