“I’ve never ridden a horse,” I confessed.
Honestly, I’d always been afraid of horses. They were so big, and I felt like I was going to die if I ever fell off.
He ran the back of his hand between my breasts. I inhaled and closed my eyes, getting turned on again from a single touch. “It’s goin’ to take me a good week to show you every inch.”
I snickered and opened my eyes. “Are we talking about land or something entirely different?”
“Listen to you, gettin’ all dirty. You’re so damn sexy, woman. That’s why I can’t get enough.” He pinned my arms down over the sheets. “What am I goin’ to do with you?”
I don’t know why, but for some reason all I wanted to do was say ‘love me’, even though I knew it wasn’t possible. The idea of that popping in my head immediately caused me to flush. I felt embarrassed and he would never know why. “I guess you’re going to have to ravage me until I can’t move a single muscle on my body.”
He leaned down and kissed me so beautifully, that sounds escaped me from somewhere inside. I was falling for this man, this perfect man that I knew I wouldn’t ever be able to keep.
As painful as that reality was, I knew I had to savor every single moment I got with him. When my schedule became too hectic he’d move on to someone new, and I’d just be another notch in his bedpost.
I hated that.
Noah
Sunday came too fast. I felt like I’d just arrived and now we were having to say goodbye. My trip was well worth it, being able to spend time with Shalan without interruptions. We even managed to get out of bed and got out for a night on the town.
Still, standing in front of the cab that was going to take me back to the airport was extremely difficult, especially when I knew what I was saying goodbye to.
“I guess this is it.”
“I don’t want you to go.” Shalan held me tight, leaning her head against my chest. I let my head fall and kissed her on the top of her head.
“I’ll call you as soon as I land.” There was no reason to talk about it anymore and get us both in a bad mood. I had to go home and she had to get her rest for her trip in the morning. “I’ll see you in a couple weeks. It won’t be so bad. You can still call me like you always do.” I knew what I was saying wasn’t making things better, because I didn’t want to leave either. The idea of walking away from something that felt so good, to go back to my shitty life was ridiculous.
“I wish things were different,” she murmured.
“No you don’t.” I grabbed her face with my hands. “Your dreams are comin’ true, darlin’. You’re about to start this new chapter in your life. We’re still goin’ to be friends, Shalan. I promise.”
The cab driver was getting impatient and we both noticed it. “You say that, but guys like you don’t stay single for long. It’s only a matter of time before you start seeing someone and forget all about me. I’m fully aware of how this works, Noah. The friends thing is just a temporary fix.”
Did she not know that something more was happening between us? Believe me when I say that I’d tried to fight it. At the end of the day there was no denying our chemistry. Walking away from this girl was hard, and I was getting tired of having to do it.
Shalan
I could feel tears forming in my eyes, and refused to let him see. Maybe I was being selfish, wanting Noah and the opportunity to become a famous singer. All I knew was that the mere thought of him walking away was making me feel like I was losing possibly the most real relationship that I would ever have.
Noah pulled me close and spoke with his mouth in my hair. “You know we can’t be nothin’ more than we already are, Shalan. It won’t work. Now, I ain’t sayin’ that I’m goin’ to go out lookin’ for somethin’ else. I’m just tryin’ to be fair, to both of us. I don’t want to hurt you.”
Finally I looked up at him, and it took that one moment for him to see just how much I cared about losing him. I could feel the tear falling down my cheek. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to make you mad.”
“Mad?” He looked at me like I was insane. “Shalan, I’m not mad at you. I’m just tryin’ to understand how you think this could ever be somethin’ more. We’ve determined that I can’t leave Kentucky, and you sure as shit don’t want to settle down and give up your career. You’re just startin’, darlin’. You’ve got so much to look forward to.”
I agreed by nodding my head. “I know. I just…after all those nights talking to you, after feeling what it’s like to wake up in your arms, I can’t help but be scared that it’s never going to happen again.”
His thumb wiped away the remnants of new tears that had fallen, then he placed his forehead against mine. “You’re scared. I get that. You’ve got this whole new life that you’re tryin’ to find a place in. I promise you that nothin’ is goin’ to change. You’re goin’ to come back in a week and plan your trip to Kentucky. For as long as you can stay, I’m goin’ to hold you every night, and make sure you leave satisfied knowin’ that I like our arrangement. I’m not out lookin’ for pussy. Besides the fact that my cousin lives with me, I just don’t have the time or energy. My town is small, and there ain’t a single woman that could ever hold a candle to you.”
I tried to smile, even though I knew I must have been doing the exact opposite. Noah leaned forward and kissed me on the lips, holding his mouth against mine extra long before he pulled away. “I’ll call you when I land.”
I couldn’t answer, so I just moved my head around to acknowledge him.
From the moment he turned his back to me I started to really lose it. My emotions were going crazy. In my heart I knew he was being fair, but in my mind I understood that at any moment he could decide that he never wanted to see or talk to me again.
I watched him get in the cab without looking back at me, and the car starting to pull away. For a moment I couldn’t move. I just stood there watching them drive into the distance. Then I saw brake lights. He was far away, but I knew when that door opened and a figured climbed out with a duffle bag, it was Noah. He started walking toward me, and I couldn’t help but run in his direction. While the cab started to drive away, Noah scooped me up in his arms and kissed me in the middle of the street. He carried me all the way to the sidewalk before he sat me down. “What are you doing?”
“I’ll take a later flight.”
“You don’t have to. I’ll be fine. It’s just hormones or something.” I felt like an idiot for making him feel like he had to come back and take care of me.
“Do you want me to leave?” He eyes were fixed on mine, waiting for an answer.
“You know I don’t.”
Noah ran his fingers over my pouty lips. “Then give me a reason to stay, darlin’.”
So I did.
After carrying me upstairs, while showering me with new kisses, Noah wasted no time undressing me and leaving a trail of our clothes from the front door to my bedroom. He was so passionate, taking his time as if he didn’t care when or if he ever returned home. We didn’t talk, but instead were consumed in each other both mentally and physically. Our sex was slowly turning into something more, it was what some would call making love. This time in particular it was about taking our time, and appreciating what it felt like to be intimate with one another. To be honest, I could have never left my bed and died a happy woman.
Later, when neither of us could move any longer, Noah lay next to me, keeping his eyes on mine. “Are you glad I stayed?”
“I’m more than glad.”
“It’s goin’ to be a hard two weeks until I can see you again.”
“Are you getting emotional on me now?” I teased.
He reached over and played with a strand of my hair. “Let’s just say that sometimes I wish life wasn’t so damn hard.”
“Well, that makes absolutely no sense to me.”
“I’ll explain it when your in my bed in a couple weeks.”
I hated that he wasn’t going to explain, but the
idea of him inviting me to his home was so exciting. I couldn’t wait to meet his cousin and the rest of his family, that I’d heard so much about. “Deal.”
Noah left before the sun came up the next day. I’d wanted to ride to the airport with him since my flight was also in the morning, but since he’d stayed an extra night I hadn’t had time to pack.
I think that actually made it easier when we had to say goodbye. Not only was I half asleep, but I knew I had a ton to keep me occupied. By the time I’d made it to the airport, Noah had called to let me know that his flight landed safely. We talked for about fifteen minutes until I had to start boarding for my flight. Noah also made me feel better about flying alone, since I really felt uncomfortable doing it.
The long flight gave me ample time to think about our weekend that we’d spent together. Every time I thought about Noah I got chills all over my body and felt hot between my legs. That man could do things to me that I never knew were real, and he knew it too. On the plane I sat next to this couple. They were on a connecting flight just coming back from their honeymoon. I tried not to stare, but just hearing them talk about their love for each other was the sweetest thing. My mind went to Noah immediately and I pictured him settled down, having kids, and being married. It was like a fantasy that I knew would never happen. As much as I wanted to believe that I could keep him, I knew it wasn’t possible. I was headed for big things, and soon he’d tell me that he’d found someone else. I knew I had to prepare for when that time came, but it would crush me when it did.
Noah
When Shalan got to her first destination she called me every morning and afternoon. It wasn’t until the second day when the calls started to taper off. She was filling in for a backup singer that was having surgery. Shalan, being focused on learning all that she could, lost track of time most nights. By the seventh day I wondered if she’d forgotten all about me.
Since I knew when her return flight came in, I decided that I’d wait to see if she called me before telling my parents that she was coming for a visit. I couldn’t take the chance of making a fool out of myself when she didn’t show.
I waited all night for her to call, and heard nothing.
It hurt, especially since we’d connected the way we had. I felt like I knew her enough to trust that what we were feeling about each other was mutual.
The next morning I headed over to my parents to have breakfast. Bells was already gone for work, and it happened to be just me and my parents. Right away my mother noticed something was wrong. “Does the look on your face have something to do with who you went to see last weekend?”
“What look?” I tried to play it off, even though I knew I wasn’t fooling them.
My father took a drink of his coffee and sat the cup back down on the table. “She got a name, son?”
“Does it matter? I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m never goin’ to see her again.”
“Why’s that?” He asked.
“We live in two different worlds. She’s got big plans, and I’ve -,” I stopped before I could say something that would piss him off.
“You’ve what?” Of course he would still want to know.
I put my silverware down on my plate and placed my hands on my knees under the table as I spoke. “I’m stuck here.”
My mother walked over and put her hands on my dad’s shoulders. He reached up and touched one of them, turning to give her a reassuring smile. “It’s fine, darlin’.”
When he called her that it made me think of Shalan. At first she’d hated when I called her that, but I’d learned it from my father. He’d always called my mom that, out of respect and love.
“Son, I know you don’t believe this, but I was once in your shoes. You think I always wanted this life? Noah, I could have played football, hell, I could have done anything I wanted to. I finished college with a business degree. I could have been an accountant makin’ mediocre money anywhere in the state.”
“What stopped you? Was it your dad?” He never talked about his father, mostly because it upset him so much. My mom told me once that they’d fought all of the time, and my dad hated that they’d not been on great terms when he passed away.
“Yeah, I guess in a way. I can’t really explain it. All I know is that I woke up one mornin’ and knew it was where I belonged. I realized that above all, my family was the most important thing in my life. I’ve never regretted my choice.” He cleared his voice before continuing. “You know, I can be a pain in the ass, I get it. You need to understand that I’ve lived your life, son. I see you makin’ the same mistake that I did. The grass ain’t always greener on the other side. That sayin’ stands true in every aspect.”
“I get it. I’m here and I’m not leavin’.”
“Noah, the happiest day of my life was findin’ out I had a son. I’m hard on you because I want you to be better than I was. No matter what you decide in your life, I’m still goin’ to be your father.”
I smiled and nodded my head at the same time. “I appreciate that. You don’t have to worry. Even if I thought about leavin’ before, I know there ain’t nothin’ for me anywhere else.”
Okay, in my defense I knew I was being dramatic. Shalan didn’t have an inkling about how I felt about her. Feeling sorry for myself wasn’t going to get her to call me, but it sure as hell made me feel better about coming home to the ranch. At the end of the day, it would always be there for me.
“Did Bella tell you her parents are comin’ to visit next weekend?” My mother asked as she grabbed my dish and put it in the sink.
“No.”
“They aren’t bringing the boys,” she added. “They’re staying home this time.”
“Good. I don’t feel like seein’ those little pricks.”
“I know what you mean. At least when I was younger there was only one of them.” My father and my uncle Ty had a love-hate relationship when they were younger. Nowadays they were the best of friends. I think it mostly had something to do with my mom dating uncle Ty before she got with my dad. Even though he’d won the girl, he still held it against my uncle whenever he got the chance.
“How’s his hand, by the way?” I hadn’t asked since the fight at the anniversary party.
“He was fine the next day. Miranda said it scabbed over and he never mentioned it again. You know how they are.”
“I wasn’t stickin’ around to deal with it.”
“For the record, son, I didn’t know about your sister until after you left.”
“Water under the bridge, dad.” I put up my hands hoping that he’d drop the subject. My mind was elsewhere and the sooner I got out of the kitchen, the better I was going to feel.
My dad and I headed out to start our day a little later. Once we’d separated, I took my time with my daily routine. By noon I was sweating up a storm and needed to cool off and get a drink. I’d no sooner walked into my kitchen when my phone started ringing.
I looked down and saw the person who was calling, and definitely regretted hitting the answer button.
“Perry. What’s up?” I hadn’t talked to my ex since I left her in shambles, and honestly, I hadn’t thought about her since I’d hooked up with Shalan.
“I just missed you, Noah. I thought you’d have called me by now to talk about things, or maybe even check on me.”
I cleared my throat before I answered, really because I was stalling. As bad as I felt about what I did, I knew I probably wouldn’t have met Shalan. Even if she chose to never call me again, I couldn’t regret the time that I had with her, because being together made me forget about everything else. “Sorry. I figured I’d be the last person you’d want to hear from.”
“She told me what happened. I know she came on to you.”
“I still did it, Per. It takes two people.”
“Yeah.” The line got quiet. “It happened and I can’t change that, but I want to move forward. I want you back, and I’ll do whatever it takes.”
I sat down at my kitchen table a
nd took off my hat. I didn’t know how to tell her that I wasn’t interested without sounding like a complete dick. “Listen, I know this is hard, but maybe it’s just for the best.”
“How can you say that?” I could hear her beginning to sob. “You’re the one for me, Noah. I get that you don’t like talking about your feelings, but it’s the truth. I love you, and I know that somewhere deep inside, you love me too.”
I closed my eyes, as if it would make the words come out easier. “Per, I’m sorry. It’s not goin’ to happen.”
“Why? Besides cheating, tell me one reason why we can’t be together?”
“I don’t love you.” It was stern and to the point. I wasn’t saying it to hurt her more. It was the damn truth, and she needed to know it so she could move on.
“I don’t believe you.”
What was there not to believe? I didn’t love her, and even if I thought that’s what it was before, I knew it wasn’t now. She couldn’t begin to compare to the way I connected with Shalan. It wasn’t her fault. Perry was such a nice girl, but she wasn’t the one for me. “What do you want me to say? You want me to lie to you? Do you really think that I’ll just wake up and change my mind one day? It don’t work that way, woman. You and I both know that. Now, I said I was sorry. There ain’t nothin’ else to be discussed.”
“What happened to you?” She was crying so hard it was difficult to understand her. “You used to be so sweet. I admired the man you were. Now you’re just cold and heartless. Did you want my sister, Noah? Is that the truth?”
“Seriously? Now you’re makin’ up fake ass reasons to make yourself feel worse?” I shook my head, unable to believe that she just wouldn’t take no for an answer. “I’m done talkin’.”
I hung up the phone and sat there staring at it. She was going to call back, I just knew it.
When it rang again, I picked up the call before the information even registered on my screen. “I said I was done talkin’ to you. Get it through your head.”
Noah Page 22
