"No. I'm just struggling with a few things, but everything is fine. I promise." I reached out and touched the side of her face. "You do look hot today. Parks was right."
She nodded, but didn't return the smile that I'd forced onto my face. I moved out into the hall, and she walked slightly behind me, her head down as she scanned through the file. I kicked myself internally for being so damn flaky around her. It was tearing apart her confidence and affecting her as badly as it was me.
"You ready?" I glanced back as we stopped outside the patient’s door.
"Yep." She was all business, and didn't wait for me to open the door, but moved past me and opened it herself. "You don't need to come in unless you want to. I'm a big girl. I've got this."
I stood there as the door closed in my face. She was hurt, and she had a right to be.
I just had to figure out if I was going to reach out and help make the bleeding stop. I had to fix my own shit before I could help fix hers, though.
"Aiden, Peter wants to see you if you're free." Karen walked down the hall behind me and gave me a friendly smile.
"I am. Thanks." I turned and walked toward the front of the hospital, grateful for the reprieve, and yet feeling like a bastard for wanting one.
Chapter 16
Elizabeth
If I didn't feel like a useless whore before, I did now. He was pulling away from me, and if it had just been about the arrangement, I wouldn't have cared. I might have even been a bit relieved to have an out, but it had nothing to do with the sex. I was in love with him. Every part of him stimulated me and left me panting for more. I wanted to be in his life as his woman, not just in his bed or his hospital.
The older woman who sat just beside the patient’s bed glanced up at me when I walked into the small room. I could sense the sadness all around me, but the weariness that sat on her features was heart-wrenching.
"Hi, Mrs. Peterson, I'm Elizabeth Jenkins; Doctor Crawford's resident. Kind of like his right hand man." I gave her a tight smile and moved to stand beside her husband’s bed as I checked the machines for his vitals.
She groaned as she got up and moved to the other side. "Well, it's nice to meet you. Call me Sarah, please. Aiden has been with me and Lance for the last ten years. He's a good man, and a great doctor."
I nodded and let out a soft sigh as I glanced up at her. "I know that you were hoping that Lance would wake up from his coma, but Aiden has looked for every possible solution, and your husband's organs are starting to shut down. It's time to call in the family."
Tears filled her eyes and she nodded. "I know. I prayed about it this morning, and I honestly believe my Lance is already dancing in the clouds somewhere."
She pressed her hand to the older man's chest as a soft sob left her. My heart broke.
"How long were you married?" I pressed my hand to the top of hers as it rested on his chest. Tears rolled down my cheeks, and hers as well.
"For forty-three years." She laughed through her tears and looked over at me. "He was the greatest gift I'd ever experienced. There is nothing like living life with your best friend."
"I can't imagine." I let her go and moved around to the other side of the bed as she started to cry harder. I pulled her into a hug, knowing that Aiden would probably kill me. He was caring, and seemed to truly invest himself in his patients, but hugging them was most likely off limits.
She squeezed me tightly and let her pain out against my shoulder in hard sobs.
"I'm so sorry. I wish there was something else we could do." I held her until the door opened a few minutes later, and Aiden poked his head into the room.
"Sarah." His voice was soft, and his expression calm. I was furious with him, and destroyed by his callous, uncaring attitude toward me as of late, but the way he spoke to the woman melted a part of me. I wanted to hear him call out my name with such reverence, such kindness.
"Oh, Aiden." Sarah moved from me and walked quickly to Aiden as he opened his arms to her. He kissed the top of her white curly hair and glanced up at me with sadness in his eyes.
Tears were still dripping down my face, and I was sure that I would get negative marks on my assessment for being overly emotional, but I couldn't help it. I hadn't wanted anything like what Sarah and her husband had before coming to St. Mark's, but now... after getting to know Aiden better, I wanted it all. With him.
The older women cried hard as her thin shoulders shook. I moved past them and avoided Aiden's eyes, not needing to see disappointment in them. He hadn't seemed to have a kind word to say over the last few weeks, and undoubtedly I'd done something wrong the night we made love in his bed, because I hadn't been invited back.
After slipping out into the hall, I walked to the breakroom and grabbed a cup of coffee. Parks walked in behind me and stopped short as he studied me.
"You okay?" His voice was soft, not the usual playful tone he took with me.
"Yes," I whispered as a fresh wave of pain rolled through me and forced more tears from my eyes. "Ignore me."
"Not happening." He set down the file he held in his hands and moved toward me, pulling at me as he wrapped his strong arms around me and tightened them.
I sunk into his hold, not caring if Aiden or Steph walked into the room. They both could bite my ass. I was tired of her playing my emotions and trying to grab Aiden's attention, and I was tired of him using me when he wanted to, and leaving me out to dry when he was tired or satisfied.
I didn't know who the hell I was anymore, with the drama that raged around me almost daily.
"I need to go home and get some sleep. I must be worn out." I moved back, but Parks kept his arms around me.
"Let me take you. I'll drop you off at the door and not even make any sexy jokes," he chuckled as I laughed through my tears.
"No. I'm good. Really." I pushed at his chest, and he dropped his arms from me, but reached out and brushed his thumbs over my cheeks as he cupped my face.
"No, you're not. You haven't been for a few weeks. Wanna tell me what's going on?" He smiled down at me, and I honestly felt nothing but the warm friendship that was building between us.
"What are you guys doing?" Aiden's voice was tight and filled with angst.
I moved back from Parks and shook my head. "Getting a cup of coffee and going home. I know my shift’s not over yet, but I need a break before I crack."
His expression was ugly, and I could tell that he was pissed, but there was very little I could do about it. He'd have to get over it. Parks was interested in me and had been working as hard as he could to treat me like the princess he'd labeled me as for the last month. He wasn't going to stop or give up until Aiden put his foot down. The poor guy had no clue that Aiden and I were sleeping together, or fucking, rather.
"You're working her too hard, boss." Parks turned and patted Aiden on the back as he walked to the door. "Offer still stands, princess. I'll be in my office if you need a lift or a shoulder to cry on. I'm your guy."
He walked out, and I turned my attention back to Aiden. "She took that better than I thought. Forty-three years of marriage is incredible, but to have to say goodbye..."
"Is he your man?" Aiden's eyebrow lifted as he crossed his arms over his chest. It was the first spotting of jealousy that I'd seen in him.
"What? No. You know I don't have feelings for Parks." I lifted my coffee to my lips, blowing on it softly. I wasn't playing into his emotions. He was all over the place, and yet he'd effectively closed me out. I had no clue what was going on with him, but I was getting tired of trying to figure it out.
"He seems to have enough feelings for the both of you." He pursed his lips. "Your shift’s not over for another four hours. You can go home then."
Anger burned my insides as I watched his expression darken. He didn't believe me, and because he thought something was going on with me and Parks, he was going to punish me.
I turned and dumped out my coffee before dropping it in the trashcan and moving past him. I didn't say a w
ord, but slipped into the women's restroom and dried my eyes in an effort to look more put together. I walked to the E.R. in stony silence and forced myself to ignore him for the rest of the afternoon. He'd pulled out the asshole card for the first time since I'd started there, but something told me it wouldn't be the last. The fact that he had paid almost thirty thousand dollars of my debt kept me tied to him. I owed him far more than he'd accepted from me. I was starting to think that paying him back in the future was my best bet, my only bet.
To say I was crushed by his subtle rejection would have been an understatement, but to say I was done with him was the truth. Maybe giving Parks a chance was a good call. At least he wouldn't keep me tucked in the darkness when we were together, as if I wasn't good enough to be called his.
***
“I'm surprised you wanted to come with us." Parks glanced down at me as we walked into the bar and showed our IDs.
Steph bounced on her toes just ahead of us, but turned as Parks spoke to me. "I forced her to. She looked like hell when she got home today. Life can't just be about saving others. Who's going to save us?"
"No one," I mumbled, and walked toward the bar after moving through the large group of residents who came with us. Everyone went out drinking and dancing on Thursday nights after work, but I'd yet to take them up on the offer to join them. After the shitty day I had with Aiden, coupled with having to deliver bad news to Mrs. Peterson, I needed a pick-me-up. Too bad the one person I wanted to call wasn't interested in anything related to me or my needs.
"What'll it be, sweetness?" The bartender leaned down toward me and smiled.
"Bud Light, please, and a shot of Patron. Make it two shots actually." I handed him my card and glanced back to see Stephanie hanging on Parks, who looked almost out of patience. When had my best friend become so needy and overbearing for a guy’s attention that she would drive all of us wild?
About the same time I sold myself to my mentor.
I took one shot after the other and growled as the liquor burned down my chest.
Parks moved up beside me and picked up an empty shot glass, lifting it in the air and giving me a funny look.
"Oh, damn… You drank yours and mine," he chuckled, and I did too before drinking half my beer.
"I'm getting drunk tonight. Make sure I don't go home with anyone. Okay?" I smiled at him and turned to watch our group move out onto the dance floor.
"Not even me?" He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and tilted his head slightly. He was wickedly hot and impossibly cute. Why was I working so hard to push him away? Right. I was in love with Aiden.
"Definitely not you." I pushed at his chest to get him off of me.
He glanced up to the bartender and tapped the bar. "Three more shots. One for me and two for the girl I'm taking home with me."
"Lucky boy." The bartender chuckled as I rolled my eyes, and reveled in how fast the shots were working to help me find peace, comfort, numbness.
We took another shot and Parks dragged me out to the dance floor. I finished my beer and laid it on the tray that a waitress carried by us.
"Did I tell you that you're the sexiest resident at St. Mark’s?" Parks spun me and pulled my back to rest against his chest as we moved to the music.
"Me? No." I closed my eyes and let my head drop back, imagining him to be Aiden. I wanted us to live a little, to experience something thrilling and overwhelming together. Our sex the one night we'd had it was all of those things, but there were so many other moments I wanted with him.
Parks’ hands cupped my hips as he rocked against me, and lust blossomed deep inside my stomach.
The sound of Stephanie speaking above the crowd as a fast song started pulled me from my fantasy, and I moved up a little.
"Picture time. Crowd in and smile." I moved in next to her and cheesed it up good for the camera. Parks pressed his lips to my cheek about the time the picture went off, and we all moved back, laughing and jumping around to the music. I had to let my hair down more often. Just being around everyone my age and forcing myself to have fun was helping to heal my wounds and stitch up my heart.
"Send me that picture!" Parks poked at Steph before wrapping his arms back around me and lifting his phone. "Take a picture with me."
"Beauty and the beast?" I laughed and leaned back against him as he took the picture and then pressed his mouth against my ear.
"Keep it up and I'm going to ignore your false pleas for me not to spend the night with you."
I knew it wasn't right, but some part of me wanted to throw caution to the wind and forget everyone and everything for the night. Parks could help me do that for sure, but waking up the next morning would leave me worse off than when I’d started. My heart belonged to Aiden, which meant that, unfortunately for me, my body did too.
Chapter 17
Aiden
I leaned back in my chair and ran my fingers over the papers sitting on my desk, trying to figure out how to make things up to Elizabeth. I'd been a dick that day to the only person I truly cared anything about. Saying that I was sorry would only go so far. I got up and walked back down the hall to Mrs. Peterson's room. They were going to pull the plug on Lance at eight, and I wanted to be there with her when they did. I knew Elizabeth would do a great job delivering the news, and some part of me was angry over having pussy-footed away from doing it myself.
I cared about the little old couple and had fought hard for Lance's life more times than I could count over the last ten years. Between having to watch him die and deal with the shit between me and Elizabeth, I was mentally and emotionally wasted.
After knocking on the door, I poked my head inside. "Sarah, can I speak with you for a minute?"
Everyone turned to look at me as Sarah got up from the couch with the help of two middle-aged men who sat on either side of her.
"Of course. Aiden, come in here and let me introduce you to my family." She gave me a tired smile, and I walked in and shook hands until we'd gone all the way around the room.
"Nice to meet you all. I wish it were under different circumstances." I held the door open and glanced down at Sarah. "Let me buy you a coffee?"
"I'd like that." She looped her arm into mine and glanced up at me with a sweet smile as we started down the hall. "You know something?"
"Tell me." I turned the corner and held open the door to the cafeteria.
"Lance always wondered if you would ever find the right woman. He was in here so often that I think he started to think about you like he did Fred and Tommy, our boys." She chuckled. "He used to always tell me that you were a good-looking man with a great head on your shoulders, but you were missing one vital thing."
I lifted my eyebrow as I grabbed a couple of coffee mugs for us. "What's that?"
"A good woman to complete you." She winked at me and took the mug, filling it up and walking toward a table in the center of the room. It was empty, which was good. I needed a few minutes with someone I knew would listen to me and offer sound advice. I had a lot of patients like Sarah and Lance. I guess that's why I never really felt alone until Elizabeth showed up. These people were my family.
"Tell me about the girl you sent in to share the news about Lance." Sarah sat down and gave me a motherly look. "I assume she must be pretty important to you if you were willing to let her do that deed for you today."
I let out a long sigh and sat down. "Yeah. I should have come in there myself. I just hated the fact that this was it. I've been with you guys since Lance's first heart attack. You're like family."
"I know, Aiden. You are too, sweetheart." She reached out and brushed her hand over my forearm as I swallowed my devastation. It was a flavor I'd tasted far too often, and yet it was part of the job on a regular basis.
"Elizabeth is an incredible doctor, or will be one day. She's at the top of her class and graduated number-"
"Aiden, I don't want statistics on the girl. I know you came to talk to me because you're hurting. I could see it on your face when
we talked about Lance earlier. Either she's incredibly sensitive, or she was hurting too. She cried right along with me, and I'd never seen her a day in my life." Sarah laughed. "I wanted to comfort her over us losing Lance, but she wasn't weeping over that, was she?"
"No. I mean... she's sensitive and loving, so your pain was mostly shared by her, but no... I've hurt her." I ran my hands through my hair and let out a shaky sigh. "I'm in love with her, and I can't be."
"And why in Heaven's name can't you be?" She squeezed my arm and let out a curt laugh.
"It's complicated, but it boils down to the fact that I'm her mentor and she's my resident. We can't step over those lines, or one of us will have to move to another hospital. She needs me as her mentor because I'm the only one truly capable of pushing her to greatness. I need her because she's the only woman who's made me feel anything... ever."
"Wow. That is complicated." Sarah took a sip of her coffee. "Have you spoken to Peter?"
I loved that Sarah and Lance knew me so well. We'd had coffee together many times over the years, and they had grown to love me, as I did them.
"I did, but there's very little that he can do about it. The rules are black and white. We can sneak around for the next three years, or one of us can call 'uncle' and leave the hospital, but that would destroy anything we had between us anyway, or at least I think it would. I've been an ass to her since I realized that I was in love with her." I left out the part where we'd made an arrangement for me to pay for access to her delicious body. Sarah and anyone else with breath in their lungs would frown heavily upon that. And they should. It had to stop.
"Life is short, but you know that all too well. Go get the girl, and you can figure out the rest later, Aiden. Love doesn't show up on your doorstep every day. It's rare, and it deserves to be treasured and fostered. Stop messing around, and trust that everything will work out as it should. Go take the first step. Lance did, and we had forty-three years of bliss. My daddy hated him, but he didn't care. I was more important than the opposing forces, and you know what?" Tears filled her eyes, as they did mine. "We won. We got all those years of being together. No one can take that away from us. Go get the girl."
My One and Only: A Bad Boy Secret Baby Second Chance Romance Page 122
