by Emma Hart
I rubbed my hand down my face. The way I felt about her was complicating everything. It made me want to stay, but on the other hand, it made me want to pack my shit and leave.
The truth was that Ava Parker fucking terrified me.
I wanted her as much as badly as she annoyed me. I couldn’t decide if the way I was feeling was an itch I needed to scratch, or it was a precursor to something more. Kissing her had been damn stupid, but she’d taunted me with a fire in her eyes.
It was a fire I’d wanted to taste.
I still wanted to taste it. I wanted to wind her up again so she’d yell at me. When she yelled, her eyes shone, and her cheeks flushed with pink.
There was something weirdly sexy about it.
Mostly because I knew I deserved the yelling. Stealing one sock out of every pair was probably the pettiest thing I could do to her, but maybe it was only hot when she was mad because I found it so fucking funny.
Yeah. That was probably it.
Either way, we had to fix something. The smartest thing to do would be to end this little war we had going on. It was bringing us closer together, and after yesterday, getting too close would take us over the line.
To a place we’d never be able to come back from.
I dragged myself out of the car. The lights flashed when I hit the fob to lock it, and I forced myself up the flights of stairs to the apartment. The elevator was busted, and I made a note to call the landlord and get it fixed.
Stairs were for the birds.
I reached our apartment and let myself in. Ava was sitting cross-legged on the sofa with her hair in what I was now realizing was her at-home hairstyle. A.K.A, styled by Halley’s raccoons and tied up on top of her head by someone with no fingers.
She looked over from the TV and dug her hand into the bowl she had rested on her lap. “Hey. Did you get lost coming up the stairs?”
“Why?”
“I opened the window ten minutes ago and saw you pull in.”
Shit. “I got a phone call,” I lied. “Did you get lunch?”
She shoved popcorn in her mouth and pointed in the direction of the kitchen.
“Thanks.” I shut the door behind me and went to get it. I didn’t know what she’d grabbed me, but I didn’t care, because I was so damn hungry I’d eat just about anything right now.
I unwrapped the sandwich. It was a BLT, and I wolfed it down quickly. With my stomach full but still twisting with the conversation that was to come, I grabbed a water from the fridge and joined her on the sofa.
“What are you watching?” I asked, sitting down.
“Some documentary on the British Royal Family,” she answered, her hand back in the popcorn bowl. “But you don’t care about that.”
“If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t have asked.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “But you’re not entirely wrong. I don’t have long.”
“Because you wasted half this time sitting in your car, pretending to be on the phone?”
“Wow. Call me out, why don’t you?”
“I did.” She grinned and put the bowl on the coffee table. She wiped her fingers on her yoga pants, and I had to admit that I was glad to see she was wearing a bra.
That was the last thing I needed—to be distracted by her.
“Fine.” I turned, my lips tugging to one side.
Ava adjusted her glasses, briefly pulling them off to clean them even though they didn’t look dirty at all.
She was stalling, just like I’d been in the car.
“You kissed me.”
It wasn’t a question. It was a statement, and it was a true one at that.
“Yeah,” I replied. “I kissed you.”
She met my eyes. “Why?”
I blew out a long breath. “I guess there’s only one answer to that: I wanted to.”
Her lips parted, shock flashing in her eyes. Her cheeks flushed slightly, and she dipped her chin in an attempt to hide it. “Okay. Again, why?”
At that, I shrugged. “I can’t answer that. I wish I could, but all I know is that I wanted to kiss you, so I did.”
“Do you regret it?”
“Do I regret kissing you?”
“I’m not asking if you regret stealing my socks, Ethan.” She peered back up at me, something dark in her eyes. “Do you regret kissing me?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “A part of me does because of the situation it puts us in. It makes this living arrangement uncomfortable, doesn’t it? Not to mention fucking awkward, and that’s before you even consider that your brother is my best friend.”
She nodded slowly, reaching up and pushing a wayward lock of hair behind her ear. “What about the rest of you?”
“That’s the selfish part of me that doesn’t regret it.” I rubbed my fingers against my chin. “I wanted to kiss you, Ava, and I don’t regret following through with what I wanted to do.”
“Okay. I mean, that’s what I wanted to know, I guess. At least I know Angelica wasn’t lying.”
“What do you mean, she wasn’t lying?”
She played with a bit of string on the bottom of her yoga pants. “I asked her what your Achilles Heel was. The thing I could use to really piss you off. She said it was me.”
I was going to fucking kill my sister.
She was the only person who knew exactly how I warred with my feelings about Ava, and she’d sold me out.
“Jesus fucking Christ.” I got up and dragged my hand down my face. Turning back to face her, I said, “Listen. I’ll be honest with you. I’ve been attracted to you for a fucking long time, all right? But you’re Leo’s sister. You’re off-limits, and she’s the only person who ever knew that.”
“Until she told me.”
“Until she told you. Evidently, you’re attracted to me, too, or you wouldn’t have kissed me back.”
“Evidently.” She finally looked up at me, her eyes shining. “It can’t happen again,” she said quietly. “You’re right. It’s awkward, and I have no desire to do anything that would ruin your friendship with my brother.”
“I know. I wouldn’t do it either.” I put my hands in my pockets. “The awkwardness will pass, but you’re right. Not again.”
“Right.” She stood and walked past me into the kitchen. “I’m glad we cleared that up.”
“Me, too.”
She pulled a carton of juice from the fridge and set it on the island, but she didn’t move to get a glass. Instead, she stared at the carton, fiddling with the plastic lid, twisting it back and forth.
I opened my mouth with every intention of asking if she was okay, but nothing came out. Something was bothering her, and there was nothing I could say that would make her feel better.
I didn’t want to make her feel worse.
God only knew that I felt like shit. That conversation had been horrible, and she obviously felt the same. Upsetting her wasn’t something I wanted to do.
Ever.
She laughed.
Out of nowhere, she laughed, shaking her head.
“What?” I asked.
“It’s weird, isn’t it?” She caught my gaze. “We’ve spent years fighting with each other, hating each other, and one kiss and we can barely talk to each other at all. Crap.”
“I never hated you,” I admitted. “It’s just easier to keep you at arm’s length if I’m pissing you off.”
“Yeah, but that didn’t work out too well in the end, did it?” She snorted. “All it’s done is lead to one mistake. A mistake we can’t ever go back from. Are we supposed to wake up tomorrow and carry on this irritating fight we’re in the middle of? Or are we going to avoid each other for the next week? Seriously. It’s fucking dumb.”
She grabbed a glass and slammed it down onto the counter.
“Careful. We don’t need another broken glass.” I waved my finger as a reminder of what’d happened a couple of nights ago. “And I’m not going to call it a mistake. Kissing you wasn’t a mistake.”
“If
it wasn’t a mistake, why did you say you regret it?”
“I regret what’s happening now. I don’t regret doing it.”
“That’s not what you said a minute ago.”
“What do you want from me, Ava?” I slammed my hands on the island counter. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I’ve fought my attraction to you for fucking years, and a decision I made in a split second has changed all of that.”
“I don’t want anything from you!” She mimicked my position, flattening her hands on the countertop. “I just… I don’t know how to live with you now, Ethan. I don’t know how I’m supposed to be your roommate and do normal shit like watch TV with you when every single time we’re alone, I know I’m going to think about what it was like to kiss you.”
Her voice trailed off at the end of her admission, and something inside me clenched.
Was there a chance that I wasn’t the only one hiding some feelings?
“You’re not the only one who’s aware of my brother, okay?” She took a deep breath and looked away. “You’re not the only person who’s kept things secret because of him.”
Shit.
Fuck.
Shit.
This wasn’t information I needed.
It wasn’t information I fucking wanted. What was I supposed to do now?
“I—I think I’m gonna call Reagan. I’ll stay at her place tonight.” Ava stepped away from the island, unable to look at me.
“No.” I took my own step away. “This is your apartment first. I’ll stay with my mom. I’ll come back after work to get the hedgehog so you don’t have to feed it, all right?”
“I can do it once,” she said softly. “As long as you swear it won’t bite me.”
“I swear he won’t bite you.” My lips twitched into a smile. Not that she could see it. “I’m gonna head back to work.”
She nodded, still looking at an unknown spot on the floor.
I wanted to go over there and wrap my arms around her. I wanted to hold her against me and press her face into my chest. To reach down and cup her chin and lift her face to mine, to whisper against her lips that I was sorry. So fucking sorry for making it awkward, for making her feel this way, for even a second.
I didn’t.
I clenched my fist, grabbed my keys, and left.
And you know what? For a few seconds, I really fucking hated myself. I hated that kissing her had made her feel like that. I hated that it’d been my choice to kiss her. That, in reality, I hadn’t given her a choice about it—I was going to kiss her, and if she’d kicked me in the balls, I would have taken it.
I’d changed our relationship. Any idea that we could brush it under the rug was now shattered. We were irrevocably changed.
And it was all my fucking fault.
***
I had no idea what was going on in this game. I was finishing my third beer, and even though I’d been watching the game for an hour, I couldn’t even tell you with any certainty who was playing.
I’d almost been sent home from work. My finger was still sore, and I’d blamed my lack of concentration on that, because it wasn’t like I could discuss this with anyone.
The person I’d talk to about relationships, the person I trusted with my life, was the one person I couldn’t mention this to.
Leo.
He’d fucked with me before about Ava. I think he knew that I was attracted to her, but that was it. It wasn’t groundbreaking information—Ava was absolutely beautiful, and I wasn’t the only man in the world. Even Preston and Noah admitted she was hot.
Just like Halley and Reagan were. I could appreciate good-looking women and be attracted to them without wanting to kiss them.
I still couldn’t tell Leo I’d kissed his little sister. Being attracted to her was one thing—sticking my tongue down her throat and upsetting her afterward was something entirely different.
I was ready for the black eye I knew I’d get if he ever found out.
“I’m gonna get another beer. Anyone want one?” I looked around the table and was rewarded with three resounding yeses.
I got up and headed for the bar, thankful for a bit of breathing space. I needed to take a moment by myself to get my shit together before the guys questioned what the fuck was wrong with me.
I placed the order for the beers and leaned against the bar. I didn’t know what I was doing here tonight. I didn’t want to be here.
I wanted to be anywhere but here.
I wanted to find a time machine and go back to a time before I kissed Ava. Before I lived with her. Before I knew what it felt like to have her sighing into my mouth and my cock pressed against her stomach.
Jesus. I had to stop thinking like that.
I paid for the beer and grabbed all four bottles. Only Noah and Preston were sitting at the table, and the bar erupted in an angry shout. A glance at the screen told me they didn’t agree with a penalty.
The story of every football fan’s life.
I set the beers down and sat down. “Where’s Leo?”
“Stepped out to take a phone call,” Noah answered. “So. How did your chat with Ava go?”
“What do you mean?”
“After you kissed her,” Preston answered.
I froze. What the fuck? “How the fuck do you two know that?”
Noah smirked at me. “Have you met our girlfriends? Ava’s best friends? The Three Musketeers? The three women who will take the place of their elders and terrorize this town when we’re all dead and gone and there’s nobody to control them?”
“I like how you think we control them now,” Preston drawled before turning to me. “His point, however convoluted, is correct. Ava told Halley and Reagan, and I can’t speak for Noah, but I was going to move out last night if she didn’t finally fall asleep.”
Noah snorted. “I stayed at Reagan’s last night and had to give her Benadryl pills. She thought it was Tylenol.”
“Shit.” I put my elbows on the table and buried my face in my hands briefly. “Does Leo know?”
“Nah. It’s not our place to tell him. That’s between you and Ava.”
Preston nodded in agreement. “We figure you can’t talk to him about this, so while he’s on the phone, talk to us.”
“Plus, we’re dating her best friends. It’s the ultimate inside track to a woman’s brain.”
“Women don’t even know their own brains,” I replied. “But your hearts in the right place.”
They both chuckled.
“It went shit,” I admitted, wrapping my hands around the beer. “I told her I’ve been attracted to her for years, and she all but admitted that she has feelings for me. We both hid it because of Ethan. I’m staying on my mom’s sofa tonight.”
Noah shook his head. “Reagan’s has an early start for a wedding tomorrow. You can take my spare room. You don’t need to sleep on your mom’s sofa.”
“Thanks, but—”
“You’re staying at mine. Just keep your underwear away from my dog.”
I wasn’t going to ask.
“What are you gonna do now?” Preston asked. “You gonna do anything about it?”
I shrugged, lifting my beer to my lips. I downed two mouthfuls and let it clink back against the table. Another roar filled the bar, but the guys were both focused on me.
“Nothing,” I answered after a minute. “We both agreed it can’t happen again. It’s awkward as fuck, though, and I’m probably going to have to find an apartment to lease while I decide if I’m staying or not.”
“You should tell him.” Preston drunk from his bottle. “You’ve been best friends since you were kids.”
Noah tipped his bottle in his direction. “Reagan’s told me everything and then some at this point. I dunno about Leo, but if I were him and Ava was my sister, I’d want her to date someone I trusted.”
I rolled my shoulders back and sagged in the chair. “I don’t think it’s a good idea. Not right now while it’s all so fucked up.”
Noah nodded in agreement.
“Or you could just talk to Halley,” Preston continued. “She was where you are. She might have some advice.”
“Or you could just tell Leo,” Noah added. “It’s the fuckin’ easiest way to clear it all up.”
“Ava doesn’t want him to know.” I ran my hand through my hair. “Doesn’t matter what I want—I fucked up enough already.”
Noah held his hands up. “We’ve got your back, man. We won’t say a word.”
Preston agreed, and they both held their bottles in the middle of the table.
I clinked mine against theirs, and that was the end of the conversation.
I had a feeling it was only for tonight.
CHAPTER TWELVE – AVA
Making Friends Is Hard
Let it be said that Ava Parker was not good at making friends.
It didn’t matter if those friends were human or animals. It was not my forte. It was why I didn’t get along with Halley’s raccoons even though they took a liking to everyone who, well, wasn’t me.
I just wasn’t good at it.
I was more than a little socially awkward where being personal came into it. I could stand behind a bar for eight hours and serve eleventy-billion beers, but if even one of those people flirted with me, I was a goopy mess.
A goopy, awkward, flailing mess.
Apparently, that also extended to hedgehogs.
I’d said it a thousand times, and I was going to say it again: my fear of rodents and rodent-like creatures was not irrational. It was a genuine thing, and given some of the fears that were out there, mine was pretty normal.
It probably wasn’t phobia-level as I liked to dramatize—I saved that for the inability to be in deep water and that shit was actually no joke at all—but it was strong enough that seeing a rat was enough to render me catatonic.
