by Clive Barker
“They’re going to make it very dangerous for you back in London,” she told him, having related what little she knew about the purges they’d undertaken in the name of Roxborough’s edicts. “They won’t have the slightest compunction about murdering you, once they know who you are.”
“Let them try,” Gentle said flatly. “Whatever they want to throw at me, I’m ready. I’ve got work to do, and they’re not going to stop me.”
“Where will you start?”
“In Clerkenwell. I had a house in Gamut Street. Pie says it’s still standing. My life’s there, ready for the remembering. We both need the past back, Jude.”
“Where do I get mine from?” she wondered aloud.
“From me and from Godolphin.”
“Thanks for the offer, but I’d like a less partial source. I’ve lost Clara, and now Quaisoir. I’ll have to start looking.” She thought of Celestine as she spoke, lying in darkness beneath the Tabula Rasa’s tower.
“Have you got somebody in mind?” Gentle asked.
“Maybe,” she said, as reluctant as ever to share that secret.
He caught the whiff of evasion. “I’m going to need help, Jude,” he said. “I hope, whatever’s been between us in the past—good and bad—we can find some way to work together that’ll benefit us both.”
A welcome sentiment, but not one she was willing to open her heart for. She simply said, “Let’s hope so,” and left it at that.
He didn’t press the issue, but turned the conversation to lighter matters. “What was the dream you had?” he asked her. She looked confounded for a moment. “You said you had a dream about me, remember?”
“Oh, yes,” she replied. “It was nothing, really. Past history.”
When they reached Peccable’s house it was still intact, though several others in the street had been reduced to blackened rubble by missiles or arsonists. The door stood open, and the interior had been comprehensively looted, down to the tulips and the vase on the dining room table. There was no sign of bloodshed, however, except those scabby stains Dowd had left when he’d first arrived, so she presumed that Hoi-Polloi and her father had escaped unharmed. The signs of frantic thieving did not extend to the cellar. Here, though the shelves had been cleared of the icons, talismans, and idols, the removal had been made calmly and systematically. There was not a rosary remaining, or any sign that the thieves had broken a single charm. The only relic of the cellar’s life as a trove was set in the floor: the ring of stones that echoed that of the Retreat.
“This is where we arrived,” Jude said.
Gentle stared down at the design in the floor. “What is it?” he said. “What does it mean?”
“I don’t know. Does it matter? As long as it gets us back to the Fifth—”
“We’ve got to be careful from now on,” Gentle replied. “Everything’s connected. It’s all one system. Until we understand our place in the pecking order, we’re vulnerable.”
One system; she’d speculated on that possibility in the room beneath the tower: the Imajica as a single, infinitely elaborate pattern of transformation. But just as there were times for such musings, so there were also times for action, and she had no patience with Gentle’s anxieties now.
“If you know another way out of here,” she said, “let’s take it. But this is the only way I know. Godolphin used it for years and it never harmed him, till Dowd screwed it up.”
Gentle had gone down on his haunches and was laying his fingers on the stones that bound the mosaic.
“Circles are so powerful,” he said.
“Are we going to use it or not?”
He shrugged. “I don’t have a better way,” he said, still reluctant. “Do we just step inside?”
“That’s all.”
He rose. She laid her hand on his shoulder, and he reached up to clasp it.
“We have to hold tight,” she said. “I only got a glimpse of the In Ovo, but I wouldn’t want to get lost there.”
“We won’t get lost,” he said, and stepped into the circle.
She was with him a heartbeat later, and already the Express was getting up steam. The solid cellar walls and empty shelves began to blur. The forms of their translated selves began to move in their flesh.
The sensation of passage awoke in Gentle memories of the outward journey, when Pie ‘oh’ pah had stood beside him where Jude was now. Remembering, he felt a stab of inconsolable loss. There were so many people he’d encountered in these Dominions whom he’d never set eyes on again. Some, like Efreet Splendid and his mother, Nikaetomaas, and Huzzah, because they were dead. Others, like Athanasius, because the crimes Sartori had committed were his crimes now, and whatever good he hoped to do in the future would never be enough to expunge them. The hurt of these losses was of course negligible beside the greater grief he’d sustained at the Erasure, but he’d not dared dwell too much upon that, for fear it incapacitated him. Now, however, he thought of it, and the tears started to flow, washing the last glimpse of Peccable’s cellar away before the mosaic had removed the travelers from it.
Paradoxically, had he been leaving alone the despair might not have cut so deep. But as Pie had been fond of saying, there was only ever room for three players in any drama, and the woman in the flux beside him, her glyph burning through his tears, would from this moment on remind him that he had departed Yzordderrex with one of those three left behind.
Seven
I
ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY-SEVEN days after beginning his journey across the Reconciled Dominions, Gentle once again set foot on the soil of England. Though it wasn’t yet the middle of June, spring had arrived prematurely, and the season on its heels was at its height. Flowers not due to blossom for another month were already blowsy and heavy-headed with seeds; bird and insect life abounded, as species that normally appeared months apart flourished simultaneously. This summer’s dawns were announced not with choruses but with full-throated choirs; by midday the skies from coast to coast were cloudy with feeding millions, the wheels slowing through the afternoon, until by dusk the din had become a music (sated and survivors alike giving thanks for the day) so rich it lulled even the crazy into remedial sleep. If a Reconciliation could indeed be planned and achieved in the little time before midsummer, then it would be burgeoning country that the rest of the Imajica would greet: an England of bountiful harvests,spread beneath a melodious heaven.
It was full of music now, as Gentle wandered from the Retreat out across the dappled grass to the perimeter of the copse. The parkland was familiar to him, though its lovingly tended arbors were jungles now, and its lawns were veldt.
“This is Joshua’s place, isn’t it?” he said to Jude. “Which way’s the house?”
She pointed across a wilderness of gilded grass. The roof of the mansion was barely visible above the surf of fronds and butterflies.
“The very first time I saw you was in that house,” he told her, “I remember . . . Joshua called you down the stairs. He had a pet name you despised. Peachblossom, was it? Something like that. As soon as I set eyes on you—”
“It wasn’t me,” Jude said, halting this romantic reverie. “It was Quaisoir.”
“Whatever she was then, you are now.”
“I doubt that. It was a long time ago, Gentle. The house is in ruins, and there’s only one Godolphin left. History isn’t going to repeat itself. I don’t want it to. I don’t want to be anybody’s object.”
He acknowledged the warning in these words with an almost formal statement of intent.
“Whatever I did that caused you or anybody else harm,” he said, “I want to make good. Whether I did it because I was in love, or because I was a Maestro and I thought I was above common decency. . . . I’m here to heal the hurt. I want Reconciliation, Jude. Between us. Between the Dominions. Between the living and the dead if I can do it.”
“That’s a hell of an ambition.”
“The way I see it, I’ve been given a second chance. Most people
don’t get that.”
His plain sincerity mellowed her. “Do you want to wander to the house, for old time’s sake?” she asked him.
“Not unless you do.”
“No, thanks. I had my little fit of déjà vu when I convinced Charlie to bring me here.”
Gentle had of course told her about his encounter with Estabrook in the Dearthers’ tents and about the man’s subsequent demise. She’d been unmoved.
“He was a difficult old bugger, you know,” she now remarked. “I must have known in my gut he was a Godolphin, or I’d never have put up with his damn fool games.”
“I think he was changed by the end,” Gentle said. “Maybe you’d have liked him a little more.”
“You’ve changed, too,” she said, as they started to wander towards the gate. “People are going to be asking a lot of questions, Gentle. Like: Where have you been and what have you been doing?”
“Why does anybody even have to know I’m back?” he said. “I never meant that much to any of them, except Taylor, and he’s gone.”
“Clem, too.”
“Maybe.”
“It’s your choice,” she said. “But when you’ve got so many enemies, you may need some of your friends.”
“I’d prefer to stay invisible,” he told her. “That way nobody sees me, enemies or friends.”
As the bounding wall came in sight the skies changed with almost eerie haste, the few fluffy clouds that minutes before had been drifting in the blue now congregating into a lowering bank that first shed a light drizzle and a minute later was bursting like a dam. The downpour had its advantages, however, sluicing from their clothes, hair, and skin all trace of Yzordderrexian dust. By the time they’d clambered through the mesh of timbers and convolvulus around the gate and trudged along the muddied road to the village—there to take shelter in the post office—they could have passed for two tourists (one with a somewhat bizarre taste in hiking clothes) who’d strayed too far from the beaten track and needed help to find their way home.
II
Though neither of them had any valid currency in their pockets, Jude was quick to persuade one of two lads who stopped in the post office to drive them back into London, promising a healthy fee at the other end if he did so. The storm worsened as they traveled, but Gentle rolled down the window in the back and stared at the passing panorama of an England he hadn’t seen for half a year, content to let the rain soak him all over again.
Jude was meanwhile left to endure a monologue from their driver. He had a mutinous palate, which rendered every third word virtually unintelligible, but the gist of his chatter was plain enough. It was the opinion of every weather watcher he knew, he said, and these were folk who lived by the land and had ways of predicting floods and droughts no fancy-talking meteorologist ever had, that the country was in for a disastrous summer.
“We’ll either be cooked or drowned,” he said, prophesying months of monsoons and heatwaves.
She’d heard talk like this before, of course; the weather was an English obsession. But having come from the ruins of Yzordderrex, with the burning eye of the comet overhead and the air stinking of death, the youth’s casually apocalyptic chatter disturbed her. It was as if he was willing some cataclysm to overtake his little world, not comprehending for a moment what that implied.
When he grew bored with predicting ruination, he started to ask her questions about where she and her friend had been coming from or going to when the storm had caught them. She saw no reason not to tell him they’d been at the estate, so she did so. Her reply earned her what studied disinterest had failed to achieve for three quarters of an hour: his silence. He gave her a baleful look in the mirror and then turned on the radio, proving, if nothing else, that the shadow of the Godolphin family was sufficient to hush even a doomsayer. They traveled to the outskirts of London without further exchange, the youth only breaking the silence when he needed directions.
“Do you want to be dropped at the studio?” she asked Gentle.
He was slow to answer, but when he did it was to reply that, yes, that’s where he wanted to go. Jude furnished instructions to the driver and then turned her gaze back towards Gentle. He was still staring out the window, rain speckling his brow and cheeks like sweat, drops hanging off his nose, chin, and eyelashes. The smallest of smiles curled the corners of his mouth. Catching him unawares like this, she almost regretted her dismissal of his overtures at the estate. This face, for all that the mind behind it had done, was the face that had appeared to her while she slept in Quaisoir’s bed: the dream lover whose imagined caresses had brought from her cries so loud her sister had heard them two rooms away. Certainly, they could never again be the lovers who’d courted in the great house two centuries before. But their shared history marked them in ways they had yet to discover, and perhaps when those discoveries were all made they’d find a way to put into flesh the deeds she dreamed in Quaisoir’sbed.
The rainstorm had preceded them to the city, unleashed its torrent, and moved off, so that by the time they reached the outskirts there was sufficient blue sky overhead to promise a warm, if glistening, evening. The traffic was still clogged, however, and the last three miles of the journey took almost as long as the previous thirty. By the time they reached Gentle’s studio their driver, used to the quiet roads around the estate, was out of sympathy with the whole endeavor and had several times broken his silence to curse the traffic and warn his passengers that he was going to require very considerable recompense for his troubles.
Jude got out of the car along with Gentle and on the studio step—out of the driver’s earshot—asked him if he had enough money inside to pay the man. She would rather take a taxi from here, she said, than endure his company any longer. Gentle replied that if there was any cash in the studio, it certainly wouldn’t be sufficient.
“It looks like I’m stuck with him then,” Jude said. “Never mind. Do you want me to come up with you? Have you got a key?”
“There’ll be somebody in downstairs,” he replied. “They’ve got a spare.”
“Then I suppose this is it.” It was so bathetic, parting like this after all that had gone before. “I’ll ring you when we’ve both slept.”
“The phone’s probably been cut off.”
“Then ring me from a box, huh? I won’t be at Oscar’s, I’ll be at home.”
The conversation might have guttered out there, but for his reply.
“Don’t stay away from him on my account,” he said.
“What do you mean by that?”
“Just that you’ve got your love affairs,” he said.
“And what? You’ve got yours?”
“Not exactly.”
“What then?”
“I mean, not exactly love affairs.” He shook his head. “Never mind. We’ll talk about it some other time.”
“No,” Jude told him, taking his arm as he tried to turn from her. “We’ll talk about it now.”
Gentle sighed wearily. “Look, it doesn’t matter,” he said.
“If it doesn’t matter, just tell me.”
He hesitated for several seconds. Then he said, “I got married.”
“Did you indeed?” she said, with feigned lightness. “And who’s the lucky girl? Not the kid you were talking about?”
“Huzzah? Good God, no.”
He paused for a tiny time, frowning deeply.
“Go on,” she said. “Spit it out.”
“I married Pie ‘oh’ pah.”
Her first impulse was to laugh—the thought was absurd—but before the sound escaped her she caught the frown on his face and revulsion overtook laughter. This was no joke. He’d married the assassin, the sexless thing who was a function of its lover’s every desire. And why was she so stunned? When Oscar had described the species to her, hadn’t she herself remarked that it was Gentle’s idea of paradise?
“That’s some secret,” she said.
“I would have told you about it sooner or later.”
Now she allowed herself a little laughter, soft and sour. “Back there you almost had me believing there was something between us.”
“That’s because there was,” he replied. “Because there always will be.”
“Why should that matter to you now?”
“I have to hold on to a little of what I was. What I dreamed.”
“And what did you dream?”
“That the three of us—” He stopped, sighing. Then: “That the three of us would find some way to be together.” He wasn’t looking at her but at the empty ground between them, where he’d clearly wanted his beloved Pie to stand. “The mystif would have learned to love you,” he said.
“I don’t want to hear this,” she snapped.
“It would have been anything you desired. Anything.”
“Stop,” she told him. “Just stop.”
He shrugged. “It’s all right,” he said. “Pie’s dead. And we’re going our different ways. It was just some stupid dream I had. I thought you’d want to know it, that’s all.”
“I don’t want anything from you,” she replied coldly. “You can keep your lunacies to yourself from now on!”
She’d long since let go of his arm, leaving him to retreat up the steps. But he didn’t go. He simply stood watching her, squinting like a drunkard trying to hook one thought to another. It was she who retreated, shaking her head as she turned her back on him and crossed the puddled pavement to the car. Once in, the door slammed, she told the driver to get going, and the car sped from the curb.
On the step Gentle watched the corner where the car turned long after the vehicle had gone from sight, as though some words of peace might yet come to his lips and be carried from them to call her back. But he was out of persuasions. Though he’d returned to his place as a Reconciler, he knew he’d here opened a wound he lacked the gift to heal, at least until he’d slept and recovered his faculties.
