by Dianne Drake
“But it’s never too late to do the right thing, dear. Never too late.”
Down the hall, James watched the exchange between the two women. While he couldn’t hear what they were saying, he saw the tender, caring way Fallon responded to the woman in the wheelchair, and he wanted to punch the wall in frustration. Tomorrow, when this was over, she would go right back to being the way she’d been all these months, withdrawn, hesitant. At least, with him. And it was so wrong. Yet he wasn’t sure he knew how to get through to her…not in the way that mattered. As more nurses showed up to work, and a few more doctors came in as well, all of them glad to take instruction from Fallon, all of them depending on her to make the emergency room work the way it should, James knew, more than ever, that he couldn’t give up on Fallon. He wasn’t sure he could fix their relationship, wasn’t sure they could ever get back to the place they’d been before she’d been injured. But he was sure that Fallon needed this hospital and, more than that, this hospital needed Fallon.
So did he. But would they work things out between them? Would he get her back? Because Fallon had changed in ways he didn’t understand, ways she wouldn’t share with him. It scared him, because he wasn’t sure what to do any more. Wasn’t sure he’d ever be let back in.
CHAPTER FIVE
BY ALL estimations, James still had a few minutes before the first patients would arrive…enough time to dash down to the pediatrics ward to check on Tyler. So he let Fallon know where to find him and hurried down the hall to his room.
“Tyler,” James said, entering the ward. “Are you feeling better?”
The boy was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed with a game controller in his hand. His attention was totally fixed on a game…something with colorful little animals scurrying in and out of little holes in the ground. He didn’t so much as blink when James entered the room. But, then, James was used to that reaction. Understood it, didn’t like it but was braced for it.
“Looks like a fun game,” James continued, grappling for words as the level of discomfort started to germinate. Funny how he was always so good with other people’s children, yet with his own… “Are you winning?”
Tyler shot him a dark scowl, as if James should know that. Wasn’t a great response, but it was a response.
“I’ve never really played any video games before, but I wouldn’t mind trying. Can that one be played by two people?”
“I don’t want to play with anyone,” Tyler said, his tiny voice defiant. As if he wanted to prove that point, he scooted to the far edge of the bed, as far away from James as he could possibly get.
James chose not to react. Instead, he sat down next to the bed, stretched out his long legs, and relaxed back into the chair. “Why don’t you show me how to play,” he said, “in case I ever want to try it? Tell me what to do, show me where all those animals are supposed to go.” He didn’t have time for this, but he couldn’t just walk away from Tyler and leave him here alone in such a defensive mood.
Tyler cast a suspicious glance at James out of the corner of his eye, but didn’t refuse. Good step, James decided. Small one, but one that seemed headed in the right direction.
“You have to get the red bunnies in the biggest holes with their mommies…that’s where they live. And the green squirrels up in the trees ’cause that’s where they live with their mommies. And the baby bears have to go in the caves with their mommies so they’re safe for the night, ’cause if you don’t get them in before the moon comes out, they have to stay outside. But if you do get them all in before the moon, the moon comes out faster next time. And their houses move around.”
“Is it bad if they have to stay out all night?” James asked, impressed by Tyler’s command of the game.
“They get cold, and scared.”
That wasn’t in the game, of course, but for James the simple explanation proved what he’d suspected…Tyler was bright. And much more aware of his surroundings than he let on. “Would the mommies miss them if they had to stay out all night?”
A flash of hurt crossed Tyler’s face, coming and going so fast that if James hadn’t been watching for a reaction he would have missed it. “The mommies don’t care,” he said. “They have other little boys…bunnies and squirrels and baby bears to take care of.”
“But would they miss their mommies?”
Tyler didn’t answer that one. Rather, he turned his full attention to the game, clicking the controls like a child possessed. Soon he would have to have that serious talk with Tyler. The child deserved to know. “Look, I’ve got to get back to work. You do know what I do, don’t you?”
Tyler shrugged.
Not to be daunted, James persisted. “I take care of sick people.”
“Am I sick?” Tyler asked, keeping his gaze steady on the television screen even though, for the moment, he’d stopped playing. “Is that why my mommy always brings me to you? ’Cause I’m sick, and you’re a doctor?”
It didn’t get easier for the child. Or for James. “No, you’re not sick. Except for your cuts and scrapes, you’re in very good health. And remember last time we were together, when I told you I was your dad?”
“Donnie was my dad, too. But not any more. I like doctors better than dads!”
It was so hard, not telling him he wanted full custody. But what happened if he told Tyler, and Tyler counted on that, then the courts didn’t comply? What happened if Shelly took him back yet again? “Look, Tyler, I’ve got to work now, but I’ll check on you later. And, Tyler…” He handed the boy a slip of paper with his cellphone number written on it. “If you need to talk to me, call. You do know how to use a phone, don’t you?”
Tyler didn’t answer, but he did put the paper under his pillow. Then he scooted back to the middle of the bed, resumed his cross-legged position, and totally blocked James out.
“I’ll be back when I can, Tyler,” James said on his way out the door. But as usual Tyler didn’t respond. All he did was turn up the volume of the game and click away on the control as fast as his little fingers would move.
Everything that could be made ready had been by the time the first patients began to be wheeled into the emergency department. Three burns cases went straight to James and a couple of smoke inhalations were assigned to Gabby, as well as a sprained ankle…someone falling down the stairs, trying to escape. “You OK?” Fallon asked, poking her head into the makeshift burn unit. James was busy with the worst of his patients, getting oxygen started on the man, a belligerent patient who was fighting James every step of the way. Dave Ellis was busy treating minor burns on the other two, who turned out to be kitchen workers at the lodge, while Catie, the volunteer, was setting up the supplies being called for by both Dave and James.
Immediately Fallon rushed into the room to help subdue the patient, who calmed down immediately when he saw who she was. She gave James a quick acknowledgment then pulled the IV set-up to the bedside. “You’ll be fine, Mr. Chambers. You’ve got some serious burns to your chest, but once I can get the IV in, we’ll get some pain medicine going and you’ll feel much better.”
“I’ve heard how bad burns can be, Miss O’Gara,” the man managed from behind his oxygen mask.
“They can be, and I won’t lie to you. Your chest and left shoulder look fairly involved, but it’s a relatively small area. We’re going to treat you here then send you to a burn unit in Salt Lake City, and you’re going to be fine.”
“Thank you,” he whispered, fighting back tears.
She glanced over at James, who was busy cooling down the burns with saline. “Mr. Chambers is the caretaker at the lodge,” she explained, as she squeezed the frightened man’s hand. “His granddaughter is going to be a nurse.”
“Like Miss O’Gara,” the man said. “She helped Allison with her application to nursing school, let her work part time at the hospital after school, and even gave her a personal recommendation.”
“Because she deserved it.” Fallon deflected the direction of the co
nversation with a blush. “Look, I’ll check back in on you before you go,” she told him, then turned her attention on James. “Are you good here? I’d like to check in on Edith, if you don’t need me…”
“Go,” he said. “We’re good.”
Fallon was halfway to the hall when James caught up with her. “Are you OK?” he asked, taking hold of her arm to stop her. “You’re running circles around everybody here.”
“It’s what I do…”
“Maybe it’s what you do, but I’m concerned about you. It’s going to be a long night, and you haven’t done this for a while.”
She bristled immediately. “You think I can’t?”
“Oh, I’m sure you can. But you worry me.”
“Well, I’m not yours to worry about, am I?” she said, jerking her arm away from him.
“That’s not going to stop me from worrying, Fallon. One minute you don’t ever want to step foot in the emergency department again, and the next you’re working like a woman possessed. I understand the dynamics here. Everybody depends on you…the staff, the volunteers, even the patients. But what about you? Who do you depend on, especially when everything’s going crazy the way it is?”
“I depend on me,” she whispered. “Look, I appreciate your concern, but I got along fine before…” Before the accident, before James. Before so many things in her life had changed in ways she hated.
“Before me?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said, trying to be defiant about it. But there was no defiance in her. “This is what I’ve always done, it’s who I am.” Rather, who she’d once been, and who she wanted to be again. Right now, she was play-acting her way through it, but someday, maybe…
“Not who you are, Fallon,” he said, raising his hand to brush her cheek. “It’s only a small part of you. There’s so much more. So many things I’m not sure you even see.”
For an instant she didn’t flinch, it was as if she’d forgotten she was supposed to. Then, suddenly, she did. Flinched, pulled back. Cleared her throat to throw off the tension. “Look, Emoline will call for transport when you’re ready to send Mr. Chambers to the burn unit. And I need to—”
“Don’t overdo it, Fallon. That’s all I’m saying. If you need help, you know where I am. Just ask me, will you?”
Just ask… So hard to do, because she wanted to separate from James, not draw closer or become more dependent. Except her heart wanted to meld so badly with his…
“Edith,” she said, stepping into the quiet room a minute or two later. It was well away from all the activity, its window with a lovely view of the Older Sister. Safety for a moment. Away from James. “How are you feeling?” she asked, pulling up a chair to the old lady’s bedside.
“I know you have more important things to do than sit with me,” the woman said.
“There’s nothing more important than sitting here with you for a few moments. And if anybody needs me, they know where I am.”
“It’s so good to see you working again. It’s not too much for you, is it?”
“They need me, and I’m doing fine.”
“Or you need them. Because you do need this, Fallon.” Edith turned her head to the window. “It’s a lovely sight,” she said, “and I think it’s true what they say about the Three Sisters protecting everyone in their shadows. I’ve lived a blessed life here. Wouldn’t have changed a thing about it.”
“It’s an amazing place,” Fallon agreed. “I missed it when I wasn’t here.” Wanted to get home. Ached to get home. “It was good to get back.”
“Good to have you back,” Edith choked out. “But you don’t look happy, dear.”
“I’m fine,” she said. “It’s been difficult, but I’m getting better.”
“No, I don’t think you are. Fine is OK, happy is better. You need to be happy again. The way you used to be. You don’t smile now, and I miss that.”
If only it was that simple. “I’m building up to…well, my old life, I suppose.”
“You’re blocking it out,” Edith argued, then smiled. “Stubbornness. Good when you use it wisely, bad when you use it against yourself. And that’s what you’re doing, you know. You’re denying what you want. Denying that you want.”
“Can I get you something to drink, Edith? Some tea, or juice?”
“Ignoring it won’t make it go away, Fallon.”
“Where were you all those years when I needed a mother?”
Edith laughed. “You still need a mother, dear. We all do sometimes. And mothers come in so many forms, don’t they?” She turned her head to the window. “Isn’t it beautiful? I want to see the view while I still can.” She drew in a wistful breath. “You need to see the whole view, Fallon. That’s where you’ll find your happiness.” Her eyes started to flutter shut. “I promise, that’s where you’ll find it, when you want it badly enough.”
Fallon pulled the sheet over Edith’s shoulder and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. “It used to be a lovely view, Edith. But I can’t bear looking at it any more.”
“Stubborn,” Edith whispered, although her eyes were closed. “That’s all it is.”
The hallway wall outside Edith’s door turned out to be a great support as Fallon leaned heavily against it for a moment, thinking about the woman’s words. You need to see the whole view, Fallon. That’s where you’ll find your happiness. The whole view…whatever that was. She wasn’t sure she would want to see it even if she knew what it was.
Shutting her eyes, Fallon rubbed her head, bracing herself to go back to the emergency department. It was a stressful, busy night. She wanted it to be over, wanted the morning to dawn bright and sunny, wanted everything to be right. But she knew better. Practical experience was always the best teacher. And usually the harshest.
Harsh… She peeked into Tyler’s room on her way back to Emergency. Harsh shouldn’t have any place in the life of a child but sadly it did all too often. Poor Tyler was only at the beginning of what was going to be harsh in his world, and she wasn’t sure there was any way around it. James would help him, though. He’d be an amazing father… was an amazing father. Someone who deserved to be an amazing father to other children. “You OK?” she asked from the doorway. Tyler was sitting on the bed, playing a video game.
“Fine,” he said, his voice so quiet she barely heard him.
“You winning?”
He shrugged.
“Look, we’re really busy in Emergency right now. But how about I come see you later, when things slow down?”
He shrugged again, and Fallon turned to leave. But before she had stepped away from the door, Tyler spoke up.
“Why?” he asked.
“Why what?”
“Why are you busy?”
“There was a big fire tonight at one of the buildings up on the mountain. If anybody gets hurt, we have to take care of them.”
“I didn’t do it!” he said, dropping his game controller and scurrying for the shelter of his blankets. “I didn’t start the fire.”
Fallon’s cellphone took that particular moment to jingle. She glanced at the number…the emergency desk. “Hello,” she said.
“It’s about to break loose down here,” Emoline Putters said. “They’ve been trickling in, nothing we couldn’t manage, but one of the beams in the lodge came down, and we have four firefighters injured, as well as three of the hotel personnel. Don’t know the extent of the injuries, but Eric is coming in with them. ETA ten minutes or less.”
“I’m on my way.” She clicked off, torn between hurrying to the ER and staying here a minute or two, trying to comfort the little boy who’d crawled all the way under his covers now. Not even his head was showing. “Look, Tyler,” she said, “I know you didn’t start that fire. It was an accident in the kitchen. The grease got too hot and when that happens it can cause a fire.”
“Really?” he said, still covered.
“Really. No one meant it to happen, and we know you didn’t start it.”
“That’s
why he doesn’t want me,” he said.
“Who?”
“My first dad…Donnie.”
“Because of a fire?”
He didn’t say anything, but she saw the blanket bob up and down and took that for a yes.
“Did you start a fire at your house?”
“He said so, but I didn’t do it.”
“What kind of fire?”
“In his chair. He was sleeping and it just caught on fire.”
“In Donnie’s chair,” she said, just to be sure.
The blankets bobbed up and down again.
“And Donnie said you started the fire in his chair?”
“Said it was my fault ’cause I didn’t get it. I was supposed to get it when he went to sleep, and I forgot.”
“What, Tyler? What were you suppose to get?”
“His cigarette,” he said, snuffling. “I always had to get his cigarette.”
Fallon drew in a furious breath, trying to keep her voice calm for Tyler’s sake. “So he’d go to sleep while he was smoking and it was your job to take the lit cigarette from him when he did?”
“Uh-huh.”
Fallon’s phone rang before she could respond. She glanced at the number. It was Emoline Putters, getting impatient, she guessed. “Look, Tyler, we know the fire up at the lodge wasn’t your fault. Nobody’s blaming you.” While she truly wanted to comfort Tyler over what Donnie had done to him, and tell him that it wasn’t his fault, that Donnie shouldn’t have done that, it wasn’t her place. Like Edith had said, everybody needed a mother sometimes, but she wasn’t Tyler’s mother, and she had to remember that. Had to remember that the mothering instinct she felt toward him was because he was her son’s brother. But Tyler was not hers. He belonged to James, and this was something James would have to deal with. “Look, I’ll be back in a while, Tyler, and maybe you can show me how to play that game.”
He poked his head out from under the covers. “I’ll beat you,” he warned.
She smiled. “I’m sure you will.”
