“They are all yours,” I say bitterly to the first person who looks at me. I get in my car and I just want to scream, fuck Sadie Blake and fuck Jaxson Hayes too, and peel out of the driveway. My phone starts buzzing I assume it’s Jax and I throw my phone in the passenger seat. I don’t want to be this girl, jealous, clingy and needy. I feel juvenile and I don’t care. I want to feel anything other than what I am in this moment.
When I get far enough down the road I pull over and do a line of coke, so much for progress, and the demon in my head chuckles, “I knew you would come around.”
I check my phone and there is a text from him waiting to bitch me out...
Jax: what did I do wrong? Thought we covered the no need to be jealous shit! I won’t tolerate childishness.
Me: you didn’t do a fucking thing besides let that bitch practically hurl me down the steps. I’m not this girl and I will never make you choose there is only room for one woman in a relationship and right now it’s always going to be her first.
Me: I don’t play second fiddle goodbye Jax, it really was great while it lasted good luck on your tour and with your new album, and my soul will always burn for yours Grace Xx.
Jaxson didn’t call or text me back, guess I just confirmed what I have known all along. Sadie will always be number one no matter what Jax tries to tell me or anyone else.
Fuck it all I scream and do another line of coke, not my best moment but what can I say? It is how I’ve learned to cope. And by cope I mean numbing the ache in my heart away. Maybe I overreacted but I needed to end it before he found out about me anyways.
At least this way he doesn’t have to know how broken and fucked in the head I really am. I never deserved him to begin with. I don’t want to go home, but I don’t want to be alone either. I call my Jojo cat but she doesn’t pick up. Evan the demon whispers. I know its wrong, but I call him anyways.
“Told you I’d be waiting Grace,” he gloated as he answered my call.
Evan was more than willing to be my shoulder, but my inner kitten was far from glowing at the site of him when I pulled up to the garage he was currently working at.
“What do I owe the pleasure Grace?” he smugly asks.
“Nothing really, I don’t know- I needed to see a familiar face. I wanted to tell you about the music video, I’m in. It actually premieres today. Do you want to be my date for the party tonight?”
“Whatever you need doll, just name the time and place and I’ll be there.”
What in the hell did I just do? I really am a fucking idiot, but it will be nice to see how Jaxson feels seeing me with someone else and unable to do a fucking thing about it.
I head home for a shower and a nap and still nothing out of Jocelyn. She must be busy breaking the new apartment in with her silver haired devil. Glad things are going well in someone’s relationship.
The party is before Masquerade opens for the night, it’s mainly for Jaxson and his people but Ritchie and a few others will be around. Hope they don’t mind my date, but they never said I couldn’t bring one either. I guarantee Princess Sadie will be delighted.
Chapter Twelve
Four is a crowd?
I dress in a vixen red low v sweater dress, black fishnets, and my new leopard Jimmy’s, and a chunky leopard belt. I pull my hair into a messy bun leaving a few wispy pieces around my face, and of course red lipstick. My inner kitten is hiding at the thought of spending the evening with Jax, Sadie and Evan, but little bitch will just have to deal.
The look on Jax’s and Sadie’s faces when I walked in on Evan’s arm was priceless. Jax’s jaw tightened and his fists were clinched. Sadie was draping herself all over him, gag me. When I excused my self to the bathroom, I wasn’t expecting Sadie to follow me.
Jabbing her finger in my arm as I flinch away, she sneers, “you think you’re making him jealous but your pushing him straight back to me, where he belongs.” She turns abruptly and stalks out of the bathroom.
“Fuck you, you can keep him,” I scream at her back.
Jax’s manager calls for everyone to take a seat. They are ready to show the video. I spy Evan sitting alone nursing a whiskey sour and join him, just as Sadie plops her ass on the other side of him followed by Jaxson.
“So how do you know Grace?” Sadie asks Evan plastering her fake smile.
Jaxson cocks his head to the side like he wants to know as well.
“The fucks it to you blondie?” he snaps clearly not telling. Sadie’s mouth drops as does mine. Evan is a prick but something has crawled up his ass.
“Evan don’t be rude,” I weakly smile at him. Before more can be said the video begins to play on a jumbo screen that was brought in for the occasion.
My cheeks flush when I hear myself say three little words, I love you, to Jaxson. I can see him looking at me from across the table out the corner of my eye and I notice Sadie is staring a hole through him.
Then out of nowhere Evan says, “Excuse me Grace but I refuse to sit here and watch the three of you mind fuck with each other. I’m out,” and he walks right out the door.
Sadie and I both giggle at the same time and I don’t know what in the hell just came over Evan.
Sadie decides to speak, “wow Grace you really have a way with men.”
Then Jax decides it’s time to put his two cents in, “shut the fuck up Sadie! I need a moment alone to speak with Gracie.”
“But things just got interesting.” She smiles excusing herself from the table. Jax is giving her the stink eye, daring her to speak, as she makes her way to the bar.
“Grace you are acting like an immature bitch and I will not tolerate this shit your trying to pull. We need to talk but this isn’t the place. And I assume you have to work tonight and I have another early interview in the morning. So I will come by your place when I am finished. I should just take you over my knee right now after the way you have acted today! Enjoy the rest of your night.” And with that he is gone.
Damn, I cleared two men from the room in less than ten minutes, and it looks as if I get to try to make it three as Ritchie approaches me.
“Have you talked to Jocelyn recently?’ he asked.
“Not since Saturday, why do you ask?”
“She hasn’t showed up the past two days, but no big deal, just let me know if you hear from her. Oh by the way, you looked outstanding in the video.”
Jocelyn never showed for work that night and I didn’t bother trying to talk to Jaxson or Evan either. I made it through my shift and I can’t name one song I danced to. I have had the worst day, I just want to go to bed and start over tomorrow.
My dreams that night were of everything and everyone. I saw shades of red and images of Jocelyn. I kept trying to grab her arm and beg her to stay, but she would only drift further away. Sadie was there holding Jaxson’s hand and pulling him into the darkness. Evan was there as well clouded by a purple haze promising to make it all go away. Then I was alone, and lost walking down an old dirt road that ended in a three-way, I couldn’t decide which way to turn.
I feel as if there is so much weight on my shoulders; I feel like I am a volcano about to erupt. I know I need to lay it all on the line with Jaxson. I’m scared but he deserves better than I can give. I’d rather feel a thousand aches of my heart shredding than hurt him. He has given me every part of him and I’ve never been able to share myself completely, with him or anyone for that matter.
I awake to my head busting and a nose bleed, wonderful.
I get cleaned up and wait to see if Jaxson shows and I’m not sure what to expect from him. Or even what I want from him. I try to call Jojo but no luck, what’s with her? She always takes my calls.
Jaxson blows me off, something about having to go out of town for an appearance on a late night talk show. Looks like I have managed to run everyone off. I decide to take the high road. I call Evan to apologize for using him. Even though he has used me plenty it’s the right thing to do. He offers to treat me to an early dinner before
I go to work. I agree to go. He seems to be the only one who wants my company.
I wasn’t expecting to be met by paparazzi when I left my apartment. What would they want with photos of me? Then I realize it isn’t me that they are following when Sadie slides into the passenger seat of my car.
“What do you think you are doing?”
“I thought we could hangout, and get to know each other. Jax says he invited you to go on the road with us.”
Is this bitch for real?
I am not “hanging out” with her.
“Sorry to burst your bubble peaches, but I have dinner plans.” I reach over and pop the bubble she just blew with her gum for added effect.
“I don’t mind, who are we dinning with?”
“What is with this we shit? We are not friends, and my date doesn’t include you.”
“Oh, a date huh? Do tell; is it that sexy asshole from last night? Because I have to say I am glad you aren’t falling for Jaxson’s whole lover routine. I mean he is dreamy but there is so much about him that you know nothing about and couldn’t possibly understand. A little advice from one who knows; once he gets what he wants, he never wants it again. You’d be smart to use him to boost your modeling career. That’s what you after right?”
“I don’t want anything from Jaxson, and as far as what I am after, right now I would appreciate you getting the fuck out of my car! I don’t know what kind of games you and Jaxson play but the two of you can leave me out of them.”
“You really are clueless Grace. Now I know what he sees in you.” She laughs and I barely give her the chance to shut the door before I peel out of my parking space.
Fucking with my head!
I meet Evan at the restaurant where we had our first real date. I don’t know what I am doing. What did Sadie mean by things I didn’t know? I try to push her and Jaxson from head when I see Evan walking towards me. Damn he is fine. Would I have been better off not knowing the truth about him? No, and that is exactly why I plan on finding out what princess was up to earlier. But right now I am going to live in the moment.
Evan draws in close and places a kiss on my cheek. I try not to blush, but he has a power of me that no matter how hard I try, I can’t ignore my feelings for him any longer
“I’m glad you showed. I was afraid you might stand me up after last night.”
“I owe you an apology Evan. I used you to make Jax jealous. It was immature and thoughtless.”
“After everything I have done how can you apologize to me Gracie? I had you come here because I am hoping you will really hear me out. Give me a fair shot. That is all I am asking.”
“I’d be lying if I said I don’t think about it Evan. What we could have had if the drugs, and the lies had never come between us. But they did and I don’t want to lead you on or give you false hope.”
The waiter comes to take our orders giving me a few minutes to decide how I want the rest of this evening to go. I don’t know where I stand with Jax. Hell I don’t even know if I want to know after the conversation I just had with Sadie. I don’t want to make false promises when I just don’t know.
“Sometimes I think that we know each other so completely and then I think back to all the lies and I wonder if we ever really knew one another Evan.”
Evan grabs my left wrist and turns it over and traces his index finger over my infinity tattoo. “Grace, do you remember what I said to you when I ask you to get this put here?”
“Yes, I remember, you told me that every time I saw this tattoo you wanted me to know that when you said forever, that you meant it.” I say drawing my wrist back and remembering that very moment. I had thought Evan was going to propose but what he did really surprised me.
Evan knew how badly I had wanted to get a tattoo but I was scared. You wouldn’t know it now, because I have so many.
It was our one year anniversary. We were supposed to go out for a fancy dinner when he took me to a tattoo parlor instead. “Babe,” he had said getting down bended knee, “I don’t have a fancy ring and I think we are too young to get married, but I want to make a promise to you, that I will always love you no matter what. You will always hold my heart. So I picked out a tattoo for you. You don’t have to get it if you don’t want to.”
How could I say no, when I saw what he had decided on. It was a beautiful infinity symbol with a Celtic heart in the middle. He had said that each loop represented him and me and that the heart in the middle was our two hearts beating as one and that the knot in the middle of it all was holding us together. And that every time I looked at my wrist he wanted me to remember his promise and how much he loved me.
When I think about moments like those how could I not love Evan? I know he has done me wrong on so many levels but I think we could have a happy life together. I want to believe that everything he has said is true, and that we really do know one another and that we aren’t strangers after all.
But on the other hand I have Jaxson who draws me in like a magnet, but is it love or lust? I think Jaxson could care for me but doesn’t know me the way that Evan does. My brain feels fizzled out. I had thought I knew what I wanted until yesterday. The waiter brings our food and we both dig in trying to avoid anymore heavy conversation.
“Look I only want to say this and then I won’t bring it up again. I have been thinking a lot about what you said, about being a better man. I did do it for me. You just gave me the push that I needed. And I am ready now to be that man. The man you thought I was and more. Let me be that man for you.”
“Evan I want to give you both the benefit of the doubt and a second chance. But I would be lying if I told you that I don’t have feelings for Jax. I owe it to myself to find out what they are before I try to figure us out. I know it’s not fair and I am not asking you to wait for me.”
“I can and will be waiting Grace, I know you love me and I am patient enough to let you figure it out for yourself. I won’t push you. So don’t shut me out, I am still your friend.”
We part ways with the understanding that Evan is going to give me time to figure out what’s really in my heart. If he can really give me the space that I need then he might stand a chance.
Chapter Thirteen
There is nothing to say….
After two days I hear from Jax and he is acting as if nothing happened. I don’t want to push my luck so I let sleeping dogs lie. We make plans to meet at his penthouse after I get off work.
Jaxson’s music video has attracted a lot of attention to the club so Ritchie has given me three solos in the lineup tonight. I’m not complaining its more money in my pocket. Jocelyn is actually here tonight. I feel like I haven’t talked to her in weeks.
“Hey doll,” she gives me a tight squeeze. “I have been meaning to call you back, but Robert has had me so busy. Let’s have lunch tomorrow and I will fill you in.” Jojo seems off, like she is on edge about something. But I don’t have time to worry about it, time to go shake my ass.
Tonight’s crowd is rowdy; I can’t even walk the floor like I normally would. The night passes by me in a daze. I felt like some of the girls including Jocelyn were a little put off by the extra attention I was getting. But there isn’t much I can do about it. It isn’t like I have come down with a severe case of hey look at me.
I arrive at Jax’s penthouse only to be met by Ray, who informs me that Jax had something to take care of and he would be back as soon as he could to make myself comfortable. I want to get cleaned up before Jax gets back, after I’ve shook my ass and sweated all night. I go for a swim in his garden tub.
Even though it is nearly 3 A.M., I order some dessert while I wait for him to arrive. I have a bit of a sweet tooth so I decide to order a chocolate fudge sundae with sprinkles, so good but too many of these this late at night and I will be packing the pounds back on.
Jax returns looking very pleased to find that I am here waiting for him. He cocks an eyebrow at my unfinished sundae and with a devilish grin he unties my robe and orders m
e to lie back on the sofa, he takes my spoon in one hand and pins my wrist down with other. I wiggle trying to free myself but his grip is firm. I shriek and giggle wondering just what he plans to do with the rest of my dessert.
He slowly spoons the vanilla and chocolate onto my chest. “Just what I ordered, a Gracie sundae.” He says devouring the ice cream and fudge from my breasts. He leans up to give me a sticky kiss. He lets go of my wrist. I pull him down on me by that messy black hair of his that I love so much.
“No fair, you are wearing way too many clothes.” I whisper into his ear. He dips a finger inside me.
“Lover you feel a bit warm perhaps I should cool you down.” He groans, and takes one last bite of ice cream. He leans down and places a cold vanilla kiss on my core and the sensation of cold is enough to send chills all through me pushing my want over the edge.
I let out a hushed moan. “What is it darlin'?” he asks as he delves his tongue further inside. The warmth inside of me meeting the coolness of his tongue is like fire and ice.
“Your turn,” I breathe. We change positions as I take a bite of chocolate into my mouth and repay the favor. I run my tongue over his hard shaft and he shudders being shocked by the cold sensation. I take my time playfully licking him, until he can take no more and begs me to take him into my mouth.
We take a short shower to get rid of the stickiness left behind from dessert. I feel so spoiled because Jax massages my back until I fall asleep.
Mortified!
I awaken late in the morning being jarred from my sleep by Jaxson shaking me and shouting.
“Wake up Grace! Your nose is bleeding all over the pillows!”
Shit! Now I’ve done it, how am I to explain this to him?
Please be a nightmare, I think to myself. But when I get my eyes fully open and see the scared look on Jaxson’s face I know that this is my worst nightmare come true. I bolt out of bed and into the bathroom. I can’t breath, my chest is pounding, and my forehead is beaded with sweat.
Beautiful Strangers (The Masquerade Series) Page 8
