by Renee Fowler
“Why is everyone so intent on pairing me up? You used to complain about it all the time.”
“That’s different. Remi wasn’t even gone a year and friends were already trying to fix me up.” Cate taps her fork along the edge of her plate and sets it aside. “I was hoping… I’m not sure if I should tell you this. I kind of feel like maybe I should? It might be better coming from me than hearing it through the grapevine.”
I lean forward in my chair a bit.
“Elise is getting married.”
“Oh, is she? Good for her.”
“That’s all you have to say about it?”
“We’ve been divorced for a long time now. What am I supposed to say about it?”
“Okay. I just thought… You were so angry at her for the longest time. You know what they always say. You can’t hate someone unless you love them.”
“Is that what they say?” I laugh. “Well, I don’t hate or love her. I haven’t seen her for years.”
“And I guess she’s having a baby too.”
“Wow. That’s… good for her.”
“It’s got to be a frozen egg thing though, right?”
Shrugging my shoulders, I sigh under breath. “You’re asking the wrong person, but she’s a few years younger than me, so I suppose it’s not outside the realm of possibility.”
“Richard kept talking about it for a bit a year or two ago, but we both have teenagers. It’s ridiculous.” Cate shakes her head and makes a face of disgust. “I’m too old. I don’t want to be one of those woman that gets mistaken for their baby’s grandmother, right?” Her eyes go wide and her mouth goes slack. “Not that I’m saying you’re too old. You’ve still got plenty of time to have children. It’s different for men. A forty year old woman is ancient, but for a man, it’s nothing.” She waves her hand out and lets out a nervous giggle.
“It’s honestly the last thing on my mind.”
“Well, if it’s on your mind at all, you better start thinking about it soon,” Cate says sternly. Her face brightens with a big grin. “Richard kept going on about how he was curious what our baby, if we had one, how it would look. Like, how our features would combine. So I downloaded this app that does that. I’m not sure how accurate it is, but it was a hoot. I also did one of me and the dog too. It was pretty horrific.”
I laugh. “I can imagine.”
Cate takes a pointed look around the room. “So what is this place, a rental?”
“Yeah. It came furnished.”
“I was gonna say. Those prints on the wall are straight up kitsch. Don’t you miss having a real home? This is barely a step above living in a hotel.”
“I forgot how opinionated you can be, Cate.”
“It’s easy to forget when you never visit. You should come for Christmas this year. See for yourself what an insufferable little shit your nephew has become.”
“Maybe. There’s a New Year’s show I need to work on, so… I have to see where we’re at with it.”
Cate sighs heavily. “You can just say no if you don’t want to.”
“I’m not making excuses, and I’d love to if I can.”
She stares at her phone, and shoves up to her feet. “I’m going to go sort through those pictures. Hopefully I’ll have something to show you and Andrea tomorrow morning.”
The next morning Cate had plenty to show Andrea. She has her laptop tucked under one arm. The other clasps her coat closed against a biting wind as we hurry to the back entrance. I hold the door open for Cate, and she ducks inside.
“God, it’s so quiet,” she whispers.
“There’s nothing scheduled for today.”
“It’s kind of spooky like this.”
When we round the corner, the muffled sound of music echoes along the hall.
“Well, someone’s around,” Cate comments. Further along the hall, she pauses to peer through the crack in the door. “Oh, it’s Penny. I wonder what she’s doing here?”
“She likes to practice on her own. She’s here a lot.”
“Maybe she wants to see the pictures?” Cate grins up at me, and shoves through the door. “Yoo-hoo. Good morning.”
Penny is doing a series of piqué turns diagonally across the room. She freezes and wobbles for a second upon catching sight of us. Ever since that moment between us, when I overstepped, I’ve made a point not to intrude on Penny’s solo practice
“Sorry,” Cate says. “Gosh, I’m dizzy just watching that. Are you busy? I thought you might want to see what we got yesterday.”
“Uh, yeah. Sure.” Penny gives Cate a wary smile, and completely avoids looking at me all together. She turns off her music and wanders closer.
“I figure I can let you peruse first, that way if there are any you don’t want in the running, we won’t have to show Andrea.”
“Oh, okay. That sounds nice.”
Cate strolls over to the long, collapsable table near the back corner. She lays the laptop along the scuffed surface, and pries open the lid. Cate’s screensaver is a picture of her, Richard, and both their children from a few years back. “This is my baby, Gabin. Look how sweet he was.” Cate puckers her lips together lightly. “He’s a sullen sixteen year old now.”
Penny laughs quietly.
“He takes after his uncle Liam a bit, don’t you think?”
Penny’s eyes flick over to me briefly, then fix back on the laptop. She nods slightly. “Mmhmm.”
“Yeah, especially since he’s getting older. Hmm, okay. Here we go.” Cate double clicks on a folder, and brings up the dozens and dozens of pictures. “I really like the ones with movement, the way the costume flows around you. Those are my favorite, but it’s not really my call. So what do you think?”
“They’re all really good.” Penny leans in to get a closer look. “Seth might not like this one. He looks kind of… constipated.”
Cate laughs, and moves the picture to another folder.
Penny nibbles the corner of her lip, and glances at me briefly. “Umm. Would it be possible for you to like… photoshop my nipples out of whichever one gets chosen. I didn’t realize my top was so sheer,” she whispers.
I swallow back a small laugh. Cate doesn’t bother to mask her amusement. “Yeah, for sure. It’s the lights. They see through everything. Are there any others that are a definite no, or any that jump out?”
“No, they’re all nice. You’re really good at this.”
Cate gives her a huge smile, one that Penny probably doesn’t notice since she’s staring down at the table. “So, you’re local,” Cate starts. “What’s fun to do around here?”
I shoot my sister-in-law a sharp look which she completely ignores.
Penny shrugs. “Uh, I dunno. You’re really asking the wrong person.” She gives a nervous giggle. “That’s more Seth’s department.”
“Is he your boyfriend?”
“No.”
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
I clear my throat aggressively. At the same time Penny shakes her head.
“That’s hard to believe,” Cate says. “You’re not just going to sit in on a friday night, are you?”
I give Cate my hardest, iciest stare, which she is completely impervious too.
“Umm, actually my sister has this art show I need to go to.”
“Really? Wow, that sounds fun.”
“She’s in college. It’s like a school thing, I guess.”
“What does she do?”
Penny shrugs and rolls her eyes lightly. “It’s hard to keep up with. She dabbles in everything.” Penny laughs, a real laugh. She seems to be warming up to my sister-in-law. “The last thing she made that I saw was a bust of a female alien with three breasts. It was purple.”
Cate starts to crack up. “I love things like that, you know, ironic stuff. We were just talking about that yesterday, weren’t we Liam. He’s kind of into art too. I don’t know if he ever mentioned.”
“Uh, no he never mentioned, but… you two could come if y
ou want. It’s open to everybody.”
Cate bumps her shoulder against mine. “That sounds like so much fun. We definitely should.”
I glare at her. “You have a flight back home this afternoon, remember?”
“Oh, that’s right I do.” Cate fake pouts, and snaps her fingers in a sort of aww, shucks gesture. “Liam, you should still go. You really should. He loves stuff like that, Penny. Let me tell you.”
“Uh, yeah. Okay. That might be nice,” Penny murmurs.
“Maybe you two could drive together,” Cate suggests. “Since he’s not from here. He gets turned around so easily. His sense of direction is terrible.”
I simply couldn’t see any tactful way to tell Cate to shut up without hurting Penny’s feelings.
As soon as we were alone out in the hall, I could barely hold back my annoyance. “Why do you do things like this?”
“I do it for your own good.”
“With my position in relation to her, this is completely inappropriate.”
Cate flaps a hand out and rolls her eyes. “You’re going to look at some shitty art together. Who cares? You’re both adults. It’s no big deal.”
Chapter 12
Penny
Should I text Liam some flimsy excuse? I almost think I should, but I’m not quite sure what to send. He doesn’t really know me, so it could be just about anything. Probably not an illness since he’ll see me tomorrow and I would need to fabricate a miraculous recovery too. A fake illness for an imaginary pet? I’m such a bad liar that even lying by text is beyond me.
I bet he ends up cancelling on me. He didn’t seem that interested in going in the first place, but as seven o’clock draws nearer and I realize he probably isn’t going to cancel, I start to panic.
What am I supposed to talk to him about for hours? This is going to be a nightmare.
It’s cool enough out I can wear layers, which is nice. A snug, long-sleeved shirt beneath my sweater, and a pair of medium thickness tights under my dark jeans. I love the extra sheath of skin between the world and me. I put my hair in a braid, and don’t bother with makeup. I don’t want Liam to think that I think that this is a date, because I don’t think that. Chances are I am probably overthinking this entire thing anyways. I have a bad tendency of thinking too long and too hard about trivial things. I always have.
When Liam picks me up, he’s wearing his usual attire, black slacks and a white button down shirt. Outside of practice he always wears almost the exact same thing. Occasionally it’s a dark sweater.
“Hi, Penny.”
“Hi.” I pull my seatbelt on and direct him on the next turn. “Do you have a bunch of copies of the same clothes, or do you just wash them over and over again?”
Liam smiles at me briefly before turning his face back towards the windshield. “I have multiples. It keeps things simple, not having to think about what to wear.”
“That’s what I figured, either that or you liked to do laundry a lot. Because I’ve never noticed you have a bad odor.”
Liam laughs, and clears his throat. “That’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me all week.”
I stare at my reflection against the darkened passenger window. “It’s a smart idea, but don’t you think it’s boring?”
“Other people might. Do you think it’s boring, Penny?”
“I don’t care what you wear one way or the other.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I realize they were the wrong ones. Liam would probably look good in a potato sack, or nothing at all, but I know those are definitely not the right words either. “I just mean, it doesn’t matter what you wear. It shouldn’t matter. I don’t particularly care what I wear most of the time either.”
“Do you know what I like about you?”
“What?”
“You tell the truth.”
I study his profile and try to discern if this is a joke or not. “It’s good that you like it, because some people don’t.” I let out a tired sigh. “I’ll probably have to lie a little tonight. Paige is not a very good artist. On the other hand, maybe she really is. I don’t understand art.”
“What’s to understand? Something either moves you or it doesn’t.”
Running my hand along the stitching of his leather seats moves me. The way the yellow streetlights shatter and refract across the rainy windshield moves me, and those things aren’t art. “Well, someone gets to decide what’s good and what’s not. There’s a general consensus anyway.”
Liam murmurs unintelligibly. “I think lying to your sister is probably understandable in that situation.”
“I wish I wasn’t such a bad liar.” I can feel Liam’s eyes on me, or I imagine I can, but I don’t turn around to find out. When we arrive, the parking lot is nearly full. “There are so many people here.”
Liam keeps his arm across my shoulder so we are both huddled beneath his umbrella as we scurry beneath the rain. Lemons, leather, and rainwater. It’s an alluring combination of scents, but it gets obliterated the moment we step inside.
There are too many people. Too many sounds and smells. I wish I could feel the weight of Liam’s arm pressing down on my shoulders again. It seems like it might help.
Inside the building, it’s a giant atrium with tile floors and a sloped, glass ceiling. My eyes feel overwhelmed by all the commotion. I don’t know where or what to look at first.
“That’s your sister over there.” Liam’s hand rests lightly between my shoulder blades, guiding me through the milling crowd. He’s good at picking out gaps and spaces so we aren’t forced to say “S’cuse me,” over and over and over again.
Right away I notice that the blue of Paige’s iris’ looks electric against the pink of her sclera. Her grin is huge. “Oh, my god. You came.”
“Of course I came.”
“I wouldn’t have fuckin’ blamed you if you had stayed home. It is downright nasty out there.”
“Paige, you remember Liam.”
My sister giggles up at him, then says to me in a loud whisper. “So is this you new boyfie?”
“Boy-fee?”
“Like, your boo? Are you two fucking on the regular? That’s what I’m trying to get at.”
I shake my head quickly, as my face blossoms with heat. Liam fake coughs to cover a laugh.
“I’m just messing with you, Penny. You’re so fun to mess with.” She widens her eyes and grins. “Wanna meet my boyfie?” Paige leans up and look around the room, then shouts, “Cody!”
Cody cuts through the crowd in our direction. He looks to be about Paige’s age, early twenties. He’s tall, slender, with a colorful beanie covering his longish, dark hair. “Damn, you guys really do look like sisters. That’s wild.”
“I’m not sure how wild it is. I think it’s just genetics,” I say plainly.
Cody laughs through his nose. “Paige tells me your a dancer. That’s really cool.”
“Foster tells me your going to be an engineer. What kind?”
Cody and Paige both start laughing wildly. “Can you keep a secret?” Paige asks.
“Yes.”
“I dressed Cody up a bit, and brought him around to see dad with this whole, engineering boyfriend, and gonna stop fucking up my life speil, ‘cause he is about ready to cut me off if you can believe that.”
“Oh.”
“Actually I’m not really even a student here anymore, technically,” Cody says. “But I like deal, you know. Just small time. You two down for some edibles, or molly? That’s all I have on me right now.”
Paige smacks his arm. “Babe, can you not see how fucking straight edge she is, and this guy looks like a narc. What the hell are you trying to sell to them for?”
“I’m not selling shit.” Cody rubs his injured arm and glares at Paige. “They’re family. I thought maybe they wanted to party, ya know?”
“Thanks for the offer,” Liam says with a laugh. “But we’re really here to see this masterpiece of yours, Paige.”
Paige points a fing
er towards the ceiling. “It’s called Passerine, and don’t ask me why it’s called that, because I don’t know. A Passerine is a type of bird, but I just liked the way it sounded, more or less.”
“Passerine,” Liam says, and I love the way it sounds in his voice.
My eyes flitted between the dangling twig sculptures hung by transparent wire. “Wow. I actually like this, Paige. I love it. I wish I could touch one,” I say, rubbing my palms together. “They’re so… they look like they would feel really interesting.”
“You can have one. I already got a grade for this shit. I’m just supposed to stand here and answer questions, ya know? Babe, lift me up.” Paige clumsily scrambled up onto Cody’s back and then his shoulders. “Some of them have rocks inside, and some have feathers. Which one… Hell, you can have one of each.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. Absolutely.”
Paige carefully unhooks two of the sculptures, and hands them down to me. “I think these are the best ones.”
“Thank you,” I say sincerely, cradling the bird sculptures against my chest. They feel rough and real. The smooth pebbles inside the one rattle quietly. The quill of the plain, grey feather pokes against my palm through the gaps in the twigs.
Liam holds a hand out. “Can I see one?”
I let him pick, and he chooses the bird containing a feather. For some reason I love that he chose that one because I adore the one filled with pebbles. It doesn’t mean anything that he knew to pick that one, I know that, but sometimes I get taken in by small, random acts.
Cradling the tiny bird sculpture between his palms, Liam asks Paige all the things I should’ve thought to ask her. Where did she get the materials from? How long did they take to craft? How did she come up with the idea originally?
If I was alone, I might rub the bird against the sensitive skin of my neck, or my cheek, but I know better than to do something so strange in public.
An older couple wander over, and began oohing and ahhing over the ten birds still dangling from overhead. Despite the fact that she is obviously stoned, Paige speaks politely and kindly, answering the same handful of questions Liam just asked.
I waved goodbye to Paige, and mouthed thank you.
