Get a grip, Paislee.
Oh I will.
Seriously!
My brain was unhinged.
The professor started to speak before I could say anything else to him. Not that anything understandable would’ve left my mouth. I was almost afraid to open it for fear that I’d say something filthy and embarrassing. Lately I’d become a thirteen-year-old hormonal boy. I’m not kidding.
Jude slid into the seat next to me, which helped snap me back to reality. He took off his hat, resting it on his knee. For someone who wore a hat ninety percent of the time, he really had a great head of hair.
Surprising, I know.
We didn’t get to talk much once class was in full session, but I made it a point to somehow touch him as often as I could. As the professor rambled on, I was able to get a more careful look at him. It was the first time that I noticed how tired he looked. His eyelids were heavy and there were dark rings around them. I’d seen that look before on my Dad’s face. It was exhaustion, pure, unfiltered exhaustion, at its best. He needed rest. Hopefully, I could talk him into spending the evening with me instead of working. One night off would be just what the doctor ordered or at least a hot meal and a little relaxation.
When I noticed his eyes slowly closing, I let my knee touch his leg to get his attention. Jerking forward, he looked over at me with an apologetic smile. Smiling in return, I noticed that he hadn’t taken a single note. He hadn’t written one word on the notebook in his lap, not even a scribble.
I took notes at double the speed for the rest of the class. He’d need them, and it wasn’t like I was excusing him for slacking. It was just that he was overloaded. There was too much on his plate and we needed to talk. There was no way he could keep going at that pace, at least not if he planned on passing all of his classes.
“See you next week,” the professor said releasing the class.
Jude stretched his arms out wide over his head and yawned.
I gawked.
Of course I gawked.
You would too.
He was all muscle with the physique of a down home country boy. It was a sexy sight and drool worthy.
Easy hormones.
Again with my faceted brain, it had one track that lately only led to Jude.
“Sorry about dozing off. I guess I was more tired than I thought,” he explained as he slid his hat back on his head.
“It’s no wonder. You’ve been working nonstop for days.”
We made our way out of the classroom, and Jude reached for my hand holding it tight inside his. Raising it up to his lips, he kissed the back of it gently. Every single nerve ending in my body enjoyed his touch, so much so that I had to bite my lip to keep from moaning.
“I’ll be okay. Don’t worry. I have to get used to it. Once I add my training in, my schedule will get even more hectic.” He explained as he led me through the hallway.
I tried to hide the worried look that I knew was showing on my face. He couldn’t possibly handle anything else on his to-do list. It was already a mile long. I still wasn’t even sure how the whole house-building thing would work without his parents present.
“Why don’t you come hang out with me tonight, and get your mind off everything?” I suggested.
“I can’t. I could probably do dinner, but I really have a lot to do at the farm tonight.”
My shoulders sank with his refusal. Surely, he could have one night off. “Wait, where are you even sleeping? You told me that you checked out of the hotel yesterday, and Bear said that the cabin you have doesn’t have electric. Tell me you’re not sleeping there?”
“I told you not to worry. You’re giving yourself wrinkles.” He grinned.
I had to smile. That dimple in his cheek was so damn cute. “Now seriously. Where are you sleeping?”
“In the loft of the barn.” His smile was so big that there was a glare from his pearly white teeth.
“Jude!”
“It’s fine.” He led us out of the building and to the lawn.
Clearly, it was not fine. “You can’t sleep in the barn.” My brows furrowed. “Well, maybe you can sleep there. But you have no shower, or refrigerator. How will you wash your stinky ass?”
Jude laughed loudly, before he wrapped his arms around me and picked me up off the ground. My head rested just under the rim of his hat. “I’m pretty sure my ass doesn’t stink, Little Lady.” His accent was unbelievably sexy.
I couldn’t help myself. I leaned in and kissed his lips lightly. The warm sensation that I felt was far too intimate for common ground, so I pulled away.
“It just feels right, doesn’t it?”
“Hmm?” I questioned. His arms were still wrapped tightly around me, and my feet were still off the ground. He held me up like I weighed nothing.
“This. Us.” He leaned his head to the side. “Everything just feels right.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “It does.” It felt as natural as breathing. Kind of shocking really, considering I’d never had a relationship before. At least not anything that was lasting or real. This felt right. Just like he said. It felt like I was exactly where I belonged, in his arms.
He sat me back down on the ground before he straightened his hat. “How about dinner tonight? Then if you want we can take a little night walk around the farm before I go back to work.”
I loved his suggestion. I’d take whatever Jude time I could get. “Sounds great,” I agreed. “After my last class, I’ll come pick you up.”
“Yes ma’am,” he winked. “See ya later, darlin.”
Where was an oxygen mask when you needed one, because that boy took my breath away?
Three
Jude
“Hey Momma,” I spoke softly into the phone. “It’s so good to hear your voice.”
“Hey, Son. I miss you.” I smiled at the sound of her soft voice. “Everything okay?” She asked me. She always knew when something was wrong. Said she could hear it in my voice. After she lost all of the sight in her left eye, and most in her right, she had the most perfect sense of hearing. Her ears were her eyes.
I could’ve tried to hide it in my voice, but I knew she’d catch me lying. “Just had a long day, Momma. I’m tired that’s all.”
“You’ve got a good strong soul. Don’t you worry about being tired, because it means you’ve worked hard. Honest work makes you a better man, Son. You know we’re proud of you.”
That was the one thing in this life that I was most certain of. Momma told me nearly every day just how proud she was of me. It’s why I’d never let her down. I’d never give up. Soon I’d bring them back home where they belonged.
“I know. How’s Dad?”
“Well,” she hesitated. I figured he wasn’t good. “He’s confused. The move was an adjustment for him. He hasn’t found his footing yet.”
He was used to having a routine. “I knew it wouldn’t be easy for him. I hate that you guys have to be there and not home with me.” I sighed. “Please let me know if he gets worse.”
“We’re fine. Stop your worrying. He’ll be better in a few days. Wait and see,” she told me. Momma’s glass was always half full despite all the bad things she’d been through. If anyone had a strong soul, it was that woman. She was like a angel in disguise.
“Promise me you’ll let me know,” I pleaded.
“I promise, Son. Now,” her voice lightened. “Tell me more about this girl.”
My heart felt full just thinking about her. Perched against the side of my science building, I smiled wide. “I can’t wait for you to meet her. I know you’re going to love her, Momma. She’s beautiful and so sweet. She’s a little bitty thing. We’re having dinner tonight.” I didn’t dare tell her that Paislee was at the house the day of the fire. Thank goodness my parents were in the car when she stomped over to me and slapped me in the face. We were not in a good place, and I’d never forget the look on her face when she walked across the driveway towards me. No telling what my parents would’ve thou
ght. Momma probably would’ve given me a stern talking to about how to treat a lady.
“Then what are you gabbing on with me for. You better get ready. Honey, girls don’t like stinky boys.”
I laughed. “Right. I better clean up.”
“She sounds great. I can’t wait to meet her.” I knew she meant it. She only wanted to see me happy. “You call me tomorrow and tell me how it went.”
“Sure thing. I love you.”
“Love you too, Son.”
She said goodbye before hanging up the phone, and I missed her voice as soon as she did. Call me a Momma’s boy or whatever, but she was, and always had been my rock.
Making my way across the parking lot, I climbed in the truck. I needed to get home quickly so I could get ready for our date. Before pulling out of the parking lot, I sent her a quick text. Sure, I’d just seen her minutes ago, but I couldn’t help myself when it came to her. I longed for the moments I could talk to her, or touch her, God how I wanted to touch her.
Jude: I can’t wait to see you tonight.
Paislee: You just saw me like five minutes ago.
Jude: And I miss you already, Darlin.
Paislee: Aww. I miss you too. See you soon.
Jude: Not soon enough.
I tossed my bag on my makeshift bed in the loft of the barn before sliding my shirt over my head. I sniffed it and threw it on the floor. Momma was right. There was no way she’d find me sexy wearing that stinky ass tee shirt. I rolled on some deodorant and slid on a flannel button down. It wasn’t the best, but I only had three shirts to my name since the fire. One I found in my truck, and two I borrowed from Garrett. Garrett’s shirts didn’t fit me, but I didn’t have anything to wear. Everything I owned burned up in the fire. I hadn’t had time to go shopping.
The headlights from Paislee’s car shinned through the open barn door. I quickly grabbed my stuff and rushed down the ladder. A part of me didn’t want her to see how I was living, because it would only upset her. The loft was tiny. It held my blankets, a few pillows, and a battery powered lantern that we used at night in the barn, and that was it. There was barely enough room to move around up there. If she saw it, she’d worry.
She had just stepped out of the car when I came out of the barn. It wasn’t pitch dark yet so I could see just how beautiful she looked.
Damn was I a lucky man.
How could someone so beautiful want to be with me?
She had her hair pulled back in a ponytail, and the prettiest smile on her face. It was a smile meant only for me, and I loved it.
“Hey, Darlin.” I spoke first. Seeing the way her face lit up made my day. I knew she loved it when I called her that.
Hell, I loved it.
“Hey,” her sweet voice answered back. “Hungry?”
“You have no idea.” I kissed her cheek. I was hungry for more than just food, but I certainly didn’t tell her that. “Let me get that.” I reached for her door handle and opened it for her. I was intentionally rushing her back into the car so that she wouldn’t want to poke around too much. The less she knew about my shitty living space, the better. I knew that it was wrong for me to try and keep it from her, but she was such a worrier. I loved that about her, but it wasn’t necessary. I was just fine in the loft. It wasn’t permanent.
“That’s sweet of you.”
I shut her door and walked around to the passenger side of the car. Climbing inside, I settled in comfortably. It was nice having someone else doing the driving for a change.
“Where are we headed?” She asked, slipping the car in reverse.
I forgot she barely knew the area. It was easy to forget that she hadn’t lived here her whole life like I had, since the two of us had such a deep connection. It felt like I’d known her forever.
“What do you like to eat?” I questioned. Oddly, I had no idea. The last time we ate together, I cooked.
“I’m not a big fan of Chinese food. Anything else I’m good with,” she answered. “Oh, I love pizza. Any good pizza places around here?”
“Pizza?” I smiled at her. She could have her pick of any food she wanted, and she asked for pizza.
She shrugged her tiny shoulders. “Yeah, so.”
“I love…”
Shit.
I almost said –I love you.
Clearing my throat and fidgeting in my seat, I quickly corrected myself. “I love pizza too.”
Her eyes didn’t meet mine, so I wondered if she even heard what I almost said. It was an honest mistake, but could’ve turned a good thing bad way too quickly. It wasn’t that I didn’t love her. I could see myself loving her forever, but this was our first real date. There was no need for me to start making confessions just yet.
She glanced out of the windshield, and pulled the car slowly forward. Her face was hard to read. It could’ve been the darkness that filled the car, or maybe she was speechless.
Crap.
Say something you idiot.
“So where is the best pizza place? I think my insides are eating other insides.” Her voice was calm and cool like I’d been worrying for nothing.
“Take a right.” I told her. “I know a good place.”
She pulled out onto the main road. “Have you lived here your whole life?” She asked.
“Yeah,” I told her. “I was born here, and my parents already owned the farm. We have almost two hundred acres.
“Really?”
I smiled at her enthusiasm. Not many people realized we had that much land. “Really,” I nodded. “It’s hard to tell, but the land extends in the back for miles. I’ll have to show more of it some time. It’s really beautiful in the fall.”
“I’d love that.” She looked over at me, and I got lost in her gorgeous face. She was so pretty.
When she glanced back at the road, I kept my eyes on her. Maybe it was instinct or comfort. I wasn’t sure. But my hand found hers and I interlocked our fingers together. She never once hesitated. She never pulled away. My thumb grazed small circles on her smooth skin, and it eased my mind. Settled me to a place I hadn’t been in a long time, a place of peace.
I let my head lay gently on the headrest, and closed my eyes to the soothing hum of the car. I hadn’t felt that relaxed since…
I couldn’t even remember the last time I relaxed.
Where had this girl been my whole life?
Four
Paislee
We hadn’t made it two miles down the road when Jude fell fast asleep in the car. Our hands were still locked together, though his fell limp against mine. It’s how I knew he’d fallen asleep. I could hear the sound of his slow breaths as he inhaled and exhaled. His head rested gently on the headrest and his lips were slightly parted. I wish I’d been stopped on the side of the road instead of driving so I could stare at him longer.
The sky was pitch black, and I had no clue where I was going. I only knew that I didn’t want to wake him. He’d fallen asleep so quickly that I realized he was far past the point of tired. If my grandfather were still alive he’d say, “That boy is plum tuckered out.” I smiled at the thought.
When I glimpsed at him briefly he looked so peaceful. If I weren’t driving I would have run my fingers along the smoothness of his jaw letting my fingertips linger on the pout of his bottom lip. Touching him was all I could think about lately, even more so as I watched him sleep.
Slipping my hand out of his, I gripped the steering wheel tighter. I figured that I’d find the nearest restaurant, no matter what it was, and grab us a bite to eat to go. My sense of direction was terrible so I didn’t want to make too many turns and find myself lost. It wouldn’t take much for me. When my Dad bought my car he made sure I had a top of the line GPS system, only he didn’t take the time to teach me how to use it. So the whole “good gesture” was an ultimate fail, or a waste of money in my opinion.
As long as I stayed on the same road, didn’t stray off too far, I’d be good. I didn’t want to have to wake Jude. He looked so cute.
Nope. I wouldn’t wake him.
Well, unless I got lost.
I really needed to get out more, discover the town and explore. After all, it was going to be home for the next four years. I couldn’t have myself getting lost every time I had to go to town.
Did I mention I had no sense of direction whatsoever?
What’s more, I wanted to try and find a job soon. I needed a job or some kind of experience if I was ever going to choose a major. I couldn’t stay undecided forever. There had to be a goal or else the whole college experience would be a waste. Not to mention, my parent’s would have my head.
There were a bunch of lights up ahead in the distance. Surely one of them was a restaurant.
I slowed down as the lights came closer into view. The first thing I saw was a pizza place. The God’s of travel were on my side.
Perfect!
I could go in and order a pizza to go.
I wouldn’t have to wake Jude, and we could have pizza back at his place. It was a win-win. Easing myself gently out of the car, careful not to wake him, I closed the door as quietly as I could. Then I peeked inside the window making sure that he was still sleeping. He was out of it.
The point of my easing out of the car was to be extra quiet, but he probably would’ve slept through a tornado.
Once I made it through the line to order, I took a seat and waited for our food to arrive. They were surprisingly fast. I was only in there about twenty-minutes, and I ordered pizza and breadsticks.
I made it to the car when I realized what I’d forgotten.
“Drinks, shit!”
Leave it to me to forget something, and chances were good that he had nothing to drink back at his place. I set the pizza in the backseat, quickly checked on Jude and then ran back in.
I grabbed an already chilled two-liter Mt. Dew from their cooler, paid, and made my way back to the car. If there were any chance that I’d forgotten something else, then oh well. It would just have to stay right where it was.
Can you see me? Page 2
