by Mia Castile
“I’m not an angel; I’m a lot like you. I have a government exam on Monday. So you will do really well on your test if you study hard. That’s not prediction; that is fact. You’re not asleep, but I’m dreaming because you are too good to be true.” He brushed the hair away from my face. He heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and he wasn’t sure if I heard them too. He took my hand in his, brushing his thumb along mine, feeling the softness of my skin, willing himself to commit this moment to memory. This moment would get him through the next few weeks.
“Close your eyes now,” he whispered, his heart pounding in his ears, but I couldn’t know. He heard the footsteps getting louder and closer. He let go of my hand and thought about his bedroom. The room swirled around him, and he was standing in his room. Ben was lying on his bed listening to his mp3 player and reading a magazine. He pulled the ear buds out of his ears.
“How was she, man? A dog, right?” He paused, trying to read Zeke’s expression. “I knew it. You think I don’t know girls, but I do.”
“Get out of my room!” he yelled. He was angry that our time was cut short. He was frustrated that we couldn’t talk more. He was angry with himself for not telling his mom that he loved me and with Ben for being so shallow.
“Dude.” Ben stood up.
Suddenly there was a flash of light.
I was sitting in the driver seat of Zeke’s car. I looked into the rearview mirror. I was still connected to his thoughts. He took a deep breath and looked around. He was in the parking lot of the public school. He saw Moriah, Selah, and a boy, Gideon, talking by the buses. He saw me come up to them and join the conversation. Gideon and I waved goodbye as we got on the bus. Before they walked away, Moriah stopped. She turned and stared right at him as he sank down in his seat. She had to know how sorry he was for the break-up. Still he hadn’t meant to hurt her. He just didn’t feel that way about her. She flipped her hair and turned back to Selah. She said something, and they went in opposite directions. The bus left, and he followed it. He did this every day after school. He had to make sure I made it home and to the gift card shop safely. He had to make sure I was unharmed. He had to protect me. If anything happened to me, he felt like he would die. He felt his heart would explode, and he would die. He had been visiting me for a few months on his own now, and he knew he had to tell me soon how he felt.
There was a sudden flash of light.
He was looking at my face. I was looking up at the sky full of stars. I looked down as fireflies began to fly around us, lighting the tall grass and wildflowers that surrounded us. I looked into his eyes, and he lost all of his senses. His legs felt weak. He held both of my hands in his. He brought me here to tell me his name, to tell me who he was, but he lost his nerve. Instead he stood there and began pointing out constellations.
“There’s Orion.” He let go of my hand and pointed.
“What is this place?”
“I come here sometimes to think.” He looked back into my eyes. “About you mostly.” He touched my hair. “I—you’re really important to me.”
There was another blinding flash of light.
He was lying beside me, holding me as I slept. We were in my room again. I’d been asleep when he’d arrived. He just lay down beside me and held me. He was at home when I was in his arms.
A flash of light.
I was sitting in Zeke’s car on the driver side again. Ben was rattling something about “when we were done here.” Zeke knew Ben had come only to hitch a ride to someplace else. They sat outside of the bookstore. It was almost seven, and he knew I’d be coming out soon. He was afraid that when Ben saw me, he’d want me. Pretty girls were never lost on him. He knew he’d try to make me another of his conquests. That’s why he’d let him think all these months that I was ugly. He didn’t lie; he just didn’t deny it. Their tournament was coming up soon, and he wanted me to be there. He had to figure out a way. It was time. Tonight he was going to tell me everything. He would come to me and tell me his name. He would ask mine, and he would ask me if he could call me on the phone or take me out on a date. I emerged.
“Dude, you’re the dog!” Ben said. Zeke watched me as he thought I walked with such confidence. “Dude, trouble,” Ben added, as they both looked to the corner, a block behind me where he pointed. Three mangy dogs with red glowing eyes walked slowly behind me.
“Take the keys; don’t lose them.” Zeke threw the keys at him and reached into the glove box for the collar and leash. He handed them to Ben. With a burst of light, he was Boss. “Come-on,” he growled. They jumped out of the car. Ben grabbed a two by four lying on the sidewalk beside a building. Zeke, as Boss, ran as fast as he could. He had to protect me.
There was another flash of light.
I stood there in my bra and panties. I looked scared and nervous as I concentrated on my pajamas. He padded across my room on all fours, barely comfortable in Boss’ skin, and tried not to look at me as he jumped onto my bed. He wouldn’t be able to tell me who he was before tomorrow. He had to sleep. He was nervous. At least he was with me. His mom would have to understand.
There was a burst of light.
He ran out to the field and searched for where his mother always sat. There I was. I hadn’t seen him yet; he looked straight ahead. When he arrived at the bench, he turned and looked at his mother. I wasn’t there beside her. He took a step toward the stands. He had to go talk to me. He had to explain everything. Ben grabbed his arm, and his mom held up her hand to him. She stood up and went toward the restrooms.
There was another flash of light.
Zeke had just parked his car outside of Parker’s house. I had been quiet all evening. He just wanted to be alone with me. I just kept looking at him like I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It was painful for him to watch Ben and me have more conversation than he and I had.
A sudden burst of light blinded me; they were coming faster and faster.
I emerged from my bedroom wearing a beautiful sundress. The sun shone through the window and hit me with such a light that I looked angelic to him. It was all he could do to keep his hands off me. His desire for me was growing inside him stronger every day. His heart ached for me.
I pulled my hands away from his. There was a final flash of light. My eyes had trouble adjusting to the dim light. I could see him sitting in front of me, but I couldn’t see his face. I felt my cheek. There were streams of tears. He didn’t say anything.
“I have to tell you something, Zeke. It’s about Ben,” I said softly.
“NO, you don’t. I know he thinks he has feelings for you. I know he kissed you.” I still couldn’t see his face, but I gasped.
“Don’t be angry with him, or me,” I said.
“I’m not mad at you. He and I already had words. He told me what happened. He told me you told him I was your home.” I saw him smiling now. His cheeks were marked with tears, too. I leaned in, and I smoothed them lightly with my thumb.
“Why are you crying?” I whispered, as I leaned closer to kiss his cheek.
“I watched your face. Your eyes were closed, but your eyebrows raised and lowered, you smiled, you sighed, you giggled, you frowned. I watched you cry. Why did you want tell me about Ben now?”
“Because it was a secret, but I see your heart now. It’s like I can still feel your heart beating.” I paused to catch my breath. “I feel your love. I understand why you did the things you did. You wanted to tell me the night I was chased by those wolves. And the day of the game, I was so angry with you. But now I understand.” I leaned up on my knees. He did too. He put his hand on the small of my back and pulled me close to him. “I don’t want to keep any secrets from you,” I whispered.
“No secrets,” he whispered as he put his other hand around my face and kissed me softly but deeply. I pulled at his top button. It popped open, and he took a deep breath. I pulled at his second button. It popped open along with the third button. I began to kiss his neck as I pulled at his fourth button. He took anothe
r deep breath and gently pushed me back.
“What are you doing?” He looked into my eyes, seeing my soul.
“I know how much you love me; I understand how deep it goes. I love you so much too. I ache for you too. I’m not alone in this, in how much you mean to me, and I mean to you.” I sat down on my knees.
“You know, you’re acting like you’re drunk.” He began buttoning his shirt and leaned back on his knees.
“What?” I was shocked. I looked down at my hands a little embarrassed.
“It’s like you are intoxicated with my emotions. Now is not the time.” He paused and leaned forward, brushing my hair from my face. He pulled my chin up so I would look him in the eyes. “You’ll regret it tomorrow. We’ll regret it tomorrow. No regrets, no secrets.”
“How can you feel so strongly for me, but push me away from you, literally?” I stood up and began to blow out the candles that surrounded us.
“I’m not pushing you away; I’m holding you off. We’re not ready. Did you realize we haven’t been together yet a month? We have our whole lives ahead of us. And if that’s six months or twenty years, it will be enough. We don’t want to rush these things.” He was standing behind me now with his hands on my hips. “I want to marry you. I want to have children with you. I want to grow grey with you. Even though we have this history and have those months of evenings together, we don’t have to hurry because we are afraid we won’t be together.” He lay his head on my shoulder.
“All right, you’re right. OK,” I said. I knew he was right.
There was a knock at the door.
“Yes,” Zeke answered. He didn’t move. The door opened, and Selah peeked her head in.
“Pizza is here. Everyone is downstairs.” She smiled at us as we both turned to face her.
“We’ll be down in a few minutes,” I said, as Zeke crossed the room. I blew out the final candle. Zeke turned on the light at the same moment.
“Wow, you guys are in sync,” she smiled, as she closed the door.
Chapter 30
We both checked ourselves and each other in his dresser mirror before we left the room. My eyes were still a little red, but we decided it was fine. We came down the stairs and ate dinner with everyone around the dining room table. We talked and laughed and teased. Ben and Selah were getting along very well—even to the point that they were finishing each other’s sentences. The other five of us were relieved. I could read it on everyone’s faces. The evening came to a close. Hanna had set an appointment with a realtor for the following morning after our workout. Gideon luckily had the day off. Zeke offered to take us home, mentioning he’d be glad when some of us got our licenses and cars.
“It’s on the to-do list,” Gideon said, as he patted him on the back.
Zeke walked us up to our apartment. We came up the final flight of stairs to our living room. Zeke and Gideon both went to the large window wall and looked out. They couldn’t see anything. Gideon turned on the exterior flood light. There weren’t any ravens there.
“It looks like even evil takes the night off once in a while,” Gideon smirked.
“Just be careful. You never know.” They proceeded to “sweep” the house and make sure everything was locked up tight and we were safe. Gideon walked Zeke back downstairs after he kissed my cheek and told me good night. I proceeded to get ready for bed.
“Elisheba.” I heard my name whispered. “Elisheba.” I heard it again. I was still half asleep the third time. “Elisheba!” It was a man’s voice. It wasn’t Zeke or Gideon. My eyes flew open, but I lay still another moment. “I knew that would wake you. You seemed to be at that moment where deep sleep takes over and it takes you to wonderful places. Places you can share with the ones you love. Ezekiel is probably waiting for you.” The voice was familiar. I sat up and reached for my light beside my bed. “No, you don’t.” At that moment there was a crack and a flash of light from my lamp. It was a short flash but long enough for me to see a tall wide figure framed in front of my window. He wore a cape-like coat with a hood. I couldn’t see his face. I hoped Gideon heard the lamp crack and woke up. “Your brother is in deep sleep. Don’t try to summon him; he can’t be bothered right now. My eyes were adjusting to the darkness. I saw him move from in front of the window and lean against my dresser.
“What do you want, Sam?” I tried to sound bored with him, not scared of him. I wished I had thought to ask Hanna what his gift was so that I’d know what I was dealing with.
“I didn’t like how our last encounter ended. Then your brother killed one of my strongest warriors. I’m not happy about that.”
“Well, the world isn’t a very nice place. Sometimes things happen that you can’t control. I didn’t like growing up without my parents. I’m not happy at all that you killed them.” I felt my fear leaving me. I began to see better in the dark. It was like a dim light had turned on. He moved again, this time in front of the bathroom door. He closed it. I stood up on the other side of the bed, desperate to keep something between us.
“Sam, why are you coming to me? Why haven’t you revealed yourself to anyone else? I don’t understand, and I don’t like delivering your cowardly messages. Evil never wins; you know that. Why would you choose The Noctem over true love, over goodness, over right?”
“Elisheba, I have come to adore how naively you get to the point. Don’t you see? You are the key (distraction) to all of this.” It was as though when he said key he also said distraction at the same time. It confused me. “You are stronger than any of the others. You have already proven that. I will reveal myself in time. You aren’t a worthy opponent yet. Hanna and my boys will train you well. It won’t be long, and I will be watching you. I’m closer than you think. I see you when you think no one is there. You will have no choice but to join me. That is why I come to see only you.” He paused as he tilted his head up to the ceiling. “Your mother was special too. She almost turned, you know. SHE was a coward! We could have had such a good time, she and I. I miss her, almost as much as I miss Hanna,” he chuckled.
“My MOTHER died protecting us. She would have never chosen The Noctem,” I exclaimed. He walked to the window and turned his back to me.
“You don’t know anything about your parents. I made sure of that. I came between two best friends, the same way you will come between two brothers. That is our lot in this lifetime. We can’t help the ones we love. You do realize that, right?” He turned and faced me. “Ezekiel cannot help that he loves you so much. He would die for you. Do you realize that? Benjamin cannot help that he loves you either. Maybe not as much, but he does love you, as much as he will ever be capable of loving anyone other than himself. Poor Selah, she is left in the dark, so to speak.” I could hear him smiling in his voice. I could see better. It was like someone was slowly turning on a light. His face was a black mask with red eyes glowing bright and hauntingly. It was brighter than day, yet it was as though the hood was absorbing all the darkness that was left in the room. I still couldn’t see his face. He began to walk toward me, and I found myself matching his steps. We met at the foot of my bed.
“I’m glad we could have this little chat. You should ask Hanna how she really felt about Rebekka. It’s not always light and darkness. There is a large area that is grey. That is where we live my darling, sweet girl. We live in the grey. You’ll do good to remember that!” Even though we were face-to-face, and my bedroom was now so bright everything looked white, still, I could not see his face. He began to laugh. “Look at yourself. You’re all worked up over nothing.” I looked past him at my mirror. My eyes were glowing bright white. They were the reason my room was so bright. They illuminated the entire room. He touched my cheek with a calloused hand. I was frozen. “I’m not going to hurt you. I would only hurt you if you made me. But I don’t want to hurt you. It’s your decision.” His calloused finger tips slowly traced my jaw line and my neck until they touched the back of my neck. Suddenly everything went black.
