by A C Warneke
*****
Duncan sat in the darkened study, the glass of bourbon untouched as he willed the confrontation with the wolf. One of the wolf’s sense memories filtered into his head, the pure scent of Lexi before he so thoughtlessly took her in his office.
She was a virgin. His clenched his hands into fists even though he knew he hadn’t hurt her their first time. His jaw clamped together; he wouldn’t have done anything differently had he known. He had been too lost in rapture to think.
She tames me, his wolf whispered. She makes it so I am able to breathe and I claimed her
I am aware of that. Duncan’s fingers ached but he couldn’t unclench his fist.
She’s mine, the wolf continued relentlessly. Ruthlessly. Accept me and she can be ours.
I will not share.
We’re more bonded than you care to believe. The wolf was merciless as he whispered ceaselessly in Duncan’s head. Remember, Duncan; remember what happened eighteen years ago that scared you and embrace your fear.
Closing his eyes, Duncan relaxed his body and let the memories wash over him, through him; memories he hadn’t allowed himself to remember….
Duncan reveled in the freedom of being a wolf and at fifteen he was the youngest member of the pack who could transform at will, going from human to wolf and back again whenever he pleased, between one heartbeat and the next. The best was running through the woods at night, his senses open to the exotic nocturnal world surrounding him.
A tantalizing scent made him freeze: a she-wolf bitch in heat. Without a second thought, he instinctively took off after the she-wolf, frantic to mark her, take her. Catching up to her, he bit the ruff of her neck and started to mount her when the reality crashed into Duncan.
He was fifteen years old; he didn’t want his first time having sex to be with an animal. Hell, he didn’t want any of his sexual experiences to be with an animal. With every ounce of his strength, he wrestled the horny wolf off the she-wolf, battling against a superior adversary. But he had desperation and fury on his side and after a brief battle that lasted an eternity he got the wolf under control.
Panting, exhausted, he returned to his human form and limped over to a fallen tree. Collapsing against the wood, he leaned against the bark, welcoming the bite of wood against his naked flesh. He had almost lost his virginity to a she-wolf.
A shudder wracked his young body as he covered his face with his hands; the wolf was strong, dominant and demanding. How could he remain who he was if he bonded with the wolf and the wolf proved to be stronger? He would lose who it was to be Duncan.
“What’s this?” a gravelly voice sneered as a wolf took human form. An enormous man stood before Duncan, his naked body so much larger than his own, his cold blue eyes gleaming in the darkness. “Are you lost, little lamb?”
Duncan managed to get his exhausted body back on its feet. Pushing his shoulders back and thrusting his chest out, he glared at the unexpected intruder, “This is my land; you are trespassing and I ask that you leave.”
“Do you?” the man sneered, his eyes growing brighter as they drifted over Duncan. He let out a low whistle and three more scraggly wolves appeared and Duncan knew that they were shifters even though they didn’t shift. “Look what we have here, my pack; a tasty little morsel who thinks we are trespassing.”
Duncan could feel the wolf growing within him but he tried to suppress it, not wanting to feel that loss of control again. He held his chin high and when he spoke, his voice didn’t quaver at all, “This is the property of the Tremain Alpha; it would be unwise to cross him.”
The three wolves cowered but the man threw his head back and laughed in derision, “The all-mighty Tremain? The man is a fool who mates the disgraceful whore who consorted with humans, the whore who gave birth to a half-breed bastard; a wolf who can't even shift to his true form. I spit on the Tremain name.”
Fury welled up in Duncan’s chest as the strange wolf lambasted his beloved mother, his older brother Philip. As the man continued to taunt him with insults to his family, Duncan lost it, unleashing the wolf, barely noticing that the other man had taken on his wolf form as well. The battle was ferocious and the sounds of a wolf yelping and bones snapping filled the night air as Duncan tore the other wolf apart.
Panting, he slowly came back to himself, returning to his human form and looking around at the carnage, realizing what he had done, what his wolf had done. Frightened by his actions, he looked at the three wolves, waiting for them to attack, almost wishing they would. But the three wolves shifted, revealing two women and a man, their naked bodies thin from hunger, their eyes hollow.
“Alpha,” one of the women said, but she wasn’t looking at the dead wolf, who had reverted to his human form in death. She was looking at him, at Duncan, her expression one of awe and respect. Going down to her knees she tilted her head to the side in a show of submission and the other two followed suit. Bewildered, Duncan mechanically did what he had seen his father do a thousand times before: he kneeled before them and put his teeth against each throat in turn, accepting them into his pack.
But he was fifteen years old; how the hell could he possibly be the Alpha?
Duncan slowly opened his eyes, remembering the first member of his pack: Marissa. She had offered herself to him that very night but he had been too exhausted in body and mind to give her his virginity. He had been out of his depths when he became an Alpha at fifteen and he had had no choice but to grow up quickly. And what had been meant to be a temporary solution became a popular bar for Shifters and non-Shifters alike.
His wolf had never pushed him again, even agreeing to the ridiculous rules Duncan had set down.
Go back a little further, Duncan, his wolf whispered, pouring salt into his raw wounds. Remember the first time you shifted; remember my memories.
Closing his eyes, Duncan concentrated, trying to remember that first time, the excitement, the fear. His family was hosting a large gathering and there had been so many people there. Under normal circumstances, Duncan enjoyed himself in such social situations, but that day he had been restless, feverish, as if he no longer belonged in his own skin.
He remembered being annoyed with Philip for flirting with a girl who was too young for him, a girl not much older than Duncan's own fifteen years. Yes, the girl was gorgeous and wildly flirtatious but Philip should know better.
You're not concentrating, the wolf interrupted, nudging his memory a little further. Do you remember going to the woods to escape?
"Yes," Duncan's voice shattered the silence, startling him and almost taking him out of the memory.
Duncan! Think!
As soon as Duncan had entered the woods, he began to pace, faster and faster as his blood began to boil and he knew - he knew - what was happening. His father had explained it but mere words could not match the rush of changing. And as he closed his eyes, he willed the transformation.
It had happened so quickly and he hadn't remembered to undress before shifting....
"The memory is fuzzy," Duncan admitted, trying to remember past the torn clothes hanging from his hairy, four-legged body.
My memories, Duncan, the wolf encouraged. Remember my memories.
Squeezing his eyes shut, Duncan focused on the feel of shredded material, of being on four legs. Eventually, the memory became clearer as he padded through the woods, absorbing all of the new sights and scents and sounds through his new wolf senses.
For hours he explored the woods, newly born into the wolf world and exulting in his new form. But when a pang of hunger ripped through his stomach he wasn't sure what to do. He still had human thoughts and the idea of tracking down game and eating it raw did not appeal to him; he preferred his meat cooked.
Lifting his snout into the air, he inhaled deeply, hoping to discover an alternative to raw rabbit or raw deer. There! About fifty feet away, someone had left out a peanut butter sandwich. His father or mother must have figured out what had happened and put the food out for him to fin
d when he was ready.
Running, loving how his body moved, how his four legs worked in perfect unison to propel him forward, he came upon a little girl leaning against a tree. She was absorbed in a book while an uneaten sandwich sat next to her on the ground. He didn't want to expose himself to a human, even a child, but he desperately wanted that sandwich.
Stealthily, he crept forward, his eyes on the food. Just as he was about to snag the treat with his teeth, the sandwich disappeared. Irritated, he looked up to see the little girl staring at him with wide, green and gold eyes, the sandwich in her little fingers. He could tear the food from her fingers and run....
"Would you like a bite?" the little human asked, tearing off a piece of the sandwich and tentatively holding it out to him.
Warily, he took the bite, scarfing it down in one swallow and making the girl giggle as she tore off another, bigger piece. She fed him until the food was gone and then looked at him with regret, "I wish I had more to give you but mama only agreed to let me bring one sandwich. She thinks I'll return to the party when I get hungry enough."
Drawn to the sweet, oddly mature, voice, he curled up and lay down beside her, his ears twitching as the wind blew. Her little fingers sank into his fur, petting him, hugging him. "Oh, I do love you. I wish I could have a dog...."
He yipped in protest at being called a dog but she ignored it and continued, "But Thea is allergic so mama says we can't have one. But I think Thea is lying because I saw her playing with a dog this afternoon and she didn't sneeze at all."
The little girl chattered on and on and he was enchanted, wanting to protect her and keep her safe from all harm. As her little arms wrapped around his neck and her cheek pressed against his throat, he vowed to be her guardian.
Closing his eyes, he had fallen asleep.
"Who...." Duncan started to ask but the wolf interrupted. Remember what happened next.
"I found her!" his father's voice broke through his sleep-fogged head and Duncan startled awake, disoriented and lost. A little girl was lying next to him and for a moment he thought his wolf had killed her. But she made a little snuffling sound in her sleep and rolled over and he sighed as relief washed through him.
And then he realized he was wearing the tattered remains of the clothes he had been wearing and there wasn't a lot of coverage. Scrambling to his feet, he turned and crashed into his father, who was laughing. "I changed, father."
"I know," Julian had grinned, pride shining in his eyes as beamed at Duncan. "Was it everything you hoped?"
Duncan couldn't prevent the smile from stretching his face as he remembered the exhilaration of shifting, of being a wolf. Words could not describe what it was like, but his father would know that. "It was... incredible."
His father clapped him on the back, "Why don't you shift while I get little Alex inside; her parents are sick with worry. As soon as they're gone, I'll join you on a run through the woods. I want to show you our world."
Duncan and his father shared a smile as Duncan dropped to the ground, shifting before he landed. Taking off into the woods, forgetting all about the little girl, he ran.
"My, God," Duncan breathed, slowly opening his eyes, half-expecting to see the woods that had come alive to him that night. But it was the darkened study, reminding him he was still human; that he had partially bonded with his wolf and had ended things before it could be completed. He remembered the little girl.... "You claimed her back then."
If I could I would smack you upside you head for even thinking something so stupid, the wolf growled. Of course I didn't claim her back then, you moron. But it has been your stubbornness that has caused no ends to my annoyances and grief. She's ours, Duncan; she has always been ours and while you didn't remember the little girl, I never forgot.
Duncan was still trying to reconcile his past with his present; with his future. His wolf had respected his wishes, until Lexi came back into their lives. But how could he keep her if his very presence put her in danger? She....
Do shut up, Duncan, the wolf growled. I will keep her safe, I promise.
But....
I didn't expect to love her as an adult, the wolf admitted. To want her, but the moment she came back into our lives I knew we would claim her. I promise she will be all right.
"You cannot make that promise," Duncan ground out. "If I forget myself, you'll bite her and then we will both lose her. We'll lose everything."
Don’t you understand? The wolf’s voice was rough, passionate, as he spoke. I am not separate from you; I am you. And you are me. Accept me. Embrace me, accept my gifts and live up to your full potential; embrace who you are, Duncan; you are a wolf. You are the Alpha; you have always been the Alpha. And Alexandra is our mate; we will not hurt her.
Yes, Duncan murmured, feeling the influx of power as he finally became utterly one with the wolf. The wolf’s essence filled him and instead of overpowering him, it complimented him. With his eyes opened, he saw the room sharpen, brighten around him; the scents became stronger, the sounds clearer. The dam in his chest burst open and flooded him with what he was always meant to be; what he always was.
He was the Alpha.
And Lexi was his mate.
Finally.
Shut up. But this time, Duncan said the rejoinder with a smile.
*****
Lexi lugged her bag inside, wondering how she ended up with so much more stuff than when she had left; she didn’t remember shopping all that much. Her time spent with Aunt Cassandra had been illuminating and she understood why she remained a virgin until Duncan came along and she was so eager to be rid of her virginity. Apparently Sirens of their magnitude were only tempted by the man who would win their heart, which Lexi thought was ridiculous and complete bullshit. It wasn’t fair that the man she was destined to spend the rest of her life with was chosen for her by the Fates or whatever; it didn’t matter if the man chosen for her was Duncan, whom she adored. Whom she had kissed goodbye.
With a grunt, she turned on the lights, wondering where her roommates were. She probably could have called Dima or Cole from the airport but she needed just a little bit more time to figure out what to say to them. Having spent the entire flight trying to figure out what to say should have been the first clue that a forty-five minute ride from the airport wasn’t going to help much. How was she going to tell the two most important men in her life that she was a Siren, or that she was apparently sexually attracted to only one man? The two of them were going to look at her and then laugh at her.
It would be a good sound to hear, if only she knew where they were. Well, it was fairly late; they were probably at Skin. Maybe after she got her bag upstairs, she’d get dressed up and join them there. After all, it had been almost three weeks since she donned a wig; it might be kind of fun to see what was happening at the club.
Or maybe she’d pull on a pair of jeans, pull her hair back in a ponytail and drive out to Duncan’s bar. Maybe she’d run into him and be able to strike up a conversation. Maybe convince him to take her home and to his bed since she no longer worked for him and he wouldn’t be able to use that excuse. No matter how much time it took, she would work her way beneath his skin until he realized he loved her. And if he never loved her, at least she’d have a few more months with him.
Hopefully it wouldn’t take thirty years to desire sex again. No wonder why her aunt had been dotty; it must have been difficult to go that long without sex. The Siren’s gift truly could be a curse if that were the case: loving one man and not being able to have him and thus not being able to have anyone. A shudder went through Lexi as she pushed the door to her bedroom open, wondering how the Fates could be so cruel as to choose a mate and then deny love.
Her thoughts circled around and around with Duncan standing in the middle. Duncan… possibly the only man she’d ever have sex with.
Maybe she should call Cole’s cell and ask him to come home, maybe see if it were possible to have sex with someone not Duncan. Or she could call Dima but
the bar was probably insanely busy and he wouldn’t be able to get away. Not that she was going to call either of them up and ask them to have sex with her; it was simply an option to see if it was possible.
Even if the idea held zero appeal.
If Duncan wanted to have nothing to do with her after she re-introduced herself she might consider the Cole and/or Dima option. Hell, if Duncan couldn’t love her, she’d fake it because she was not going to go the rest of her life without sex, even if she had to fall in love with someone not her Soul Mate. Besides, what did the Fates know? Maybe they weren’t so cruel as to offer only one; or maybe they were exceedingly cruel to offer just one.
Turning on the lights, she shook her head and smiled wryly; that just seemed….
Her thoughts ended abruptly as she saw the pictures of Duncan on her wall, the pictures of a naked Duncan on her wall. The bag slipped from her fingers and landed with a thump next to her feet, her jaw falling nearly as far. Duncan. Naked. And on her wall.
Of course she recognized Cole’s hand in the artistry of capturing the essence of Duncan, she just wondered how on earth her newly promoted to favorite roommate had accomplished such a feat. Maybe blackmail, though Lexi couldn’t figure out what dirt Cole could possibly have on Duncan that would get Duncan to strip off his clothes and get his picture taken. It didn’t matter; his pictures were on her wall.
Walking over to the first, her breath caught in her throat as the light backlit Duncan’s muscled form, the curve off his butt, the sleekness of his back. Running her hand over the achingly familiar lines, Lexi could almost feel his flesh beneath her fingers and her body responded as if he were real, as if he were there. The next picture was from the front, his body twisted in such a way to hide the more interesting parts of his anatomy but revealing his strength, his sheer masculinity. Flashing, silver eyes stared out at her from his beloved face and she had to squeeze her eyes closed for a moment to regain control of her emotions.
