“Like what?”
“I don’t do that sort of thing.” He must never know where her thoughts often led. He’d never think of her the same.
“Were you having fun?”
“Yes, oh yes, you know I did” bare chest against bare chest – too soon again, but the touch of his skin completely against her own was exhilarating.
“Then, my beautiful girl, if you want to scream, scream. If you want to scratch me, then go for it.” He kissed her as passionately as the first time. “Consider me your sexual canvas to paint anything you want.”
Felicity blushed, despite her inexperience, this man was encouraging her to want to do things that nice girls didn’t do. What would he think of her if she showed her inner thoughts!
“I’ll remember that,” they started kissing again and already she wanted more.
“My turn,” sometimes, she thought, he could read her mind as his fingers went to work, finding her lower lips ready for him again as her still sensitive nipples responded to the deft touches of his tongue.
Every sense of her inflamed, as her back arched and too quickly, she cried out again, his fingers plunging deep inside her and then she closed her legs around his hand, not letting him continue and not letting him go.
“Wow, I didn’t expect that, well, so soon.”
“You realize I’ve only begun to thank you.”
“It’s only a bed.”
“Felicity,” his eyes bore into hers in earnest as he cupped her face with his free hand, “You’ve already turned this house into a home.”
Shaken by her feelings, embarrassed at the wanton way she greeted him, Felicity sat up and grabbed her dress from the floor. She didn’t need to worry about her underwear, she needed something between her body and this gorgeous man with the ripped abs, strong arm and lips that could open her with one lick.
“I set up a picnic lunch in the garden, if you’re hungry?”
He grabbed his shorts with a smile that lightened her heart, “I guess we need to keep up our strength for the whole weekend.”
“Only a weekend?” so hard to keep the tremble from her voice.
“I’ll see what I can do, but no promises,” one last embrace and kiss before leaving the room.
“I don’t want promises, only honesty,” she left to organize lunch.
Erebus
Damn, honesty. Not the first time and probably wouldn’t be the last she told him she valued honesty above all. He didn’t know who hurt her in the past that made honesty such a valued commodity – but would she be ready to hear and accept his truth?
One more day of loving her, and then he’d tell her. It’s what he promised himself after their first time together and then every day since. While he was back in the city, it became too impossible and impractical to tell her over the phone knowing how easily she could block his calls and eradicate him from her life.
Now, he needed to tell her the truth, the whole truth and hope she accepted it and him. The scratches down his back gave him hope. If there was a sexual animal inside her and if he could awaken her beast, perhaps there was a chance she would understand the difference between making love, having sex and being involved in sex.
He tried to concentrate on listening to Felicity over lunch, however he kept being distracted by how to tell her and when to tell her.
“Start with telling me your real name,” her words cut through to his thoughts.
“What!”
“I was saying all the things I don’t know about you. I know how you like your toast buttered, your coffee served, your kisses returned. But I don’t know your real name.”
He thought quickly, “I thought you would have seen it on the contracts for the house sale.”
“Remember, I found you the house but I’m not the agent. You were lucky they gave me the keys.”
“It doesn’t matter what my name is. Keep calling me ‘E’.” If she knew his name, any online search would link him to the scandal. And if he gave her his working name, well that could end even worse.
The sun shone through her hair, beautifully backlighting her face. He saw the toll the absence of truth was taking on her when she lay back on the rug, unable to look at him, “It matters to me. Don’t you get it - I want to get to know you and you can’t trust me with your name? I get the same nick name you give out to friends. Is that all I am to you?”
“No, no, nothing like that.”
“Then what,” she cried. “Are you an axe murderer or a famous celebrity that I should recognize but don’t?”
“Felicity, there’s a lot about me you don’t know and the truth is I am scared that once you find out, you will …”
“I won’t,” she rolled to him, the depth of her feelings for him clear.
“You don’t know me.”
“Then, please introduce me to the man I can’t stop thinking about. I’ve even decorated your house for. Introduce me to the man who is everything I have been waiting for.”
“Felicity, I am falling in love with you, and the truth is the more I am falling for you, the harder it is to tell you anything about the man I was before I met you.” His heart was racing and his mouth so dry he could barely speak. He needed to tell her the truth, but he also needed her to forgive him and accept his love. Damn it, yes, he loved her and wished he had told her sooner. Before this conversation happened.
Would it have made a difference?
“What could be worse than not telling me your name?”
Still in his arms, he had one last kiss before he told her the truth. Her body responded to his touch and he wanted to take her one last time, to feel the magic of her love before it disappeared with his lies.
“Not here,” wanting what he was about to share to be private and theirs alone. Not even willing to share this moment with the gorgeous garden.
She followed him inside, up the stairs to the bed that still showed the evidence of their earlier passion.
“I can’t do this.” He shook his head and turned to her. “I want to make love to you, I want to lie you back, make love to you so you can feel how much you mean to me – but I can’t”
“Why not?”
“Because, the next time will be after you know everything. I mean everything, and I can only hope you will still look at me with those beautiful eyes,” he drew on all his courage to continue as he held her and stroked her flowing hair.
“The next time we make love I hope you’ll tell me that despite everything, you are still willing to love me. The next time will be after you’ve heard the truth and are willing to love me anyway,” the closer he came to the truth, the harder he wanted to hold her. Stop her from running away.
“You gave me this bed – you turned the house into a home. I want to share that and more with you. You deserve the truth and that’s all I have left to give you.”
He started at the beginning, school and study, working in the finance industry. “You should have seen me. There were days I was on fire. Making deals, watching stocks rise and fall – being ahead of the game. I was awesome and winning millions for a client or the firm was the biggest rush.”
“You’re not in finance anymore? You said you did laboring.”
Then he told her about money he made and gambled on one trade.
“You lost your job?”
“I lost everything and so did my parents. They believed in me and invested when their amazing son told them to,” even though theirs was the money he repaid first, he never forgot his father’s face when Erebus told him the life savings vanished.
“I lost my job, my friends – no one would hire me or even interview me. Banks wouldn’t touch me – one of my major clients was a bank who was forced to explain to their board and press how much they lost because of me.”
“You paid cash for the house, how?” She pushed away what he feared would be their last kiss. Instead, he tried to remember her adoring gaze instead of the confusion and panic in her eyes.
“That’s what I ne
ed to tell you. You asked for my name, well,” he took a deep breath and linked his fingers around hers so she couldn’t run.
“They call me Erebus. I started out as a stripper – mainly for hens nights. That started paying back my parents, but there was more money on offer if I came and watched couples, well you know.”
Her innocence apparent when at first, she didn’t know what he meant. Then her eyes widened, and she flung her hands, trying to break free.
“Felicity, please, you wanted the truth so please hear me out.” His kisses landed in the air as she lowered and shook her head away from him.
As her knees gave way and she fell to the floor, he tried to hold her crumpled, crying body. How could he tell her the rest? But if he didn’t, she would never learn to love him and his truth.
Felicity
“Noooooo! Let me go, let me get out of here!” Felicity struggled to pull herself together and pushed off the man she thought she knew. The man who loved her, made love to her was not the man she thought. How could she have been so very wrong and let him into her bed and her heart.
Almost tripping down the stairs, she looked for her bag. Wanting to get far from here, from him.
“Felicity, wait, I want you to understand.” He followed her downstairs. As she turned towards him one last time, she held her hand out to stop him from coming closer.
“Don’t, please don’t,” after hearing his truth, knowing his bedroom skills came from that sort of experience … how could she ever let him touch her again?
“Felicity, please,” he begged.
Yes, she loved him – or at least the man he used to appear to be. Yes, the pain in his eyes was real. It had taken a lot for him to tell her the truth – and she realized how large a risk it took for him to tell her. But how could he have done those things? How could she now unhear the words he told or think of him with those women, those couples!
Slowly, she walked backwards. Towards her bag and then the door. Unable to turn away from him, knowing that once she did that she never wanted to see him again.
“Please, Felicity, all those things I did because I didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t let my parents down. All I had to use was my body.”
“There’s nothing to understand,” she choked. “You did what you had to do to survive. And I’m glad you were finally honest with me, before this got any,” she shook her head trying to find the words, “Before this got any harder to walk away from.”
“Please, can’t we talk about the future – our future together. I want to walk away from it all, the only thing I want from you is hope that you can one day understand and allow us to move past it.”
How could he even think she would be willing to “move past it”?
“You haven’t even apologized!”
“What would I be apologizing for – you wanted the truth and I gave it to you,” the first sign of him fighting back, his pain now turning to frustration.
“I did what I had to do to get myself and my parents out of debt. Did you expect me to stand by and let them lose everything because they had trusted me, their son?
“I had to do something, and when that woman offered me a strip job I felt the only victim would be me.
“Try and think about what it was like for me standing on the stage or wherever they wanted me, doing my thing only being a piece of meat for those horny women. Did you think I was turned on by being on display for them. One day, I’m being paid for my brain and then the next day women don’t care how smart I was or even wanting to know my name. I was nothing to them and in return they became a meal ticket for me.”
“I don’t care. I’m leaving. I never want to see you again. If you ever cared about me, you’ll let me go.”
“Felicity,” her heart broke as the tears fueled by years of anger, regret and now fear fell down his cheeks. Only once had she seen a man cry - her father at her mother’s funeral.
“Felicity, you deserve better than me – I’ll be the first to admit that. All I want you to know is that I can’t apologize for what I did in the past, but I am sorry for the way my past is hurting you and us right now. I want a future with you but to do that you need to be able to accept me faults and all.”
He came towards her and despite all her internal protests to run and run fast, this time she didn’t flinch when he cupped her face in his hands. “I love you. I’ve never said that to another woman before and I can’t imagine ever saying it again,” tears unashamedly fell down his cheeks. His pain was real, but so too was hers.
“I love you and I don’t want you to walk out of my life,” he pleaded.
She allowed him to kiss her, savoring the last touch before leaving.
As reality dawned, her walk became a run and she couldn’t get into her car quickly enough, nor drive fast enough away from the white house with the man she loved but could never be with again.
Erebus
He’d blown it.
As he paced around the empty house, he replayed every word, every touch, every kiss.
Did he make a big deal out of his past? Should he have waited until they tried a new position, “Hey, if you like that, there’s other things I learn when I was being paid to watch couples fuck.”
No. He knew from the first moment, Felicity would never understand or accept him. The only thing crueler than hurting her with the truth now would have been if his secrets came out after they got married and had children. He would have married her and been the best husband she deserved.
Now, he had a house but it was merely that, four walls and some furnishings. Felicity bought the light and life into the place, and with her gone, it seemed cold and empty.
She wanted, no begged, for the truth and so he left nothing out. Now everything they had was over and he owned a house in the town she lived in. The one place he hoped to reclaim his name, lost to him.
A shower didn’t clear his head, instead he allowed himself to try and objectively reexamine his options.
All the reasons for coming to this town remained. It was far enough away from the city to avoid any of his “clients.” Close to the beach and all the people he met were friendly, unpretentious and willing to accept him on face value.
It was still a town he wanted to call home. The house still needed his touch – actually, the more he looked around the more work needed to be done.
By the time he unloaded the building supplies from the ute, Erebus decided to continue working on the house. Only after the renovations were complete would he decide whether to stay or sell up, take the money and leave. Perhaps this could be a new career for him – all his laboring skills and contacts would come in handy. You couldn’t get a more honorable profession than buying houses and turning them into homes.
Felicity. The sadness in her voice as she left. The anguish in her eyes. She didn’t want to leave him, surely, she loved him, too. After what he told her, she just didn’t know how to stay.
He loved her enough to give her space. But first, he needed to do something to prove to Felicity how much she meant to him and give her different truths to think about.
The first text, “Flick, I don’t regret being honest with you. You deserve the truth.” He regretted not finding a better way of telling her, but she needed to know. The second text was harder to write, “I meant what I said – you deserve better.” She’d have to agree.
“I love you.” She might deny the strength of his feelings, but at least he was giving her what she most valued – honesty.
The Easiest Choice
Erebus
Erebus felt the weight of his secrets fall away.
He finished a productive couple of weeks working on his house and avoided coming back to the city. Until Derek reached out and wanted to meet for drinks - in public and man to man.
What to wear. About time Derek realized the man he was or at least used to be.
Pulling down from his cupboard large, plastic zip lock bags with the last of the clothes from his past life. Releasing them
from their suction, he remembered the man he used to be. Arrogant, vain, ambitious.
The reasons he had been successful was the reason for his failures.
The man Felicity fell in love with was humble, reliable and easy-going.
The man Derek knew only wore black leather and a mask.
Time to pay Derek a surprise.
Shaking out the white linen shirt, thin black tie and the last of his custom suits ordered on a business trip to Hong Kong years ago - a life time ago.
He folded a couple of towels on the floor to use as an ironing board. As he put on the freshly pressed shirt, he realized how much his body had adjusted during his career change. His arms filled the sleeves far more than they used to and the shirt held firm against his chest. The trousers still fit snugly around his ass, but the waistband was looser and he needed to punch a new hole in his belt.
Checking himself one more time in the mirror before leaving, he wondered if enough time had passed for his old colleagues to forgive him.
When Erebus entered the café he chuckled when Derek didn’t acknowledge him, with no recognition for the man who had given Jade so much pleasure.
Erebus walked with the confidence of being able to close any deal and open any woman. The bravo was well suited to the inner-city café and its business clientele.
Unfortunately, he knew it was all for show - he could have any woman except the one he loved.
He needed to stop thinking like that. Felicity lived in her perfect house in a perfect town with her perfect life, miles away. She hadn’t responded to any text. His calls went straight through to voice mail. She was beyond his control. This was a business meeting and he needed to focus.
“Derek, I was glad to get your call,” even with him standing at the table, Derek took a moment to recognize him.
“Erebus, sorry, I didn’t recognize ...”
“Me with my old clothes on, don’t worry about it, mate. I figured if I turned up here in leather, people might ask questions.”
That broke the ice and Derek took a sip of water, buying time to reassess how to approach him.
Who is Erebus: Bad Boy meets Good Girl romance (Bad Boys & Good Men Book 4) Page 7
