by Liz Schulte
“I didn’t want to tell you,” she said. “But I was…trying to get help. I didn’t want to—”
“Bother me?” I asked, echoing her words from earlier. Anger lapped at my insides, threatening to cascade in flames again. “Were you really going to let yourself die? Do we mean that little to you? Do I mean that little?”
She laughed, but it was an angry, bitter thing. “No, no. It’s clear I’m the one who means that little to you. That’s fine. I expected it and it doesn’t matter. I still love you.” She looked away. “But we’re done.”
I took a breath that stabbed all the way into my heart.
“And don’t put words in my mouth. I wasn’t giving up. I was just letting nature take its course. It’s not the same thing. You can’t understand. Obviously you don’t want to.”
There weren’t many stories I hadn’t heard in my years of assisting people give up their lives. “Try me.”
She looked down at her hands, and mumbled something about how Quintus would understand better.
“I assure you he doesn’t want you dead any more than I do.”
“You’re a self-righteous asshole, you know that? Less than ten minutes ago you couldn’t wait to get away from me. We’re done hurting each other. You no longer have a say in what I do. Instead you’re going to sit here and listen to what I have to say because you owe me at least that.”
My mouth snapped shut. She was right.
She looked back up at me. “When a soul nears the end of its life, it clings to the body it inhabits and the world it knows, often making people desperate and willing to try anything to survive just a little while longer. Rarely are the decisions made in that time good or right.”
It was the perfect moment to strike, which was exactly what I had done to her, only I didn’t recognize it at the time. Blinded.
“I feel that desperation, Holden. Death is inside of me, and it’s spreading. There’s nothing I can do to stop it. If I give into the desperation, if I let myself stop at nothing to survive, I can’t be sure that what I’ll have left will be worth having. I don’t want to survive at the expense of everyone else.”
“Or maybe you’re just chicken shit.”
She gave me a wry smile, but I could feel how closed off she was to me, despite her honestly shared words. “I’m terrified. What would you be? Pieces of me are dying, memories are fading from my mind, and I can’t do anything.” Her eyes filled with tears. “Do you think I like being helpless in all of this? But I am, Baker is dead because I couldn’t keep the angel at bay. I see the hate within you growing, and it’s because of me. Maybe if I leave now, you won’t give into the darkness inside of you.”
“Liv—”
She held up a hand. “You don’t get to call me that anymore.”
Shame like I never felt before smoldered inside of me at the things I had said to her. But though I didn’t fucking deserve another chance to say the right thing, I was going to take it. She wasn’t going to let herself die because of me or any other bullshit reason she could concoct.
“I hear what you’re saying and it’s a complete load of crap.” I leaned forward, resting my elbows against my knees. “Femi’s right. I know you weren’t entirely to blame for what happened… . ” I searched for the words, the instruments that would lay my soul bare to her once again. “I never let anyone in until I met you. I learned that lesson a long time ago, but with you things changed. With you, I suddenly had things that I never knew I wanted: friends, allies, and someone who loved me better than I ever deserved. So much more than I deserved. I do know that.”
She kept her eyes downcast.
“Baker’s death …” I shook my head. “It reminded me of how much I had to lose. He chose to sacrifice it. We followed all the clues to the wrong decision, and the angel didn’t make us do that. We did it on our own. That’s the truth. You didn’t kill him. Chances are even if you had been here, not the angel, nothing would be different right now. I should have told you that from the start. It was just so much easier to let you take the blame. Part of me enjoyed it.”
She stared at her hands, a worried line tugged between her eyebrows.
“You aren’t responsible for the angel, Liv. That wasn’t what I was talking about. I’ll tell you everything that happened with her if you want, but after that we need to let this go and focus on saving your life.”
Her head tilted to the side. “There is no we anymore, Holden. There’s you and there’s me. You’ve made damn sure of that.”
I ignored her comment. We’d save her life then I would spend the rest of mine proving to myself and to her that I could be worthy. “How long have you known you were dying and what can we do to stop it?”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “Nothing. There’s nothing we can do.”
Her anger surged, elevating my own. “We always do everything your way. This one final time we are going to do it mine.”
She looked far from convinced. I was out of favors with her, had pushed her to the limit of her seemingly infinite patience with me.
“You used Juliet against me.” Her whisper was raw. “You said you wished we had never met. I’m pretty sure I don’t owe you anything.”
“You’re right. You don’t. But I also know you better than anyone else. And you can’t just walk away or give up the good fight, and this fight is the best. A prince of hell is right here on earth. He will kill everyone in his wake. I can’t defeat him without you, or even with you as you are right now. Everyone is depending on you to be strong and healthy. I’m sure the attack was a test. They needed to know you were weak and now that they do, we have to be ready. Show me your injury.”
Olivia leaned back in her chair, unbuttoned her shirt, and pulled her collar back. I tried not to flinch. The stab wound over her heart was black around the edges and seeping light oozed from its charred red center. “It won’t heal. I’ve tried everything I could think of, but it never changes. Uriel isn’t answering my calls. The Angel of Death offered to help, but…” she shook her head.
“You’re hearing the voice again?”
She nodded.
“For fuck’s sake, Liv, let him help you.”
She started to say no, then clenched her jaw shut. “I was going to, but—”
“You’d rather die?”
She tapped her foot against the floor, fast and hard. “Maybe,” she snapped. “He took my mother, Holden. He took her right in front of me, and there was nothing I could do to stop him. We’ve already established that I’m dying. What’s to keep him from taking me because I’ve lived past my time? The one day I leave the warehouse, going to see him, I’m attacked. Is that a coincidence? And who’s to say he isn’t righting a wrong? Maybe I am next on his list.”
I scratched my jaw. “Contact him anyway.”
How was I supposed to keep us together when the glue and the reason for us all being here wanted to give up?
I looked up at the ceiling. Baker, if you’re up there, you’re an ass hat for leaving me to deal with this alone.
I could almost imagine him smiling and winking and telling me that I could do it because I was the bee’s knees, whatever that meant. I could almost feel the pleasure that used to vibrate through me when he called me kitten—almost. But the fact was I couldn’t really feel any of that because he was gone and we all needed to move on.
Maggie sat at the kitchen table, playing a card game with the kid, and Corbin leaned against the counter squinting at them.
“What’s wrong with her?” he asked when I came in.
“Which one?” I asked when it was clear Maggie was ignoring him.
“That one.” He pointed at Maggie who wasn’t wearing the sunglasses we all agreed she needed to wear.
“She drinks a lot,” I said dryly, making Maggie laugh.
“I do,” she said.
He gave us a dubious look. “I don’t think that’s it. She almost looks like…”
Maggie threw a card at him swift and fast
and it stuck into the center of his chest. He blinked and looked down.
“Ow. How the f—”
“Little ears,” I interrupted him. At least Olivia and Holden weren’t fighting anymore. “She’s a half-vampire. Deal with it.” I went to the refrigerator, needing to move.
Corbin stayed put, jaw hanging open. “At least your little problem is good for one thing,” I said to Maggie. “It finally shut Corbin up.”
“Great. I was about two seconds away from yelling ‘I’m not an animal.’” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes, which were starting to look sunken, with dark rings around them. She fidgeted and her legs tapped uncontrollably as she put back on her sunglasses.
“How is that possible?” Corbin asked, moving closer to her. “Her heart beats.” He grabbed her by the chin, but Maggie knocked him away, smashing him into a wall with a crack.
Her cheeks reddened. “Sorry,” she said.
“Who created you?” he asked. Neither of us answered, but understanding crossed his face. “Thomas. How did you stop the transformation?”
“Divine intervention,” I said.
He snorted. “Really, what happened?”
“I’ll keep trying. I can’t make him answer,” Olivia said, walking into the kitchen with Holden scowling behind her. Well, at least they were talking.
“This is priority.” Holden crossed his arms over his chest and stayed in the doorway.
“I said I would,” Olivia said from between clenched teeth. Then she looked at me, and her face softened. “Thank you, Femi. I needed that kick in the butt.” She hugged me tight and I returned the embrace. It was good to have my friend back. “And thank you for saving me. Both of you.” She glanced over at Corbin, who nodded to her though he really hadn’t done anything.
“So what’s the plan?” I asked.
“We’re going to find a way to save Olivia and then we’ll deal with Mammon.”
Corbin laughed. “Mammon. You’re going to ‘deal with Mammon’? Whew, look at the time.” He glanced at a bare wrist. “This is definitely not my business, so if one of you will tell me how to find Thomas, I’ll get out of your way and you can carry on with your mass suicide.”
“No one invited you here to begin with,” I told him. Why were all vampires a pain in the collective ass? First there was Thomas who was essentially the human equivalent to herpes. Now Corbin was here like a damn stalker. “We don’t know where Thomas is. He left and I haven’t seen him since. Find him yourself.”
“What do you know about Mammon?” Holden asked him.
“Enough.” Corbin looked completely relaxed as he tried to stare Holden down.
Olivia ignored both of them and took a seat, starting to look paler than normal again. “Have you found a food source yet?” she asked Maggie.
Maggie shook her head. “No, and I’ve tried everything. Most of it has scarred me for life.” That got Corbin’s attention—and everybody else’s. All eyes in the room turned to her. Maggie rattled off a list consisting of pretty much everything any creature in the Abyss ate. “The only thing left is sex. Any takers?” she asked half-heartedly.
Olivia smiled faintly. “You’ve tried everything that other beings need to survive, but you aren’t any of those things. Of course they don’t work.”
“What else is there?” Holden asked.
She pressed her lips together and studied Maggie. “Take off your sunglasses,” she said. Maggie complied. Olivia’s hand hovered just over her face as she studied the area around her, mouth twitching down into a frown. “What do you eat, Corbin?”
“Life force,” he said, looking vaguely curious. “Energy.”
“Souls,” she said.
“If that’s what you want to call it,” he replied.
She nodded, letting her hand drop back to her lap like it was too heavy to hold up any longer. “Why?”
He stared at her for a long while. “So I don’t starve.”
She shook her head. “No. What does the soul give you that you’re lacking? For example, people eat food because their body needs nutrients to survive. I don’t need to eat anything now because my survival is not dependent on having a body. So what void is being filled in you?”
“Life. The better fed I stay, the more life-like I can be.”
She nodded, tilting her head to the right. “What happens if you don’t feed?”
He scowled in no one’s general direction. “At first you become slow and sluggish, then eventually your body stops moving and you become a prisoner inside a rotting corpse.”
“That’s good,” she said to herself nodding.
“Not my initial reaction, love.” His eyebrows arched and his mouth twisted in a wry expression. “What does any of this have to do with her? She’s not a vampire.”
“I’m half,” Maggie objected.
“We need to find what balances her,” Holden said, nodding at Olivia.
Why couldn’t they see how much better they were as a team?
“Everything is about balance,” she said.
Well, what in the hell would balance a half vampire? “She’s technically still alive, right?” I asked and everyone nodded. “But she has vampire strength and speed.”
“And eyes,” Corbin volunteered.
“I’ve never seen a vampire with red eyes,” Holden said.
Corbin shrugged. “I have.”
Olivia smiled. “Like when they’ve fed too much?”
One side of Corbin’s mouth raised and he wagged a finger at her. “There’s something about you, love. I like it.” He moved a little closer to them. “Actually, yes, when they get energy drunk. First you forget anything else matters but feeding. You take and take and take until your skin buzzes and hums and your strength and speed go off the charts making it nearly impossible to control.”
“How do you fix it?” Holden asked.
“You don’t. You lock them up until their body burns off the excess energy.”
“But it won’t work with her,” I said. “Since she’s alive, the vampire half is constantly being fed.” Maggie was fucked.
“That’s why she has so much energy.” Holden leaned against the wall.
“So what do we do?” Maggie asked, bouncing her legs.
Olivia gave her a sympathetic smile and rested her hand over hers. Maggie’s foot stopped thumping against the floor. “So you have too much life. What is the antithesis to life?”
“Death,” I said. “Are you saying we should kill her?”
Maggie blanched, but Olivia laughed. “No, she just needs to feed on a death.”
“Nope. That’s won’t work. He”—she hooked a thumb at Holden—“made me eat a dead guy’s liver. It was disgusting.”
“He had the right idea, just the execution needs work,” Olivia said. “You need something more direct, more pure. Let me think about it.”
Maggie nodded. “I already feel better.”
“Me too,” Olivia echoed.
I did a double-take; they both actually looked better.
I caught Holden’s attention and nodded toward them. His eyebrows pulled together and he shrugged. Seriously, men were so thick. I went to him. “They look better since Olivia touched her. Do you think—I don’t know—that maybe Maggie is feeding off of her?”
Holden looked at them again.
“He’s ready.” Olivia stood up abruptly, swaying slightly.
“Who’s ready?” I asked.
Holden nodded, obviously understanding. “Maggie, can you watch the kid?” He glanced at me. “Find Sybil. I need to talk to her.”
I smiled. I hadn’t liked her from the start. I’d happily hunt her down. “Who’s ready?” I asked again.
“Death,” Olivia said.
I looked between her and Holden for a moment. The voice was back. It tried to help her once before, but that didn’t turn out so great. “Sybil can wait. I’m coming with you guys.”
Holden shook his head—like that would stop me—but Olivia agreed
.
“I’ll just wait here,” Corbin said.
Holden scowled at him, but didn’t waste time arguing.
“Be careful,” Maggie said as the three of us left.
****
“Stop me if you heard this one, Death walks into a bar—”
Olivia tapped her fingers on the table in front of me and twisted her hair with the other hand. “No matter what happens to me, the two of you need to walk out of here. Even if he takes me—
” She shook her head. “There isn’t much left to take. Regardless. Finish this. No matter what happens, finish it.”
Holden sat back stony as ever, not saying anything.
“He’ll have to come through me to get to you,” I said.
“That’s not why you’re here,” she said staring at the door, waiting for her death date.
“Yes, it is,” I told her. “That’s exactly why I came.”
She shook her head again. “You’re here to make sure he gets out.”
Holden raised an eyebrow and she looked directly at him, until he softened just a little. “I’m not punishing myself,” she said quietly.
“He’s not taking you,” Holden said.
A fedora plopped down softly in the middle of our table. I looked up at the guy who had come out of nowhere. I hadn’t sensed, seen, heard, or even smelled him coming. In fact, if I didn’t see him standing right in front of me, I wouldn’t believe anyone was there at all. His chin lifted, and light reflected off his balding head. “How would you stop me?” he said in a deep, soft voice that rolled out like water over a rocky riverbed. “Go on. Amuse me.”
His entire presence was unassuming, yet intense and demanding. He seemed to see and categorize every detail of the room, endless curiosity shimmering in his gray eyes. He pulled a chair up to the end of the table, and didn’t remove his thick leather gloves and overcoat.
“You’re the Angel of Death?” I said, breaking the silence.
He looked more like a tired and grumpy lawyer—maybe an auditor. He wore a three-piece suit under his overcoat that may have been nice, what did I know? It wasn’t cold outside so he was definitely overdressed. His small, direct eyes were steady and intensely focused on whatever happened to catch his attention. When they met mine, the years of my life replayed in an instant and the sensation of falling made me clutch the table and look away. Everything inside me screamed to retreat from this calm and peaceful, yet terrifying man.
