by Miranda Lee
She shook her head, knowing the blame was hers. 'I should have asked for them earlier. I don't know where my brains were.'
'There's no harm done,' Evie said kindly. 'You can look through them as soon as you've finished your tea.'
'I'll do that.' Already she was looking forward to doing so, hoping there might be something, anything to fill in those missing pieces.
'Don't go getting your hopes up,' Sebastian warned as soon as Evie left the room.
'I might see something you didn't,' she told him. 'A woman has a different perspective to a man.'
'True. Just don't go imagining things.'
'Such as what?'
He shrugged. 'God knows. Women have a capacity for complication and melodrama. They see problems where there are none. If there's only one simple and obvious answer to a question, they will still look for another. Alternatively, they would rather lie, to themselves and others, than accept an answer that is unpalatable to them.'
'I'm not like that. I'm a very clear and direct thinker. And I don't lie.'
'Want to put that to the test?'
'If you like.'
'How many lovers have you had before me?'
'Three.'
He was startled, but pleased. 'Three idiots, from what I can tell. You're well rid of them.'
'I fully agree, Sebastian. I much prefer you in my bed.'
'I hope you remember that when the end of the month comes.'
'I hope you do, too.'
His eyes narrowed on her. 'You think I'm going to come after you, don't you? I won't, you know. But I do want you, Jess. And not for just a miserable month. So be warned. When I want something I can be totally conscienceless.'
'I've been known to be pretty ruthless myself,' she countered blithely. 'So I suggest you reconsider your thoughts about living in Sydney, or at least visiting it more often.'
His eyes darkened to slate. 'God, but you're one stubborn woman!'
'So I've been told.'
'I won't play fair, you know.'
'This isn't a game, Sebastian. I don't play games with my life.'
'No. You're quite right. It's no game. It's deadly serious. You remember that.'
He glared at her, and she glimpsed a Sebastian she hadn't seen before. A ruthlessly determined Sebastian. The same Sebastian who'd once held a high-pressure job where only the bold and the brave survived for long. Jessica quivered with a weird mixture of sexual arousal and fear. For she knew he meant to use her newly discovered sensuality against her. Use it quite mercilessly.
There was excitement in that idea. She would be a liar to deny it. He was so skilled at the art of lovemaking. And so much more experienced than she was. He could certainly take her to places where she'd never been before. Dark, alluring places.
But maybe some of them were places she should not go. Surely there had to be danger in being so turned on that she lost all control!
'You...you wouldn't ever hurt me, would you, Sebastian?' she asked a little shakily.
Shock sent his eyes rounding. 'Good Lord, no! What did you think I was talking about?'
'I'm not sure. What were you talking about?'
'I only meant that I was going to be so damned impossibly good to you in every way that you would not be able to bear to leave me.'
Her heart flipped right over at his impassioned words, and she looked at her plate. Dear God, but she was in trouble here. Deep, deep trouble. If she didn't watch it, she would end up doing what he wanted. Blindly. Mindlessly.
She could see herself not selling this house, not leaving Norfolk Island at the end of the month. She might even give up her career and her life in Sydney to stay here with him. Yet she knew in her heart it wouldn't work. It couldn't. He didn't love her. Besides, she didn't want to live here. Not forever.
'Say something, Jess,' he said, and she looked at him.
'What would you like me to say?'
'Tell me you want me as much as I want you.'
'You know I do,' she whispered huskily.
'You wouldn't lie, would you?'
'No.'
He smiled then, a smile that stirred her heart as no man's smile had ever done before.
Jessica knew then. Her feelings for Sebastian were no longer just lust. She was in love with him.
Oh, no...
She dropped her eyes and went back to eating her meal.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
'You were right,' she said, looking up with a sigh from the shoe box. 'There's nothing. Not a mention of my mother. Not even an old photograph of her.'
Jessica was sitting cross-legged on Sebastian's bed while he was at his desk. He'd been writing while she sorted through everything.
He swivelled in his chair to face her. 'I did try to tell you, Jess,' he said gently. 'But seeing is believing.'
Jessica frowned. 'She must have burnt a lot of things. There's not much here. The only things I would want to even keep are these photographs of my grandparents, and Aunt Lucy as a child. Oh, and I suppose I can't throw out the one of her wedding. I must say that husband of hers was a very good-looking man. He could have been a movie star. I can see why she was besotted with him.'
'Handsome is as handsome does,' Sebastian said brusquely. 'He was a bastard.'
'I'm not saying he wasn't. I'm simply saying he was a looker. Tell me, Sebastian, do you know anything at all about his background or family?'
'No. Neither did Lucy, from what I can gather. He jumped ship onto the island when he was a young man. got a job on a fishing boat and married Lucy within a few short months. I might be cynical, but in view of what Lucy found out about him just before she died, I dare say he married her to ensure he could never be tossed off the island, not because he loved her. It's the surest and quickest way of making one's stay here permanent, by marrying an islander. You CAN earn permanent status by buying a business and working it for five years, but a man like Bill Hardcourt liked things quick and easy, I reckon.'
'Who was it that told Aunt Lucy about her husband being unfaithful?' Jessica asked.
'The doctor who diagnosed her cancer. Apparently, he'd known Lucy for eons. They were having a long heart-to-heart when he blurted that he'd always felt guilty about Lucy believing she was sterile, when he suspected her husband had had a vasectomy. It seems that shortly after Bill had been killed, the doc heard that Bill had been drinking heavily one night some years before and boasted that he'd had himself fixed up so he could tomcat around without consequences. He muttered something about having knocked up one girl too many.
'The doc remembered that round the time Lucy was engaged to Bill, he had a young girl patient who refused to name the father of her unborn baby because he was an engaged man and she didn't want to cause any trouble. She subsequently went to the mainland to have an abortion and never returned. Since Bill was dead by the time the doc worked all this out, he never said anything to Lucy. But it had played on his mind ever since.'
Sebastian scowled with displeasure at the story he'd just related. 'Personally, I think the old fool should have kept his stupid mouth shut. He eased HIS
conscience whilst destroying Lucy's peace of mind.'
Jessica agreed with him. 'You're right, Sebastian. He shouldn't have told her. It must have been soul-destroying So: Aunt Lucy, finding out the man she'd loved all these years was nothing but a low-down rat, and a filthy liar, to boot.'
'There again,' Sebastian sighed, 'I think down deep Lucy might have suspected the truth, but refused to believe it till confronted with evidence from someone she trusted and had faith in.'
'Yes, she must have heard rumours about her husband, living in a small community like this.'
'Evie said everyone knew about Bill's womanising. It's even said that he didn't fall overboard by accident, either. The man who owned the fishing boat had a pretty young wife.'
'Serve him right!'
'I couldn't agree more,' Sebastian said tersely. 'There's nothing worse than unfaithful husbands. And wives,' he add
ed bitterly.
Jessica wasn't really listening to him, her thoughts on another tangent. Suddenly, her head jerked up, excitement coursing through her. 'That's it, Sebastian! That's it!'
'What's it?'
'That young girl. The one who became pregnant just before Lucy married that creep. I'll bet my mother found out about it and told Lucy, only Lucy wouldn't believe her. No doubt Bill made up a pack of lies to defend himself. He probably called my mother a troublemaker and a liar. Maybe he even made Lucy choose between him and his sister.'
Jessica was bouncing up and down on the bed with excitement at finding a logical solution to the puzzle. 'Well, what do you think?' she asked eagerly.
'Do you think I could be right?'
Sebastian was irritatingly unenthusiastic. 'You could be, I suppose.'
'You think I'm being melodramatic, don't you?'
'Lord, no,' he said dryly. 'I'm sure another woman could have come up with a much more torrid story.'
Jessica sighed with satisfaction. 'Oh, I feel so much better now. I just KNOW
that's how it happened. Evie told me she saw my mother and that disgusting Bill person arguing on the side of the road one day. My mother even pushed him over. That was very brave of her to do that, wasn't it? He was a big man.'
'Very brave.'
'What a shame Lucy didn't believe her.'
'It's difficult to believe badly of someone you genuinely love and trust.'
'I suppose so,' she said thoughtfully, before flashing Sebastian a speculative look. 'You're not trying to tell me something, are you? You're not a serial killer, or an international jewel thief, or an embezzler?'
'Not quite.'
'But there's something, isn't there? What haven't you told me, Sebastian?'
'Where would you like me to start?' he said ruefully.
'Wherever you'd like to start. I want to know everything about you.'
'Everything?'
'Yes, everything.'
His eyes went a cold steely blue. 'In that case, I suppose you'll want to know about my marriage.'
Jessica gaped at him. In all this time, this was one thing that had never occurred to her. Sebastian married! Oh, God, this was much worse than his perhaps having slept with Aunt Lucy. Much, much worse!
'Plus my divorce,' he added, and she almost burst into tears with relief. But then another thought struck and she groaned.
'Don't tell me you've got children!'He laughed. But it was not a happy sound.
'I thank God every day that Sandra refused to have any. She was waiting, supposedly, for me to make us both financially secure before she took such a big step as ruining her figure for a family.'
Suddenly, Jessica saw his very real pain and was moved by it. Her heart went out to him, and she wanted to touch him and comfort him. She put aside the shoe box and climbed from the bed, coming over to settle in his lap and wind her arms around his neck. 'She hurt you a lot, didn't she?' she said with soft sympathy.
'You could say that.'
'Was she very beautiful?'
'On the surface. It blinded me to her very ugly soul.'
'What did she do, Sebastian? Tell me.'
'I don't like talking about it.'
'But you must.'
He sighed and hugged her close. 'Yes, you're right. I must. Lucy always said she would not be erased properly from my mind till I talked her out of my system.'
'Did you talk to Lucy about her?'
'Not in great detail. She knew I'd been married at one time. And that it ended unhappily. That's all.'
Jessica couldn't help being pleased that Sebastian had left this confidence for her and her alone. 'Was your wife unfaithful?' she asked gently.
'Continuously.'
Jessica could hardly believe it. If she were married to Sebastian she would never ever even LOOK at another man. 'But why didn't you leave her? Why did you put up with it?'
'Because I had no idea at the time. You know the adage. Love is blind. I only found out when she made the mistake of picking up someone who worked in the bank I was employed in. She'd met him in a bar and given him a false name to cover her tracks. She had no idea, of course, that this Casanova had a. hidden video camera in his apartment. He brought some still shots in to work and was passing them round to his mates. When a close colleague of mine recognised the naked brunette who was being imaginatively serviced on a coffee table, he had the decency to take me quietly aside and tell me the situation. I was very grateful to him.'
'Oh, Sebastian, how appalling for you! What did you do?' Jessica asked.
'What did I do? I changed jobs and divorced my wife.'
'You're not telling the full story. Give me all the gruesome details.'
'Okay, so I punched Casanova's lights out, got fired, went home, packed my things, took a taxi to the advertising agency where Sandra worked, shoved the incriminating photo in her beautiful face and asked her why.'
Jessica wanted to know why, too.
'And do you know what she said?' Sebastian asked scornfully. 'She claimed it was all MY fault, that I'd neglected her. She'd been bored, staying home so many evenings by herself while I worked late. Might I mention I was only working so bloody hard to give her everything she wanted. Sandra liked the good things in life. When I caustically asked her how long she'd been bored, she confessed since about a year after we were married.
'She assured me she hadn't been having affairs, only one-night stands. She imagined for some reason that that made a difference. She actually told me she still loved me.'
Jessica could not begin to appreciate the shock or the hurt Sebastian had suffered.
'That night I moved to Sydney, took the first of several medical tests, got myself a better job, worked my butt off, made pots of money, then, after a year of clear tests, started seducing every woman who so much as smiled at me. Believe me when I tell you it didn't take much to get them into bed.'
She believed him.
'What happened to all the money you made?'
'What?' he snapped, his body still tense with remembered distress.
'How come you lost your fortune?'
'I don't want to talk about money, Jess.'
'All right, then why did you decide to come to Norfolk Island?'
'I woke up one day and didn't like what I saw in the mirror.'
'What did you see?'
'A burnt-out wreck of a man who hated himself and everything around him. It felt like the air was crowding in on me, suffocating me. I had to get away somewhere I could breathe. So I drove to the airport and took the first small island destination that had a spare seat. The plane came here. I was a lucky man.'
'You're certainly not a burnt-out wreck any more, either,' she soothed, cupping his face and pressing feather-light kisses on each temple, his forehead, his eyelids. She drew back, and his eyelids fluttered open.
'What?' he asked, instinctively knowing there was something she wanted to ask him.
'I must know, Sebastian. Don't be angry with me. Did you sleep with my Aunt Lucy?' And she held her breath.
'Never,' he said firmly, and all the breath raced from her lungs. 'I told you... our relationship was a platonic one. I hadn't slept with a woman since I came to this island, till you came along.'
Jessica could hardly believe how wonderful that news made her feel. She'd thought she'd come to terms with his having slept with her aunt. But now she knew she hadn't. Not for a moment.
He cupped her face firmly between his hands and looked deep into her eyes.
'I love you, Jess. Surely you must know that by now.'
She found she could not speak, so great was her joy, so full her heart.
'I fell in love with you at first sight,' he went on thickly. 'I was furious with myself, of course. And with you. Because I feared you were another Sandra. By the time I realised my mistake I'd alienated you entirely. You've no idea how I felt that night when you took me up on my totally desperate offer. I made up my mind then and there that I was
going to make love to you as no man had ever made love to you before. I thought, I'll SHOW her how much I love her. I'll win her with the power of my desire, blind her with passion, seduce her with sex.'
'And you did, my darling. You did. I'm hopelessly, blindly, madly in love with you.'
She started kissing him all over his face, gently at first and then more passionately. When she finally kissed him on the mouth, he grabbed her and kissed her with a hunger that was as explosive as it was needy. He rose and carried her to the bed, drawing her down with him and making love to her with a savagery both primitive and satisfyingly simple. She held him for a long time afterwards, held him and stroked him and loved him till he fell asleep in her arms.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
'ARE you going to do some writing this afternoon?' Jessica asked Sebastian as they washed up after lunch the following day. She'd spent most of the morning trying to clean the house while Sebastian made a total nuisance of himself, touching her all the time. And kissing her. And finally seducing her on the dining-room table. She'd just managed to drag her shorts on before Evie had arrived to make lunch.
He sighed with disgruntlement over the idea. 'I suppose I'd better. Do you mind?'
'Not at all. I've got some gardening to do.'
His eyebrows arched and she smiled. 'Yes, Mr. Smartypants, I discovered the other day that I do enjoy gardening. Now say I told you so and get it over with.'
He grinned. 'I told you so.'
'Don't get cocky. This still doesn't mean I'm not going to sell this place at the end of the month.'
His smile was distinctly smug. 'Wanna bet on that?'
Jessica laughed as she wiped her hands on the tea towel Sebastian was holding, then went outside to start weeding the garden beds. If she wasn't going to sell the place— and it seemed a likely possibility at this stage—she might as well keep it looking shipshape. Not that she was going to tell him that. Yet.
She was kneeling on the grass, about to attack the bed near the front steps, when long brown legs suddenly appeared beside her.
'Hello,' the owner of the legs said when Jessica stood up, weeding fork in hand. 'You must be Lucy's long-lost niece. I'm Myra. I used to do the laundry for Lucy when she was running the place as a guesthouse. I was wondering, since you've hired Evie back to do the cooking, if you might want me to do your washing and ironing while you're here.'
