You’re right…I know my attitude is rotten. It just hit me all at once, you know? The walk helped some. And then Madeline showed me a picture she drew of me, her and Darren. She’d labeled it “My Famly” (her spelling). I felt bad for griping about “only” having one child. She’s my treasure. Sometimes I’m such an ungrateful jerk. I’m glad you all love me anyway.
Merry *Sweet* Christmas,
Brenna
* * *
From:
Dulcie Huckleberry
To:
“Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject:
My Christmas
* * *
Happy Boxing Day, Z! I hope you are having a good visit with Tristan’s family after all. :)
I know you all were interested to find out if Tom and I ever had our talk about the KC Christmas party fiasco. Well, the answer is…not exactly. Tom got home Christmas Eve, and we went to church and had our normal Baby Jesus birthday party at home afterward. After the children went to bed, we assembled the play kitchen we’d gotten them. Then, we sat on the love seat in front of the fireplace and watched the flames by the light of the Christmas tree.
“Know something?” Tom said, after we’d been quiet for a bit. “I hate KC.”
I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say. “Why?”
He didn’t respond for a while. Then he said, “It’s not home.”
“Well, your contract ends in March.”
He actually took my hand! He used to do that all the time—we’d sit around and he’d smooth the back of my hand with his thumb. Hasn’t happened for ages. “Yeah, and then off somewhere else. Alaska, I think. They’re working on a one-year contract for me in Anchorage.”
I froze. I couldn’t believe how spineless I was all of a sudden. Here was the opportunity I’d been waiting for for months—to ask him to get a local job. And I couldn’t do it! “Isn’t that what you wanted?”
He sorta shrugged. “It’s what was available.”
“You could…always check into openings here in Omaha.”
“If you want me to.”
For some reason, that irritated me so much. “Who said anything about what I want? It’s your career. What do YOU want?”
“I don’t know.”
Okay, I admit—I blew it. Led him right into the wife-trap. “What do you mean, you don’t know? Don’t you want to be home with us?”
He let go of my hand. “Of course I do.”
“You don’t sound like it.”
“Look, you always act like you think I enjoy being gone all the time. I don’t, okay? But it’s what I do. Programming is the only thing I’m good at, and consulting jobs pay a whole lot more than anything in town.”
That took the starch out of me. “Do you…like programming?”
“It’s okay.” He sort of leaned away from me, in order to see me better or something. “I don’t have any other skills.”
“I could care less about the money, you know.”
“It’s not the money. It’s…” He scowled and shook his head, eyes downcast. “Sometimes what you know—even if it’s not great—is better than the unfamiliar.”
“What are you talking about?”
He stared off into space, and it was like I couldn’t reach to wherever his mind was. “I never expected to have a real home. Someplace stable…dependable. You don’t know what it’s like—a broken family, a mom who is gone more than she’s home, a dad you’re ashamed to talk about. You’ve given me everything I never had, and it’s sort of like when Morris got that computer for Mom. She was thrilled about it and scared to death of it, all at the same time.”
I didn’t know what to say. Wasn’t even sure what he meant.
Then he grabbed my hand again. “I’ll look for a job in town, okay?”
I just nodded and snuggled up to him. Since I was feeling brave suddenly, I whispered, “Are we okay, Tom?”
He kissed me a long time and then said, “Yeah.”
So I don’t know what it all means, except that he promised to make KC the last long-distance consulting gig he does. Come the end of March, my honey’s staying home! I won’t be alone anymore! :)
Here’s to a Happy New Year, everyone!
Dulcie
* * *
From:
Rosalyn Ebberly
To:
SAHM I Am
Subject:
[SAHM I AM] TOTW January 3: Setting Goals
* * *
Happy New Year, Special SAHMs!
This week’s topic is a SAHM I Am tradition—Goal Setting. For those of you who are new to our little community, I always like to reiterate my standard sermon on “setting goals” versus “making resolutions.” I do NOT believe in making New Year’s resolutions. It is a waste of time and serves to produce only guilt and a performance-oriented mind-set. But Christ has set us free from condemnation and a works-based religion!
Instead, as sanctified people, we here at SAHM I Am believe in setting goals—based on Godly principles of industry and desiring to press forward in our Christian walk.
So, let’s share this week what our goals are for the coming year. And remember, a GOAL is specific, attainable and measurable.
Here are MY goals for this year:
1) By December 31st of this year, I will have the following books written and accepted for publication:
* Rosalyn Ebberly’s Secrets to Breeding Champion Roses
* A Sweet Fragrance for the Lord: Award-winning Organic Recipes and Daily Devotionals to Feed Both Body and Spirit
* Let the Work of Her Hands Praise Her: A History of Needle-craft from Ancient to Modern Times
* Stress-free Mothering: How I Discovered the Secret to Being the Perfect Mom
2) By August 1st of this year, I will have memorized the following books of the Bible with 100% accuracy: I and II Chronicles, Habbakuk, Nehemiah, and Job. (I did the New Testament last year.)
3) By Februrary 1st of this year, I will have ready my Bible study on the Proverbs 31 Woman for use in leading our church women’s ministry in March.
This is actually just a small sample from my fifty-item list. But I didn’t want to seem like I was calling attention to myself, so I simply chose to share some of my smaller goals. Suzannah and Jefferson each made their own list this year, too. They are such purposeful little darlings! I kept having to remind them that, at least at their age, achieving world peace was a dream, not a goal.
Be purposeful,
Rosalyn Ebberly
SAHM I Am Loop Moderator
“She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.”
Proverbs 31:27 (NASB)
* * *
From:
Dulcie Huckleberry
To:
SAHM I Am
Subject:
Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW January 3: Setting Goals
* * *
My goal this year is just to be more organized! It’s always so hard getting back into a routine after the holidays.
Dulcie
* * *
From:
Rosalyn Ebberly
To:
SAHM I Am
Subject:
Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW January 3: Setting Goals
* * *
Tsk, tsk, Dulcie. That is NOT a goal. It’s a dream. A very distant dream, for you, I’m afraid. LOL! Let’s try again, shall we? :)
Blessings and joy to you all,
Rosalyn Ebberly
SAHM I AM Loop Moderator
“She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idlness.”
Proverbs 31:27 (NASB)
* * *
From:
Dulcie Huckleberry
To:
Subject:
MY GOAL FOR THIS YEAR}:-<
* * *
By December 31st of this year, I will have Tom teach me how to program computers so that I can create a nasty, horrible virus that will invade Rosalyn’s computer and make it so that every time she tries to open her e-mail program, all she will get is a grinning, leering picture of ME surrounded by all my disorganized, inefficient clutter and normal, non-genius children.
Dulcie
* * *
From:
Zelia Muzuwa
To:
SAHM I Am
Subject:
[SAHM I AM] Goals
* * *
I only have one goal for this year—bring my child (or children) home from Africa. And I don’t care, Rosalyn, if that isn’t specific or measurable enough for you. It’s not a dream, it IS a goal!
Actually, I can’t believe how organized I am being about all this. Usually, I’m just a muddle of spontaneity and Tristan is the one who is Mr. Mission Statement. But I actually put together a calendar for what we need to do and when, and I’m making checklists and budget tables and everything! Tristan keeps asking me for my driver’s license, just so he can make sure it’s me and not an impostor!
We chose our adoption agency—the one mentioned in the article I read on the plane. We’re sending in our application this week. I can hardly believe it, it’s all happening so quickly! I’m a little overwhelmed by all the work it’s going to take, but I’m excited to get started, too. The children are already bugging me, “Can the new kid sleep in MY room, Mommy?” and Cosette is practically pleading with us, “Please get me a SISTER!!! I have enough brothers.” Isn’t that cute?
Well, I’m off. I have to call around and find out who we need to work with to do our home-study—which evidently is sort of like a cross between pre-marital counseling and a house-buying inspection. I just hope whoever our social worker is doesn’t peek in our closets—she’ll run away screaming! :)
Z
* * *
From:
Brenna L.
To:
Zelia Muzuwa
Subject:
I’m under orders to write this e-mail…
* * *
…by Dulcie, who says I’ll feel better if I just talk to you.
The problem is, I’ve been feeling irrationally angry at you ever since you announced your plans to adopt. I know it’s wrong, and I don’t have any reason to act this way, but it’s just coming at a time when I feel like God is either punishing me or abandoning me, or both, and I’m not dealing with it so well.
You see, we just found out Darren is infertile. Aside from a total miracle, he won’t ever be able to father a child. And I don’t think we really know how to accept that right now. He’s questioning his manhood, and I’m ashamed to admit all the thoughts I’ve been having about “Well, if I’d married someone else, I could have had more children.” I love Darren with all my heart, but this is driving a huge wedge between us.
I want to adopt, but he won’t talk about it. Every time I bring it up, he just scowls and changes the subject. It’s just tearing me up inside. So when you announced you were adopting, I felt hurt and jealous. And then I felt horribly guilty because I know you haven’t done a single thing wrong. You have every right to adopt if that’s what you want to do, and it’s awful of me to resent it.
I know you didn’t realize any of this, and you probably wish I hadn’t told you. But in case I do or say something mean, which I’m trying not to, but if I do, I wanted you to understand why. You’re my friend, and I don’t want that to change. It’s just going to take some time to work through this. I’m sorry.
Love,
Brenna
* * *
From:
Zelia Muzuwa
To:
Brenna L.
Subject:
You poor darling!
* * *
Bren,
I wish you’d told me ages ago! I’m so terribly sorry. I didn’t know you were suffering like that. Thank you for talking to me about it. How can I help you? I won’t talk any more about the adoption, if you don’t want me to. I don’t want to hurt you. Oh, Brenna! I could just cry thinking about what you must be going through! And Darren, too! Please tell me we’re still friends.
Love,
Z
* * *
From:
Brenna L.
To:
Zelia Muzuwa
Subject:
Re: You poor darling!
* * *
You’re so sweet, Z. But there’s nothing much you can do. Thanks for asking, though. And please, don’t stop talking about the adoption. I can’t stand the thought that you all are hiding it from me or trying to protect me. I’ll learn to deal with it, I promise. Of course you’re still my friend! Don’t you ever doubt it!
Brenna
* * *
From:
Dulcie Huckleberry
To:
“Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject:
New Year’s depression
* * *
Ugh! I feel rotten, guys. It never fails—as hard as I try to ignore Rosalyn’s lofty goals each year, by the end of the week, the entire discussion has me in a foul mood. I should go “no-mail” the week after New Year’s, just to avoid this very situation, but I’m so hooked on loop messages, I can’t stand the thought of going without for even seven days. So I read everyone’s goals (dreams, whatever) and always end up feeling like a complete failure.
Where is my life going, I ask you? NOWHERE! Z has her adoption, Jocelyn has the parenting classes, everyone seems to have something they want to work on or accomplish—except me.
I was so frustrated today! My house is a mess, and the second I begin trying to clean up, the phone rings, or the twins start fighting with each other, or McKenzie decides to bug me about something. I can’t get anything done! And I’m so far behind, I don’t even know where to start. And I can’t find anything, to save my life.
I was looking for the phone number of our plumber because I thought it was really high time we got our ice-maker in the fridge installed. We bought the fridge new eight months ago and never put in the water line for the ice. But the stupid little business card is lost in a mountain of papers and bills, and I can’t seem to remember the guy’s name. If I had a household binder, like Rosalyn preaches, I’d have all that info in one place. But I keep thinking, “I’ll do that after I get this mess cleaned up, so I don’t have to search for all the information to go in the binder.” And does the mess get cleaned up? NEVER!
My life is going nowhere fast. By the time I get out of bed, dress, and have the children dressed and fed, it’s time to start lunch. And by the time lunch is over and the children are taking naps, I want a nap, too! Then it’s time to cook supper, and after the dishes are done and everyone cleaned up, it’s almost bedtime. And what have I accomplished? Absolutely nothing.
What is WRONG WITH ME?
Dulcie
* * *
From:
The Millards
To:
“Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject:
Re: New Year’s depression
* * *
You have preschoolers, that’s what! LOL!
Seriously, Dulcie, I felt the same way when my kids were that age, and still do at times. It does get better. But you might want to consider evaluating your daily routine and seeing what changes you could make to it. I have some worksheets from our parenting class that I could send you, if you’re interested. They might help you figure out how you could tweak things to work better.
Love ya!
Jocelyn<
br />
* * *
From:
P. Lorimer
To:
“Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject:
Re: New Year’s depression
* * *
Dulcie,
Join the club, friend. Just join the club…
SAHM I Am Page 16
