Okay, Brenna’s back—zero body fat, whatever! Anyway, as you can tell, we’re having fun getting to know each other in person. We were thinking that sometime, maybe next year, we should all try to get together somehow. Like a Green Eggs and Ham retreat somewhere. Wouldn’t that be fun? We could leave the kiddos with our DHs and have a girls-only weekend. :) Hmm, I’ll be fantasizing about that for the rest of the day!
Okay, I’d really better go mop that floor…the mud is launching an invasion on my house.
Brenna
* * *
From:
Dulcie Huckleberry
To:
“Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject:
Dress Measurements!!!
* * *
Whoo-hoo, girls! I just got Tom to help me take my measurements to send to Jeanine so she can get my dress for the wedding. (He enjoyed “helping” me way too much!) But I’m dancing around the house, chanting,
I AM DOWN TWO SI—ZES!
I AM DOWN TWO SI—ZES!
I think Tom thinks I’ve lost my mind. But he doesn’t realize how hard I’ve worked! Yippee!!! Lower me from a star, Jeanine! Bring on the drinking straw dress! I’m ready! Lithely yours (well, okay, maybe not quite lithe, yet, but definitely closer…),
Dulcie
* * *
From:
The Millards
To:
“Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject:
Re: Dress Measurements!!
* * *
Way to go, Dulcie! Doesn’t it feel great?
By the way, how do you like having Tom home?
Jocelyn
* * *
From:
Dulcie Huckleberry
To:
“Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject:
How do I like Tom being home?
* * *
You know, Jocelyn, that’s a very interesting question. He’s been home about a week now—with 75% bench pay, which is pretty good. It looks like he will have an Omaha assignment in about two weeks, so this is a vacation for him. And I thought I’d be ecstatic.
Can you hear the “but” in that? :) Quite honestly, it’s not exactly like I’d expected it to be. I love Tom—you all know that. But having him around all the time is…bugging me. That’s so awful to say. He’s wonderful about trying to help, but I think I actually get more accomplished without him here. Like this morning—he offered to get the twins up and dressed for me. I thought that would be great. But I discovered something. My husband cannot put on a diaper right to save his life. And we don’t even use cloth diapers! All he has to do is position the silly thing and bring the tapes up and around. But, I kid you not, both Haley’s and Aidan’s diapers were sliding off their little bottoms by the time he brought them downstairs for breakfast! I’ve never seen such a pathetic diapering attempt! Aidan’s was so loose, she leaked, and I had to find her a new outfit.
Oh, speaking of outfits! I didn’t know Tom was so clothing challenged! He put poor Haley into bright red pants with a pink-and-blue-striped top that was about two sizes too small. It wasn’t even in her dresser—it had gotten shoved into the closet and McKenzie found it. But it was the most hideous getup I’ve ever seen! And when I protested about it, he looked completely puzzled.
“What’s wrong with it? Red and pink are sort of the same, aren’t they?”
ARGH! By the time I re-changed their diapers and got them dressed appropriately, I could have had all three of them dressed and done with breakfast.
And don’t even get me started about the evenings. (But since I am started, let me tell you about it.) I must have forgotten what it was like having him home. I keep tripping over him, or his stuff. I didn’t think he had that many belongings in the hotel at KC—maybe they propagated during the trip to our house. I always thought Tom was a neat freak and I was the messy one. Now…I’m not sure.
So he sits around watching TV or surfing the Internet in the evenings. Oh, and that’s another thing—I don’t like sharing my computer! When he’s on a job, he gets to borrow a company laptop, but since he’s home right now, no laptop. And he takes up all my e-mailing time reading programming news and looking at all the latest, greatest computer developments.
I hate to sound hard-to-please, and I do like having him home. But it’s almost like having another child around, if you know what I mean. Another person to supervise, another mouth to feed, another body to clean up after. And his constant attempts to “help” remind me of McKenzie. I think I can teach him how to do some of the chores, given enough time. Handyman he is not.
Boy, do I sound ungrateful or what? I’m sorry. Don’t mean to vent to all of you, especially when you’ve put up with my griping about him being gone. :) Just take it as a lesson, girls—be careful what you wish for. You just might get it.
Dulcie
* * *
From:
The Millards
To:
Dulcie Huckleberry
Subject:
Re: How do I like Tom being home?
* * *
Dulcie, you’re so funny! Don’t you know Tom’s just being a man? :) Shane is useless at choosing clothes for any of the kids. In fact, I have to help him pick out his own outfits. He has finally figured out how to diaper decently. But it did take a while.
Enjoy your man. Enjoy having him home. Forget the inconveniences and just concentrate on the perks—cuddle time, free babysitting, an adult to talk to and so on. You’ll get used to the new routine soon.
Love,
Jocelyn
* * *
From:
Brenna L.
To:
“Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject:
Re: How do I like Tom being home?
* * *
Hey, Dulcie! Husbands take up a lot of room, don’t they. :) Darren has dinosaur-size feet and great big hands. I never let him anywhere near anything breakable! And I’m constantly tucking my toes out of the way so they don’t get squashed. But I honestly believe—in spite of the extra work involved—that having a husband is far superior to having a cat.
Hugs,
Brenna
* * *
From:
P. Lorimer
To:
“Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject:
Re: How do I like Tom being home?
* * *
Jonathan just put a stained dress of Julia’s through the wash on hot and the dryer on high. I told him he might as well have put the entire thing in the oven and baked it at four hundred and fifty degrees. That stain is never coming out—and it was one of my favorite outfits for her! Does that count toward our emerging list of ways that husbands are…inconvenient? Sorry, I’m just a tad irritated. How many times have I told him to check for stains and treat them before putting them in the wash?
Big sigh,
Phyllis
* * *
From:
Zelia Muzuwa
To:
“Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject:
Re: How do I like Tom being home?
* * *
Oh, Phyllis, I’m sorry. I really am. But I’ve been saving up this Shakespeare quote, just waiting for a time like this to share it:
“Prithee, honey-sweet husband, let me bring thee to Staines.”
Gotta love the Bard!
* * *
From:
Brenna L.
To:
“Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject:
Zelia’s Bard
* * *
<“Prithee, honey-sweet husband, let me bring thee to Staines.�
��>
Okay, Z, out with it—tell us the truth. You had to have made that one up! Where do you find these quotes, anyway?
Brenna
* * *
From:
Zelia Muzuwa
To:
“Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject:
Re: Zelia’s Bard
* * *
Did not! Act 2, scene 3 of The Life of King Henry the Fifth. You can look for yourself—Shakespeare is on the Internet, my friend.
* * *
From:
Brenna L.
To:
“Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject:
Re: Zelia’s Bard
* * *
Oh, The Life of King Henry the Fifth…of course! I should have known. I love that play! I want to read it again—it’s been a whole three months since I last read it. But it’s going to have to wait. I’m right in the middle of The Brothers Karamozov, and after that, I’ve promised this will be the year I finally read Crime and Punishment.
“Literarily” yours,
Brenna
* * *
From:
The Millards
To:
“Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject:
Re: Zelia’s Bard
* * *
What happened to you, Brenna? You take a Rosalyn pill this morning or something? :)
* * *
From:
Dulcie Huckleberry
To:
“Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject:
I screwed up…
* * *
I asked Tom to set up filters on my e-mail program yesterday, so that everyone’s e-mails would go to their own folders. He saw the ones to our Green Eggs alias with “How do I like Tom being home?” in the subject line, and was curious what I’d written. So he checked my “Sent Mail” and read what I wrote, about how frustrated I was.
He’s furious, and hurt. I tried to apologize, but he won’t listen. All the stuff about the Christmas party that we never talked about came back up. To make a long story short, he says that since I don’t want him around anyway, he’s going to take that remote job after all. And he does mean remote.
It’s the Alaska job. For a year. He leaves Monday.
Dulcie
* * *
From:
Rosalyn Ebberly
To:
SAHM I Am
Subject:
[SAHM I AM] TOTW April 18: Making Room in Your Life for God
* * *
Holy Housewives,
Here is a topic near and dear to my heart—DAILY QUIET TIME. That blessed and sacred hour of prayer. The communion! The fellowship with God! Let’s share our wondrous experiences of walking with God in our devotional time.
I always have my quiet time in the early mornings. It’s more Scriptural that way, and it’s like tithing the first part of my day right to the Lord. I have a study guide, which takes about forty-five to sixty minutes per lesson. Then I spend another half hour memorizing Scripture. After that, I take another hour to pray through my entire prayer list, beginning with the president of the United States, and ending with specific petitions for each missionary our church supports. My husband and children take up a large portion of the time in between.
It’s common to hear SAHMs protest, “But I’m too busy! I don’t have time to spend two and a half or three hours in quiet time.” My response is always “Well, I’M too busy NOT to spend three hours with God!”
So, what about the rest of you? Are you “too busy” to spend time with God? Or too busy NOT to?
Devoted to Him,
Rosalyn
“She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.”
Proverbs 31:27 (NASB)
* * *
From:
Zelia Muzuwa
To:
“Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject:
totw…*sigh*
* * *
I never enjoy discussions about quiet time. They always make me feel guilty. Yes, you all are witness to this sad but true fact—my weakness where Rosalyn is concerned is when she brings up daily devotions. I can ignore housecleaning, or discipline, or organic cheeseball recipes and all the other inane topics she moralizes ad nauseum about. But she mentions devotional time with God, and I suddenly feel like I’m 10 years old again, with the pastor looking down at me from his pulpit, shaking his finger in my face and telling me what a bad Christian I am.
It’s not that I don’t love God. but I can’t seem to sit down and concentrate on studying the Bible for longer than…well, five minutes. And I get lost and frustrated with long prayer lists. I hate memorizing, and I especially hate getting up early in the morning. So quiet time, for me, is just another unpleasant chore I have to do. And I don’t do it, because there are a million other things that are more urgent. Nobody will go hungry if I don’t read the Bible every day. But if I don’t make dinner…?
Then, I feel even more guilty because a “good” Christian would “hunger for the word.” A “good” Christian would long to spend time “on their face in prayer.” A “good” Christian would “hide God’s word in their heart.” I want to be a good Christian, but it seems sometimes like a little too much effort.
Z
* * *
From:
P. Lorimer
To:
“Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject:
Re: totw…*sigh*
* * *
Zelia,
I used to feel the same way! But when I was in graduate school, I finally “got it.” We are not supposed to have “quiet time.” Not at all! We are supposed to have a love relationship with the God of the universe, who adores each of us as individuals. Do you force yourself to spend a certain block of time with Tristan every day, where you engage in intense study of something somebody else wrote about what he said? Where you deliberately work at memorizing a letter he wrote you? Where you rattle off a honey-do list of needs you or other people have? How fun would that be for either one of you?
I would imagine when you spend time with your husband, you laugh and talk together, show affection and listen to each other. It’s not “quiet” at all!
Don’t you think God would rather have that sort of a natural, spontaneous relationship with you, instead of some regimented, formulaic ritual? :)
Phyllis
* * *
From:
Zelia Muzuwa
To:
“Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject:
Re: totw…*sigh*
* * *
You know what, girl? Sometimes you’ve got more wisdom in your pinky than a whole convention of pastors will ever have! Thank you. I’ll be thinking about what you said.
* * *
From:
Dulcie Huckleberry
To:
Jordan and Becky
Subject:
Heard from Tom?
* * *
Dear Becky,
Has Tom e-mailed you or called you? He’s done neither with me. And I couldn’t bring myself to admit that to Mom, because then she’d know how awful things are with us right now. So I was hoping you’d heard from him. He left a week ago today, and I’m just miserable. Please believe me, I never meant to hurt him so bad. I’m still not sure what I did that was so wrong. I was just teasing around with some of my friends. You know how girls talk about their husbands sometimes…I was a lot nicer than some women are about their DHs!
SAHM I Am Page 24
