by K. Sterling
“What is this?” Mason’s voice broke as he pointed at the basket. Avery’s jaw twitched and his throat muscles strained as he swallowed.
“I’m taking my stuff.” He explained. Mason searched Avery’s face as he stepped toward him.
“Are you breaking up with me?” The words were weak and thin. Avery stayed out of reach and shook his head.
“No. I… no.” He took a deep breath and pushed his hand through his hair and Mason’s gut clenched. “I’m putting us on pause for a while.” Avery said carefully as he watched Mason.
“What the fuck does that mean?” Mason’s voice was suddenly too loud as he turned and started pacing. Avery leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest.
“I’m going to step back and give you time, Mason.” He said gently. Mason snorted.
“Time? I don’t need time.” He argued. Avery’s eyes became sad.
“Look at me, Mason.” He commanded softly. Mason stopped and turned to Avery. Avery nodded. “You’re not ready to be in a relationship. You’re still not over Ryan.” His voice was low but firm. Mason’s head pulled back in surprise.
“That’s ridiculous. I’m in love with you, Avery. I don’t care about Ryan!” He insisted as he stepped closer to Avery. This time, Avery let Mason move in. Avery took Mason’s hands in his and their eyes locked.
“I know. And I love you. Completely. But you’re not over what Ryan did to you. I’ve tried everything I can to make you understand that I will never want anyone else but it’s not working. I’ve done everything right.” His voice broke and Mason saw the strain in Avery’s eyes. Pain burst within Mason as he realized he couldn’t deny it. Avery was perfect. It was him.
“I’m so sorry, Avery.” Mason whispered as he leaned forward. “I promise, I believe you and I won’t freak out anymore.” He begged against Avery’s lips. Avery shook his head.
“You always say that, Mason. It’s the only promise you can’t keep and that’s how I know you can’t control it.” He pulled his head back and his eyes shimmered. “I’ve done everything I can. You’re going to have to take some time and figure out what you need to do to get over this.” He cupped Mason’s cheek. Mason shook his head furiously.
“Don’t do this, please. I’ll do anything.” He swore. Avery offered him a weak smile.
“I hope so. But right now, I have to step back. It’s getting too hard. Whenever we’re out, I’m afraid to look at anyone or anything too long because you might get the wrong idea. Whenever I reply to an email or text from Jeff, I feel guilty for no reason. I was coping with all of that, hoping that you’d get it as time went by. But today was too much. It’s just getting worse and I’m afraid of how this will escalate. I was focused on closing a multibillion dollar deal and suddenly you show up and I’m terrified that you’re going to lose your shit and blow something that my team has worked their asses off on for months.” He paused to give Mason time to absorb his words. Mason’s body started to go numb as his brain told him there was no way he could turn things around. Avery’s thumb brushed away a tear and Mason realized he was crying. What have I done? He considered dropping to his knees and begging but Avery continued. “What happened today was the sort of “out of control” that I can’t cope with, Mason. I’m terrified that you’re going to do something that will break us. So, I have to step back and put us on pause until you can figure out how to fix this or else there won’t be anything to fix.” Avery pulled Mason onto his arms and Mason clung to him.
“I’m so sorry. Please!” Mason whispered urgently as he buried his face in the corner of Avery’s neck. Avery rubbed his back soothingly.
“I don’t want anyone else. There won’t be anyone else. I’ll wait for as long as it takes.” He said the words firmly as he held Mason close. Mason tried to fill his lungs with as much of Avery as he could. He felt Avery start to separate from him and Mason forced his body to let go. Avery stepped away and grabbed the basket. “I’m still here.” His eyes were direct and clear when they met Mason’s before he turned and left.
Mason’s body shook and he stared at the door for several moments after Avery left. When he finally moved, it was to stumble to the couch. He collapsed onto it and called for Darcy. She jumped on the couch and curled herself against Mason’s stomach. He wrapped his arm around her as he began to sob.
Chapter 29
“You need a shower, dude.” Audrey announced two days later as she unhooked Darcy’s leash. She tossed it in the basket and started straightening up. “Did you two break up?” She asked bluntly. Mason shook his head.
“We’re on pause.” He muffled. His face was pressed against the cushion of the couch. He’d only moved to go to the bathroom since Avery had left. Aside from letting the office know he was on sick leave, Audrey was the only person Mason had talked to. He let everything else go to voicemail. “I’m fucked up, Audrey. I kept freaking out every time I thought Avery might be into someone else. I accused him of cheating and had fits in public when I thought that he was checking someone else out or on a date behind my back. I got creepy possessive over our real estate agent.” Mason groaned in self disgust. Audrey snorted as she dropped onto the couch.
“Yup. That’s pretty fucked, Mason.” She said. He raised his head and scowled at her.
“Way to pile on.” He said before he let his head fall. Audrey shrugged.
“He’s totally in love with you and uber committed.” She explained. “And you’re stupid hot. Well, not at the moment. Right now, you look a little homeless. But usually, you’re smoking hot. You’re crazy if you think Avery could be into anyone else.” Audrey pushed Mason’s legs off the couch and he pulled himself upright.
“Thanks for the hindsight. Did you get so wise from watching Twilight?” He teased. She rolled her eyes and jumped to her feet.
“Ew. Don’t be old and obvious.” She said as she turned and went down the hallway. Mason heard the shower start before she came back out. “Take a shower, you’re smelling pretty homeless too. Then, call a therapist. Don’t just lay there and do nothing.” She said as she opened the pantry and took out Darcy’s food. She topped off Darcy’s bowls then left without dropping anymore wisdom bombs.
Mason decided to take Audrey’s advice. He took the longest shower of his life, dressed and then made a phone call.
“Hey, Linda. Its Mason. I need your help, you can bill me if you like.”
Chapter 30
It had been almost two weeks and it wasn’t getting easier to fall asleep. Avery sighed as he stared at the ceiling. It was almost 1:00 a.m. and he’d only managed to drift off to sleep a few times over the last two hours. Every time his body relaxed and his mind went blank, he’d reach for Mason and his body would jerk awake at the feel of cold, empty bed next to him. Avery swore as he sat up and swung his feet to the floor. He padded into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. He leaned against the counter and stared at the wall that divided him from Mason as he drank. The days were hard but work kept him moving and a little distracted. Everything outside of work was miserable.
The first encounter with Mason had been terrible. Avery was rushing for the elevator and he used his hand to stop the doors from closing and froze when he saw that Mason was in it. Of course it would happen in the elevator. Mason’s eyes were red and he looked totally wrecked. Avery nodded stiffly as pain wrapped around his heart. He stepped back and let the doors shut, cutting Mason off from his view. Avery turned and went back out. He went to the coffee shop, taking his time before he returned.
A soft thump and rubbing sound pulled Avery back to the present and he frowned at his door. He moved silently through the kitchen and tiptoed to the door. He peeked out the hole and saw nothing but empty hall. He heard another soft thump and looked down. The sound had definitely come from floor level. Darcy? There was a moment of panic as Avery worried that something had happened to Mason and she was loose. He quickly opened the door and jumped back as
Mason’s head and shoulders spilled over Avery’s doorstep.
“Mason?” Avery gasped in shock and fear as dropped to the floor to check Mason for injuries. Mason mumbled something incoherent and bourbon fumes wafted from him. Avery’s head snapped back and he fanned the air in front of him. “What are you doing?” He whispered as he shook Mason’s shoulder. Mason tried unsuccessfully to open his eyes.
“Sleeping.” He explained. Avery frowned as he noticed the throw blanket that Mason pulled tight around him.
“Here? On my doorstep?” Avery asked incredulously. Mason shrugged as he wrapped his arm around Avery’s ankle and yawned drowsily.
“Tough week. Need to be close to you but knew you wouldn’t let me in.” He exhaled and hummed as he started to fall asleep again. Avery felt an ache in his chest and he sighed as he brushed the hair back over Mason’s brow. He stood and pulled his foot free. Mason grumbled as he curled his arm under his head. Avery pulled his lips tight and shook his head in disbelief. He couldn’t leave him there. Avery grabbed his keys and the key to Mason’s apartment.
“Come on, get up.” Avery said as he dropped to his knees and shook Mason. He got Mason to his feet and pulled the door shut and locked it.
“Please, don’t make me go back to my bed. I can’t stand to be there alone.” Mason mumbled as he wrapped his arms around Avery. Mason inhaled and sighed as he let his head fall on Avery’s shoulder. A wave of loneliness and need crashed through Avery. He missed Mason so much and it felt good having him pressed close as Avery unlocked his door. Darcy was there when it opened and her tail was a blur as she sniffed at their feet.
“I’ll stay with you.” Avery knew it was a terrible idea but he was helpless. Between worrying about whatever had driven a drunk Mason to sleep in the hall, against a door and how good Mason’s body felt, Avery wouldn’t have been able to leave if his life depended on it.
“That’s good.” Mason sighed in relief as Avery led him back to the bedroom. “Will you kiss me?” He asked and his head swung wildly as Mason tried to find Avery’s lips. Avery tilted his head away.
“No, Mason. I’m just staying to make sure you’re ok.” Avery lied. Mason nodded drowsily and Avery helped him settle onto the bed. He pulled off Mason’s shoes and put them in the closet before he crawled into bed behind Mason.
“Make love to me?” Mason asked groggily as he reached up and slid his fingers into Avery’s hair. Avery pulled Mason’s hand from his hair and wrapped it in his as his arm slid around Mason and he pulled Mason’s back against his chest.
“No. Go to sleep.” He commanded gently.
Avery’s body protested but he clenched his jaw and reminded himself that sending Mason mixed signals would only make things more complicated. Just in case he started to get weak, Avery patted on the bed in front of Mason. A moment later, Darcy jumped on the bed and turned a few times before she flopped onto her stomach and leaned against Mason. Avery sighed as his body started to relax around Mason’s. He let his hand rest on Darcy and he petted her lazily as his consciousness started to fade.
Hours later, Avery woke with a start and blinked rapidly as he looked around. His mind started to reassemble the events that led to him crawling into bed with Mason and he frowned as he looked at the clock on the bedside table. It was almost 6:30. Avery was conflicted. He wanted to stay and talk to Mason about his “tough week” but he was afraid that it would be too confusing for Mason. Or, Avery might give in to weakness and they’d end up having sex and Avery wouldn’t be able to go back to the safe distance he’d kept so far.
Avery pressed a gentle kiss to Mason’s neck before he slipped from the bed carefully. He quietly tapped his thigh so that Darcy would follow him. He took Darcy for a quick walk and let her back into Mason’s apartment. He peeked into Mason’s room and found that he was still sleeping but he’d rolled over and his hand was stretched across the space where Avery had slept. Avery’s chest hurt as he backed away from the door and left the apartment.
Avery showered and dressed quickly. He was meeting Jeff in South Hampton in the afternoon but he thought it would be a good idea to leave early and be gone when Mason woke up. The drive to The Hamptons and back would give Avery time to pull himself together emotionally. By the time Avery returned to the city, he would be strong again.
“Mason isn’t coming?” Jeff asked as he led Avery up the walkway to the front door. Avery shook his head as he surveyed the front of the house.
“No. He’s not feeling well.” Avery shrugged and tried to appear relaxed as he stepped into the front hall.
“That’s too bad. I was really looking forward to showing the both of you this place.” Jeff said as he gestured toward the kitchen. “I know he’s the cook and this kitchen is the showpiece. Aside from the location, that is.” He stood back and let Avery pass.
It was an impressive kitchen. Avery didn’t know much about appliances but every thing was large and modern. The square footage of the granite counters was probably the same as Mason’s apartment. Avery smiled as he imagined Mason dancing in front of the stove as he cooked.
The rest of the tour was brief. The house was large; five bedrooms, six baths, almost 6,000 square feet, the house had recently been restored but most of the money spent on the inside of the house was in the kitchen. Outside was a different story. The landscaping in the backyard was stunning. The large back deck was designed for entertaining with an outdoor kitchen, fire pit, bar, an infinity pool and spa. There was a pool house and decking that led down to the beach. But it was the view of the beach that took Avery’s breath away. It was perfect; clean, soft sand, deep blue ocean and a bright blue sky spread out before Avery. He saw Darcy chasing the waves and little girls building sand castles and his heart swelled.
“We’ll take it.” Avery said as Jeff joined him. Jeff laughed softly.
“Shouldn’t you wait until Mason has a chance to see it?” He asked. Avery shook his head.
“The location is perfect. He can just cover over whatever he doesn’t like with bookshelves.” He turned to face Jeff. Jeff laughed and patted Avery on the arm.
“If you’re sure. I didn’t want to rush you if you weren’t but I’ve been told that they’re expecting an offer soon.” Jeff said as he started typing a message on his phone. Avery shrugged.
“Do whatever it takes. I want this house. I don’t care if you have to go over the listing price. Just don’t tell Mason.” Avery said as he gave Jeff a pointed glance. Jeff nodded and smiled broadly.
“Got it. Keep him happy. I don’t blame you, he’s a keeper.” Jeff grinned sheepishly. “I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but he’s kind of perfect.” He blushed a little as he looked back down at his phone. Avery laughed softly.
“Kind of.” He agreed. Jeff read something and nodded before he looked up.
“Don’t get me wrong, you’re hot. But I kind of go for dirty pretty and Mason’s a little more my type. You’re too intimidating and neat.” His phone buzzed and Jeff smiled as he read the incoming message. “They offered but they’re haggling on the price.” Avery relaxed, the house was as good as theirs.
“Dirty pretty?” He asked and Jeff shook his head as he laughed softly.
“You know, good grooming but ink and maybe some piercings. Dresses kind of edgy but not sloppy. Like Beckham or Adam Levine.” Jeff explained. Avery’s brows pulled together.
“Mason doesn't have any tattoos or piercings.” He mumbled and Jeff snickered and tapped his temple.
“In here he does. Either way, he’s obviously taken and I just got engaged.” Jeff said as he held up his hand and showed off a pave diamond band. Avery tilted his head and smiled.
“Congratulations.” Avery said sincerely. Jeff blushed again. He may have checked Mason out but it was clear that Jeff was in love.
“Thank you.” He said and his phone started to vibrate urgently. “I have to take this.” Jeff said as he lifted the phone to his ear and smiled at Avery. �
�Girlfriend, tell your seller the house is sold.” Jeff sang. “I don’t care what the last offer was. Was it asking price?” He waited for a moment. “Exactly. We’re offering asking price.” Jeff turned and winked at Avery. “See, bitch? This house is off the market. I’ll have an offer to you before you finish that glass of wine.” He laughed. “Of course you’re drinking, you crazy old drunk. Be ready for our letter.” With that, Jeff hung up. “I’ve got my laptop in the car, I’ll go do that offer letter now.” He turned to go and paused. “You know, if you’re going to do as much remodeling as I think you will, I can recommend a guy. He’s good and he’ll give you a low bid if I put in a word.” Jeff winked again. Avery chuckled.
“Let me guess, dirty pretty and recently engaged?” He said. Jeff laughed and saluted as he turned. Avery smiled and pushed his hands deep into his pockets as he went down the deck to the beach.
By the time Avery got home, it was almost 10:00 p.m.. He’d wandered the beach for a few hours then stopped into town and ate a decent dinner at a brasserie. Mason would love that too, Avery decided. Despite his attempts to distract himself, Avery’s mind kept going back to the ring Jeff had waved before him. Avery knew that Mason wouldn’t want anything that bling-ie. Avery mentally shopped for a ring as he drove. He had the perfect ring in mind by the time he unlocked his door and stepped into his apartment. His foot kicked something and he looked down to see an envelope sliding across the floor. He picked it up and recognized his name in Mason’s handwriting on the back. He opened it and pulled out the enclosed letter.
