“If you come out now, I won’t hurt you,” Antonio yells.
“Yeah, right. You’re insulting my intelligence too now?” I scoff.
“Show your face and you’ll see what I mean.”
Leaning against the wall, I take a tiny mirror out of my pocket and use it to determine where he is and what he’s doing. He looks at me and smiles like he knows he’s got me. That motherfucker. I know he can see what I’m doing, but that’s exactly the point. I’m not going to fucking stick out my head and risk having it popped off.
Antonio drops his shotgun to the ground and kicks it away. “See? All good,” he yells. “I just want to talk with you, that’s all.”
I sigh while putting away the mirror.
“Are you seriously considering going out there?” Jay says.
“There’s no other option. My car is our only way to get out of here.” Rubbing my bald head, I think about it for a second. I know he’s got more shit up his sleeve. The organization would never accept him coming back empty handed. This is all a trick. “There has to be a way to get to that car without him fucking blowing our heads off.”
“Then use me as a hostage. Fake that you’re going to kill me,” she says.
“They want you dead. I’d be playing right into their lap if I did that,” I say.
“Then why not just walk out with your gun pointed at him? I mean, we have the advantage now. He has nothing.”
“We?” I say, laughing. “You’re not my accomplice, Jay.”
She chuckles. “I know, but as you say, you’re the only reason I’m alive. I’d rather get out of here than lose my head.”
“You sound like me.”
“I learn,” she muses.
I think about it for a second. If he’s ambushing us, there’s no way I’m going in with just this gun. I need backup, because he’ll demand that I throw my gun away too. I’ll need something to protect myself and her when shit hits the fan. “Hmm … still got that knife on you?”
“Yeah.”
“Good.” I take a deep breath. “Stay behind me, but keep an eye out.”
We walk out of the alley, stepping into the light. A smirk appears on Antonio’s face as we make our way to the car. I keep a close eye on him whilst Jay checks our surroundings to make sure there’s no one else to screw with us.
“Finally … the two lovebirds arrive.”
“Shut up,” I say, keeping my gun pointed at his face.
“Now, now … a little tense?” He chuckles. “No need. I’m unarmed, see?” He holds up his hands. “I’m just here to talk with you.”
“Stop bullshitting me, Antonio. I know why you’re here.”
He rolls his eyes. “What does it matter? We’re all going to die anyway; might as well end it here.”
“Not according to my schedule. Wanna talk? Speak up or I’m leaving,” I say as we move to the vehicle.
The look in his eyes immediately changes. “You know as well as I do this is not going to end well. You can’t escape this. Why do you insist on keeping her alive?”
“Because she is mine,” I say, grabbing Jay’s wrist. “You can tell the organization to back off. I’m taking this one and I’m out. I don’t work for you anymore.”
He laughs. “Yeah, that was already established. But do you honestly think that will stop us from claiming her head? There’s a hefty bounty for her, and I don’t intend to let it slip.” He starts fumbling with his pockets. I don’t like it one bit, so I keep my gun steadily pointed at him. I don’t want to kill him, but if I have to, I will. I know it’s exactly the same for him. Code before anything else.
If he’s set on claiming the money, then fuck it, I’ll make sure that money won’t ever become available to them.
“You won’t get that money,” I say. “I’m going to kill the client.”
Antonio frowns. “What? Have you gone insane?”
“No, it’s the only way to stop this all. If I kill him, it’s all over. He won’t be able to pay, so you won’t need to kill her anymore, and I’m off the hook since I’ll be gone forever. Everybody’s happy.” We approach the door of my car while Antonio’s eyes narrow as he watches us from his own car.
“I won’t allow it.” He pulls out a second gun from his pocket.
I shove Jay aside while dropping to the floor. The shot hits my shoulder so hard it flings the gun from my hand. Shit.
“It was a pleasure working with you,” Antonio says. “But you know money always comes first.” He aims for my head.
From the corner of my eye I spot Jay pulling the knife from her pocket and throwing it at Antonio like a dagger. It hits his thigh. He screams as he drops to the ground in agony. His gun is still in his hands, but he’s too focused on the pain to shoot. I scramble to my gun and pick it up. One shot is all it takes.
And then he’s gone. His flame has been extinguished. His limp body lies on the asphalt like a ragdoll, his eyes vacant, his muscles still twitching. For the first time in a long while I don’t feel victorious. This was not the outcome I would’ve preferred, but it had to happen. Still, it’s hard to swallow. Antonio got me into the organization. He was the one who let me in, who trained me in their ways, who made me even better than before … who helped me with my disability. He was my killer buddy; we always used to take on requests together. Just the two of us, off shooting some random people and returning with plenty of cash. We lived like kings. Now we die like street rats.
Such a shame.
I get up from the ground and watch Jay get up too. She wipes her clothes and checks her surroundings. “Are they all gone?”
“I doubt it, but I’m not curious about it either. Let’s go before shit really hits the fan.”
“Right …” She gets into the passenger seat of the car and waits for me. But I can’t get in yet. My precious knife is still stuck in his thigh, so I walk to his body and pluck it out, wiping it on his clothes. Before I turn my back on him, I pry the gun from his fingers and tuck it into my back pocket. Never leave spoils on the battlefield. Then I close his eyes and walk to the car.
“To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.” - Friedrich Nietzsche
Chapter 17
Jay
Tuesday, August 20th, 2013. 2:00 p.m.
Eyes, always his eyes. They are always watching me. They find me in the dark like candles on fire. They tempt me to walk a path unknown yet enticing. His touch lingers on my skin, even after only one brief moment of contact. Rugged fingers craving to feel me.
His gun glistens in the moonlight as he watches over me, day and night. He’s always there. Screams and blood follow him wherever he goes. It does not scare me anymore. This is what he does, but not what he desires. In the shadows he hungers for me.
And I in turn yearn for him.
***
Sipping in the air, I feel like my chest is on fire. What I just saw was real, and yet it was all in my mind. Flashes of a life that was mine surge through my head. I can’t remember, but bits and pieces trickle into my mind like droplets of water falling into a pond.
And then it’s gone again.
I don’t even remember what I saw.
X sits next to me, his hands on the steering wheel, his gaze sometimes darting to me to check up on me. My heart is pounding, but I try not to let it show. I won’t show any weakness. I’ve seen so many people die these last few days, it’s all starting to feel so unreal. They drop like flies. Every day I wake up thinking it was all just a bad dream. Except it isn’t; I’m still in this car with X, still his ‘prisoner,’ still on the run from people who want to kill me for whatever reason.
I’m shivering from top to bottom, trying not to focus too much on the fact that I’m covered in blood. Someone else’s blood. Someone who’s dead now. So many bodies. So many injured. So much pain. I wish I could stop it all. I wish I had control. But I know X would never allow me to leave, not even to save those people. I might be a self-absorbed bitch, but those p
eople shouldn’t have died because I was there. They were looking for me, and now all the people at that diner are dead.
I take a deep breath and sigh my worries away while I look out the window. We’re almost back at the hotel, and I’m wondering what X is planning to do. Does he plan on staying there? Or will we move again? And if so, will I have a chance at escaping then?
So many questions, so few answers. At times like these the first thing I think of is drugs. Yep, I’m so fucking addicted, it’s not even close to fun. I don’t want to feel this craving. It’s just another layer of weakness I can’t afford anymore. I have to strip away the vulnerabilities and close them off. Being strong is my only choice to survive this.
When we’re finally at the hotel room and X closes the door, locking it again, I just stand in the middle of the room, giving everything that just happened a place. X is behind me, and I can hear him pull some buttons. The sound of cotton being draped off his shoulders is alarming. It frightens me, because I know what usually comes next. The beast in him must be released. Whenever he’s killed someone he comes back to me and …
I swallow away the fear. I can’t think like that. Can’t let him see that he has this effect on me. I don’t even want to think about it, because it’s tearing me apart and I won’t allow him to do that to me.
I hear him place his shirt and gun on the chair. His steps are heavy as he walks past me and goes into the bathroom. While he turns on the shower, I look behind me. His gun is the first thing that catches my eye. It’s right there for the taking. Suddenly, I’m overcome with the overwhelming desire to use it.
One glance at X and I know he isn’t looking, so I take a chance and walk toward it. I pick it up. It feels heavy, and my hands start trembling again. It’s because I know what it’s like to kill someone now. I know what I did and it terrifies the living shit out of me. I could kill someone. I could kill him.
As I turn around with the gun in my hand, X is suddenly in front of me.
I squeal and point it at him. “Don’t come any closer!”
All he does is lift an eyebrow.
The gun is shaking vigorously. He shakes his head and a chuckle escapes his mouth. “You won’t, because you know I’m the only one who keeps you alive.”
“I don’t believe you,” I say, my voice croaky. “What does alive mean anyway when I have to spend my time like this?”
“You’ve seen them. They’d take your head in an instant. Do you think those men were the only ones? Wrong. The organization is larger than you can imagine. They’re everywhere, and now they know exactly what you look like. It won’t take long before word gets out. You would be dead by now if it wasn’t for me.”
He raises his hand to the gun, but I pull back and do the unthinkable. I place it against my temple. “I’d rather be dead then,” I say, my voice wavering.
“Jay …” He sighs. “You don’t want to do that. You don’t want to give up already, do you?”
“I want to live my life the way I pictured it.” Tears form in my eyes. The way I pictured it is far, far from reality. Rainbows and sunshine don’t exist here.
“Pointing a gun at your head won’t help with that.” He clears his throat and takes a deep breath. “Jay, don’t do that. You don’t want to hurt yourself.”
“And what if I do? I fucking killed people, X! I killed them … I took their lives … and for what? To save my own? Is it worth it? My pathetic life is useless and I traded it for theirs. I’m a monster.”
He rubs his lips together. “You did what you had to … to survive. It’s a kill or be killed world. Fairy tales don’t exist. Don’t tell yourself they do. Take life for what it is and be happy you still have it. Some weren’t so lucky.” He holds up his hand, looking at the gun. “You have another shot at life every time I save your life and every time you save your life. Don’t waste it by killing yourself.”
My fingers tremble as a tear trickles down my cheek. Time is slow and irrevocably lost whenever I try to grasp for it. Everything is an illusion. My life, my happiness, my freedom. I can’t even control my own destiny.
His hand is so close now that I just let him take it. I can’t do it. As much as I want to put an end to this, I can’t. I can’t pull the trigger without knowing what’ll happen. I guess I could never lose control after all.
He pries the gun from my hand and puts it on the table beside him. He’s still right in front of me, gazing at me with a barely visible smile on his face. “You’re mine now,” he says, cupping my face. “I won’t let anyone kill you. Not even yourself.” He laughs. “Let us be monsters together.”
I take a deep breath and wish the tears would stop running. I hate them. I hate weakness, but I can’t stop them from flooding out of me.
“I’ll protect you,” X murmurs, wiping away the tears with his thumb. “I protect everything that’s mine, because I won’t allow anyone to take it from me. I’m a little selfish, you see. I tend to want more from people than they can offer. Lucky for me, you can handle everything I give to you.” He leans in so close I can smell his cologne. His tongue darts out in a flash, sucking up my tears. Then he licks the seam of his mouth and grins. “Even your tears are delicious … hmmm.”
He presses his lips on mine and kisses me, hard. His lips are rough, but numb the pain inside. For a moment I drift away into oblivion and forget about everything. His warm mouth has a tantalizing effect on me, something I haven’t experienced with any of the other men I’ve been with. This feels so comfortable and safe. At the same time that feeling freaks me out. It shouldn’t be like this, and yet it is. I want him to kiss me.
And then he stops. His one eye glistens with desire as he grabs my arm and pulls me toward the bathroom. There, he waits. Slowly, he starts undressing me. One by one the layers disappear until everything is gone and I’m completely naked. I let him see all of me. Even though I’ve been naked before, it’s never been this naked. This vulnerable. At my absolute weakest point, I let him overtake me and give me comfort when I need it the most. This man, a killer, comforts me right now. The man who abducted me. It’s too stupid and insane to put into words, but it’s true.
He throws away my panties and starts kissing my leg, starting at the tips of my feet. It feels good, but when I look down it’s scary. I still fear he might turn against me at any moment and put me in severe pain. I don’t want to have to go through that again. Upsetting him means receiving punishment, so I keep calm and let him do what he wants. I surrender my body to him so that I’ll stay safe. However bizarre that sounds, it’s the only way to survive.
His tongue drags all the way up to my hips, leaving little pecks as he reaches my pussy. I get the urge to close my legs and move away, but he slaps my inner thigh with the palm of his hand.
“Spread.” His voice is guttural and sends shivers down my spine. He stands up again and takes off his belt, keeping his eye fixed on me. I dare not look away as he starts undressing again. My eyes drift down the inked ridges of his muscular abs and zoom in on his erection when it bobs out of his boxer briefs. Carefully taking my hand, he guides me into the bathtub and under the shower. The warmth of the water cleanses away my sadness, my fears, my sins. It feels nice.
As X steps into the bathtub I look down. The water turns crimson as it mixes with the blood of our victims. My body shakes when I see the droplets run down my hands and face.
X grabs my chin. “Don’t look at it. Look at me instead.”
He comes closer and cups my face with both hands before kissing me. His lips are soft and smooth, not rough like before. Each time he touches me it feels different. I feel different. I feel like both of us are changing, going toward a place we can no longer return from. I’m not sure if I should fight it.
The more he kisses me, the more I’m lost in him. The world around me ceases to exist. His mouth on mine is all that matters. He kisses away the hurt, kisses me until I can no longer think for myself.
His tongue darts out to dance around mine. H
e explores every crevice in my mouth, lapping me up with luscious licks that soothe the pain. My tears mix with the water of the shower, and I no longer feel the difference between them. His cock prods my thigh and it turns me on. It’s happened so often now, I no longer feel ashamed about it. I don’t know what this is, or where it’s going, but I’m taking it as it comes. I’m not going to fight it anymore; there’s no use. I’m already hooked.
When he takes his lips off mine I’m already leaning in to receive more. He squints, a devilish smile on his face. As he licks his lip and bites on it a little, he says, “You tempt me, little bird.”
I suck in my lips. Treacherous little things, wanting more. “Tempt you?” I hint at a question.
He plants a single kiss on my jaw. “There are so many more important things to do right now,” he whispers close to my ear. “But I can’t stop myself from ravaging you first.” He nips my earlobe, biting it until I hiss. Goose bumps riddle my body as he moves down my neck and sucks on my skin. Sinking his teeth into me, he leaves bite marks all over. He travels down to my sternum, still leaving rough kisses everywhere, until he reaches my nipples. With his index finger and thumb he hardens them.
“You turn out to be a good little slut after all,” he says. “I don’t regret claiming you as my pet.” He pulls and tugs on my nipples until a desperate moan escapes my mouth. “It sounds as though you’re enjoying this quite a bit, too.” A groan-laugh rumbles in his chest as he places his lips over my nipple and starts sucking, hard. I writhe from the attention he’s giving them, suckling them until pain settles in. Good pain. Pain that makes my clit throb.
“Hmmm … you like this a lot,” X murmurs against my taut peak. His tongue darts out to circle around the crown, teasing me, awakening my desires. I’m not resisting anymore. My hands are on his back as I let him play with me. He seems to enjoy the fact that I let him do whatever. There’s a big smile on his face, and he keeps looking up at me, as if he’s wondering how I feel about all this. I don’t care anymore. Only pleasure seeps in.
Mr. X Page 17
