by Heath Pfaff
"You'll be alright." I heard the woman at my side whisper. "It'll all be over before you know it and in a few days you'll feel better than you ever have before." It was nice of her to try and comfort me but the words had the opposite effect and I had to force myself to find that stream of calmness being cast out by Kye. I knew that I was getting closer to her, because the feelings from her were becoming clearer. Behind the stream of calm was a wall of fear equal to, and every bit as terrible, as my own. I tried to extend my own sense of calm to her, though much like hers it was a facade simply trying to cover the emotions beneath.
It seemed only a short walk later that we reached our destination, a room far below Fell Rock Manor. If a room can be said to be evil, then this one was. There were two stone slabs set with metal and leather straps sat squarely in the center of a well-lit stone room. The walls had been tarred, making them appear slick and black. Stationed around the room were four more Knights of Ethan, one of which was standing between the two stone slabs. Kyeia was lying on the slab furthest from me, and from where I was standing I could see the ragged rise- and fall of her chest, and the pale, sweat-glistened cast to her skin. The wall of fear I felt behind the projection of her calm, must have been small compared to the fear she was really feeling. I stepped back, but the arm of the gaunt man held me tight.
"There is no going back. We all try, but..." He let the words fall away. Before I knew what was happening, the woman and the gaunt faced man lifted me from the ground and forced me onto the vacant stone slab. The others in the room began to move, coming forward to fasten the metal clasps to my wrists and ankles, a leather strap was secured around my forehead, locking my gaze on the ceiling. Before I realized I was doing it, I was struggling, fighting at the metal and leather that held me in place, but the clamps were powerful, as were those around the table who held me firmly down. The man who had been standing between the stones leaned over me, his black eyes locking on mine.
"No matter what, Lowin, do not let yourself lose consciousness during this process. If you do, you will die. We are about to bestow upon you the full title of Knighthood and it is a painful process." His tone was serious, and his features firm, but he smiled before speaking the next part. "We have all undergone it, and very few have died. Do not be afraid, my boy, be proud of what you are about to become." He spoke with pride, and a sense of duty that came from his knowledge that he would soon usher in another Knight of Ethan. For him, and for those around the room, I was at the cusp of receiving a great honor and my fear was entirely the fear of the unknown and the foreknowledge of pain. For me, the only thing in the world that mattered at that moment, was the terrified girl laying too far away for me to hold or protect, the girl whose life was about to come to an end because of me. I opened my mouth to scream out, but when my mouth opened a rough chunk of leather was pressed and held in place by one of those around me.
"Bite down, this is going to hurt." A woman's voice whispered, different from the one who'd followed me down the stairs. I didn't recognize her, and a moment later I didn't care that she existed. A muffled scream, Kye's muffled scream, sounded from next to me and I desperately tried to turn my head to see what was happening. I didn't need to though, because I could feel it. Kyeia's wall of calm fell as a terrible pain tore into her left eye socket, and suddenly I was overcome by fear and pain that wasn't my own. So trapped in her feelings was I, that I almost didn't notice the last thing I would ever see with my own eyes. The knife came in fast. It was just a glint in the light, and then all light exploded away from my right eye and, half a second later, my left. I was surrounded by darkness, and the echo of Kye's screams, muffled, I guessed, by a chunk of leather like my own, reverberating from the stone walls all around me. I didn't scream, couldn't make myself do it at all. There was so much pain and darkness, and all I could do was struggled to stay conscious. "I love you, Kye. I love you." I thought it over and over again, tried to say it though I couldn't through the block in my mouth. I ignored the pain, and whatever it was they were doing to my empty eye sockets. None of it mattered. I don't recall exactly how long it all went on, but I finally heard a voice, and realized that it was all I could hear.
"It's done, you can pass out now." It was a male voice, I thought possibly the gaunt man. It didn't matter though. The room was so quiet. I couldn't hear Kye screaming anymore, it had stopped a little while before, and I couldn't feel her anymore. There was no fear, no calm, no horror, no love only a great emptiness where all that had been before. I was alone. I let my mind fall into the darkness, hoping beyond reason, that I wouldn't come back from it, and, failing that, that I might not suffer to dream, because I knew only too well how haunted my dreams would be.
I was devoured by a darkness so deep I thought I might never wake to the light again. Pain pounded at my bones in waves, rushing from the sockets that now held the eyes of the woman I had destroyed, and out into my heart and limbs like streaks of burning fire running through my body in place of the blood that normally pulsed there. I was being changed from the inside out. My bones were restructuring, lengthening in places where they were too short, thickening in places where they were too thin, and smoothing in places where they were too rough. Every muscle groaned and churned as their density increased, the fibers of my very being honed to perfection like the edge of master smith's finest sword.
All around me voices floated in and out of my perception, various people coming to see my progress from man to monstrosity, each offering their own commentary on the process as though it were some great play performed on a stage for their amusement, and I was the key player performing my greatest role.
"He didn't scream out at all during the ritual." One voice would whisper.
"His heart must be stone. I heard he didn't once beg for her life, or his own." Another answered.
"They say he'll be strong." Yet another said, and the voices went on through the darkness, each passing judgment on me for what I was and what I might be. It continued for a span of time that may have been a day or may have been a year - I couldn't tell, lost within my own world of grief and pain. I know only that, for a short time, there was a fearsome storm of noise and chaos and that was followed by a quiet time, and then a warm hand holding mine. It didn't last, but that time was the closest I had to peace while the damage to my body healed and the changes to my being continued. The quiet time passed and the voices came back again to congratulate me or make speculations about my potential.
At some point, the voice of Ethaniel himself came to me through the darkness. "You've come far from the boy I saw four months ago, Lowin. You will go much, much further. Welcome to the Knights." He said no more, but I felt a strong, fatherly grip on my shoulder. He was gone after that. The feel of his grip lingered on my shoulder, though, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that touch. I was supposed to be proud, happy to have risen to a new level in my training. I was now considered a Knight of Ethan, still in training, but a Knight full. Yet, from the dark place of grief and pain, I felt nothing but a growing contempt for the Knights. They spoke of honor and duty, but I couldn't fathom how an order of honor and duty could be built upon a pedestal of deceit and brutal murder and what did that say of my king, a man who I had always thought was a pinnacle of justice? Where were justice, honor, and duty in a world that killed a young woman for no purpose other than to create a better weapon?
There was silence again, for a time, all but the sound of a single person moving about my room. I heard the clank of a metal tray being placed on the table next to me, and realized that it must be Merrywin, come to bring me a meal. I tried to open my eyes, and realized my eyes were open, but that I couldn't see anything. I panicked, reaching up to feel my face, and encountered a cloth bandage wrapped around my head. Of course, I realized belatedly, I was still in the process of healing.
"Don't be playing with that just yet, Lowin." Merrywin's voice said, and it, unlike the other voices, held a tone of sympathy and warmth. "It'll be another day or two before you a
re able to see anything and until then you need to keep the bandage on."
I let my hand fall away. It had hurt to move it anyway. My entire body hurt constantly, a result of the changes occurring within me. I wondered if they would come and tell me exactly what was transpiring, since I wasn't supposed to know anything about what was happening. I thought of Kye, but I couldn't bring her face to my mind without hearing her terrified scream again and again. "I am a monster." I said aloud, and it was the culmination of all my thoughts that led me to that conclusion. For all that the Knights of Ethan had deceived me, and forced me into much of what had happened over the last four months, I could not deny that I was also responsible. Kyeia was dead because of me.
"If that were true, do you think I'd be brining you lunch?" Merrywin asked. "You're no more a monster than any of them. Black eyes or not, they're all basically human. I've learned that over the years of working with them." I could hear the smile in her words. I realized that she thought I was worried that the black eyes made me look like a monster and I lapsed back into silence. As good a person as Merrywin was, she wasn't in a position to understand what had transpired. In truth, I didn't believe that she even knew exactly what transpired in the creation of a Knight. I really wanted to believe that she didn't know what tortures were carried out in the basement of Fell Rock Manor because if she knew and could still smile and tell me that I wasn't a monster, then she was not the good natured healer I thought she was. She did not stay long when she realized that I was done talking. I ate my meal, not hungry, but needing to do something to make the time pass. My limbs responded hesitantly to my instructions, screaming in angry pain as they were forced to move against a body that was still changing on the inside. I had one more day, maybe two, before my eyes- Kye's eyes- would be working again, if what Merrywin said had been accurate. Until that time I was in no position to do anything, but what would I do, I wondered, once I was able to see again? Could I, in good conscience, stay with the Knights? What would Kye want? I thought that she would tell me to stay. She had believed in the cause. Indeed, she had given her life freely to the cause. Though she had, I reminded myself, not had any choice in the matter. She had been bound by pact. I was not so bound. I had free will and that meant I must choose a path.
I lay back in my bed. The pain was beginning to subside, though I still hurt everywhere. I ignored the screaming of my body and thought of the future. That was no easy task. Without Kyeia, what did the future really hold for me? Would I stay as a servant to a man who killed the innocent to craft weapons or would I run away from it all and be killed, never doing anything with the gift Kye had given me? If I did stay, could I ignore the horror that stood at the root of the Knights of Ethan? There was no clear cut choice, no good and evil sides from which to choose. I was at a loss. The logical side of me said that I should stay and serve my king and country, carry out the future that Kye had intended for me. That seemed the easiest choice of all, but a deep rage burned in my heart. My king allowed a young girl, one who I loved greater than my own life, to die so that I could wield a sword better. My life was now a sick half-existence forged of two lives and my king would have me be no more than a puppet set to preserve the peace. I balled my hands into fists, sending fresh waves of pain through my arms, into my shoulders. I unclenched them and sighed.
What was I to do? In the perpetual darkness of my sightless world, there was little for me to do but fall back into my pain and sleep away existence, hoping clearer answers might present themselves in the morning.
The darkness of sleep was quickly and shockingly thrust into the darkness of being awake as an earth shaking explosion knocked me from my bed to the cool stone floor of my room. I scrambled to my feet, looking about in vain, before remembering that my eyes were still bandaged and healing. Another explosion tore through the air and I almost lost my footing as the ground jumped beneath my bare feet. Distantly I could hear the sound of voices raised in alarm and the groan of rock walls crumbling. There was a chill on my skin and I realized that I wasn't dressed. Not wanting to face whatever disaster might be beyond my door without my clothes, I made my way blindly to my wardrobe and felt within for clothing. My hands passed over the stack that should have been my shirts and encountered an unfamiliar fabric. It was smoother than the rough shirts I'd had since arriving but upon further probing with my fingers I discovered that it was indeed a shirt and if it was in my room, it was likely intended for me. I felt my way around the shirt and eventually determined the front from the back, pulling it on over my head. My body was still sore, aching all the way to the bone, but I ignored it as I found my pants and drew them up, fastening the clasps at the waist with some difficulty. The pants, too, were different from my normal attire and it was difficult to fasten a clasp I had never seen. As I worked, dressing as quickly as I could without my sight, I noted a sharp increase in noise beyond my room. Voices were raised in anger, and I could hear the sounds of weapons clashing in the yard beyond my walls. I didn't know what was happening but I suspected that we were under attack. Even as I finished fastening the lace of my final boot, another explosion tore through the air with such percussive force that I was blasted from my feet and thrown against the north wall of bedroom, the one furthest from the outside wall of Fell Rock Post. Shrapnel hit me, small pieces of rock ripping gashes in my flesh and larger chunks pelting me roughly. A breeze followed the debris, and I realized with alarm that the outside wall to my room had collapsed entirely.
"Lithe?" I called, hoping someone might be around to tell me what was happening. "Malice?" There was no answer. To be alone, blind, and lost amidst an alien chaos, is a terrible feeling. A great roaring suddenly filled the air, a bestial yell so loud and terrifying that I immediately shut my mouth and went as still as I could manage to make myself. The chaos of weapons clashing and screaming stopped for a moment as well, at the monstrous roar that had so filled the night.
"To arms, to arms!" I heard someone yelling but I didn't recognize the voice and didn't dare call out again lest I bring down upon myself whatever evil lay outside.
The air about me was filled with a sulfurous smell, acrid and bitter, that I took to be the sign of some man-made explosive. I had encountered similar smells at the sky fire festivals held in Danivil during the summer every year. There the explosions had been smaller and created to entertain but even then my mind had considered the possibility of applying the same basic formula, in greater quantities, for use as a weapon. I had, at the time, thought it merely a foolish flight of fancy. I stumbled forward, tripping over the debris lined floor of my room, looking for the door that would lead me back out the front of my building. Had I been able to see, I probably could have exited through the hole in the side of my room and traveled faster, but I dared not risk such a thing with my eyes still blind. My hand closed on the handle to my door and I turned it and pushed it open. There was an unsettling breeze traveling down the hallway beyond my room, unsettling for the fact that there were no windows in that hallway.
"Lithe?" I called quietly down the length of the hallway. There was no answer. Somewhere distant, a deep thump shook the ground, followed by another in a slow but rhythmic pattern. Another roar sundered the air, so loud I moved my hands to cover my ears, and again the fighting outside seemed to subside for a moment, only to return a few seconds later. The rhythmic thumping came again, drawing nearer with every quaking pound of the ground.
Beyond my room I heard someone yell, "Lantern Eye, at the south wall!" Other voices followed, and then the sounds of battle were everywhere and I could hear nothing again. I knew not what a Lantern Eye was, but the roaring and the thumping that I took to be footsteps had come from the direction of the south wall.
I made my way cautiously down the hallway towards the door, occasionally calling for Lithe, who should have been at my door, on guard duty. I stayed close to the right wall, guiding my hand along it and using it as a guide. I was afraid to call too loudly, not wanting to attract unwanted attention and after
a short time I stopped calling at all. If Lithe had been there, he would have heard me by that time, especially with his sensitive hearing. I took another step and hit my foot on a crumbled section of wall. I tried to picture how far I'd come down the hallway. I thought I was near the end, the door should have been just a step or two further away. I slid my foot forward, cautiously looking for a safe place to set it down, but everywhere I tried was covered in debris. I moved to the opposite wall, tripping once or twice on loose rocks in my path. Once I had reached the opposite wall, I probed my foot forward, searching for a way to advance, and once more finding that my foot seemed to encounter rock or broken wood everywhere I searched. I grit my teeth, angered by the situation. I reached up and began unfastening the bindings on my head. Healing be damned, I would probably die if I couldn't see so I decided the risk of uncovering my eyes was less than that of stumbling blindly through a war zone. The bandages were secured by a knot that took some dexterity to clear, but in a moment I had the knot free and was able to begin the process of unwinding the cloth from my head. While I unwrapped my head, I took note that my hands still felt human. I hadn't grown claws and fur like some of the Knights had. Neither had my legs changed, at least outwardly, for all that I could tell. I wondered what that meant, but I really didn't have much time to think about it then, for I had finally managed to slip the last layer covering my eyes. I immediately had to squeeze them shut as the world seemed to burst into a field of light.
