That was just icing on the cake.
Yup. It was just peachy.
A slightly sick sensation had me drawing in a deep breath. I wasn’t jealous except as a friend, that was all.
“I’m glad you came to visit,” Jamie said.
Startled, I looked up. “Oh yeah?”
Jamie nodded. “It was nice to see the great Oliver Jackson loosen up…come out of his shell a bit.”
I laughed. “The great Oliver Jackson, huh?”
Jamie shrugged. “He’s something of a legend around here, although I don’t think he realizes it.”
I shook my head. “I can guarantee he doesn’t.”
“He’s modest,” Jamie said.
“To a fault,” I agreed. “But it’s more than just modesty,” I felt compelled to add. “I think he truly doesn’t understand how special he is.”
Jamie nodded, her expression thoughtful. “But you see it.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course. He’s my best friend.”
She nudged my arm. “It was so great to see his expression when you walked in. I’d started to think maybe the rumors were right—that he was snobby or elitist or something because of his success.”
I laughed. “A snob? Oliver? Hardly. He’s just uncomfortable around strangers. He’s never been great at making small talk, and—”
“I totally get it,” Jamie interrupted. “You don’t have to explain him to me. It was obvious as soon as you walked in the door that he wasn’t as cold as he seems to be.”
I got the weirdest surge of sensations at that simple comment. My smile faltered, because I realized that she did get it. Once the other students here got to know him a little better, they’d probably see it too. He wasn’t a nerd; he was a genius. And he wasn’t standoffish, he was shy. These were things I’d always known about him, but that no one at his old school had ever been able to grasp. He’d been pigeonholed as the odd duck at a young age and the image had stuck. But being here, surrounded by people who understood him…it was just a matter of time before he broke out of that mold.
He deserved this new life, but…
I sniffed as the reality of it became clear.
He was moving on, moving forward—and there might not be a place for me anymore. Oh, he’d never dump me as his friend, but it wouldn’t be the same. It couldn’t. When he found a girlfriend who had the same interests, he wouldn’t waste all his time chatting with me online. My heart squeezed in my chest. He wouldn’t need me anymore to cheer him up or to give him pep talks or to push him into going out into the world...
But, what if I still needed him?
I did need him. I always would. He’d always been my best friend, but after my dad left, and after all the pseudo-playdate-friendships evaporated in middle school—he was the one person I’d had left. I mean, I had my mom, of course, but she was my mother. That didn’t count.
Even if I suddenly got a new boyfriend or made a new friend at Harmon High, it wouldn’t replace him in my life. It couldn’t. He knew everything about me and still loved me. I could be myself around him and not worry that he’d be annoyed or run away. He was so much more than just my friend—he was my rock. My safe place. The only person in this world other than my mother who I could trust to always be there for me. I couldn’t lose him, I just…couldn’t.
“Liv? Are you all right?” Jamie asked.
It took me a moment to remember what we were talking about before I’d spiraled into crazy. Oliver. Jamie. His new life. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that this was what I’d always wanted for Oliver—everything that I couldn’t give him in Harmon no matter how hard I might try. He wasn’t leaving me; he was just making friends. He was moving on and moving up.
Was I all right? “Of course!”
I was just being silly, that was all. I’d known things would change between us when he left. I knew they’d change when he became a public figure. I’d always known this. But knowing it and experiencing it were another matter.
“I’m glad he met you,” I said. I did a remarkable job of keeping my voice steady and even, if I did say so myself.
“Me too,” she said. “I think he and I will be good friends.”
I nodded. I did too. And I tried not to let that eat me alive.
I was also an only child who’d only ever had one true friend—I wasn’t very good at sharing. But I’d have to learn to be.
“You know,” Jamie said slowly. “I have a best friend who’s a guy.”
I met her gaze. “Oh yeah?”
I mean, really. What else was I supposed to say to that?
Jamie nodded and she folded her hands in her lap as she met my gaze. “I know it can get kind of…complicated.”
It was the look in her eyes that set off an adrenaline rush of panic. “Oh no,” I said quickly. “It’s not like that with us.”
Jamie’s gaze turned knowing and I could feel heat rushing to my face. My cheeks made me look like a liar, or maybe it was the fact that I was protesting too much. “Seriously,” I said. “It’s not like that. Really.”
“Okay.”
“I mean it.”
“Uh huh.”
“Jamie, I swear, he and I have never…” I trailed off with a weird windy noise coming out of my throat. I couldn’t even say it. I couldn’t think it. There were some places my mind just would not go. Not that Oliver was repulsive or anything, but because he wasn’t.
Did that make sense? Maybe not to anyone else, but there was a logic in place that kept me sane. Or safe. Or…both, I guess. It kept things nice and simple, and ensured that no weirdness or unacceptable emotions on my part would ever ruin the perfect friendship that we had.
Jamie’s look right now was threatening to ruin that. Don’t ask me how, but she had this gentle concern in her eyes and it made me certain that she could see right through me.
“Are you sure he knows that?” she asked.
I blinked at her before a shocked laugh escaped. This girl didn’t know anything. She’d read it all wrong. I didn’t know if I felt relief or…something else. I wouldn’t say disappointment, exactly, but something made my insides feel heavy as I tried to explain. “No, no. You read it all wrong,” I said. “He was happy to see me because we’re friends, that’s all.”
She didn’t look convinced and for a second I had this flash of memory—this moment when we were at the restaurant when he’d asked me to go to the gala with him. A split second when I’d thought maybe…when I’d sort of had this weird jolt of happiness…when I’d actually let myself believe…
I shook off those stupid thoughts and saw Jamie watching me closely.
Duh. It dawned on me then just why she cared so much and why she’d leapt to the wrong conclusions. I reached a hand out and patted her shoulder reassuringly. “Jamie, it’s not like that. In fact, if you were maybe thinking of making a move…”
Her eyes widened but I hurried on before I made her too embarrassed. “No, don’t say anything. I just wanted you to know that I’d be fully supportive of that.”
My voice came out perfectly calm, which was a surprise since a weird anxious pit seemed to have set up residence in my gut. Luckily there was a knock on the door and the RA popped her head in. Jamie and I both smiled and said goodnight before the woman ducked back out into the hallway.
The silence after she left felt heavy. My thoughts were a tangled mess, but I tried to ignore it.
“I, uh…” Jamie gave me a sheepish shrug. “I didn’t mean to pry or anything. Sometimes I don’t do well at censoring myself.”
I let out a short laugh. “Then you and Oliver will get along just great. He’s used to girls who say exactly what’s on their minds.”
And what’s in their heart?
I ignored that thought, too. What was with me today? I decided then and there to blame it on the breakup with Stuart. It had only been a week, after all.
“I honestly wasn’t trying to pry because I have a crush or anything,” Jamie said.<
br />
I didn’t really believe her, but I let it go. I mean, who wouldn’t have a crush? Oliver was attractive, he was smart. If this girl found his oddities as charming as I did then she’d be halfway in love by now. So no, I didn’t believe her, but I let her off the hook. “I won’t say anything.”
She shook her head with a little laugh. “I’m serious. I just want to be his friend, that’s all. And also…
Here it comes. I prepared myself to give her a big smile when she finally admitted to the fact that she was harboring hopes of dating America’s next great tech whiz. Who wouldn’t want to be the next Mrs. Jobs? I mean, really.
“Also, I’m really hoping to get him on board when I start up a new nonprofit organization, separate from my father’s company.”
My jaw fell open. Okay, that…was not where I’d expected this conversation to go. “Excuse me?”
Jamie shifted on the bed to face me, her body practically vibrating with her a new intensity. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, but today when Oliver mentioned that he was lucky…I don’t know, it just sort of clicked. I realized what I want to do with my life.”
“I am confused and insanely jealous,” I said. “I don’t know what I want to eat for breakfast tomorrow let alone what I want to do with my life.”
I wasn’t exaggerating. I was a solid B-minus student across the board. Aside from my ability to spearhead a kick-butt bake sale, and my keen interest in a few epically nerdy pastimes, I had no special skills.
“You must have some idea,” she said, in that knowing tone my mother used. It was the one that said you’re selling yourself short. I wasn’t.
“Everyone is good at something,” she said.
I shrugged. “If you can think of a career that requires a love of video games, comics, and knitting, feel free to clue me in.” I gave her knee a little smack. “But I want to hear more about your new life plan, that’s somehow all thanks to Oliver.”
She laughed but whatever she was about to say was cut off by a knock on the door.
Oliver poked his head in and my heart did a stupid little whoop of excitement. Geez, calm down. It was just that I hadn’t seen him in so long and our time was so limited.
He gave me a small smile, the one I’d come to think of as reserved just for me. “I think the coast is clear.”
I nodded. “Almost ready, but Jamie was just telling me about her idea.”
Jamie ducked her head a bit, looking adorable and sweet and humble. I had to remind myself that I liked her. I wasn’t allowed to hate her just because she was perfect.
“What idea?” Oliver asked.
And with that Jamie was off and running. Her cheeks flushed pink and her eyes lit with excitement as she filled us in on all the charity work she’d been doing on behalf of her father’s company. Honestly the type of work she’d been doing made me feel like a toddler. All these years I’d been so proud of myself for organizing bake sales and canned food drives and this girl had singlehandedly saved a village of children in Africa.
I was officially out of my league over here. I listened in awe as she talked, and Oliver did too. Judging by his questions he was just as impressed as I was.
And well he should be. Jamie wasn’t just pretty and popular and smart…she was also a saint, apparently.
She was perfect.
More than that, she fit into Oliver’s new world, his new life. And she understood him. She appreciated him. She was perfect…for him.
He looked over at me and for a split second I felt an ache—a brief but searing jolt of pain in my heart. For one crazy instant I had this urge to hold on to him. To wrap my arms around his neck and…kiss him.
No. No, no, no.
My heart raced in my chest. I turned my gaze down to my feet as I scrubbed my brain clear of that image. Jamie was still talking. About really important things, no less.
And what was I doing?
Losing my mind.
Because it was just now dawning on me that as soon as we left here, we were heading back to his room. Where we would be alone.
That thought should not make me nervous. I’d never once in the entirety of my existence been nervous about being alone with Oliver.
I came to stand beside him now, a smile on my face to show just how nervous I was not. “You ready?” I said.
He nodded. Turning to Jamie, he said, “I’d be happy to help in any way I can.”
“Great.” She beamed at him and I reminded myself once again that I liked her. We liked her. After all, she was involving him in extracurricular charity events just like I used to do back at Harmon. She seemed to understand him like I did so she could help him make friends in a way I’d never been able to do back at Harmon.
This was good.
This was great.
Yup, this was fan-freakin’-tastic.
Chapter Four
Oliver
Liv was uncharacteristically quiet the whole way back to my room. Her shoulders were hunched and her gaze was fixed on the floor. Maybe she was trying to be stealth, but I felt like it was something more than that. She’d barely looked at me as we’d listened to Jamie talk, and I had this unnerving sensation that something had happened between the time I’d dropped her off at the girls’ dorm and now.
When we reached my dorm room, she looked around. “Is there somewhere I can get ready?”
“Uh…” I scratched the back of my neck as a wave of hormones temporarily took control over my body. My mind seemed fixated on one fact. We were alone. We would be alone.
Alone. Alone. Alone.
“Oliver?”
“Oh, yes.” I showed her where the bathroom was on our floor and ensured that it was empty so she could change.
I took the opportunity to change as well and was already lying in bed by the time she came back, clad in boxer shorts and an oversized tee that made her adorable quotient go up by a factor of ten.
And yes, I had a scale. But tonight? She broke it. No one ever had been or ever would be as lovely as this girl was right at this very moment. Her hair was pulled up in a ponytail and her face was scrubbed clean, and she looked for all the world like my favorite dream come to life.
She hesitated just inside the doorway, her makeup case dangling from one hand as she nibbled on her bottom lip. “So, um…you’re sure it’s cool if I take his bed?”
I nodded. “I changed the sheets for you and gave you one of my pillows.”
She stared at me for a second before shaking her head. “You didn’t have to.”
I shrugged. It was the second time today that I had a hard time speaking to my oldest and dearest friend. The sensation was so rare it left me shaken.
She seemed rattled too, now that I was looking closely. With a little shake of her head she headed toward the other side of the room and scrambled under the covers. The silence that hung over us was far from the norm, and it didn’t help this choking sensation.
I wished I wasn’t so keenly aware of the fact that we were alone. For a second I wished I didn’t know that I was in love with my best friend. I couldn’t wish myself out of love—it was a fruitless thought—but I could imagine a world in which I was blissfully ignorant.
I turned my head to the side to face Liv. She was curled up, facing me, her expression just barely discernable in the glow from my desk lamp. I’d turn it off eventually, but there was no way we were going to sleep right away. We still had too much to talk about.
Unfortunately, all those words seemed to be hovering over us, unspoken. They were weighing me down but I had no idea where to start. I was still trying to sort out what exactly had happened between us earlier. I supposed it was simple—I’d intended to ask her out, and she either didn’t get the hint or didn’t want to get the hint.
I just had to know which.
“Jamie seems really nice.”
My eyes met hers from across the room. As far as topic starters went, Jamie seemed innocuous enough. So then, why couldn’t I read the look
in her eyes?
“Yes, she does,” I agreed.
Silence.
My gut twisted. I lived in awkward silence with everyone else on the planet, but I couldn’t deal with it between me and Liv. It just wasn’t right. I cleared my throat and shifted so I was facing her like she was facing me. Her eyes were wide but shuttered. Her lips were…well, they were her lips. The same as always, plump and pink and the prettiest sight I’d ever seen.
I stifled a sigh. Seriously, it was only this girl who made me think these kinds of thoughts, and I couldn’t face another year—another day—of keeping it to myself.
“You should look her up on Love Quiz,” Liv said. “I bet you guys would be paired up instantly.”
I stifled yet another sigh, this one of exasperation. It was bad enough that I was in love with my best friend. But the fact that she kept insisting on trying to hook me up with other girls was like rubbing salt in an open wound.
“You know I don’t use the app,” I said. While I might have created the thing, I was actually pretty reserved when it came to social media. I had a hard enough time dealing with my peers in real life, and while Love Quiz was theoretically a dating app, it had evolved into another form of communicating online.
“You guys would probably get a perfect score if you did,” she said.
“I doubt it.” I couldn’t quite hide my frustration. I clenched my jaw to keep from saying too much.
“How do you know?”
Don’t react. Stay calm. Irritation won out, and I turned to face her. “I know because I don’t like Jamie, okay? Not like that.”
Her eyes widened and she held up her hands. “Okay.” She drawled out the word, making me feel even more ridiculous for losing my temper. But really, I wasn’t sure how much more I could take the love of my life pushing me toward another girl.
“I was just saying, you guys would probably get a perfect score,” she mumbled under her breath, clearly grumpy that I’d snapped.
We wouldn’t. The app was designed for only one perfect score, and those were hard to come by. I didn’t claim to be some kind of love guru when I’d created this, I’d just done my research. Once I started to realize that what I felt for my best friend went beyond friendship, I’d read every article I could find on the scientific studies that had been done in this arena. I read the psychological studies, the mathematical studies, the sociological studies. At the end of all that studying, I’d extrapolated the pertinent information and used it to create the tests and algorithms that became the foundation for Love Quiz.
Tall, Dark, and Nerdy: High School Billionaire #1 Page 6
