by Jane Peart
Jana listened with more understanding than she would have thought possible. What Bayard was saying echoed in her own heart. She knew the longing, the loneliness, he must have experienced on the mainland. She felt sorry for him. But that was all. You don’t give your life as a gift to someone else—not for what it can bring you, nor for sympathy, not even for love. Your life is God’s gift to you. To use for his purpose, not someone else’s.
“I’m sorry, Bayard.”
“What do you mean, sorry? Don’t you care for me? Can’t you see the possibilities of a future with me?”
“I do care for you, Bayard, but I don’t love you. Not like you seem to want me to. I’m sorry you feel you’ve made a mistake. But mistakes can be corrected. It would be far worse for you to go on with Vinnie if you feel it’s wrong for both of you.”
“Didn’t you hear anything I said, Jana? It’s you I want, you I need.”
“I’m sorry, Bayard,” she said again. “There’s someone else.”
His shoulders sagged. “It’s Kimo, then, isn’t it?”
Strangely enough, as Bayard said the words Jana knew it was true. The name she had hidden in her heart for so long came singingly to the surface. Yes, yes, she did love Kimo.
“Well then, I wish you the best,” Bayard sighed. “I don’t think it will be easy for you or him. People will make it difficult.”
They had reached the fork in the road. One side led down to the Rutherfords’ house, the other up to another part of town.
“What are you going to do, Bayard?” Jana asked quietly.
“My duty, I guess. Whatever that means.” He glanced at her. “It’s too late to back out, I suppose. That seems to be the story. Too late. If I’d spoken earlier—before Kimo came back from Germany—would there have been a chance for me…for us?”
Jana hesitated. Hadn’t there been a time when what Bayard could offer her had some appeal?
“I’m not sure. Maybe. But now I know for sure that whatever I felt for you, it’s not what I feel for Kimo.”
“I wish I could wait for that kind of certainty.”
“It’s worth it. But then you would hurt a lot of people—” She wished she could say something more comforting. However, she had always been taught to speak the truth with love. Was it right for Vinnie Albright—regardless of the monogrammed silver, the English china, the French linens—to marry a man who didn’t love her? “I wish I could say something to help, Bayard.”
“Thanks anyway, Jana.” He took a few steps away from her, then half turned and raised his arm in a farewell gesture. “Aloha!”
“Aloha, Bayard,” she said gently. Then he started walking fast up the road and around the bend, disappearing from her sight.
Slowly she walked home alone. In her own heart, there was a joyousness. She had acknowledged her love for Kimo, and it spread a warmth all through her that simply blotted out Bayard’s warning. A warning that she would remember later.
One evening Kimo met her after work. As she was leaving the store, she saw him coming toward her. Her heart lifted like it did once when she had tried surfing and a wave caught her at its crest, creating a soaring sensation, propelling her in a rush to shore.
Kimo seemed excited. His smile was broad, his eyes sparkling. “Wait till you hear what’s happened, Koana!” he greeted her. “We have got the most wonderful order. A whole dining room set—table, six chairs, a sideboard—for a house newly built in Hilo! The owner had seen some of our furniture and admired it. It was my design, Koana. Isn’t that wonderful? This is a prominent man. He’ll be doing a great deal of entertaining. Others will see our work—it may mean we are really on our way.”
“Oh Kimo, I’m so proud of you! Of course, I knew you would succeed. Your ideas are original, your work very beautiful.”
“I feel like celebrating!” he laughed, throwing his head back. “But it’s not just this order, Koana. This means I can make a good living. It makes everything possible.”
He took her arm and they started walking. Almost without thinking, they took the path past the school yard, their old way down to the beach.
“Of course, it will mean lots of hard work, long hours,” he continued. “I’ll probably have to stay over in Hilo to finish the set in time. He wants it when he moves into his new house. But it will be worth it. He is very influential, has wealthy friends. It may be the beginning of our becoming well known and successful.”
They had reached the beach by this time. It was the most beautiful time of the day, Jana thought, her favorite time. The ocean was a pale silver, gentle waves rolled onto the sand in glistening scallops of foam, and a peaceful quiet seemed to settle over everything.
“This is just as I dreamed so many times when I was in Germany,” Kimo said softly. “Watching a sunset here on the beach—with you, Koana.” He took her hand and held it.
Her heart began to pound heavily.
“This is what I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, Koana. All my life, maybe. Or at least since I came back from Honolulu after being away that first year. I love you. You are my dearest friend. More than a friend. More than a sister. More than that. Do you know that?”
“I think so. At least, I’ve hoped that. I love you, too, Kimo.”
He put his arm around her shoulder and drew her close and kissed her. They watched the sun sink slowly until it was swallowed into the water, leaving the sky streaked with pink, orange. Arms around each other, they walked back up the path to the Rutherfords’ house. At the gate they kissed each other again. Jana walked into the house as if in a dream. All that she had ever wanted seemed to be coming true. She could hardly believe it. It was too precious, too sweet, to share yet with anyone else. Hugging her secret close, she simply drifted back to her bedroom. There she knelt by her window, looking out into the night now studded with early stars. “Thank you, God,” was all she could whisper, “for bringing my love to me.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Most of the time Jana was happy, so distracted by her romance that she had almost forgotten about her quilt design, the possibility that it might win her a scholarship to art school.
So it came as startling news when she arrived home from work one evening and found her father and mother both standing out on the porch, her father waving an envelope as she came near.
“It’s come, Jana. A letter from the scholarship committee! Hurry and open it. We can’t wait to hear if it’s what we’ve all hoped for you.”
Jana hurried up the porch steps and, with both parents looking over her shoulder, tore open the letter. Inside was the news she had been waiting to hear for so long. A full scholarship!
But instead of being elated, a wave of shock and dismay swept over her. This meant there was no obstacle to her going to the mainland. She would be able to study at the art institute for a full year at no expense to her parents. She could follow her dream. It was coming true.
“Oh darling, we’re so proud of you!” her mother said, hugging her. “You’ve been so good and patient, and now your talent is being rewarded.”
Jana felt completely stunned, frozen by this news, while the excitement swirled all around her. Her parents’ voices, interrupting each other, went in and out of her ears without Jana really hearing what they were saying. Nathan, who didn’t fully understand what all the fuss was about, was skipping around the trio, blowing on his tin toy horn to add to the confusion.
Underneath it all, slowly the realization of what it meant to receive the scholarship came crushing down on Jana. This meant she would leave the island, leave Kimo. It was then she knew without doubt that she loved Kimo—and scholarship or no scholarship, she didn’t want to leave him.
Jana moved through that night’s impromptu celebration in a blur of mixed emotion. Her mind whirled. How could she tell her parents that she didn’t want to accept the scholarship? How could she tell them, unless she and Kimo revealed their love, their hopes for a future together? Things were happening faster than she had expect
ed. She must talk to Kimo first.
It wasn’t until late the next afternoon, when Kimo arrived from Hilo, that she had a chance to tell him. She met him at the gate, before he could go into the house and have one of her parents give him the news.
They walked down to where the beach curved in a long crescent, a row of bending palms swaying toward the glistening sand washed by lazy swirls of foam-edged surf. The cry of wheeling seabirds, the roar of the surf, merged with their thundering hearts. It was always thus when they were together after days apart.
When they reached their favorite spot, she turned toward him. He took her face in both hands, looked down into her eyes. “Koana,” he murmured before he kissed her upturned mouth.
“Oh Kimo, I have something to tell you,” she began haltingly.
“What is it? You look…sad, worried.” His dark brows came together over his concerned eyes. “Tell me,” he whispered, stroking back her hair, loosening the hairpins that fell silently onto the sand as her hair came uncoiled. He listened as her words tumbled out.
“…but now it’s impossible. Even though Mama and Papa think I’m happy about it, I can’t go, not now. I can’t accept it.”
Kimo’s expression became serious, and then he said slowly, “Of course you must take it. It’s an opportunity you can’t turn down. It’s like my opportunity to go to Germany. At first I didn’t want to go, didn’t want to leave family, the island, you. But I knew I had to go, so I went—and I’m glad I did. It was the chance of a lifetime, and I couldn’t afford to pass it up. None of what’s happened would have happened for me if I hadn’t gone.” He paused. “It’s the same for you, Jana. You’ll have to take it. Your parents would be terribly disappointed if you didn’t, and later on you’d be sorry.”
She shook her head. “No, I don’t think so, Kimo. I wouldn’t be sorry. When I think what it means. Gone—a whole year! I couldn’t afford to come home. Twelve months away from my family, everything—you! What about us if I go?” Jana looked at him, bewildered. She had expected him to say she couldn’t go. “I don’t care about the scholarship. Let someone else have it. I mean, once I thought I wanted to learn to paint really well, be an artist, but not anymore. Not since—”
“I want you to go, Jana,” he said quietly.
Her eyes suddenly filled with tears. “How can you say that? I’d be miserable if I went away now, left you. I love you, Kimo.”
“Makamae, my darling. And I love you, Jana.” He hesitated, then said, “I wasn’t going to ask you until—well, until I was in a better position to do it, but…” His voice deepened. “I want to marry you.”
“Oh Kimo, I hoped you’d say that! That’s what I want, too. I don’t want to go away. I won’t.”
“Your parents may blame me if you don’t, and it will hurt them, Jana. They have such high expectations for you. What would they say if we went to them and said that instead of you accepting this wonderful chance, you want to get married. To marry me?”
“I believe they’d understand. You should hear their love story. Everyone was against them marrying—sometime I’ll tell you about it. But they overcame all the odds, and they eloped when the families opposed it. Surely they should understand that when two people love each other—”
“I hadn’t thought we could marry for at least a year, Jana, when the business is thriving. Right now the three of us divide what comes in, put it back into the shop, for tools, lumber, whatever. If we marry now, there wouldn’t be much to live on.”
“What do we need? A little house, a garden? We’d be together. It would be heaven, Kimo.” She touched his cheek with her hand. He caught it and kissed her palm.
Looking at her with soft, loving eyes, he said gently, “It’s too much to ask. One day, I know, the business will be good—but it takes time. If we wait, we can have a wonderful life. I will build us a beautiful house, on a hilltop, overlooking the ocean…“
“I don’t want to wait, Kimo. It might take years. I want to work with you for the future—that would be so much better!”
Again Kimo’s handsome face looked sorrowful, his dark eyes even darker, as he shook his head. “I don’t think so, Jana. I’m sure your parents won’t think so.”
“Let me handle it, Kimo. I’ll try to explain how we feel, what we want. They love me and will want me to be happy.”
Impulsively she threw her arms around his neck, pulled his head down close to her cheek, let her fingers tangle in his silky dark hair.
“Oh Kimo, I love you so much. We will be so happy. Just wait and see. Everything will work out.”
When Jana came into the house, her mother was in the kitchen. Jana stood in the doorway for a few minutes, trying to gather her thoughts together. She felt she might burst if she didn’t tell her mother right away.
“Oh Mama, something wonderful has happened,” she said.
Mrs. Rutherford raised her head, looked at her daughter. Jana’s face glowed with happiness, her lips parted in a radiant smile. Some intuition chilled her mother’s heart. One of the most endearing things about her daughter had always been her transparency, her openness, the truth that shone out of her eyes.
Her mother’s hand, holding a knife, poised over the pineapple she was slicing. “What is it, Johanna?”
Jana should have been alerted. Her mother rarely used her christened name. But her own excitement was too high to pay attention to the serious tone of her mother’s voice, the edge of caution in it. She went blithely on, saying, “Mama, Kimo has asked me to marry him, and of course I said I would. I can’t go to the mainland now, Mama. We want to be married right away, or as soon as possible. Of course, he plans to speak to Papa and to you also, but isn’t it a miracle? I’ve loved him for so long and never was sure—although I had hoped. But I always thought he’d fall in love with one of the beautiful Hawaiian girls—not someone like me. Oh, I’m so happy, Mama.” Jana twirled around a couple of times, over to the table, where her mother remained silent.
Something in her mother’s face halted Jana.
“What is it, Mama? What’s wrong?”
Slowly Mrs. Rutherford put down her knife and wiped her hands on her apron, shaking her head.
“Oh Jana, dear child. It cannot be. It’s out of the question.”
“What do you mean, out of the question? I don’t understand.”
“Isn’t it obvious that it would be impossible? It would never be accepted. What would the Kipolas think? Don’t you see that?”
“No, of course not. The Kipolas love me. Tutu thinks of me just like she does Akela and Kimo. I don’t know what you mean.”
“Then you’re deliberately trying not to, Jana. You and Kimo and Akela grew up together, of course—you were childhood friends. But marriage. That’s an entirely different thing. We and the Kipolas are from different cultures, different backgrounds…“
“Mama, I can’t believe you’re saying this.”
“The Kipolas are pure Hawaiians and proud of it. They don’t want the members of their family marrying out of their nationality. That’s why I say it’s out of the question. Neither Kimo’s family nor our family would agree to such a marriage.”
Stunned, Jana stared at her mother.
Her mother tried to speak more calmly, less emotionally. “I know you are very fond of Kimo, that it’s more than mere friendship, but that’s what I’m trying to explain. Friendship is all that it can ever be.”
“No! I love Kimo. Really love him. And he loves me. Why can’t you be happy for us?”
“Because I know, I can see down the road, Jana. Life has taught me about the world, about mixed relationships. I see what you, blinded by infatuation, cannot see…“
“It’s not infatuation,” Jana said stubbornly. “I can tell the difference. I know what love is, and what I feel for Kimo is love.”
“Darling, you’re going to the mainland—you’ll have all sorts of new experiences, meet new people.”
“I don’t want to go now! I want to stay he
re and marry Kimo. That’s all I want.”
“You’re still very young, Jana.”
“I’m old enough to know what I want.”
Her mother’s tone was very patient. “Surely you can’t mean you want to give up your scholarship? Your chance to go to art school? It’s what you’ve wanted, what you’ve worked so hard for…“
“None of that matters. Not if I have to leave the island, leave Kimo.”
“Jana, dear.” Her mother came around the table and reached out her hand to touch Jana’s arm, but she jerked away.
“I don’t understand, Mama. You’ve always liked Kimo. You’ve always said how considerate he was, how intelligent…Why wouldn’t you want me to marry him?”
Mrs. Rutherford sighed. “If you can’t understand that, Jana, I don’t know how else to explain it.”
“I thought you, of all people, would understand, be glad for me, Mama. How many times have you told me about your mother marrying your father? How opposed her family was to the marriage, how they sent her away to forget him. Still they held out and finally got married. And you and Papa, too! Your family didn’t want you to marry him, because he fought on the other side in the War between the States. But it didn’t work. You eloped!” she said triumphantly. “Making me go to the mainland won’t work either.”
Her mother was silent for a minute, then she turned away, went back to the table, picked up the knife. “I think we should wait to discuss this until your father comes home, after supper.” She began slicing the pineapple again, saying, “Now, if you’ll please set the table.”
They heard Nathan’s voice calling to one of his friends as he came inside, letting the screen door bang behind him.
“All right, Mama. But discussing it with Papa isn’t going to change my mind. Don’t think that it will.”
“Until you’re twenty-one, Jana, you are under obedience to your parents, remember that,” her mother said coldly. Then she turned to greet Nathan, who came running into the kitchen.
Jana was too upset to eat. Feeling her mother’s anxious eyes upon her, she stirred the soup, took a few spoonfuls, nibbled at a rice cake, ate part of a sliced mango. Her father, oblivious to the strain between mother and daughter, talked cheerfully about his day.
