Once outside he flipped the collar on his coat to ward off the bracing winter wind that had kicked up while they were sheltered within the cabin walls and Erin headed for her Tahoe.
As if she were hungering for a double shot of the lunacy they’d shared only moments ago, a wistful sigh escaped from her parted lips and she was rewarded with a huge dose of reality. What was she thinking? She pulled out of the driveway without risking another glance at Colin. It was simple. Obviously, her head hadn’t been calling the shots. She caught her expression in the rearview mirror. Her cheeks were flushed with color and her eyes were a deep blue. She scowled at the woman staring back at her. “Colin is not a part of your future. Remember that and you won’t get hurt.”
ERIN HEADED INTO TOWN, still troubled by what had happened at the cabin. They had kissed. And she had welcomed it. What did that say about her?
It said she was confused. What if there were more to the kiss than simple comfort?
She put the Tahoe in Park and grabbed her camera bag. It was nothing. Let it go, McNulty, she told herself fiercely as she shouldered her bag and headed for the ice rink in the town square.
Normally, it wasn’t an ice rink. During the summer months it was a very pretty fountain but in the winter it froze solid, creating the perfect surface for taking a few turns around the ice. And, she thought as she narrowed her gaze at the people taking advantage of the rink, it made for great pictures.
She checked the built-in light meter on her camera against the milky light filtering down from the overcast skies and adjusted her f-stop. Then she watched and waited until a small voice at her shoulder made her turn.
“Erin?”
A surprised but genuine smile curved her lips. “Danni? What are you doing here?”
The girl shrugged, looking every bit the disenchanted teen. “My friends were supposed to meet me here,” she answered, her eyes roaming the ice rink. “I guess they’re late.” She turned. “What are you doing? Getting some shots for your assignment?”
“Yep.” Erin lifted the camera to her eye, wondering if Colin knew where Danni was. She snapped a shot of a couple skating hand in hand. “Want to help?” She paused a moment to gauge Danni’s reaction.
“Sure,” Danni agreed, then shrugged again. “Well, at least until my friends show up.”
“Of course.”
“So, what should I look for?”
Erin paused, then as an idea struck her, slowly lowered the camera. “Want to try?”
Danni’s eyes widened in surprise. “Me?”
“Sure.” She started to hand over the camera but Danni’s sudden protests stopped her. “What’s the matter?”
“I don’t know anything about photography. What if I break the camera or something?”
Erin almost chuckled but when she realized Danni was dead serious, she sobered and slipped the camera strap over Danni’s head. “This will keep the camera from dropping, so don’t worry about that. Now, look through the eyepiece and see what you can see out there.”
“What am I looking for?” Danni’s tone was hushed as she adjusted her hold on the camera for a better fit. “Just cute stuff?”
“Anything that catches your eye.” Erin bent down to watch the scene at Danni’s level. “Whatever your gut tells you to shoot.”
Danni bit her lip and scanned the rink, pausing every now and again as she watched the scene through the lens of Erin’s camera. Another moment went by and then Danni hesitantly depressed the shutter button with a soft snick. She quickly lowered the camera and looked up at Erin. “How’d I do?”
“Let’s see,” she said, accepting the camera from Danni as she removed it from her neck. Switching from the camera viewfinder to the LCD screen, Danni’s picture of a small girl wearing brand-new white skates moving gingerly on the ice, arms outstretched, appeared. When Danni didn’t seem impressed with her own work, Erin offered her genuine opinion. “Wow. Not bad for a beginner. Not bad at all.”
Danni gave her a hesitant, yet hopeful smile and Erin knew the girl was hooked. Sensing that piling on the praise would only make Danni uncomfortable, she lifted the camera to her eye as she started talking.
“The secret to capturing a great photo is patience,” she explained, scanning the area, knowing without having to see it that Danni was listening with rapt attention. She resisted another smile and continued. “The best picture is the one that makes you work for it. Sometimes it happens when you least expect it, which is why you should always be ready to shoot. It’s the first snowflake landing on a child’s tongue, the single tear of a stoic mother as she says goodbye to her only child as he or she goes off to war, or perhaps it’s the mist as it creeps off the shore of a still lake. And sometimes it’s just an old building no one else will remember after they tear it down unless you immortalize it with pixels or celluloid. It’s all those things and more but you won’t catch the essence of a single one if you don’t open your eyes and wait.” She lowered the camera and turned to Danni. “And that’s exactly what you did to catch your shot. You waited for the right moment. I think you may be a natural, kid.”
“Really?” Danni’s tone was dubious but Erin caught the faint trace of interest hidden behind it. “You think so?”
She met Danni’s gaze. “How easily you forget…I don’t do or say anything out of courtesy, remember?”
Danni cracked another smile. “It’s one of your most enduring character flaws, right?”
Erin laughed. “That’s right.”
They talked a few minutes more about cameras until Danni spotted a group of kids lounging at the far end of the fountain. Erin followed her gaze. “Those your friends?”
Danni nodded and glanced down at her boots as she dug the toe into the packed snow. “My dad hates them.”
Erin lifted her camera and zoomed in. Not exactly the Brady Bunch. She lowered the camera. “Yeah? Why?”
Danni raised her head, snorting. “Because he’s a jerk, that’s why.”
“C’mon, give me more credit than that,” Erin said. “There’s got to be a better reason.”
“Well, I guess he doesn’t like them because I’ve gotten in trouble a few times since I started hanging out with them.”
“Sounds like a pretty good reason,” Erin acknowledged, pausing to put away her camera. She met Danni’s sudden defensive stare. “Don’t you think?”
Danni’s chin went up a notch. “They’re my friends.”
“What happened to your old friends? The ones you used to hang out with?”
“They’re around.”
“And why don’t you want to hang out with them anymore?”
The baby brown of Danni’s eyes darkened and her mouth turned down. “I just don’t, okay? What’s the big deal?”
Erin sighed. Whatever was eating up this kid was big enough to send her running from her old friends so they didn’t see her pain. The reaction was something Erin could relate to. She could remember keeping to herself throughout high school if only to avoid the inevitable questions about her mom. For some reason having a mother who killed herself and the town drunk as a father made great conversation fodder in the opinion of other people. “Just don’t do anything you can’t take back when it’s all said and done,” Erin cautioned, catching the fleeting appearance of sadness in Danni’s expression before it changed to defiance.
“I was arrested the other day,” she said, her tone almost daring Erin to pass judgment.
“How was it?”
Danni blinked. “What do you mean?”
“Did you enjoy the experience?”
“Not really,” Danni admitted, sounding oddly disappointed. Then, she brightened. “But it really freaked my dad out. He was so mad I thought his head was going to explode.”
He was probably worried, too, Erin added silently. “So, you want to fill me in as to why you’re trying to make your dad’s life miserable?”
It was a bold question, one she wouldn’t have been surprised if Danni completely igno
red, but the hesitation Danni offered instead gave Erin hope that perhaps she was ready to share. Erin knew how it felt to keep something bottled up inside, needing someone to talk to yet fearing the vulnerability that followed and she hated to see a kid as young as Danni carrying such a heavy load alone. The pause lengthened and Erin tried not to let her disappointment show.
“He lied…about my mom,” Danni began, then looked up quickly to gauge Erin’s reaction, as if waiting to see if she believed her. When Erin didn’t say anything she continued. “He told me she died in a car accident when I was a baby…but she really died of a drug overdose five years ago.”
The open misery reflecting in Danni’s face accentuated just how young she was despite the fact she was blossoming into a young woman. Erin bit her lip and frowned, wondering what to say. She didn’t want to offer something like “Your dad must’ve had a good reason” because, frankly, she didn’t know if he did. She really didn’t know him at all. He seemed like a good guy but what did she know? “How’d you find out?”
“I was cleaning my dad’s office for him.” She lifted her shoulder in a flip motion. “I was going to surprise him. And I found the death certificate.”
Yikes. “That’s rough, kid,” Erin murmured in commiseration and Danni nodded in agreement. “What’d he say when you found it?”
“He got mad.” She looked away but not before Erin caught the sudden sparkle of tears in her eyes. When she started talking again Erin could see the effort it took to keep her bottom lip from trembling. “He yelled at me.”
Erin wanted to draw her into her arms like Caroline used to when she was hurting, but she wasn’t sure how such an act would be received. “I’ll bet your dad feels real bad about yelling at you,” she offered, to which Danni gave a valiant attempt to appear as if she didn’t care. “Has he told you why he chose to lie to you about your mom?”
Danni swallowed and shook her head. “He doesn’t want to talk about it. He just keeps saying it was for my own good.” Anger crept into her voice. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Erin didn’t know. She had a feeling Caroline had kept things from her for the very same reasons and she couldn’t exactly say it had done her a whole helluva lot of good. If that was the reason Colin was keeping the truth from his daughter she had to disagree with his motives. “So, is this—” she pointed toward the motley group of kids across the square “—your plan to get back at him?”
“What if it is?” Danni shot back.
Erin sighed, recognizing the bravado for the pain of a broken heart. Hadn’t she refused all contact with her father as punishment for what he’d done? Except the situations were completely different, a voice in her head growled at her attempt to draw parallels. She shifted uncomfortably. “Danni, I understand how you feel. My mom died when I was a baby and I still don’t know why. I think my family was trying to protect me, too, but that doesn’t make you feel any better when you have questions no one can answer. But don’t let it make you do something you’ll regret later. Hanging out with kids like that could get you into more trouble than you bargained for.”
“I know what I’m doing,” Danni countered, though her tone wasn’t as confident as the words.
“I hope so,” Erin said, knowing already the girl was in over her head with those kids, but what could she do?
Shouldering her bag, she started walking toward the Tahoe, hoping Danni would follow. She wasn’t disappointed. Erin opened the hatch and slid her camera bag inside. “I’m planning to take some more pictures tomorrow. You’re welcome to tag along if you want. I might even have a camera you can borrow.”
“Really?” Danni answered, her tone instantly excited until she must have realized how eager she sounded. “I mean, I’ll think about it.”
Offering Danni a small grin, she scribbled her cell phone number on a piece of scratch paper she found in her camera bag, handed it to her and said, “You let me know.” Climbing into her vehicle, she hoped Danni would take the bait. A moment later, Erin had to bite back her smile when Danni waved to catch her attention.
The kid looked younger than her thirteen years as she stood on the side of the road, shifting from foot to foot. Erin didn’t blame Colin for not wanting his pretty, fair-haired daughter around that bunch. “Yeah?” she asked.
“Um…could you maybe drive me home?”
“Sure.” Erin shrugged, the movement carefully orchestrated to hide the immense relief she was feeling at the request. She knew it wouldn’t fix the problem but at least for tonight, Danni would be right where she belonged—at home with her dad.
CHAPTER NINE
ERIN STOOD BEFORE GRANITE HILLS Medical and wondered if the frigid air had short-circuited her brain. Spending time with Danni yesterday had pricked her conscience in ways she didn’t even realize were sensitive, and this morning, shortly after gulping down a cup of instant coffee, she found herself heading into town with one destination in mind.
It was what Caroline would’ve wanted her to do, she muttered when her feet refused to take her into the building. As if she were standing right beside her, Erin heard Caroline’s voice plead Charlie’s case.
He’s still your father.
Genetically—yes. Emotionally? Never.
A sliver of their last telephone conversation came back to Erin.
“People make mistakes,” Caroline had said. “But your daddy’s not as bad as you think he is. Sometimes people do things they regret. And, sometimes the things they are most ashamed of are the things that were done out of survival.”
Erin knew all about survival. Dragging her beaten body down the road to Caroline’s house in the middle of the night had been an act of survival, she’d wanted to retort with all the bitterness in her heart.
In her whole life Erin had never been rude to her Aunt Caroline but that comment, delivered with such soft conviction, had nearly caused Erin to slam the phone down. Didn’t she remember what had happened that night?
Erin shuddered, pushed both memories from her mind and stared up at the building, wondering why nothing ever changed in this place.
She sighed and let her gaze rove the area. The hospital was located at the edge of town, but even if it’d been plopped right smack in the center the place wouldn’t have changed. There was an unhurried quality here that Erin had forgotten.
The sun was rapidly disappearing behind a new storm front, taking any semblance of heat with it, and Erin knew she’d freeze if she stayed outside much longer.
Drawing a deep breath as she approached the receptionist, Erin prepared to utter words that were foreign to her mouth.
“I’m here to see Charlie McNulty,” she said, as she rubbed warmth back into her frozen appendages. “I believe he’s in ICU?”
“Are you family?” The blue-haired volunteer peered from beneath her bifocals.
“Y-yes.” Erin swallowed, then forced a brittle smile. “May I see him? I’ve come a long way.”
“Sign your name here.” She pointed to a clipboard, which held a sign-in sheet. After giving Erin’s signature a quick once-over, the receptionist revealed the room number. “Only two at a time. Hospital rules.”
Erin rounded the corner and found the double doors leading to the ICU. Placing her hand against the smooth metal, she hesitated for the barest of seconds before giving the door a gentle push. In her mind she was prepared for what she’d see. In reality, it was another story.
She’d known it was going to be uncomfortable facing the man she’d happily left behind, but the feelings ricocheting through her were stronger than discomfort and shockingly more disconcerting.
Tubes and wires wound their way from his body like something out of an H.R. Giger drawing. His face was nearly unrecognizable in its swollen, bruised and scratched state. Erin’s heart did a strange stuttering beat and her feet felt rooted to the spot. The last time she’d seen her father he’d been robust, drunk, and pissed off. The man before her was a stranger.
Where was the guy who�
��d thrown his bottle of Jose Cuervo at the cops when they’d come to remove her from the home? The man who’d only been subdued after four officers practically dog-piled him?
It was surreal to be standing there. Her gaze traveled over his still form. The anger that had been vivid only yesterday was inexplicably absent, leaving a hollow void in its place.
“D-Dad?” What was she supposed to say? Everything that came to mind sounded trite at best and insincere at worst. But anything was probably better than just standing there. She cleared her voice and tried again. “Can you hear me? It’s Erin.”
His eyelids twitched and Erin held her breath. It was an odd thing to be torn between hoping he’d awaken and praying he wouldn’t. Whether her heart’s desire had been answered or ignored was anyone’s guess, but Charlie didn’t stir.
Erin closed her eyes against the memory of their last encounter, still fresh in her mind despite the years that’d passed.
The Charlie she’d known had been indomitable, fearsome and damn near incorrigible. A disquieting sense of vertigo stole her equilibrium and she clutched at the handrail for balance.
Everything was wrong with this scenario. She didn’t know how to feel or even how to act faced with her father’s mortality.
An ugly gurgling sound interrupted her private crisis and she looked around in alarm, searching for help. Surely a noise like that wasn’t a good sign. He couldn’t just die right there in front of her. Something mean clamped down on her heart and made her suck for air.
To her immediate relief, a nurse quickly entered just as an alarm sounded and she made adjustments to the machine monitoring his vitals. She offered Erin a brief smile. “Sorry,” she said. “It does that when the IV fluids are low. I hope it didn’t startle you too much.”
Erin swallowed and shook her head, though her heart was beating like it was trying to escape her chest. Giving herself a mental shake to get a grip, she backed away from the bedside.
What was she doing here? This was insane. It wasn’t like a happy reunion was in their future. They didn’t have a future at all.
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