by Fiona Palmer
Flick thought on it for a minute, letting Jimmy stew. She could try to play cupid and set them up, but if it backfired then she’d be the one to wear it. Flick smiled at the thought of the ever-cool, relaxed Jimmy bumbling his way through asking Toni out.
She grinned. ‘You have my word. It stays between us.’
9
TONI could hear the dogs barking and for a moment she thought she was dreaming. When she realised it was their dogs she jumped out of bed and collided with something, forgetting she was in the shearing quarters. Staggering outside she headed blindly through the night towards the headlights that shone by the house.
The dogs stopped barking the moment they saw her. She walked into the beams and yelled out, ‘Hello?’
Who would be calling so late at night? For a moment her heart raced as she thought of Flick and Jimmy in an accident. But her brain kicked in as she remembered them getting home at about ten. It was hard not to hear Jimmy settling in for the night. A herd of bloody elephants would be quieter.
‘Toni? Sorry to call in so late.’
A man started walking towards her, and she instantly recognised his lopsided walk and rattly voice. It was Morris, a farmer in his sixties from Warragil, a farm ten kilometres away. His wife, Jude, had often looked after Flick when she was little.
‘Hi, Morris. What’s up?’
‘I’ve just come back from the pub and there’s a mob of your sheep on the road.’
‘Oh, great.’ She groaned. ‘You all right?’
‘Yeah, nah, I’m fine. But I did hit a few with the bullbar. Not a scratch on the ute but I think you’d better take the gun with you. Sorry. Sorry to wake you too. I thought it best to drop straight in.’
‘Don’t worry, I’m just glad you’re okay. I’ll go check it out,’ she said, hugging her body. She was just wearing her T-shirt and pyjama bottoms, and her feet were starting to go numb.
‘Righto. They’re near Hendo’s place along Kean Road.’
Toni thanked Morris again before he hobbled back to his ute. She was lucky it hadn’t been worse and lucky that Morris was still half sober. Toni headed to the house, the outside sensor light blinking on.
It was eleven o’clock. She headed down the passageway to Flick’s room and crouched by her bed. ‘Flick, get up, darling.’ Toni gently shook her.
Flick groaned. ‘Is it morning already?’
‘No. A mob of sheep’s out on the main road. We have to go move them before a truck comes through. Get up, sweetie,’ she said, turning on the light.
Flick threw her arm over her eyes. ‘I don’t want to,’ she said, reverting back to her childhood voice. ‘Can’t you take Jimmy?’
‘Aren’t you the one who wants to be a farmer?’
Flick sighed and threw back her covers. ‘All right. Give me five.’
‘I’ll go and get Jimmy too. If it’s the mob I’m thinking of, we might need all the help we can get. Oh, and grab the torches on your way out too, please – and the gun.’
Toni heard Flick mumble, ‘Yes, sir’, but let her be. At least she was getting up.
Toni didn’t bother with a torch; there was moonlight, and besides, she knew how to get to the shearing quarters blindfolded. She’d had many a fun night there over the years, when she would get on the turps with the shearers at cut-out. Back before Flick came along.
Gypsy barked, realised it was Toni and greeted her with a wag of her tail. Toni got to Jimmy’s door and was tempted to go inside to wake him like she’d woken Flick, but figured that was crossing some sort of line. Instead, she opted to bang on his door. ‘Jimmy,’ she called. He was a lot more responsive than Flick. After a few seconds she heard his feet touch the floor and pad to the door.
‘Is everything okay?’ he said, opening the door.
He stood there in just a pair of thin trackpants. The worn elastic hardly held them on his waist. The moon shone across his bare chest and Toni bit her lip so she wouldn’t gasp out loud as her eyes drank him in. If his pants fell any lower, she’d know a lot more about Jimmy than she’d ever intended.
‘Sorry to wake you,’ she croaked. ‘We have a mob out on Kean Road. Might need your help.’
He flicked on the light and they both stood there, blinking. Toni didn’t like the way the light emphasised his toned physique, nor how it highlighted just how little the material of his pants hid. When she lifted her eyes she realised Jimmy had been staring at her. She crossed her arms automatically over the thin singlet stretched across her breasts. The cold night had probably made them more noticeable.
‘No probs, I’ll just get dressed.’ Jimmy reached for his shirt and tugged it on. It was about then that Toni realised she should probably have left, but it was too late. He dropped his dacks there and then. His lean legs went right up to where tight trunk boxers hugged his backside.
‘If you’re just gonna stand there, at least help me find my socks,’ he said with an edge of humour. He turned towards her but she focused on his face, those electric eyes that were teasing her in this odd moment. How could he find this funny after she’d so rudely awoken him from his sleep?
Toni was torn between actually helping him and running screaming in the opposite direction. ‘I’d better go get the torches sorted,’ she said awkwardly, and he chuckled as she strode away. Quickly she ducked into the end room, which she’d occupied. She pulled on her work clothes then walked back to the ute by the house. Flick already had it started, trying to warm up the cab, and Fella was waiting on the back.
‘What’s that look for?’ Flick asked.
Toni hated how Flick saw everything. Even from a young age she’d had the ability to pick up on body language.
Toni shrugged as the sound of footsteps grew louder behind her. Her skin prickled in awareness. ‘Move over, I’ll drive,’ she said, gesturing Flick into the middle. There was no way was she going to be sitting next to Jimmy with her mind swimming with images of his body.
‘It’s okay. You can drive back,’ said Flick.
‘If you two are going to fight then maybe I should drive,’ said Jimmy with a laugh. Gypsy was beside him until she saw Fella. With a big flying leap she joined Fella on the back of the ute.
Toni gave up fighting Flick and moved to the passenger side. Jimmy held the door for her while she scooted across to the middle. Then he got in beside her, his body pressed up against hers. And just as she knew it would, her body reacted. Tingles from head to toes.
‘Ma, how do you think they got out?’ asked Flick as they began to drive towards the Houdini sheep.
But Toni was having trouble concentrating. Her mind was scattered like the pellets from a shotgun. Things were changing around Jimmy. She was sure he was doing things differently, but why now? His eyes were always swimming with a playfulness that bordered on flirting. Was all this starting to turn her into a lovesick loony? Had her body unconsciously been making this stuff into more than it was? Even now she was sure there was more room on Jimmy’s other side, yet he felt plastered against her like double-sided sticky tape. It was all too much for her right now.
Jimmy gently touched her leg. ‘Toni?’ She just about leapt through the roof.
‘You all right, Mum?’
‘Yeah, I was miles away and Jimmy scared the crap out of me.’
‘Sorry, I thought you might’ve nodded off,’ said Jimmy.
He took ages to drag his hand back. Each finger left a scorch mark against her leg. Drive faster, Flick, she begged silently, and forced herself to answer her daughter’s question. ‘I’d say that Brian has been out for a wander around his land and forgot to shut a gate.’
‘I feel sorry for him,’ said Flick. ‘It must be hard living in town when he spent most of his life out here.’
‘I’d say so. Hopefully he’ll sell it to us one day rather than just leasing it,’ said Toni.
‘Not until he’s dead,’ said Jimmy. ‘He’ll never see it sold while he’s alive.’
Flick slowed down the ute to turn ont
o Kean Road. ‘I guess we should have a word with him about checking the gates. You know it’s only going to get worse as he gets older and more forgetful.’
‘Well, that will be our problem. Brian will always be welcome around here, regardless of his memory. He’s been in this district for years and he used to bounce me on his knee. Oh, there’s some of the sheep,’ said Toni leaning forward.
‘So, um . . .’ Jimmy began tentatively. ‘How come you’re sleeping in the quarters?’
Flick stopped the ute and glanced at her, opened-mouthed. ‘Mum? Are you?’
‘Just for a few nights.’
Jimmy opened the door. The interior light came on and Toni shot him her best pissed-off expression. After four years he knew it well.
He got out with a weary grimace, torch in hand. ‘I’ll take the dogs and work this lot up.’
Toni felt the cold seep in and pulled the door shut, almost taking him out in the process.
‘Okay, we’ll see how far up the road they’ve gone and push them back to the gate,’ she said to Flick, expecting her to drive off. When she didn’t, Toni glanced at her. Flick still looked stunned. ‘It’s nothing. I just need time out.’
Flick shook her head but didn’t say a word. Toni was relieved. Now was not the time for a lecture from her daughter.
A hundred metres up, Toni spotted something in the light. ‘Flick, let me out here. I can see the injured ones.’ The road was marked with black rubber and some blood. Toni reached for the unloaded gun behind the seat and put some bullets in her pocket. ‘Once I’m done here I’ll start pushing these back while you go search up further for any strays.’
‘Righto.’
‘Oh, and can you put the dead ones on the back of the ute on your way back? I don’t want to leave them here.’
‘Yep,’ said Flick before driving off, the sound of the ute getting quieter.
The road glistened in the moonlight. Toni checked the sheep: one was already dead and two were badly injured, so she put them to sleep with a precision bullet. She dragged them to the edge of the road for Flick’s return.
The sheep in front of her were baaing after the gunshots, which had sounded like thunder in the quiet, still night. The sky was filled with twinkling stars, and as Toni walked along the road, searching the bushes with a torch, she couldn’t help but feel thankful. It was always sad losing sheep, but simple things like the massive night sky and the crisp, clear air made Toni appreciate this life.
Before long they had the mob rounded up and tucked away back in their paddock.
‘Gate’s shut tight,’ said Jimmy, giving it a rattle for good measure. He jumped in and Flick drove them home.
‘I’m so wide awake,’ said Flick. ‘Anyone want a cuppa before bed?’
‘We don’t want to wake Nan,’ warned Toni. She didn’t want to go back in the house.
‘We can have it at my place, under the stars. How does that sound? They’re beautiful tonight,’ Jimmy said.
‘Cool. May as well seeing as Mum is now living there too,’ Flick said with a dig. She parked at the shearing quarters and they all headed towards the room with the kitchen, Jimmy leading the way.
‘I’ve got two cups in my bedroom,’ Jimmy said to Toni, who was just walking past his door. ‘Can you grab them? I only have three in the quarters.’
‘Must get you some more,’ she said before flicking the light on in his room. It was just a small one, big enough for a single bed and some drawers. There was a TV on a crate in the corner and some books by Jimmy’s bed. It was more than Toni had in her room at the end; she’d just laid her swag on an old bed.
Toni picked up one of the books. Bill Bryson, In a Sunburned Country. And he had another one by Lee Child called Running Blind. She tried to picture Jimmy, lying on his bed reading after work. He probably didn’t need glasses like she did.
Toni put the book back and spotted his trackpants, still on the floor where he’d dropped them. Her fingers itched to pick them up. Cups. She was here for cups. Two sat on the wooden bedside drawers and she grabbed them. He had a photo of his parents and his younger sister, Tracy. Tracy had two kids who were eight and ten and Toni knew Jimmy missed seeing them all. Any time he had off he travelled to the city to see them, but they didn’t visit him often. Jimmy had said it was too hard on his dad to come back. Leaving his farm was the hardest thing he’d done but he’d had no choice. Looking at his room she realised Jimmy couldn’t really bring the kids back to the farm either. It was just a normal bloke’s room, probably tidier than most, but it was poky and small.
She reached out and felt the soft blue sheets he’d been sleeping in not that long ago. Did he ever bring women here? The thought shocked her and she left his room quickly. In the kitchen the other two were busy talking while the kettle boiled. They hadn’t even realised she’d been gone a bit too long. She washed the cups but she was still shaken. Jimmy could do what he wanted; this was his space and he often had little parties with his mates out here, but Toni had never thought that maybe there were women here too.
An idea came to her as they headed outside to drink their coffees under the twinkling sky. ‘Hey, Jimmy, once Flick has the floors done in the old house she plans on moving in. One of those rooms is yours if you want it.’
‘For real?’
‘Yep. I think you need that place more than Flick does, but I know she won’t part with it. And besides, you’ve done just as much work on it as she has. You can’t keep living in this shithole,’ she said, gesturing to the shearing quarters. ‘This is not good enough for you.’
‘Awesome,’ Flick said. ‘Does that mean Jimmy can help me finish the floors and sort out the kitchen?’
‘He can do as much as he wants to do. It’ll be handy having the place liveable again. Your sister might even bring her kids out for a visit, with somewhere nice to stay.’
‘Yeah, actually she might. Brilliant.’ Jimmy grinned as if she’d just told him he’d won lotto, and pleasing him blasted shivers down her spine. ‘Thanks, Toni. I really appreciate that.’
‘Are you going to move in too?’ asked Flick almost sarcastically.
‘No, I’m not.’ But right now avoiding Maggie sounded like a great idea.
‘I wish you would just talk to Nan,’ said Flick with a huff. ‘You have stuff to talk about. Have you even stopped to wonder if Rocco is still alive? Don’t you want to know more about him?’
Toni didn’t know how to handle the questions. Maybe if she’d found out about Rocco when she was younger she’d be more understanding, but right now she felt lost. Was her place even on this farm? Where did she belong? And most of the time she kept thinking about what her life would have been like if she’d known the truth. Would she have got on better with Arthur? Instead of fighting against their differences, would they have respected them? And she hadn’t even started thinking about Rocco. Was he alive? Did she even care?
She hadn’t had enough time to figure all this out. Flick was asking for miracles.
What was she to do? Maybe she would find the answers in the stars if she watched them long enough.
10
MAGGIE wiped her hands on the tea towel after clearing away the breakfast dishes. Only Flick and Jimmy had turned up; no sign of Toni. She should have expected that after she didn’t show for dinner but it still cut deep. To top it off, early this morning Maggie had woken for the toilet, padded past Toni’s room and noticed her bed hadn’t been slept in. Her daughter never forgave easily.
Maggie clearly remembered the time she and Arthur had said Toni couldn’t go away to a party with her friends. Toni had stopped talking to them for a whole week and camped out on the lawn in a tent. Even as a fourteen-year-old she’d been full of fire and passion. Just like Rocco.
Maggie pulled out a stool and sat down, looking out the kitchen window. She felt sick, her gut twisted and acid bubbling deep in her belly. Her child was hurting and it was all her fault. Maybe if she’d kept her mouth shut none of this would be h
appening. Maggie hadn’t intended to let the secret she’d kept for so long slip out but since getting Rocco’s letters she hadn’t really been herself. The memories had engulfed her and it was like being plunged deep into water. The vivid memories washed over her like waves, replaying her life over and over.
But knowing Rocco had planned on coming back for her changed everything, and with Arthur long gone she couldn’t feel guilty about telling Toni the truth. Arthur died with a daughter, but Toni lived on and deserved to know her real father. If only she would calm down, just enough for Maggie to tell her about Rocco. About the kind of man he was. Maggie wanted Toni to love him like she did.
Her hand automatically went to her pocket. Maggie pulled out her favourite letter, the one she’d been carrying with her. It was the shortest letter of the lot. It simply said, Dear Maggie, I’m coming for you. Ti amo, Rocco.
The years she’d dreamt about him coming back for her and Toni, how happy they’d all be. A family. What would have happened if she’d got the letters back then, when they were intended? Would she still have waited out the years with Arthur until Rocco returned? Would she have told Arthur that Rocco was coming for her? Would Arthur have walked away without a fight?
Arthur Stewart wasn’t a fighter, and he hadn’t been much of a farmer either, but he’d tried his best. His brothers had called him the runt of the litter when he was younger and he never did seem to grow into his lanky body. But he’d had a heart as big as Sunnyvale and a gentleness not seen in many men. It wasn’t his fault that he lost the use of his legs and she understood that it had changed him. That’s why she’d never given up on him, even though he’d grown bitter, lost and depressed. She couldn’t imagine what it was like to be waited on by your loved ones, losing so much independence and not feeling whole.
But she clung to the man he’d been. She’d seen his eyes after Toni was born; he’d loved her instantly and claimed her as his own. While she was young he doted on her but as she grew older, she began to look more and more like Rocco, and her strong will twisted Arthur up, more so when he was confined to his wheelchair.
