"And I'd like nothing more than to take you home." I smile back. "So, let’s go."
"Hey guys, I'm gonna hit the road." Most of the guys at the table hoot and holler at me, and I just laugh and shake my head.
A small piece of me wonders if this is a mistake, but then I remember the look on Jimmy’s face when I saw him in the parking lot this morning, and any regret I was feeling disappears.
I grab Sam by the hand and lead her out of the bar. We get to the apartment complex, and I'm feeling buzzed. Sam is smiling laughing, and I'm genuinely having a good time. I push her up against the car and pull her mouth to mine. There aren't explosions like there are every time I'm with Shay, but then again, I've never felt that with anyone but Shay, and it's never bothered me before.
She grabs my shirt, and I know I need to get this girl inside, or I'll have to take her right out here in the parking lot. I grab her hand and pull her up the stairs to my apartment.
Just minutes after being inside we are in my bedroom. Sam pulls her shirt over her head and unhooks her bra. I instantly pull on of her nipples with my finger, and she lets out a soft moan. I grin up at her and she slides down my body and starts to unbutton my pants. I'm feeling excited, maybe I can do this without thinking about Shay, maybe I can actually enjoy myself. She slides my cock into her mouth, and I let out a groan. This girl is amazing, she is doing everything right, and I'm truly trying to enjoy myself and not think about Shay. I’m trying everything I can to be in this moment, with this girl, this girl that wants to be with me.
Sam looks up at me.
"Whoever she is, she's a lucky gal. I can tell you’re not into this, and I'm not going to be that girl for you."
She pats my chest, gets up, and pulls her shirt back over her head. “Shit don’t go. I promise I’m into this. It’s just been a while,” I lie.
She’s not buying it. “Look, I get it, I’ve been there. I’ve also been at the bar trying to find someone to erase my past, but I guarantee it’s not going to work, and you’re just going to feel like shit for doing this later. Just take my advice and let me leave now before it goes too far, and you can’t take any of this back.”
She turns and walks out the door.
I run my hands through my hair and punch my fist at the wall. When will life be normal? Will I ever find someone like Shay? Why can't I get this girl out of my head? I can't take this anymore.
I jump out of bed and head straight down to Shay's, not even bothering to pull on any jeans, put on a shirt, nothing. I have to make sure this girl knows how miserable she is making me. I have to know if she is even considering something between us, if not, I have to let her go. I have to live my life.
Chapter THIRTY-THREE
Shay
It's 1 am, who could be banging on my door? Thank God I took Ryder to Tammy's earlier, because my first class is at seven this morning. I pull open the door, and I'm speechless. There stands Luke, shirtless, wearing some low-slung basketball shorts, and looking furious.
"Luke, what are you doing here?"
"I can't do this, Shay. You don't know what you’re doing to me. I saw Jimmy leaving here in the early hours of the morning. I don't know what's going on between the two of you, I don't know if I even want to know. I went to the bar with the guys tonight, I tried to bring a girl home and I couldn't. All I see is you. All I see is green eyes, and long, messy, brown hair in every girl I see. I can't even kiss another girl because it doesn't even compare to you and what I feel every time we kiss. You consume my thoughts. I can't even live my everyday life without wondering what you’re doing all the time. Wondering who you’re with and if you’re thinking about me too. Just please tell me if you have even been thinking about me. Tell me something, Shay, tell me something. I cannot keep living life like this. I'm not even living."
I stare at him, and I'm still speechless. I am not good with words I am not good with communication and I am not good with anything when it comes to Luke. He terrifies me. What I feel when he is near me terrifies me.
"I can't do this Luke, I let you in for just a short amount of time and you wrecked me. I have literally three experiences with men in my life. My drunk Dad, who verbally and physically abused me, a drug addict ex-boyfriend who constantly forced himself on me, and you who I let in, who I thought was different, and then found out that maybe I was just going to be another notch on your bedpost. You can stand here right now and tell me that's not what I was, but I think it was. I was a chase; I was a game. Then you freak out on me thinking I have started some relationship with Jimmy, who is probably one of two friends that I have in this world, who now barely wants to hang out with me because he is afraid of how it will make you feel. Then you come banging on my door in the early hours of the morning to tell me you just tried to take a girl home from the bar, but it's my fault nothing happened because you can't stop thinking about me. You have a twisted way of showing your feelings, Luke. I cared about you, but for the longest time, I've been training myself not to anymore. I don't need you showing up late at night trying to change my mind. Go live your life Luke, I don't think it involves me." I'm breathless and I'm near tears and he is looking at me like I just punched him in the gut.
"Your wrong Shay, remember what I said to you all that time ago? Remember when I said that this love that we have is a bases loaded, grand slam, bottom of the 9th type of love? I still believe that. I'll go live a life without you but remember this. I'm not going anywhere, I'll be there when you wrap your head around what you feel for me."
I just stand there staring at him. I don't know what he wants me to say. I think this is it, and he is going to turn around and walk away, that he might actually be walking out of my life, but I'm wrong.
He grabs me, pulls me to him, brushes a piece of hair out of my face, puts his hand behind my neck, and brings my face inches from his.
I sigh, and even though everything inside of me is telling me to pull away and shut the door, I lean into him, and then he kisses me, and I’m taken back to high school. Back to his truck parked on the side of the road, his hands in my hair and his lips on mine. This kiss is different then the one the other day, this one is full of feeling and desperation.
The kiss knocks the breath out of me. I kiss him back, because how can I not?
His hands travel down my arms and play with the hem of my loose tank top. I feel like his hands are burning my body, his touch makes me feel like I'm on fire.
He closes my apartment door and pushes me up against the wall, I feel his fingertips brush the bottom of my breast, and I let out a sigh. I feel him harden through his basketball shorts, and he moans into my mouth. He lifts my shirt up over my head, and I let him. Our bodies are meshed together like they have always meant to be this way. I can feel the erratic beating of his heart. His mouth travels down my neck, and then his mouth is on my nipple. He's teasing and flicking with his tongue, and I can feel myself melt into his touch. My head rolls back and lightly hit the wall. I don’t know how much longer I can stand here and let him do this. I feel like I’m going to explode. His hands are traveling to the waistband of my pajama shorts and everywhere he touches feels like an electrical shock to my body. His fingertips skim the band of my shorts and dip inside of them. I hook my leg around his waist, in hopes of making his fingers travel lower, and my breath is coming out in pants.
Suddenly there is a knock at my door, and I'm jolted back to reality. Luke looks at me with a fire in his eyes, "Don't answer that. we need to finish this." His voice is husky, full of lust.
I desperately want to get back to what we started, but a knock this late is concerning. I sigh and gently push him away from me.
“I have to answer the door, Luke. It could be Tammy with Ryder.”
I open the door, and there stands a gorgeous blonde in a tiny amount of clothing.
"Hi, Um, this is awkward,” she looks at Luke as she's talking. "Luke, I left my phone up in your apartment, and I saw you come over here, can you take me upstairs real
ly quick to get it?"
I look at Luke, and he has panic in his eyes. It feels like someone just dumped a bucket of ice water on my head, and I'm thrown back to reality, a reality where Luke had this woman upstairs just minutes before he came down here, a reality where he just lied to my face and told me he couldn’t bring a girl home from the bar when he actually did. I know he said he couldn't do anything with her because he was thinking about me, but just how far did they get? I turn to the mystery blonde and say
"Thanks, you just saved me from making the biggest mistake of my life."
"Shay, wait, let me explain," Luke shouts.
"I think you have done enough tonight I say," as calmly as I can, but also feeling the tears threatening to make an appearance. "You need to leave. Now."
He puts his head down and walks out the door with the supermodel closely behind. I shut my door, put my hand over my mouth, and try to stifle a cry.
I cry myself to sleep that night because this man has completely wrecked me. He has completely ruined me for anyone else, and I just pushed him out of my life, probably for the last time, because I'm too afraid to be hurt again, and that's just what he will do.
Hurt me time and time again until I have nothing left. Every time he pushes himself back into my life, he takes a little piece of me with him when he leaves.
Maybe we don’t have that epic love story, maybe we never will? Maybe loving him will only cause me pain.
Chapter THIRTY-FOUR
Luke
How can one night be the best and worst of your life?
I finally had her in my arms, finally got to touch her like I've been dreaming of touching her since I met her. And then, once again, my horrible decisions come back to haunt me, and she doesn't give me a chance to explain.
I had plans to fuck Shay out of my brain tonight, out of my heart, but it didn't happen. I couldn't let it get that far.
One day she will realize that what we have is real. I can wait. I'm not going to rush her, I know she has been through hell and back, but I love that girl, and I'm not going anywhere. I'll focus on baseball, I'll get my call to the majors, and I'll wait for her to seek me out. This love of ours inevitable. I obviously have some growing to do within myself.
It’s been weeks and, I still have heard nothing from Shay. She has been ignoring me again, just like high school. I screwed up, and I know it.
The guys have been begging me to go out with them again, so I finally agree. I have to get out of this slump. I have to get out and live.
After we've been at the bar for about an hour or so a few girls come over to chat. One of them, in particular, seems interested in me, and at this point I have nothing else to lose.
"I'm Lindsay, I've been to a few of your games, you’re pretty impressive."
"Thanks, it's not often I find a girl that's interested in baseball."
Lies. It's all lies. Shay loves baseball. And it's obvious to me and everyone around me that Lindsay is chasing the money. She's been scouting the players trying to find the one that will bring home the most money.
Lindsey puts her hand on my chest, "You look stressed, I could probably help with that."
Alarm bells are going off in my head, I know this isn't a good idea, but when I have ever done what I should have? I take her out of the bar and head towards my car. She's all over me in the car. Hands in my hair, up my shirt, and down my pants. When we get back to my apartment, I take a few shots. I figure I will need all the help I can get to get through this. Luckily for me, Lindsay takes the lead. She strips herself down and I lay on the bed and watch her. I imagine someone else here, and it's a lot easier to get into things. When she straddles me and positions herself over me, I let it happen.
Someone should have warned me. Someone should have told me you can only screw up so many times before it finally comes back to get you. Karma is going to come for you.
Four weeks later
I drop the phone and Jimmy looks at me confused,
"What's up, man?" Why do you look like your life is over?"
"Because it feels like it might be." I run my hands through my hair. "Remember that chick I brought home a few weeks ago?"
"You mean the last time you got laid? That Lindsay chick? How could I forget? You have been a real douche ever since."
"Ha. Ha." I say, as I grit my teeth. "Well it seems like my one-night stand just turned into the rest of my life." "She's pregnant." Jimmy looks at me, shocked.
"Make sure you find out for sure man, that chick sought you out, she knows your about to be signed, she's looking for money."
"You think I don't know that!" I put my fist in my locker. "This can't be happening to me. Why is it every time I fuck up, it's somehow shoved in my face for the rest of my life?" Jimmy comes up next to me and sits his hand on my shoulder.
"It will all work out in the end, buddy. You just have to have faith." He pats my back and leaves. It's easy for him to say some shit like that when his life isn't falling apart all around him.
Chapter THIRTY-FIVE
Shay
I haven’t seen or talked to Luke in over a month. The last time we were anywhere near each other, was that night in my apartment.
Ryder is at Tammy’s for the night when my phone rings, I look down and see that it’s Jimmy. He has been so busy lately. I haven’t heard from him in a while.
“Hey, stranger,” I say with a smile on my face. “To what do I owe the pleasure.”
I hear him laugh on the other end of the phone, “I was thinking about going to The Lodge tonight to grab a beer, just me,” he adds, and I know he only said that to assure me Luke won’t be there. “Anyway, I wanted to know if you wanted to come so we could catch up.”
“Sure, let me take a quick shower, and I’ll head that way, can we meet in about an hour?”
“I’ll see you then.”
After my shower, I throw on some skinny jeans and a long sleeve form fitting shirt. I leave my hair down, my curls are unruly tonight, so there isn’t much else I can do. I grab a jacket and I’m out the door. I’m running late and I know Jimmy probably showed up early, that’s just the kind of guy he is.
When I make it to the bar, I find him at a table in the back, and he waves me over.
“Sorry, I’m late.” I say as he pulls me in for a hug. “How have you been? It’s been so long since we have been able to hang out.”
“I know, I’m sorry about that, ball has been taking up so much of my time lately. There have been so many scouts at the games lately.”
“That’s great though, pretty soon you will be some big-time baseball player, and you won’t even remember me.” I laugh.
He looks up at me seriously, “I know you don’t really believe that, right?” He asks.
“Yeah, yeah of course, I know we will always be the best of friends.”
For the briefest of minutes, I see what looks like pain flash across his face, but I shake it off and bring the topic of baseball back up. We discuss baseball for a while, and he tells me he feels good about his chances of being drafted, and I honestly couldn’t be prouder of him and all his accomplishments. If there is anyone in the world that deserves all of that, it’s Jimmy.
“How’s your girlfriend?” I ask as I take a drink of my beer.
“We broke up about a month ago,” He says with a sad smile.
“Oh no, I’m so sorry, Jimmy, what happened?”
“It’s not that big of a deal, Shay. It just didn’t work out. She didn’t understand why I was so busy all the time, and at this point in my life, I can’t put anyone before ball.”
“I get that, I really do.” I say, as I put my hand over his. He looks up at me with a smile, and then coughs and stands up.
“I’m going to run to the bathroom really quick. I’ll be right back.” He says, uncomfortably.
I sigh and rest my chin in my hand, “Shay, is that you?” I hear a familiar voice say.
I look over and see Jacob from work, “Oh, hey, Jacob,”
I smile up at him.
“What are you up to?”
“I’m just out with some friends. I saw you sitting here by yourself, is everything okay?” He asks.
He looks genuinely concerned, “Oh yeah, I’m fine. I’m just here grabbing a drink with a friend.”
“Hey, can I give you my number? Maybe some night if you’re not busy, we can grab a drink, or dinner or something?” He says nervously.
I smile up at him, maybe now is the time. Maybe it’s time for me to move on, to take a chance with someone else, to see what else is out there for me.
“Yeah, sure,” I say. “I’d like that.” I smile at him and take his phone and program my number into it. “I look forward to hearing from you.”
He smiles and waves and returns to his friends. Jimmy makes his way back to the table not long after. We have another beer, and then he walks me out to a cab.
“I’m glad we got to spend some time together, Shay,” He says with a smile.
“Me too, Jimmy. Please don’t wait so long to call me again. I’ve missed you.” I kiss his cheek and hop in the cab.
Two days later, Jacob calls me and asks if I would be up for dinner. I say yes, and I’m actually looking forward to it. When he picks me up, I don’t feel the butterflies and nerves that I always do when I’m around Luke, but I try to shake that off. I will never get over him if I don’t stop thinking about him.
Jacob and I have a nice time. He takes me out to dinner, we go for a walk on the beach, and when he pulls me in for a kiss, I brace myself for the electric feeling, and it never comes, and at this point in my life, I don’t think I’ll ever feel that again.
Chapter THIRTY-SIX
Broken Bases Page 9
