by Heidi Champa
“What exactly are you saying, Sam?”
“I’m saying that I want to keep doing what we just did, but I can’t commit to anything more than that.”
It was so out of character, I almost thought he was kidding. But his face was stone-cold serious. I still needed more clarification.
“So you want to keep hooking up, but keep things casual?”
There was a moment’s hesitation before he replied.
“Yeah. Seems like the best option, doesn’t it? For both of us.”
It was probably a bad idea. I knew it, but my brain was still cloudy. The thought of turning down another chance to feel Sam’s mouth on me was out of the question. It was the last thing on earth I ever thought I’d hear from a guy like Sam. But it was the best thing I’d heard in months. All the fun, none of the commitment. It was perfect for me. But Sam? I wasn’t so sure he knew what he was getting into, but I couldn’t let myself worry about that. Before I could talk myself out of it, or even think about it too much, I replied.
“Okay,” I said, making it all sound way easier than it probably would be.
He let out a breath and rocked on his feet like he had that day at the soccer field.
“Believe me, this isn’t something I’m used to. But there’s something about you….”
I had no idea what to say. As the silence grew longer between us, his face stiffened. I decided to give him one last chance to get out of it. Let him off the hook. Again.
“Are you sure about this, Sam?”
He shook his head and smiled.
“Not exactly. But that’s half the fun, isn’t it?”
Sam leaned in and kissed me. He glanced at his watch and in an instant, the practical Sam took over once again.
“I have to go. Maya was expecting me twenty minutes ago.”
“Right. Well, I guess I’ll see you later.”
“You can count on it,” he said with a smile.
CHAPTER 8
I SAT in the posh living room with no idea how I’d gotten there. One minute, I’d been helping Jocelyn’s friend clean out her closet, and the next, I was agreeing to attend the neighborhood ladies’ book club. They’d given me a week to read the book, which I didn’t bother doing. I shifted on the leather couch and downed half my glass of wine. The rest of the ladies chatted and gossiped, almost oblivious to my even being there until Jocelyn held up her hand and looked directly at me.
“Okay, ladies. Let’s get this evening started. I want to take a moment to welcome Wes to the group.”
I smiled as they all looked at me, and I had a flashback to feeling like the new kid in school.
“Thanks for inviting me,” I said, forcing a smile.
They started discussing the book, and for a while, I zoned out, occasionally agreeing with someone else’s point or rewording something someone else said in an attempt to sound smart. It was like high school all over again. When we stopped to take a break, some of the ladies got snacks, but while I was desperate for one of the little sandwiches on the tray, I was suddenly cornered by Jocelyn and her friend Doris.
“So, Wes, how are things going?” Jocelyn asked, her eyebrows rising as far as the Botox would let them go.
“Fine. Good. Business is really picking up. I wanted to say thank you again, Jocelyn. Your referrals have been really invaluable.”
She waved her hand as if it was nothing and smiled.
“It was my pleasure, my dear. But we don’t want to talk about that.”
“You don’t?”
Doris giggled and sipped her wine.
“Jocelyn and I want to fix you up with someone,” Doris said with a giddy laugh.
I looked back and forth between them, the pair of them like schoolgirls.
“Okay….”
Doris nodded, the two of them looking conspiratorial.
“Yup. And we know the perfect guy,” Doris said.
“You do?” I asked, my voice filled with doubt.
“Yup. He works in my husband’s financial planning office in the city. His name is Jerry. He’s tall, successful, and really fun. I think you’d like him,” Doris said with a wink.
The words I really wanted to say were on the tip of my tongue, but I bit them back. I’d been through this enough times to know it did no good to argue. There was no way I’d hit it off with this guy. Chances were good this was the only gay person either of them knew. Straight people were always trying to fix up the gay people in their lives, even if the only thing they had in common was their preference for men.
“So, do you want his number?” Jocelyn asked, tapping her manicured nail against her glass.
They looked so hopeful, I didn’t have the heart to say no to them.
“Sure. That would be nice,” I said with a sigh.
Once they were done with their matchmaking, I grabbed a sandwich and nodded my way through the rest of the night. While I was walking back to Daniel’s house, my phone buzzed in my pocket. Looking at the screen, I saw Sam’s name. A jolt went through me, but I shoved it away and focused on my frustration instead. It had been over a week since I’d heard from him. When he said he wanted things to be casual, he really meant it. I thought of not answering, but I reluctantly pressed the button to accept the call. I forced a smile to my face before I spoke, hoping it would somehow translate through the phone.
“Hey, Sam. How are you?”
“Fine. How’ve you been, Wes?”
“I’m good. Keeping busy. I was at Jocelyn’s book club tonight.”
He chuckled, and I smiled at the sound.
“Sounds like a real hoot.”
“It was okay. Aside from her and her friend trying to fix me up,” I said without thinking.
There was a pause before he cleared his throat.
“What did you say?” His voice sounded strained.
“I took the guy’s number, but I don’t think I’m going to call him.”
“Why not?” he asked.
I thought of avoiding his question and moving back to small talk, but I decided to tell the truth.
“Because these things almost never work out. Most likely, this guy and I only have one thing in common and that’s the fact that we like men.”
He laughed, and I pictured his face. Right before a memory of our after-dinner fun punched me right in the guts. The images of that night were running on a constant loop, showing up at the worst possible times.
“Yeah, but you never know, he could be a good guy,” he said.
“Right. Maybe.”
I was almost home, but I stopped before opening the front door, taking the bull by the horns.
“So why did you call, Sam?”
“Well, I was wondering what you were doing tomorrow night.”
“No plans. Why?”
“Well, Maya is staying at your place, so I thought maybe you might want to come by. You know, so we could spend some time together,” he said, hitting the euphemism really hard.
Not that the implication wasn’t as clear as day. He wanted to sleep with me. I’d never had a booty call so far in advance. It almost made me laugh. So typical of Sam.
“Oh, right. Um, I think I could do that.”
“Great. Should we say around eight?” he asked, the anticipation clear in his voice.
“Sure. Sounds good.”
“Okay. I can’t wait to see you,” he said breathlessly.
The line went dead, and I walked inside and found Daniel in front of the television.
“Hey, man. How was book club?” Daniel asked.
“It was fine. Kind of boring. Jocelyn and her friend tried to fix me up.”
“I’m surprised it took them this long,” he said.
“What does that mean?”
He paused the show he was watching and put his feet back up on the coffee table.
“Please, if there’s one thing the women of this cul-de-sac love to do more than gossip, it’s play matchmaker.”
“Why didn’t you warn me?” I
asked, irritated.
“Because it wouldn’t kill you to go out. I mean, nothing came of your date with Sam, right?”
I thought of the phone call and tried not to smile. Technically, something had come of the date, but there was no way I was going to let Daniel in on that detail.
“Right.”
“So then maybe meeting someone new would be good for you.”
“Sure, whatever you say. You know, because you’re the expert,” I said with a grin.
“Just call the guy. What’s the worst that could happen?” he asked before starting his cop drama back up.
I didn’t even know how to answer his question, so I didn’t. I retreated to the basement and tried not to think about Sam.
I ARRIVED at Sam’s a little after eight, having told Daniel and Tina I was heading out with a friend from the city. Sam hadn’t mention secrecy, but I figured it went without saying he didn’t want anyone to know what we were doing. After pressing the doorbell, I tapped my feet, trying to get rid of any trace of my nerves. The word casual kept running through my head, like some kind of demented mantra. I could do this. Hell, I’d done it a million times before. But with Sam, it all felt out of place. Casual sex went against everything Sam was. Or at least what I knew about him. Maybe I’d been all wrong about him. I focused on the fact that he was hot and wanted to have sex. I decided to let him worry about the rest of it.
Sam pulled open the door and smiled. He looked so good, I quickly forgot all about my lingering doubts. I pushed aside the logic of my reservations and focused on his hot body. Juvenile, but effective. He motioned me inside, and before I could get beyond the foyer, he had his arms around me.
“Hey, it’s good to see you,” he breathed in my ear.
I opened my mouth to answer, but he pulled back and kissed me before I could speak. When he let me free, I tried to act natural.
“Yeah, you too, Sam.”
I started to walk toward the living room, but he motioned me to the stairs. He paused long enough to grab a bottle of wine and two glasses from the table in the hall. I thought maybe he’d want a bit of conversation before we fucked, but I was clearly wrong. His bedroom was at the end of the hall and reminded me so much of the bedroom at Nick’s old apartment, it made me stop dead in my tracks. I should have known they’d have similar tastes. I decided to analyze the implications of that fact later.
“You okay, Wes?”
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
He poured the wine from the already-opened bottle. I took the glass of red from him, but before I could drink any, he stopped me.
“To a fun evening.”
I smiled as he clinked his glass against mine. Things were starting to feel weird, but I shrugged it off. After a few more sips, he took the glass from my hand and set it aside.
“You know, I wasn’t exactly finished with that, Sam.”
“Don’t worry; you can drink the rest after we’re done.”
“Done?”
I chuckled, but his face was serious. He yanked my shirt over my head and threw it across the room.
“Damn, you have a nice body.”
“Thanks.”
“And you’re getting so much better at taking compliments,” he said.
He didn’t even pause before opening my pants and shoving them down my legs. Once I was down to my boxers, he started undressing, tossing his clothes aside as if he were in a big hurry. After a few kisses, he tried to drag me onto the bed, and I finally had to stop him. I was all for getting down to business, but this was fast, even for a booty call.
“Sam, what are you doing?”
“Isn’t it obvious? I mean, I thought I made it clear when I called. We talked about this the other night.”
He attempted to kiss me again, but I got away before he had the chance. I bent down to pick up my pants and slipped them back on.
“We talked about keeping things casual, but you know we don’t have to rush, right?”
“That’s not what I’m doing,” he insisted.
“Really? Because it seems like you’re in a big hurry to get this all over with. It’s supposed to be fun. Take a breath before we’re totally naked.”
He seemed confused.
“I’m sorry, Wes. I just wanted to be clear about what we were doing here.”
“Oh, we’re clear. But you did say that you liked me. That you wanted to get to know me a bit. I mean, it’s not out of the question for there to be some words exchanged with someone before you jump into bed. Even casual flings. Have a little fun before we have a little fun, if you know what I mean.”
I tried to keep my voice light, but the words didn’t have the effect I’d hoped. Sam sighed and moved to the edge of the bed, his head in his hands.
“I’m so sorry, man. I guess I was so hell-bent on making sure things didn’t get complicated, I went a bit overboard.”
The bit of anger I’d felt started to fade as I realized that, as out of touch as Sam was with the dating world, he was even more out of touch with casual sex.
“It’s okay.”
“No, it isn’t. This is so not how I wanted things to go tonight. I mean, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since that night in the car. I was desperate to call you, but I thought if I didn’t wait awhile, I’d seem overeager. Shit, this is already complicated, isn’t it?” he asked, sounding defeated.
I sat down next to him and took his hand.
“Sam, you need to relax a bit. Things aren’t complicated. And they don’t have to get complicated. You need to stop worrying so much.”
“I’m lousy at this. All of it.”
I grinned and tried not to chuckle.
“No, you haven’t done this kind of thing enough. Which is a good thing, by the way.”
“Thanks, I guess.”
“Look, I think we’re both adult enough to handle this. To keep things where we’re both comfortable. But it doesn’t have to feel like a business arrangement. It’s supposed to be enjoyable, after all,” I said, bumping my shoulder against his.
He leaned in and kissed me.
“See. You did it again. You said the exact right thing.”
“I do what I can,” I replied.
“This is why I like you, Wes. Well, that and because you’re really hot.”
I laughed against his lips, the tension finally starting to leave the room.
“I knew it couldn’t possibly be my personality.”
Our lips touched once more, and things started to feel normal again.
“So does this mean you’re going to stay, Wes?”
“I guess so.”
He smiled at me, and I felt it all through my body.
“Then we better get those pants off. I have a strict ‘no jeans in my bed’ policy,” he said with a wink.
“Is that a fact?”
He nodded solemnly for a moment before he broke out in laughter.
“I really am sorry, you know,” he said.
Standing up, I shucked off my pants and stood right in front of him, his puppy dog eyes peering up at me.
“Really?”
He nodded again, and I ran my hand through his dark hair.
“Maybe you should prove it,” I said, trying to get the night back on track.
“Maybe I should.”
His fingers slipped under the waistband of my boxers and started easing them down. Our eyes stayed locked until my cock sprung free from its confines and stole his attention. Sam stared at my dick for a moment before taking me into his mouth, my body tensing at the contact. I watched him as his eyes pinched shut and he started sucking me, my hand sliding easily through the silky strands of his hair. The room was quiet, so each time I moaned, it felt as if I was screaming. After a few more minutes of teasing, Sam released me, standing up from his perch on the end of the bed.
“So, am I forgiven?” he asked.
I opened my mouth to say yes, but his kiss stopped me. When he pulled back, I was breathless. “I’ll take th
at as a yes.”
“I would have said it, but you didn’t really give me a chance.”
“Sorry.”
“Stop saying that, Sam.”
He turned me around and shoved me onto his bed before crawling in next to me. I pushed him flat on his back and moved between his splayed legs. I grasped his hard cock around the base and gave the tip a lick. His head fell back against the mattress as I took him in my mouth, savoring every inch of him as I took him as deep as I could. His foot rubbed against my leg, his whole body squirming as I sucked him. The sounds coming out of him were the hottest thing I’d heard in a long time. He’d been suspiciously quiet in the car a few weeks ago. Sam rubbed a hand through my hair, gently scratching my scalp as I devoured him.
“Jesus, Wes. That feels so good.”
I kept going, relishing having him in my mouth again. Without warning, he shimmied away from me, twisting his hips until he was free. For a moment, I got concerned.
“What’s wrong, Sam?”
“Nothing.”
I didn’t believe him, so I pressed the issue.
“Did I do something wrong? You said it felt good.”
He smiled, sitting up on the bed.
“It did. Too good.”
“I didn’t think there was such a thing.”
He leaned in and kissed me, the flush in his cheeks a bit brighter than usual.
“There is when you don’t want to come too fast,” he said.
He ruffled my hair, and I sat up next to him. I could tell he was slightly embarrassed, so I decided to change gears a bit.
“So, you know, we never really talked about what you’re into,” I said.
He wrinkled his eyebrows, looking so adorably confused.
“Into?”
“Yeah, what you like in bed.”
I waited for him to give me some more information, but he looked straight ahead, silent.
“Are you going to tell me, Sam, or do I have to guess?”
He met my eyes and shrugged.
“I have no idea.”
“Oh.” I tried to keep the shock off my face as I took his hand. “Wait, what does that mean?”
He hesitated and sighed, looking away from me before he answered.
“It means that I haven’t had a lot of sex. At all. With anyone.”
