“You should go down to breakfast.”
“I need to put some more Necca gel on you.”
Damn Will. He would never understand. “I can take care of myself.” The marks had already faded. Without the gel, he would have gotten at least two weeks out of such a fierce beating. If Will kept applying it, all traces would be gone by the next day.
“I never said you couldn’t. But your idea of taking care of yourself is different than mine. I know you want it to last as long as possible. I’m not trying to take that from you. I want you to heal so you can have pain for more enjoyable reasons. Wouldn’t it be better if the pain on your back reminded you of something more pleasant than last night?”
Maybe he did understand.
“Besides, I can have breakfast with you today.”
“There’s no need. The boys will worry if you’re not there. Kaleana can stay with me and do your bidding. You can come back as soon as you’re done. Don’t think this gets you out of family mealtimes.” Knowing Will wanted to be with him even after last night touched a part of Malcolm’s heart he hadn’t felt in years. Then again, he didn’t want Will feeling obligated or coming out of pity. “Of course, if there’s something else you’d rather do, you don’t need to come back. I’ll be fine. I’m sure Nick or Tony will have something fun to do with you.”
“Not a chance. I’ll be back here as soon as breakfast is over. You’re not going to get rid of me that easily.” Will smiled brilliantly, seeming to light the air around him, and gave Malcolm a quick peck on the lips before heading to the door.
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
Will looked back for a moment, catching Malcolm’s gaze with his own, and then left. Malcolm shook his head, sure he was in a dream. Only the soreness in his muscles convinced him otherwise. So much had changed in a matter of weeks, days. He’d seen Will’s limp as he’d left. That would never change. The limits to his ability to help the people he loved irked him beyond belief. He could do virtually anything he wanted. He had the freedom to travel, to fly. No desire lay outside his financial abilities. He could give a home to and provide for thousands of Betas. If he wanted to, he could even indulge his love of pain with no limits and pop himself into a Med Machine and emerge good as new, as if nothing had happened. He could use medical technology for that, but he couldn’t repair the twisted bones of the man he loved. He couldn’t give sight to a blind man. Couldn’t implant a hearing device into a deaf man. Couldn’t give physical therapy to a stroke victim. Couldn’t get a prosthetic for a man’s hand. Couldn’t take the skin that they could grow like grain and repair a burn victim. And he couldn’t get therapy for a boy who Malcolm swore stuttered because there was so much sweetness in him bubbling to get out.
These weren’t thoughts for this morning. This was a morning of possibilities. He also couldn’t handle his grief and guilt alone, and he’d found a man who’d helped release the unbearable pressure. Despite all the things he couldn’t do, Will had found him worthy…of what? Love?
Malcolm smirked and lay on his stomach, not bothering with clothes. Kaleana wouldn’t be shocked by his nakedness. When the door opened, he lifted his head to see that it was indeed Kaleana with a breakfast tray. In his flurry of thoughts, he’d completely forgotten that he’d be expected to eat too. Kaleana set the tray on the bed.
“You look better.” A slight lilt of the lips accompanied Kaleana’s wide eyes.
“Really? I thought you’d tell me I look like shit.”
“Well, that too.” Kaleana’s smile only added to the lightness welling in his chest. “But your face—the creases are gone. Except for when you wince, of course. Should I get you some painkillers?”
“No.” The pain reminded him of what he’d been through, like a badge of honor.
“It’s over, Malcolm. You’ve released the guilt. You don’t need the pain for that anymore.”
“I know. I like the reminder of what I achieved.”
“Well, Will’s going to have a hard time seeing it that way. I have a suspicion he might want to spend quite a bit of time with you, and it will only distress him to see you in pain.”
“He knows I like it.”
“That’s fine—next time. This time wasn’t for your pleasure. It’s important to him that you really let go of what happened with Billy.” Kaleana and Will were parroting each other. Perhaps working from the same script?
“It’s not that simple.” Billy would never be gone from him completely. There was little hope that he wouldn’t need to repeat the previous night some time in the future. Then again, he’d never had a lover before. Perhaps Will would keep the dark vortex at bay.
“I know, and you should definitely talk to him about it, but it’ll be hard to convince him you’re fine if you hold on to this pain. Besides, he cornered me and gave me strict instructions to not put up with any of your bullshit.”
“He actually said that?” Malcolm choked on a laugh. He could picture Will doing just that. Maybe he’d look through the security footage for it. Seeing Kaleana taking instructions from another Zed would be priceless.
“Yes. He cares for you a great deal, and he’s not dazzled by your icy magnificence like the others. You’re not fooling him. You’ll only hurt him if you try. If you don’t think you can handle opening up to him—being vulnerable—then cut it off now. Don’t try to play this halfway.”
Kaleana’s wisdom had guided him throughout his life. Her observations were invaluable. He had what he needed. If it would be better for Will for him to mask the pain, he’d do so. “You’re right. I’ll take the painkillers, but wait until breakfast is almost over. I want to enjoy it while I can.”
“All right.”
Kaleana had barely finished applying the gel and giving him a painkiller when Will returned. The sensation of her hands on his body had brought none of the pleasure Will’s had. She acted with perfunctory efficiency, as always. Only now that he had something else to compare it to did Malcolm realize how nearly clinical her touch was. Will, with all his hesitance, had shown more than mere care. Or maybe that was wishful thinking.
“Good. Now that you’re here, I can actually go get some work done since it seems Malcolm is content to loaf around all day.” Kaleana winked at Will as she gathered up the breakfast tray.
“Oh, I thought I was being kept prisoner.” Satisfied that he could move without wincing now that the fast-acting drugs were taking effect, Malcolm rose from the bed and headed to the closet.
“A willing one. If you need me, call.” Kaleana took the tray, leaving them alone.
“If you dare put on a suit, I’ll take it off you.” Will had already seated himself in what Malcolm was coming to think of as his chair.
“That’s hardly a disincentive.” Was he actually flirting? As if that thought wasn’t shocking enough, promptly on its heels came the awkward thought that he probably wasn’t proficient at it. He’d never had cause to flirt. He’d skipped over that entire portion of his life in favor of more immediate concerns. Should he try to flirt? Would Will like that? Or should he just be himself? He rolled his eyes. No need to label anything. He’d say what he liked when he liked.
As much as he wanted to test Will’s word, he donned a pair of black linen pants and a matching short sleeved cotton V-neck. The drugs had kicked in full force, and Malcolm couldn’t even tell the beating had taken place the previous night. There was no reason he couldn’t work today. He occasionally took a day off when pain distracted him too much. Those were usually the days he spent with the boys. Today it wasn’t pain that distracted him; it was Will. He found that he didn’t care.
He should care. A shadow of something that wanted to be guilt washed over him. The work he did was important and shouldn’t be cast aside in favor of playing around like a lovesick child. The thought left him as quickly as it had entered. As he’d already conceded, there were many things he couldn’t control. It was arrogant to think that taking one day off to enjoy himself would affect the worl
d in any real way.
“So what does my jailer have planned for me today?”
Will smiled at the title. “Haven’t a clue other than making sure you’re not dragging around any leftover baggage from last night.”
Malcolm plopped into the chair opposite Will, landing with enough force that it sent a pleasant ache through him. “Hardly a trace of pain left.”
“Don’t sound so sad about it. Remember, it means there are better things to come.”
Maybe Will was right. Regardless, it’d be fun to find out. “If you don’t have any plans, I could show you around.”
“Carson gave me the grand tour when I arrived, unless you want to show me what’s across the divide.”
Malcolm bit back the harsh reply that almost left his lips. Will was simply curious, nothing more, but such curiosity could endanger him. “Nothing as boring as that. What makes you think there’s anything worth seeing over there?”
“The fact that you forbid it.” Will delivered the answer with the same frank attitude the words expressed.
Rules had never been part of the way Malcolm liked to handle his Zeds. They’d had enough of being told what they could and couldn’t do, so he restricted the rules to the important things: family and safety. He’d figured that with so few rules, his Zeds would be happy to obey when it was important. Trust Will to not be agreeable.
“I promise you there’s nothing you’d like over there. I forbid it for your safety. I lose enough well-trained Betas to safety accidents each year. I don’t need to lose Zeds as well or allow you to distract people who are working and cause an accident.”
Will didn’t seem to buy it, or if he did, his eyes said he wanted to see anyway.
“I’m sure Carson’s tour was thorough, but he can’t show you places he doesn’t know about.”
“What?” Will sat forward in his seat.
“Come.” Malcolm stood, retrieved his Glass Tab, and led the way out of the bedroom and to a small door tucked away in the corner of the house. To the casual observer, it appeared to be a simple broom closet. Indeed, when he opened the door and the light flickered on, Will seemed unimpressed.
“Well, Carson didn’t make a point to show me every closet in the house. He focused on the main rooms, you know, the ones actually worth knowing about.”
“Oh, this one is worth knowing about. Come on.” Malcolm walked to the back of the small, empty room. Shelves sat unused, and a spider crawled lazily in his web in one corner. “Shut the door behind you.”
“You know, we don’t have to sneak away if it’s sex you want. Or is this some other interest of yours? Spankings, clandestine meetings in secret closets, it all really adds up.” Despite his words, Will shut the door.
Malcolm slid aside a specific ceiling panel and pulled himself up into the opening. Lying on his stomach, he reached down for Will. “Take my hand, and use your right foot against the wall for leverage. I’ll pull you up.”
Will’s skinny frame was easy to lift. Malcolm made a note to try to get him to eat more. He should have put on more weight.
Will gasped. “This has been up here this whole time?”
“No, it was finished yesterday,” Malcolm deadpanned. He saw that Will momentarily assumed he spoke the truth until his brain caught up.
“No need to mock. Some of us aren’t accustomed to living in huge houses with secret passages.”
“Didn’t you see the windows from outside?”
“Yes, but I thought they were decorative.”
“Most do.”
Mid-morning light flooded the unique space. Gabled windows lined the walls. The room was large but the ceiling low, barely providing clearance for Malcolm. At the edges of the room he couldn’t stand straight. A few cushions and some books were all that lay on the plush carpet. The most magnificent part of the secret room was the skylight. Almost the entire ceiling was glass.
“I bet it looks amazing at night.”
“It does. I probably should have waited until then to bring you.” Now that he said it, Malcolm wondered why he hadn’t waited. The desire to share this private place had urged him to act before thinking.
“No, I’m glad you did it now. We can spy.” Will got on his stomach and looked out one of the windows at Tony gardening below.
Malcolm joined him. The windows were flush with the floor, adding to the covert feel.
“This barely seems tall enough to be a proper room.”
“It’s not. Originally the floor wasn’t here. I had it installed.”
“But you could have seen the stars from your bed!”
“I still can if I want to, using a projection. I liked the idea of this private space.” He’d been more worried about being seen than seeing out. His security team was vigilant about monitoring the airspace above his compound, but they had no control or warning for satellites.
“How many people know about this place?”
“Kaleana, so she knows where to find me, but she never comes here. Trent, the head of my security, knows. That’s it.”
Will turned from the window and looked at Malcolm’s profile so long that Malcolm had to meet his gaze.
“But you brought me here. Why?”
Malcolm didn’t know how to put into words the reasons behind his sudden desire to share this place. Part of him resented Will for asking, but he was quickly learning that if he really cared for Will, he needed to confide in him. He’d already shared the most painful part of his life, and it had drawn them closer. It had made whatever was growing between them possible.
“I don’t know.” Some of the light in Will’s eyes dimmed, and he went back to watching Tony. “I suppose after sharing something so dark with you last night, I wanted to share something more lighthearted, cheery. This is my secret place where I come to think and get away from the world. I can’t imagine ever wanting to get away from you, so why not bring you here?”
Will’s eyes were wider when he looked at Malcolm this time. Then they softened, and his lips parted in a smile. “You mock. You’d rather get away from me than talk.”
“A part of me, maybe, but not the part that knows what’s good for me. Here we can talk about anything you like.” He walked to the center of the room and lay flat on the carpet, foregoing the cushions. Only by applying the full pressure of his body weight on his back could he stir the ache in his muscles to flare. Damn medical advancements.
Will joined him. “Anything?”
Malcolm caught the danger in Will’s curious entreaty. “Anything that doesn’t compromise your safety.”
“You can use that excuse for anything.”
“Then you’ll have to trust me not to. I didn’t bring you here to hide from you.”
Will seemed to consider that point and come away satisfied. “All right. How did you get your need taken care of before? Is Kaleana the only one?”
Malcolm had figured the questioning would take this line. “No. I occasionally sought out the services of a professional.”
“That’s a profession?” Will’s face crinkled in confusion.
“Yes, in the Beta districts. It’s less satisfying with a stranger. The emotional connection to the person beating me is important. The encounters always ended up being a disappointment. No Beta’s willing to beat an Alpha very hard, even with permission and a sizable payment. As cautious as Kaleana is, she at least knows where to take me and how to get me there.”
“I’ll learn.”
“You already know more than you think. I’m the one who needs to learn what you like.”
“I’m easy.”
“Everyone’s easy if the goal is simply orgasm. I want intimacy.”
“I’ve never had that.”
“I’m looking forward to having you all night some time soon and simply exploring, experimenting, seeing what touch drives you wild.”
“And when would that happen? If you get me off before I beat you, I’ll be too tired. And afterward I don’t want you worrying about me. That’
s my time to take care of you.”
Malcolm chuckled. Was it a lifetime of being a Zed that made Will this way, or was it natural? “You don’t have to beat me every time. This isn’t an Alpha-Zed relationship. It’s not about you pleasing me. Besides, there are ways to incorporate pain without the formality of a beating. Did you really think this was going to be all about me?” It hurt a little that Will had assumed something so selfish of him.
“I didn’t really think about it. This is all new to me.”
“You’ve never had a relationship with another Zed?”
“Sex, yeah, but nothing I’d call a relationship.”
A thought entered Malcolm’s mind, and he blurted it out before he could rein it back. “Any of the Zeds here?”
Will smirked. “Why? Jealous?”
Malcolm didn’t dignify that with a response, especially since it would have required lying.
“No. Some of them have offered, but I haven’t had sex with anyone since the accident. Well, not until you.”
Will seemed a little bashful at the admission, but Malcolm was honored.
“Other than that, all my sexual interactions have been with Alphas.”
“You can’t really expect that I’d be the same as other Alphas. You seem to obey me everywhere except the bedroom.”
“It’s part of my charm.”
It really was. That and the wide smile that Malcolm hadn’t seen nearly enough of. “I don’t want you to think of me as another Alpha.”
“I don’t. It’s easy to tell because I don’t hate you.”
“Flattered as I am, you should probably stop hating all Alphas so much. We’re not all the same.”
Will sighed. “You’re right. Syrus, Carson, they all tell me the same thing. I’ve always been a bit stubborn about listening though. I don’t know how I’m supposed to stop hating your father or the bastard who handed me over to Emporium.”
[In Distress 01.0] In Distress Page 19
