Chad sat beside Amanda at church Sunday morning and wondered if God had truly brought them back together. He’d never stopped loving her. Even when he thought he was married, he couldn’t let go of his memories. He heard little of the sermon and was glad when church ended so they could slip outside to his truck.
“Are you coming to Mom and Dad’s for dinner?” Amanda’s green eyes sparkled and he figured she knew he’d turn the invitation down.
“How about I buy you a quick lunch instead so we can spend more time with Kara?” He watched one expression after another chase through her eyes. They came alive with an eager light that quickly dimmed.
If he could read her mind, would he find that she missed her little girl and maybe her husband, too? The idea brought a surge of jealousy followed by shame. How could he be jealous of a man who’d been dead for years? So he’d married Mandy. That shouldn’t matter. Even if she’d loved him. Only it did matter. If not to him, to her. Was that why she held back? Because she still loved her husband?
The expression in her eyes softened and she smiled. “Sure, Chad, I’ll let you off the hook this time, but sooner or later, you’ll have to have dinner with us. Brad will be back from vacation tomorrow, and he won’t let you get away with all these excuses, so you may as well plan on next week.”
Chad laughed. “Okay, I’ll plan on it. Maybe I’ll have Kara then. Actually, did I tell you Kara will be eating with us today?”
The smile in her eyes lit her entire face and Chad’s heart. “No. Why didn’t you say that in the first place?”
“Maybe it was supposed to be a surprise.” He grinned at her as he closed her door and ran around to the driver’s side.
On the way to Lakeland, they talked about nothing important, but Chad could have listened to Amanda’s voice forever. She belonged in his truck and in his life. She always had. If he had his way, she always would.
Kara reached for Amanda as soon as she saw her. She patted Amanda’s cheek and tilted her head while she babbled a string of unintelligible words that obviously had meaning to her. Amanda laughed and hugged her close. “Oh sweetheart, has it only been one week? It seems like forever since I saw you last.”
Kara laid her head on Amanda’s shoulder and looked so at home Chad felt a lump form in his throat. Still, his smile came easily as they headed to his truck. He held the door while Amanda buckled Kara in the car seat then sat in front.
“All set?”
She nodded so he closed the door. When he slid behind the steering wheel, he asked, “How would you like a picnic? We can get chicken with mashed potatoes at the deli. Do you think she can eat chicken?”
“If we tear it into small pieces.”
He nodded. “Good. We’ll go to the park.”
“Let’s do it.” Amanda’s smile showed her approval.
By the time he pulled to a stop near the city park, Chad looked forward to this outing. Amanda took charge of Kara and that suited him fine. Kara seemed happy. He wondered at the way Kara and Amanda had bonded, almost as if each supplied a need in the other’s life. And they probably did. Amanda needed this time with Kara to ease the hurt from her own baby as much as Kara needed the mothering she found in Amanda. At least that made sense to him. If only the connection could be permanent.
“I brought a quilt from the house. I’ll get it for you and Kara and then bring everything else while you keep her corralled.” Chad soon had a quilt spread over the grass near the playground and brought the bags of food.
“Pretty quiet here.” He looked from the deserted park back to Amanda. “We’re the only ones here.”
“For now.” She smiled. “It’s still early in the afternoon. Everyone gets around a little slower on Sunday.”
“You’re probably right.” Chad sat on the quilt and began pulling their dinner from the bags.
Amanda seemed content to take care of Kara. He could watch them together all day. This scene had been his dream fourteen years ago, only he’d pictured Mandy with their child. He still couldn’t think of Kara as his; although as time went by, no doubt he would become more father than uncle to her. If only he could convince Amanda to be her mother.
As they finished eating, a couple of kids ran into the park and jumped on the merry-go-round. Their voices calling to each other caught Kara’s attention. She sat on the quilt beside Amanda watching with wide eyes until a smile broke across her face. She clapped her hands and squealed.
Amanda laughed.
Chad’s heart swelled within his chest. They were his. Kara of necessity, Mandy by a love that refused to die. If only he could convince her it was still there for both of them.
Amanda’s laughing eyes met his. “I think she wants to play with the big kids.”
A protective surge he hadn’t expected swept through him, and he shook his head. “Not on that thing. She’d get hurt. There’s a baby swing. You want to see if she’ll like it?”
“If you help.” Amanda’s eyes held a challenge.
She started gathering their trash and handed it to him to throw away. As soon as they had everything picked up, she stood with Kara. Chad shook out the quilt and took it to his truck. When he returned, Amanda was fastening Kara in the swing. She turned toward him and stepped back with a smile. “You can take it from here.”
“And make her cry,” Chad muttered under his breath.
Amanda heard and laughed. “Stay behind her until she gets used to you. She doesn’t care who pushes her swing, just so it keeps going.”
Chad began to relax when Amanda moved in front of the swing where Kara could see her and she could play with her. All he had to do was provide the power. After a while, Amanda traded places with him and Kara laughed and squealed when he acted like he might catch her. They played for quite a while until Amanda caught the swing and slowed it to a stop.
“Don’t we need to be getting back?” She started unbuckling the belt that held Kara in the swing as she talked to her, telling her that they had to stop swinging now.
“Yeah, you’re right. Playtime’s over.” Chad moved closer to Amanda and Kara let out a wail that pierced his heart. “What’d I do now?”
Amanda laughed. “Nothing. She doesn’t want to stop.”
Chad stepped back and watched Amanda disengage the seat belt while Kara’s hands continually got in the way, trying to hook it back into place. Her cries grew louder while Amanda talked to her in a calm but firm voice.
“No, Kara. I know you want to swing more, but we have to go see Jana and Kathy. Maybe we’ll get to swing again later.”
He marveled at her patience with his niece. And loved her for it. She would be a perfect mother. Probably had been a perfect mother. He frowned at the thought as it twisted through his mind. He couldn’t hold on to the past and let it color his and Amanda’s life now. They needed to look toward the future.
He watched Amanda bribe Kara with a cookie from their lunch, and a welcome quiet descended on the park. He shared a smile with her and held the door while she buckled his niece into the truck.
“Thanks, Mandy.” He resisted the urge to pull her into his arms and squeezed her shoulders instead. “I’d have been pushing that swing all night or until the police came after me for kidnapping my own niece.”
She laughed and climbed into his truck. “Not so. You’ll soon figure out when to be tough and when to give in. Just like every relationship, there’s a give-and-take.”
“Hmm. Maybe so.” He went to the driver’s side with her words running through his mind. How could he convince her to give up the past so they could take hold of their future?
Chapter 10
A manda spent most of the following week at Chad’s going through things. She worked first in the master bedroom, sorting clothing and filling large trash bags for Chad to donate. He spent most of his time outdoors mowing and doing yard work, getting ready for the barn raising. She folded the last shirt and added it to the bag of men’s clothing when she heard Chad come inside.
“Mandy, where are you?” His voice preceded him down the hall.
“In the bedroom.”
He stepped through the doorway and watched her tie the bag closed then turned toward the pile of bags leaning against the wall beside the door. Raw emotions of pain and anger ran across his face, but when he turned back to her a smile lifted the corner of his mouth. “You’ve been busy.”
“Yes, and I’ve made a mess in here.” She tugged the bag toward the others. “We need to get these out of the house because today’s Thursday. What time is the social worker coming?”
“Can you believe I almost forgot her?” Chad looked at his watch. “We’ve still got a couple of hours. I’ll load these in the back of my truck and deliver them after she leaves. Maybe she’ll know a good place to take them.”
“Good idea. I’ll help.” Amanda pulled a bag upright and started to lift it when Chad stopped her.
“Last time I checked, I’m still the boss here.” He picked up a bag and grinned around it at her. “Leave that alone and follow me. I have a better job for you.”
In the living room, he stopped and motioned with his head toward the dining room. “Why don’t you fix us some sandwiches?”
“Yes sir.” Amanda saluted and marched to the tune of his laughter through the dining room toward the kitchen. She turned back to see him heading out the door with the stuffed bag.
After they ate, Chad helped Amanda clean up their mess. She turned from the refrigerator and bumped into his chest when he threw the empty potato chip bag in the trash. Her heart picked up speed and warmth crept toward her face as they faced each other, neither moving away.
She finally spoke. “I found something in the bedroom that I’d like to show you.” Like a coward, she turned and ran from the room. “Find a chair somewhere. I’ll be right back.”
In the bedroom, she picked up Jessica’s Bible and held it close to her heart. Lord, help me. Being this close to Chad day after day is so hard, but I feel like it’s the right thing to do. If I shouldn’t be here, show me. Above all help me trust You for the strength to do Your will.
When she’d first started helping Chad, she’d done it for Jessica and for Kara because she thought Chad had betrayed her. Now she knew he was a victim of Susan’s lies just as she had been. She thought her love for him had died, but it hadn’t. If anything, she loved him more now that she knew what he’d gone through because of Susan and his own mistakes.
She hurried back to the kitchen with what she considered a treasure and hoped he would, too.
Chad’s heart pounded from being so close to Amanda. He shook off his desire to declare his love for her and sank into the first chair he came to in the dining room. She wasn’t ready to erase the past and might never be, but he couldn’t give up on them yet. He needed her for Kara, but even more, he needed her for himself. He looked up as she walked through the wide doorway from the living room with a smile on her face and a book clutched in her arms.
He grinned. “What’ve you got there?”
She sat down across the corner of the table from him and placed the book on the table. A Bible. He raised an eyebrow, waiting for her explanation.
“I think this is something Kara will want to keep.” Her slender hand stroked the cover before she opened it. “Look here in Psalms. See how Jessica has highlighted certain verses and underlined others? There are notes in the margins, too. Some are prayers.”
She turned toward the back of the Bible. “Look at this one in Ephesians 4:18. ‘They are darkened in their understanding and seperated from the life of God because of the ignorance that’s in them due do the hardening of their heart.’ She highlighted that and wrote beside it a sort of prayer. It says, ‘Illuminate the hearts, Lord Jesus, of those who do not know they need You.’ ”
Amanda looked up at him, her eyes like sparkling emeralds. He couldn’t turn away even though something inside clenched at her words. “This is a testimony of Jessica’s relationship with the Lord, Chad. I knew she was a Christian, but this Bible is like her voice has remained to lead others to Him. When Kara is older she can read through the verses that meant so much to her mother and also read the comments and prayers that Jessica left. Surely they will bring her so much peace to know her parents are in heaven watching for her to also come home.”
Chad didn’t know what to say. He’d rather not think about Jessica. Being in her house without her was hard enough. Amanda thrust the Bible at him. “Here, why don’t you hold on to this for Kara. Keep it until she’s old enough to read her mother’s thoughts. Maybe you’d like to read them, too, but I really think Kara needs this.”
He gave a quick nod as he took the Bible. “Sure, I’ll see that she gets it when the time’s right. Thanks, Mandy.”
He didn’t know what he’d said wrong, but her eyes dimmed. She stood and looked around. “I think the house is as clean as it gets. I’d better get out of here before the social worker shows up. Do you want me to keep going through things tomorrow?”
“Yeah, if you don’t mind.” Chad stood, too, leaving the Bible on the table.
Her smile made him wish the social worker wasn’t coming. Having Amanda here helped him forget that Jessica wasn’t and never would be again. He walked her to the door and let her go out ahead of him. “How’s your new car doing?”
She flashed a smile over her shoulder. “I love it. I can’t even hear the motor when it’s running. Thanks for helping me get a good one.”
He chuckled. “No problem, only you already had it picked out, remember. All I did was ride with you and say it looked fine.” He opened her door and she got in. “Hey Amanda, be careful driving home. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay.” Her smile and wave stayed with him as he watched her back out and turn onto the road in front.
Amanda’s car disappeared from sight as another car turned in and stopped. The social worker. Not looking forward to having his house inspected, but glad to get the requirement over, he waited to greet her.
As soon as the social worker left, Chad returned to the house and stood for a moment staring at the living room without seeing it. He sank to the couch and leaned back, still unsure how he felt. Mandy. He had to call her. He’d never make it through the next few days without her. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and punched the buttons that connected him to the one person he knew he could count on.
The sound of her voice helped him breathe. “Mandy, thank you.”
“For what?”
He laughed. “A million reasons. Answering your phone. Talking to me when you should be running away as fast as you can. Working here, helping get this place ready for Kara.” His voice dropped. “Just being you.”
“Chad, what’s wrong?” Amanda’s voice sharpened. “Did the social worker come? I passed a car with a woman in it. I thought that might be her.”
“Yeah, it was. She just left. Kara comes home Monday morning early. I want you with me, Mandy. Please?”
“That’s wonderful, Chad.” Amanda laughed. “You had me thinking something had gone wrong. Of course, I’ll go with you. What about Sunday? Do you have your usual visit?”
He ran his fingers through his hair, glad she couldn’t see him. “Yeah, Sunday afternoon. Can you come?”
Her laughter brought a smile to his lips, and he relaxed a little more and wished he wasn’t so scared. Mandy didn’t seem to be. Of course, Kara didn’t scream every time she looked at her either.
“Sure, Chad. I’ll help you out on one condition. You have to come to my folks’ for dinner after church Sunday. You do plan to attend Sunday morning, don’t you?” Her voice carried a lilt as if she had the upper hand.
He grinned. “So, you think your folks will appreciate your conditions?”
“I think so.” She sighed. “Mom’s been after me to invite you, and Brad can’t wait to see you again. My dad says he’s fine with it. As long as he gets to eat, he doesn’t care who sits across the table from him. Looks like you have no choice unl
ess you want to face your sweet little niece all by yourself.”
He chuckled. “Got me over a barrel, huh? Okay, count me in. And thanks, Mandy. I’ll see you in the morning.”
As they hung up, Chad leaned back, amazed at how relaxed he felt after talking to her. With Amanda beside him, he could face Kara without fear.
Sunday after church Amanda rode to the house with Chad. She remained quiet, as if she sensed his concern, and he didn’t feel like talking either. Even with her assurance that her family wanted him there, he had a hard time believing they really did. She said she’d told them Chad’s story about Susan, and her dad only shook his head. But her mom sympathized with Chad, saying Susan needed prayer, for surely she would reap what she sowed. Brad’s reaction warmed Chad’s heart. Amanda said he’d grinned and said, “Didn’t I tell you so, and it was even worse than I figured.”
Now Chad held Amanda’s hand as they crossed the yard from the driveway. Everyone else was already there. She stopped at the door and gave his hand a squeeze. “They don’t blame you, Chad. Even if they had, they would have forgiven you.”
His eyebrows lifted as he searched her face. “Are you saying you’ve forgiven me?”
She hesitated, and then looked into his eyes. “Yes, and it was easy because there isn’t that much to forgive. You were a victim same as me. The hurt may take longer to heal though.”
“I see.” He opened the door, unwilling to go into the issue at the moment. “We’d better go inside before they come get us.”
As soon as they stepped inside, Brad called out. “Hey, long time no see, buddy.”
Chad grinned at his old friend. After a handshake and a round of shoulder slapping, he felt as if he’d come home.
Amanda slipped past them, shared a smile with her dad, and went into the kitchen. Her mother poked a long-handled fork into something in a large Crock-Pot on the counter. She put the lid back on and turned toward Amanda with a smile. “Did you get him here finally?”
“Yes.” She grinned and shook her head. “I had to bargain with him though.”
Route 66 Reunions Page 40
