“How can you say that?” he asked, a smirk on his handsome face when he finally lifted his head. “Everything’s changed. We’re in love. We’re committed to finding a way to make this work, right?” His smile slipped when she didn’t respond. “Am I missing something here?”
“I’m just torn.” She knew he wanted her to tell him that she planned to back out of her deal with Jeremy and return home with him, but she couldn’t allow her heart to dominate her head. Not when she had people’s livelihoods to consider. “I’m in a bit of a mess right now.”
He shifted to give her some breathing room. “Because of your contract with Jeremy?”
“Because of everything.” She pulled the duvet higher, tucking it under her arms as she stared up at the ceiling. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to make a mistake. I’m just… scared.”
He laid on his side, resting his head in his hand. “Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I thought I had my life mapped out. Then I met you and it changed everything.”
“How?”
She didn’t want him to feel guilty because their feelings for each other had thrown a wrench into her plans, but she knew she had to be honest with him about her reservations if they had a prayer of finding a solution they could both live with.
“Ever since I graduated, my sole focus has been on building a successful business.”
“And you have.”
She tipped her head to look at him, struck by the fact that she was actually sharing a bed with a man she’d once admired on TV every week. Now he was hers… if she could find a way to have the man of her dreams without sacrificing the career she loved.
“Yes, I have.” She thought of her five-year plan, the one she’d only shared with Sophie. It didn’t include a husband or children. That was part of her ten year plan. Maybe.
Rolling on her side to face him, she tucked her arm under her head. “When we started seeing each other, I never thought we’d end up here, talking about our feelings and the possibility of a future. Truth be told, I think I started sleeping with you because I thought you were safe. You’d never been big on relationships so I assumed it wouldn’t bother you that I was married to my career.”
“It didn’t bother me,” he said, running his fingertip over her shoulder. “At first. But the more time we spent together, the more time I wanted to spend with you. I started feeling things I’d never felt before, thinking about things I never even realized I wanted.”
“Like?” She knew she shouldn’t ask, but couldn’t help herself. She needed to know where he saw this going and whether she shared his vision.
“I started to think about what it would be like to come home to you every night.” His hand slipped through her hair repeatedly while he said, “I started to imagine sharing a life with you, having a family.”
Sophie closed her eyes, torn between smiling and crying. She couldn’t deny the picture he painted brought tears to her eyes but she wasn’t sure if it provoked feelings of contentment or concern.
“If I were ready to settle down,” she said finally, when it was obvious he was waiting for a response. “It would be with someone like you, but I’m just not sure I’m there yet. My plan was to focus on my business for the next seven or eight years and then think about marriage and babies.”
“I don’t want to wait that long.” His voice was soft, but laced with disappointment. “I need you now.”
Sophie bit her lip, trying to ward off the tears. “I love spending time with you. If I were still living in Arlington, maybe we could find a way to compromise, spend more time together and see where it goes, but with you there and me here, it just seems like a lost cause.”
“Is that why you didn’t want to make love to me tonight?” he asked, withdrawing. “Because you didn’t want to lead me on?”
She touched his face, thinking she’d been selfish to allow things to go as far as they had without having this discussion. “I did want to make love to you tonight. I’d missed you, more than you can imagine.”
“Then why did you seem so preoccupied? Was it because of what happened with your partner?”
The way he referred to Jeremy let her know he still wasn’t over finding him in her apartment. “You were the only thing on my mind,” she said, trying to put his mind at ease. “I was coming to terms with my feelings for you, trying to figure out where we go from here.”
“I guess that’s the question, isn’t it?” he asked, taking her hand and bringing it to his lips as he looked into her eyes. “Where do we go from here?”
She inched closer, wrapping her arms around him as she buried her face in his chest. “I’ll need a little time to figure that out.”
He kissed the top of her head instead of responding, making her even more uneasy.
“I know I’m asking a lot, but I can’t make a split second decision with so much at stake.”
“I understand.”
She tilted her head back to look at him. “Do you? Do you understand this isn’t just about me? I have to consider my employees and how this will impact them if I sever my contract with Jeremy and it hurts my bottom line. Maybe I’d have to lay people off. That would kill me.”
She thought of her small workforce, mostly women, some were single moms or the primary breadwinners for their family.
“I know it would, sweetheart.” He sighed. “Do you really think it would have that much of an impact if you backed out of this deal and went back to doing things the way you’ve been doing them?”
“Jeremy doesn’t strike me as the magnanimous type. He may shake my hand and wish me well, claiming he understood my decision, but I know there would be repercussions.”
“Such as?”
“I’ve told you how well-connected he is in this business. He could destroy me if he wanted to.” She shuddered, thinking how close she was to losing everything she’d worked so hard for. One hapless decision, that’s all it would take to obliterate years of hard work.
“Are you telling me you’re stuck here, living a life that doesn’t make you happy just to hold up your end of some ill-fated bargain?”
She knew it must sound ridiculous to him, but he’d never been where she was. He hadn’t invested every penny and years of sweat equity into a dream most would have said was a long-shot.
“I’m not sure I’ve given it enough time to decide whether it could make me happy. I think that’s because…” It killed her to say it, knowing how much it would hurt him. “Well, because talking to you has made me miss home.”
“What are you saying?” he asked, the shock registering on his face as his eyes captured hers. “You don’t even want to talk to me?”
“I just need some time to sort this out.” She rested her hand over his heart, noting it was beating as erratically as hers was. “I need space to hopefully gain some clarity.”
“And what if I give you this time and space,” he said, clenching his jaw. “And you decide you can live without me?”
That was difficult for Sophie to imagine, but she knew if their situations were reversed, she would be asking the same question. “I can’t lead with my heart on this one, Dalton. If there was no one else to consider and I was the only one who stood to lose something, maybe I could make the sacrifice, but that’s not the case.”
“I know.” He closed his eyes, his expression anguished. “How much time are we talking here? Weeks? Months?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered, wishing she could give him the answers he deserved.
“What about the wedding?”
“Obviously we’ll both be there, but-”
“You don’t think we should be there together?”
“No.” She finally let the tears fall. “I’m so sorry.”
He sat up, reaching for the clothes he’d discarded. “You’re not the only one.”
Chapter Seven
Sophie was trying her best to pretend she was fine. She didn’t
want to spoil her best friend’s bachelorette party with her sullen mood, but the effort it took to plaster a smile on her face every day was taking its toll.
“Talk to me,” Carly said, putting her arm around Sophie’s shoulder when their friends announced they were going to hit the dance floor. “Is it Dalton?”
“We’re not doing this tonight,” Sophie warned, reaching for her glass of wine. “This is your night and I’ll be damned if we’re going to waste one second of it talking about my problems.”
“You think I’ve forgotten all of the times you were there for me when no one else was?” Carly reached for Sophie’s hand. “I couldn’t even count on my own mother, but I could always count on you. Now it’s my turn to return the favor, so spill.”
Tears pricked Sophie’s eyes. She was so lucky to have been blessed with such a selfless friend. “There’s nothing to say. Dalton and I are taking a break so I can figure some things out. End of story.”
“Figure things out?” Carly prompted. “Like whether you should stay in L.A. or return to Arlington to build a life with him?”
“Something like that,” she muttered, polishing off her glass before raising her hand to let their waiter know she was ready for a re-fill. “But before you ask, no, I haven’t decided what I’m going to do.”
“How did your talk with Jeremy go?”
Carly had called for an update the next day, but after what happened with Dalton, Sophie was too upset to talk so she pretended to be fine and cut the call short, claiming she was on her way out the door.
“I don’t know. Okay, I guess. He knows there’ll never be anything between us.”
“Good.” Carly reached for her wine glass. “But…?”
“He’s been giving me a wide berth ever since, and I can’t help but wonder if he’s lost interest in building the business now that he knows there’s no chance he’s getting me into bed.” Sophie cursed herself for ignoring her vow to stifle her personal problems tonight, but now that she’d opened the floodgates, she found it impossible to close them again. “I think he assumed if I moved out there I’d be single and free to pursue something with him.”
“Maybe that’s a conversation you should have had with him before you signed the contract?”
Sophie knew Carly was only trying to help, but it stung to be reminded she may have acted impulsively. “You’re right, I should have, but it’s a little late for that now.”
“I’m sorry,” Carly said, squeezing Sophie’s arm. “I know you’ve already beaten yourself up enough. The last thing you need is to have me reminding you of your mistakes.”
Admitting she’d made a mistake partnering with Jeremy would be akin to admitting failure, and that was a bitter pill for Sophie to swallow. She’d made her fair share of mistakes building the business: trusting suppliers she shouldn’t have, pre-paying for services she wasn’t happy with, forgetting to ship packages, but none of those mistakes threatened the very foundation of her company the way this one did.
“So what are you going to do now?” Carly asked.
“I’ve called a staff meeting with my girls at the studio in the morning,” Sophie explained. “I need to lay my cards on the table. Most of them have been with me for a long time and they have a vested interested in the outcome of this as well. I’m going to talk to them about Jeremy’s vision for the company, you know, mass producing and offering our line in department stores.”
“How do you think they’ll respond?”
She suspected her staff would feel the same way she did about the prospect of selling out. She’d hired each and every one of them because they were true artists, committed to their craft. They didn’t believe in following trends or conforming and she didn’t think they’d want to see a mass produced knock off of their products lining store shelves any more than she did.
“I don’t think they’ll like the idea, but I have to be upfront with them. I have to tell them if I walk away from this deal with Jeremy it could hurt the business. I hate to think it could result in lay-offs, but I’m a realist. I know anything could happen if we lose Jeremy’s endorsement with some of the larger boutiques.”
“But you’ve established relationships with these proprietors, right?” Carly asked. “I can’t believe they’d pull out on you just because Jeremy told them to.”
“You’d be surprised,” Sophie said, sighing. “This is a cut throat business and people like Jeremy have a lot of clout. I really can’t afford to make an enemy of him, but I refuse to cow-tow to him either.”
“Man, what a mess,” Carly said, rubbing Sophie’s back. “I really feel bad for you.”
“Don’t,” Sophie said, squaring her shoulders. “I got myself into this. I’ll figure a way out.”
“Are you going to see Dalton while you’re in town?”
Sophie was grateful for the shift in conversation, but if there was one thing she wanted to talk about less than the challenges she faced with her career, it was her love life. “I don’t think so. The guys are supposed to be out of town most of the weekend, right?”
“Yeah, I think they’re coming back tomorrow night.”
“I’ll probably be gone by then.” Sophie could tell by Carly’s eye roll, she thought she was being a coward by bailing on Dalton. “I have an early meeting on Monday morning. Besides, we haven’t spoken since we decided to take a break. I think he needs this time just as much as I do, not that he’d admit it.”
Sabrina returned to the table, reaching for the water she’d abandoned earlier. “Man, I really need to get back to the gym,” she said, laughing. “I am so out of shape.”
“Please,” Carly said. “I hope I look as good as you do after a couple of babies.”
“This dress hides a multitude of sins,” Sabrina said, running a hand over her short black dress. “Kids do a number on your body. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” She plopped down in the seat across from Sophie and kicked her high heels off under the table. “Not that I’m complaining. I wouldn’t trade my little angels for anything.”
“That’s so sweet,” Carly said, smiling. “I can hardly wait to have kids.”
Sophie wasn’t surprised to hear her friend talking about children before they’d even made their way down the aisle. Carly had always been a nurturer, probably because her needs had never been met as a child.
“It’ll change your life,” Sabrina said, winking. “In the best possible way. And believe me, I’m the last person who thought she’d be saying that. The thought of being tied down with a family used to scare the hell out of me. Now I wonder why I waited so long. Dylan and the kids are the best thing that ever happened to me.”
It was interesting for Sophie to hear Sabrina’s perspective. Of all of the people in their social group, Sophie identified with Dalton’s sister more than anyone. They were both career women who’d sacrificed everything to be successful. The only difference was Sabrina had achieved the balance that seemed so elusive to Sophie.
“I’ve never seen you look happier,” Carly said to Sabrina, reaching across the table to squeeze her hand. “Dylan either, for that matter. He’s the quintessential doting daddy.”
An image of Dalton flashed through Sophie’s head. It should have been difficult to imagine the tough former linebacker cuddling a newborn, but after seeing him with his niece and nephew, the picture was painfully clear. She had no doubt he’d be an amazing father someday.
“Hey, are you okay?” Sabrina asked Sophie. “You kind of zoned out on us.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Sophie said blushing as she reached for her fresh drink after nodding her thanks to the waiter. “I guess my mind was wandering.”
“Do you want to dance?” Carly asked Sophie.
“No, I think I’ll stay here and keep Sabrina company,” Sophie said, smiling. “You go on ahead. Have fun.”
Sophie was grateful to have a few minutes alone with Sabrina. She wanted to know how Dalton was handling their break. She wasn’t ready to call it a brea
k-up. That felt too permanent, too final, and she wasn’t ready to admit it was over yet.
“So,” Sabrina said, narrowing her eyes at Sophie. “How’s life in L.A.?”
“It’s different,” Sophie acknowledged, sensing her friend was on a fishing expedition rather than making small talk. “Though I have to admit, I’ve been so busy working I haven’t had much time to explore.”
“Hmm.” Sabrina sipped her water before she said, “I know my brother came out to see you. How’d that go?”
“Um, not well, I’m afraid.” Sophie knew there was no sense sugar-coating it. Sabrina would find out soon enough, if she hadn’t already.
“I can’t say I’m surprised. Judging by his demeanor since he returned, I assumed things hadn’t gone as planned.”
Sophie wanted to ask Sabrina if she’d been privy to her brother’s plan, but given the way things turned out, she didn’t think she had the right. “It’s complicated.” She knew that sounded trite, but it was the only way she could think to describe the tangled web she found herself in.
“I’m sure it is.”
Sabrina’s clipped tone told Sophie she was trying to hold her tongue. No doubt Dalton had told his sister to stay out of it, but she understood how Sabrina felt. If Sophie felt a woman was toying with her brother, her claws would come out too.
“I don’t know how much Dalton has told you-”
“For the longest time he maintained there wasn’t much to tell.” Looking Sophie squarely in the eye, Sabrina said, “I got the impression you were trying to keep him at arm’s length, trying to keep things casual… I think that’s how he put it.”
Dalton had been quoting her verbatim, and hearing her own words thrown back in her face made her cringe. She’d spent years trying to avoid a meaningful relationship and now she had to question why she’d been so committed to a life of solitude.
“When we started seeing each other, I honestly didn’t think he was interested in more than…” Normally Sophie wouldn’t have hesitated to talk to Sabrina about the details of her love life. But this was different. This was Sabrina’s brother they were talking about and since Sophie had drawn a stark line with Carly, she had to assume Sabrina would want her to do the same.
Possession (Texas Titans #8) Page 8
