by Cat Johnson
Troy spooned in close behind her and she discovered that just lying close to her was enough to get him hard again. She definitely wasn’t sleepy now. Thankfully Troy didn’t seem to have sleep on his mind anymore either. Leaning back against him with a small sound of invitation, she felt him reach for the nightstand in the dark and heard the foil wrapper tear.
He pressed in close behind her and held her in his arms while he kissed her from neck to shoulder. He entered her from behind while one hand covered her breast and his other hand slid between her legs. He brought her quickly to orgasm again and followed soon after himself. She’d be happy to let this man do this to her for the rest of her life.
Afterward as Amy began to drift off to sleep while still held in Troy’s arms, she decided she might have just found a new favorite position.
~
Troy woke early. He watched Amy sleep as the first light shone through the windows. It struck him that in all the years he lived in this apartment he never once had a girl over. Any sex always took place at their place, never his. His home was his sanctuary and he hadn’t been serious enough with anyone to invite them into it. Until now. Amy sleeping here, in his bed, in his arms, seemed like the most natural thing in the world.
His warm and fuzzy feeling was rudely interrupted when her eyes flew open. She sat upright. “Oh, no.”
He thought she might have feelings of regret the morning after, but his heart still felt like a ten-pound lead weight in the middle of his chest at this reaction.
She blinked. “What time is it?”
With regret, he removed the arm that was still around her and glanced at the clock. “Just after six.”
“Oh, thank God. I have an important meeting at eight o’clock. I was afraid I’d overslept.” She smiled down at him and placed one hand on each side of his head on the pillow. “Mmm. I don’t want to leave you. If I didn’t have this meeting, I’d be very tempted to play hooky. Oh, well. But hey, maybe you could meet me at work and we could get lunch?”
The relief nearly overwhelmed him. “Sure, just leave the address of your office before you leave.”
She glanced at the clock. “Hmm. An hour to shower and dress, half an hour to get into work and to the meeting. How fast is your quickest quickie?” She raised her eyebrows suggestively.
He laughed. “No man is going to answer that question. But, ah, how much time have you got?”
“Fifteen minutes, twenty tops.”
He hooked a hand around the back of her head and brought her mouth close to his. “I can work with that.”
Chapter 7
Troy walked into Amy’s building just after noon and looked around him. The slick publishing offices were the exact opposite of the firehouse where he spent half his life. It just reinforced exactly how different they were, in so many ways.
When Amy was with him and in his arms, he didn’t have any doubts he couldn’t handle. But the moment she left that morning, the voice in his head started to chant, What the hell are you thinking?
He glanced down at his jeans and sweatshirt. He probably should have dressed up for lunch. As he was, he looked like a janitor among all the suits around him. Did he even own anything to dress up in? That was one more reason why he didn’t belong with Amy—she was cashmere while he was denim. As if he needed another reason besides the obvious one that he’d managed to ignore last night while they were having mind-blowing sex, the fact that she normally slept with women.
“Well if it isn’t Mr. Hunky Fireman.” Henri’s head popped up from behind the walls of a cubicle. “I have to thank you. Amy hasn’t been in such a good mood in a very, very long time. She’s actually bearable to be around. You must be some hunka-hunka burning love.”
He felt his face color. “She told you?”
“Honey, she didn’t have to. I know these things.” Henri rolled his eyes at him. “Oh please, stop being shy. If it makes you feel any better, she tried to deny it.”
Troy wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or not. He glanced at his watch. He was a few minutes early to meet Amy so he decided to take the opportunity to pick Henri’s brain. “Hey, can I ask you something?”
“Please, I’m all ears. Well, not quite all…”
He shook that off and continued. “Do you think that a person can choose to change their sexual preference? Or are you just gay or not and that’s it?”
“Why, sweetie? Are you planning on changing for me? Because if you are, I have to warn you that at the moment, I’m taken.”
“Forget it. It was a stupid question.” Troy was about to drop the whole subject when Henri sobered.
“No, it’s not stupid. All I know is it would have been a hell of a lot easier growing up if I could have chosen to be straight. I even tried having sex with a few girls back in the day, but you can see how that turned out. Why are you so interested?”
So even if Amy wanted to change for him, chances were she couldn’t.
“No reason.” Troy shrugged and tried not to let Henri see the disappointment on his face. He took a deep breath and suddenly felt like the walls were too close, particularly the wall with the sign that read Amy Gerald on it just past Henri’s desk. “Can you give Amy a message for me? Just tell her something came up and I had to cancel.”
“Sure.” Henri’s face showed his contempt. He pursed his lips then turned and didn’t look back.
In the elevator Troy ran his hand over his face. “Shit.”
He got into his car not knowing where he was going, just that he had to get away from there. He drove until he found himself in front of the firehouse even though he had no recollection of how he got there. Actually, as he looked up at the place that was his second home, he wasn’t that surprised he’d ended up there after all. He didn’t want to go back to his apartment, too many memories of Amy there. The smell of her was still on his sheets. His heart clenched just thinking about her.
Walking around the back, he found Antonio shooting hoops.
He glanced over at Troy, then took a shot that sailed through the hoop easily. “Hey. What are you doing here? You swapped shifts and worked another double, silly. You’re off today. Did you forget?”
“I didn’t forget.” Troy hesitated. “Can we talk?”
Antonio stopped dribbling the ball and took a closer look at Troy’s face. “What happened?”
Troy told Antonio everything then waited for his reaction.
“So you just left her an impersonal message and left? That was a pretty shitty thing to do.” Antonio shook his head.
“She and I can’t possibly work, Antonio. It’s better to end it sooner rather than later. And if I had seen her, I wouldn’t have been able to break it off.”
“Why can’t it work?”
“You know why.”
Antonio let out a short laugh. “How can you still think she’s a lesbian after having a night of kick-ass sex? I think this has nothing to do with Amy. It’s you. You’re afraid of falling in love and losing control.”
Troy rolled his eyes. “Here we go with the psycho-babble again.”
“Call it whatever you want, but I’m right. One day you’ll admit that.” Antonio passed the ball to Troy. “So what are you going to do? She’s still living across the hall, right?”
Troy bounced the ball a few times, took a shot and missed. He laughed bitterly. “Hide out here until tomorrow when Maria gets home and Amy moves back to her own place, I guess.”
Antonio retrieved the loose ball and made the next shot before glancing at Troy. “Coward.”
Inwardly, Troy couldn’t agree more.
~
Across town, Amy finally ended an eternally long conference call and emerged from her office feeling like she was on the top of the world. It was a perfect day. Her boss had loved her idea and her book proposal. And she was totally falling for Troy. For once, both her work life and love life stars had aligned. She glanced at her watch. Hmm, speaking of her love life, Troy was late.
She
walked to Henri’s desk. “Henri, did Troy call for me while I was on the conference call?”
Henri stood and hugged her. “Oh, sweetie.”
Amy’s eyes flew open. “Why are you being nice to me? Oh, my god, did someone die? Is Troy hurt?”
Henri held her by each shoulder. “I hate to be the one to tell you this but Troy’s come and gone. He told me to tell you that something came up.”
She breathed a sigh of relief. “Jeez. Why did you scare me like that? So something came up, I understand that. He probably got called back into the firehouse or something.”
Henri shook his head. “I don’t think that was it, sweetie. It didn’t seem like that to me.”
She frowned. What did Henri know about straight men anyway? “I’ll just call him.”
With shaking hands she picked up her phone back in her office, dialed the operator and asked for the number for Ladder Company #3. It took about five minutes, which seemed more like an hour, to finally get Troy on the phone. Just the fact that he was there at the firehouse made her feel better. Of course she had to be right about his getting called back into work. What else could it be?
“Amy. Did you get my message?” Her relief was short lived. His voice sounded weird. Why did he seem so serious?
“Yeah. I’m sorry you had to go back into work. Is it for long? Do you know when you’ll be off again?” She stood and started to pace as far as the cord would let her as a feeling of dread began to grow.
He hesitated for a long time. Finally when he spoke she knew, he was dumping her. “Amy, look. I think it’s better if we just don’t see each other right now.”
Her heart pounded. “Right now? Or never.”
He released a long breath. “I don’t know.”
She laughed bitterly. “Well when you do, why don’t you let me know?” She waited for his response, practically kicking herself.
If she were a stronger person, she would have slammed the phone down right then. It would have been the perfect dramatic ending to this shitty phone call. But instead, here she was hanging on and hoping against hope that the next words he spoke would be to tell her he had made a mistake and he’d be right over.
“Take care of yourself, Amy.” Then she heard a click. It was the worst sound she had ever heard.
She shouldn’t cry at work. It wasn’t professional. But at the moment she didn’t care. Amy slid down the wall. Sitting on the floor, she hugged her knees and sobbed.
Chapter 8
Late Friday morning Troy figured it was safe to go back to his apartment. Amy should be at work and Maria would be returning that day. But the minute he unlocked the door and entered, he realized he wasn’t safe at all. He stood in the living room where he had first thrown away all of his doubts. He remembered how he had pressed Amy up against the door and kissed her breathless.
If he felt this bad in the living room, he couldn’t even imagine how bad the bedroom was going to make him feel. A glutton for punishment, he walked in anyway. He hadn’t made the bed and he could still see the imprint of two heads on the pillows. He reached down and smoothed the pillowcase to erase the image of her there with him. That didn’t work because the memory was seared into his brain. He had a feeling it would never go away.
This was crazy. Damn it, he couldn’t love her, but he did. Why was he fighting his feelings? Maybe one person just fell in love with another person and it didn’t matter what sex they were. Maybe love was enough and differences didn’t matter. Antonio was right. He was afraid of giving up control. But right now, he was more afraid of living his entire life without love.
What if Amy was the one? Against all odds it sure felt like she was. He owed it to both of them to give them a chance.
His heart pounded. After the way he acted, she probably wouldn’t even talk to him. But letting her go without a fight was unacceptable. He had to at least try.
He grabbed the jacket he had just taken off, opened the door to the hall and nearly ran into Maria.
“Hey. Here’s my adorable neighbor.” She reached up and gave him a hug and a peck on the cheek. “So, I hear you met my friend Amy. Tell me quick before Elena parks the car and finds me playing matchmaker, do you like her?”
“Yeah, I do.” Maria had no idea how much. Then what she’d said sunk in. “What do you mean, playing matchmaker?”
Maria laughed. “I was going to fix you and Amy up, but Elena wouldn’t let me.”
Troy grabbed Maria by the arm. “Maria, I have to ask you something and please don’t get offended, but…is Amy a lesbian? Or maybe bi-sexual?”
Maria burst out laughing. “Amy? Are you crazy? No, not unless something has drastically changed since I left. Why would you think that?”
Troy cringed. “Um, well she said her last relationship was with someone named Whitney. I just assumed…”
Maria shook her head. “Whitney was an idiot, but I can assure you, he was all man. Although she did mention he was a bit tiny.” She held up two fingers close together for emphasis.
Troy shook his head at himself. He was the idiot. “Maria. I have to go. But welcome home and thanks.”
He flew down the stairs because he didn’t want to wait for the elevator and sprinted to his car. He narrowly avoided hitting a cab and a few pedestrians on his way to Amy’s office. If he lost her because of his stupidity he didn’t know what he would do. All the way up to her office he prayed she would agree to see him
When the elevator doors finally opened, he was relieved to find Henri at his desk. Maybe he could get a feel from Henri about how mad Amy was.
Henri glowered at him and held up one hand. “Don’t even bother. She’s not here and I don’t think I would let you see her even if she was.”
“Where is she?” Troy asked.
“Home. She left early yesterday and called in sick today. I’ll have you know, this is the first day she’s called in sick since I’ve known her. The woman even came to work with walking pneumonia once and we had to practically tie her up and drag her home, but she’s never stayed home willingly, that is until you.”
“Henri, I need her home address.” Troy felt worse than he could have imagined.
“I don’t know if I want to give it to you. What are you going to say to her?” Henri stood, hands on his hips and waited, clearly expecting an answer.
Troy guessed that after what he’d done to Henri’s friend, he probably deserved an answer. “I’m going to tell her the truth, that I’ve never felt about another woman the way I feel about her. It scared me.”
Henri’s face crumpled and he wiped at his eyes.
“Now you’ve gone and made me cry, you big jerk.” He leaned over his desk and scribbled an address on a piece of paper, then handed it to Troy. “You get over there and beg her forgiveness and if you ever hurt my friend again, I’ll forget how pretty you are and pummel you myself.”
“Don’t worry.” Troy smiled. He held up the address. “Thanks.”
~
On the couch in her tiny apartment, Amy wiped her eyes one more time, blew her nose and threw the crumpled tissue in the general direction of the wastebasket where many more small white wads littered the floor.
She hugged the throw to her and watched Carrie say goodbye to her one and only love Mr. Big one more time before he would marry another woman on her favorite show Sex and the City. The good thing about owning the entire series on DVD was that at times like this, she could pick through and watch just the episodes where the men were jerks to the women on the show. It somehow made her feel less alone.
She pushed aside her teacup and was just reaching for another tissue when the sound of her doorbell ringing made her jump. Glancing down at her pajamas she decided to ignore it. Whoever it was would go away and she didn’t need to face some Girl Scout selling cookies at the moment. Besides, it was a weekday and she was supposed to be at work so no one should be expecting her to be home anyway.
The bell ringing was followed by pounding and then Troy’s voic
e. “Amy. I know you’re in there. I can hear the television.”
Her heart stopped. She had hoped for the last twenty-four hours that Troy would call and now he was here at her apartment door…and she looked the absolute worst she had ever looked in her life. What the hell had taken him so long?
She scrambled off the couch, opened the door a crack and hid behind it. “You can’t come in.”
“Please, Amy. I have to talk to you.” It was so good to hear his voice, she nearly caved and let him in. When she hesitated, Troy gently pushed the door open and peeked around the corner.
She hid her face behind her hands. “Go away. I look terrible and I’m mad at you.”
“Oh, baby. You’re the most wonderful thing I’ve seen in a long time.” He gathered her in his arms and pulled her close. “And you have every right to be mad at me. I’m so sorry I did this to you. I’m sorry I hurt you.”
He kissed the top of her head and she buried her face in his chest. “Why did you?”
“Because I was stupid and scared.”
His deep voice reverberated through his chest and into her. She didn’t say what she was thinking, that she agreed with him and he was stupid for dumping her. Instead she asked, “Why were you scared?”
Amy looked up and saw his eyes mist up. “I was afraid of how I feel about you. I was, but I’m not afraid anymore. I don’t want to be without you.”
Pulling away, she tried to hide the new tears that his words had started. “Stay here, I need a minute.”
She excused herself and went to the bathroom, cringing at her reflection when she saw her red-rimmed swollen eyes. She splashed cold water on her face but that didn’t do all that much to improve her appearance.
Amy leaned against the bathroom sink and took a deep breath, torn between relief and fear. He was saying all the right things now, but it didn’t mean he wouldn’t dump on her again. Even Whitney the jerk had come back looking to sleep with her again after he had dumped her. She’d actually given in the first time, then she finally wised up and said no.
