We’ve been playing for about a half hour, I am a fucking genius. This game is almost as much fun as truth or dare. “I have had my heart broken more than once.” Becca says and throws back her drink. Campbell, Red, and Dick all throw back their drinks as well. Maddie and I look at each other and laugh.
“We obviously are the heart breakers.” I say holding up my hand to give her a high five.
“Hell yes, we are.” She gives me a high five and we are both hysterical. The others are giving us dirty looks, which just adds to the laughter. “Alright, alright, I had sex while someone else watched.” Maddie is still laughing while she takes a drink. What the fuck? No one else drinks, and we are all looking at her. “What? Don’t look at me like that.” Everyone else is giving her disgusted looks, but I find myself getting pissed.
“What the fuck, Maddie. Why would you do something like that?” I can’t help getting loud. I don’t understand why the fuck she does the things she does. I know I sleep around, I’ve had my fair share of women, but I always treat them with respect. I would never let someone else watch me fuck her. She looks over at me, still laughing.
“Relax, Young, it was only one time. Don’t act like it doesn’t turn you on. You can’t tell me you wouldn’t want to watch me fucking someone.” Fuck no she didn’t.
“Actually, Maddie, I can tell you that it doesn’t turn me on. When I’m with a woman, I’m with her. No one else is going to watch, or join. Why the fuck do you think it’s okay to treat yourself like that? You are worth so much more than that.” My hands are in fists at my side, as I’m trying to control my temper.
She stands up, throws back the rest of her drink, and tosses the plastic cup onto the coffee table. “Fuck you, Young.” She stalks off to her room slamming the door. I turn to look at everyone and they are all wide eyed.
“What the fuck?” I rub my face with my hands, trying to understand how we went from laughing to her getting so pissed at me. “I was just trying to make a point that she doesn’t respect herself. She deserves so much more than that.”
“I think coming from you it was more of an insult. No offense, Young, but you have been with a lot of women. She sees you as someone who understands her sleeping around. You made her feel slutty.” I look at Red and try to control my anger. I blow out a breath and rub my neck.
“I wasn’t trying to say she is a slut. I am trying to understand why the fuck she has no respect for herself. She is beautiful, smart, and sexy as hell and I just want to understand. I know I’ve slept around, that I’m an asshole most of the time, but I would never, ever treat a woman with anything but respect.” She is making me out to be an asshole here, but that was not my intention. I am just trying to fucking understand Maddie. She won’t open up to me, and it pisses me off.
“I’m going to go check on her.” Red starts to get up, but I jump up.
“No, I’ll do it.” I walk to Maddie’s room, knock on the door, and walk in. She is lying on her side on the bed, with her arms tucked under the pillow. I close the door behind me and sit on the edge of the bed. I rub my hands on my shorts and clear my throat. “Maddie, I’m sorry that I upset you.” She turns over to face me, and my heart breaks at the sadness I see on her face.
“Get the fuck out, Young. You act like you’re so much better than me—well fuck you. You sleep around just as much as I do, so don’t sit there and treat me like I’m some kind of fucking whore.” I am trying to control getting all worked up. I don’t want to yell. I’m going to be a fucking adult about this.
I lie down next to her and look right into her eyes. “Maddie, it was not my intention to get you upset. I am just trying to understand you. You don’t fucking open up and it kills me. I just want to get to know you, not just your body.” I give her a wink, just to let her know that I do love her fucking body. “I know I’ve slept around, I’m not denying that, but I have never disrespected a woman in or out of the bedroom. I’ve fucked her seven ways of Sunday, but it’s always just about her and me. I would never share that with anyone. I just want to understand why you would let that happen.” She is looking at me with a bit of maybe sadness in her eyes. She blows out a breath and clears her throat.
“It’s not like I didn’t want it to happen, Young. I like to try different things, that’s all it was. I don’t think that makes me a slut or a whore. I don’t feel like I disrespected myself in anyway. I love sex, that’s all it was about.” She goes to turn away from me, but I grab her hip to keep her facing me. She’s not going to fucking block me out now.
“Alright, I’m sorry. If it doesn’t bother you than it shouldn’t bother me. I’m sorry for making you feel that way.” I still don’t understand it, but I am not going to judge her for it. She is just looking at me with her hand tucked under her pillow. She looks like she is in deep thought. I take the hand not holding her in place and run it down her face. “Hey, you okay?” She lifts her eyes to mine and a brief smile crosses her lips before it quickly disappears.
“Yes, I’m totally fine. I’m just tired now, so I’m going to turn in for the night. Thanks for checking on me, I’ll see you tomorrow.” This time when she tries to turn away from me I let her go. I know when I’m being dismissed. Before I climb off the bed, I lean over and press a kiss to the back of her head.
“Good night, Maddie.” She doesn’t say anything, so I just climb off the bed and go back to my place to get some sleep myself.
It’s Monday morning and I am sitting in the garage waiting for the shop to open. I’ve got a few oil changes to do, tire rotations, and tune ups to get done today. At least I’ll stay busy, because I can’t get Maddie off my fucking mind. I didn’t see her yesterday, because the girls went and did some girly shit. I have been driving myself crazy trying to figure out a way to get her to be mine. I just can’t think of a way to make it happen.
“Tyler, what the hell are you in such deep thought about?” My dad, Dan, pulls me out of my thoughts. He hands me a cup of coffee and raises his eyebrows.
“Just thinking about shit, Dad.” I don’t know if this is something that I should run by him. My mom and he have been married for twenty-five years, so I don’t think he could be much help.
“So, you don’t want to tell your old man, is that it? The way you are sitting there, looking almost like a lost puppy, tells me that you need to talk about something. Maybe, I could help?” I look over my coffee at him and raise my eyebrows.
“Lost puppy? I don’t fucking think so. I just have a lot on my mine.” I take a sip of my coffee and figure what the hell could it hurt? “Alright, there is this girl.” That’s all I get out before he has a huge smile breaking out on his face.
“Well, this just got a hell of a lot more interesting. You finally find a girl you want more than just a bed partner?” Oh, for fuck sake. This old man knows too much about my sex life. I roll my eyes at him, but can’t help the grin on my face.
“Yea, I met a girl that I actually want to have a relationship with; the only problem is she doesn’t want a relationship.” I look down at my coffee, to avoid the look my dad will give me.
“Why doesn’t she want to have a relationship? Maybe, all the women you’ve been with are intimidating to her. Not all women want to be bedded you know.” I look up at him and start laughing.
“Dad, the only kind of relationship we have been having for over a year is sex. Believe me, sex is not the problem with this girl. She doesn’t believe in relationships.”
“So, you’re telling me that you and this young lady know each other intimately? You guys have had sex before?” He sits down in one of the chairs in the break room across the table from me, and wraps his hands around his coffee. He looks over at me waiting for an answer.
“Jesus Christ, Dad, yes. We have sex, lots of sex. We have sex all the time, at my place, her place, in my car. We have crazy, unbelievable sex, but that is all it is with her. She won’t spend the night; she won’t open up to me. She is fucking beautiful, smart as hell, and so sexy. I
thought that after all this time, I could convince her otherwise. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been driving myself crazy trying to think of a way for her to just give us a chance, but I can’t fucking think of anything.” It actually feels good to get this out in the open. I didn’t want to say anything to the guys because let’s face it; they would be relentless with giving me a hard time. Shit, I’ve done it to them.
“Tyler, I’m going to give you some advice that I think would work here.” This gets my immediate attention. I’ll take any fucking advice at this point. I don’t say anything, just look at him. “You say that the only type of relationship that you share with this young lady is a sexual one. Obviously, the problem is not in the bedroom. The way to get this to progress past just a sexual relationship is to stop having sex.” I look at him like he is fucking crazy.
“Yea, I don’t think that is possible. She is just has horny as I am, not having sex would just drive her to someone else.” I know he means well, but there is no way I am giving up the only relationship I have with her. If we stop having sex, we have nothing.
“Tyler, I may be an old married man, but I know what I’m talking about here. A relationship is not built on sex alone. You both need to learn how to be together without sex. You need to take her on actual dates; movies, dinner, bowling. You guys need to talk, learn about each other. Son, a woman likes what a man can do to her body, but she loves what he can do to her heart. You need to learn what is in her heart.” Holy fucking shit, I actually think my old man might have a point here. Is it possible for us to have a relationship, without sex?
“Dad, I don’t know if it is possible to be with her without having sex. I mean, I wouldn’t even know what to say to her.” I feel like I should take out my phone and write all this shit down. He laughs, shaking his head at me.
“You need to start thinking with the head on your shoulders, Tyler. I realize that sex is the relationship you have with this young lady, but believe me in order to have an actual romantic relationship you need to do this. You are going to have to be honest with her. That’s how you build a relationship, honesty.” He smiles at me and sips his coffee. I lean back in the chair and run my hands through my hair. I’m not sure this is something that I can actually convince her to do, but at this point what the fuck do I have to lose? I have a hand that will take care of my needs in the meantime.
“Alright, Dad, thanks for the advice. I will have to talk with her, and be honest. I just hope this fucking works.” I finish my coffee and stand up to throw the cup in the garbage. I feel my dad’s hand slap down on my shoulder and he squeezes.
“Tyler, if you do this, I promise it will work.” He walks past me into his office and closes the door. I sure as fuck hope he is right.
This week at work has been amazing. My boss, Melissa, has decided to give me a bit more responsibility, which is an unbelievable compliment considering I’ve only been here a couple of weeks. She said that I remind her of herself at my age, and she knows I have a great deal to add to this magazine. I’ve sat through a few meetings, which was amazing. I am learning so much already.
I am sitting at my desk going through all the recent e-mails when the phone rings. “Melissa Blackstone’s office.” I can hear loud noise in the background, along with some yelling. I figure it is the wrong number and I am about to hang up.
“Maddie?” I pull the phone back to my ear wondering who is calling me at work.
“This is Maddie Duff, how can I help you?” I am tapping my nails on the keyboard of my computer, waiting for an answer.
“Maddie, it’s Young.” I sit up straight shocked that he would be calling me at work. I haven’t talked to him since last weekend when he was in my room. I was so pissed off at him when he said that during the drinking game, but when he actually came and apologized to me, it made my heart swell. I’m not used to having a man coming to make sure I am alright. I couldn’t face him after that, I rolled over because I wasn’t sure how to handle the emotions running through me and I’ve avoided him since. “Maddie, are you there?”
Shit, I didn’t realize I hadn’t answered him yet. “Yes, sorry I’m here. What’s up Young?” My leg is bouncing under my desk, a habit when I’m nervous, and I’m franticly tapping my keyboard now.
He clears his throat. “Hang on one second.” I am waiting and suddenly all the noise disappears. “Alright, can you hear me better now?”
“Yes. Where are you?” I just don’t understand why he is calling me.
“I’m at work. Listen, I wanted to know if you would meet up with me later tonight. Just the two of us, without everyone else. I wanted to talk to you about something, and it’s private. I don’t want everyone around.” I can hear in his voice that he sounds almost nervous, which is not something I am used to with him. Cocky, smartass, confident, these are the things I’m used to. It actually makes me a little nervous, there is absolutely no way I can deny him.
“Um, sure Young, I’ll meet you somewhere. Where are you thinking?” My leg is really bouncing now, and I look up to make sure that no one is listening to me have a personal phone call. No one is around, so I look back down at my fingers tapping away.
“How about the diner around the block from the apartment at eight o’clock?” Alright, a diner, that’s not bad at all. It can’t be bad news if we are meeting in a public place. I know my logic is ridiculous, but I am trying to calm my nerves.
“Sure, Young, I’ll meet you there.” I really don’t know what else to say. I have a million questions, but I figure that it is best to just wait and hear him out.
“Great, thanks, Maddie. I’ll see you tonight, bye.” He doesn’t wait for me to say good-bye back, he simply hangs up. I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at it. What the hell was that all about? This day is going to drag on now that I want it to end. I look at my computer and see that I actually only have an hour left. I definitely have enough work to keep me busy until then.
After I get off of work, I take a shower and get ready to go meet Young at the diner. Thankfully, Kenz and Becca both went out so they won’t be asking questions about where I am going. I put on a pair of jean shorts, a black tank top, and my silver sandals. I fix my long blond hair so that is falls down my back perfectly, and I apply my makeup. Satisfied with how I look, I grab my cell phone and purse. I look at my phone and realize I should have left already. “Shit.” I rush out the door, hoping I can make it there in five minutes.
I am a few minutes late when I walk in the door of the diner. My heart is in my throat, while I look around for Young. I spot him sitting in a booth in the back corner. I take a deep breath and make my way over to him. I don’t know why the fuck I am so nervous. It’s just Young, he’s seen me naked. I shake my head to clear it before I reach the table. “Hey.” He looks up at me and gives me a smile that is so big it reaches his eyes. He looks extremely happy, which calms me down.
“Hey, Maddie, you look beautiful. Please, sit down.” I look at him confused, because this is not his normal behavior. He always tells me I look good, but it’s usually sexy or hot. I sit down in the bench seat across from him and cross my legs. “The waitress will be right over to take our order. I asked her to wait until you got here.” He hands me a menu and I take it, but continue to look at him because I am completely confused.
“Okay, thanks. What is going on, Young? This is all out of character for you; it is actually making me a little nervous.” He gives me a lazy smile, but picks up his menu and keeps his attention on that. I’m getting pissed now because this is a bunch of bullshit. I need to know what the hell this is all about. I put my menu down, lean across the table grabbing his, and toss it on the table. “Enough of this shit, Young, what the hell is going on?” He leans back in his seat and runs his hands through his hair, blowing out a breath. He leans forward with his elbows on the table and looks straight in my eyes.
“Maddie, listen we’ve been sleeping together for over a year now. It’s great, it’s more than great, it’
s fucking mind blowing.” He looks down at the table before looking back up at me. The look of seriousness on his face is completely new to me. My heart starts pounding and my hands are getting sweaty, I have no idea what the hell is going on. “I want to talk to you about something that I know you are going to freak out about, but just hear me out.”
“What can I get you guys?” I look over at the waitress; of course she picks right now to walk over. I am so frustrated at this point, because I just want to know what the hell is going on. I grab our menus and toss them to the end of the table.
“I’ll have a Caesar salad with an iced tea, and he’ll have a bacon cheeseburger with fries and a Coke.” I get out as fast as possible to get her to fucking leave. She is writing it down so slowly I want to grab it from her and write it myself. I am tapping my nails on the table and my leg is bouncing so hard I’m almost banging my knee underneath it.
“Alright, your order will be up shortly. I’ll just go grab your drinks.”
“NO!” She snaps her head up to look at me with wide eyes. “I mean, just bring them with our food please.” I smile at her. She nods her head and walks quickly away from the table. Getting as far away as possible from the psycho girl no doubt. I look up at Young and he is smiling. “What now, Young? You go from serious to smiling in a span of minutes. I’m beginning to think you might have a damn problem.” He lets out a deep throaty laugh, which has me squeezing my legs together. Even with the fear of what he is going to say to me, I have no control over how my body reacts to him. He looks over at me and gives me a wink.
“I’m smiling because you knew exactly what to order for me. Without even having to ask. I like that, Maddie.” I roll my eyes at him, but begin to realize I did just do that. I knew just what he would order without thinking twice. That scares the shit out of me. I don’t like knowing that, I shouldn’t know anything like that about him. I should know what he likes in the bedroom, and unless he is eating a fucking burger in there, I shouldn’t know that!
Commitment Page 4
