Recovery from the sensory overload wasn’t immediate. Realizing the magnitude of what she’d just done, however, proved an infinitely shorter process.
She’d willingly gave herself to the one man she’d sworn to lock out of her life and her heart for good. How the hell was she supposed to fix this epic clusterfuck?
CHAPTER FIVE
Approximately fifteen seconds into his post coital glow, Ben intuited that everything might not be hunky dory in Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. For starters, Rory had gone ominously silent for the last several minutes and a skittish energy radiated from her. The last troubling clue that they had a potential problem on their hands was the suspicious cloud of smoke funneling from the stove. “Uh, Ro, when were those oversized cookie things supposed to be done?”
She offered him a blank stare. “Oversized cookie things? What are you—” Blinking, she whipped her attention to the smoking appliance. “Oh my God, I set the timer! Why didn’t it go off?” She scrambled from his lap, almost falling down on her ass in the process. Dodging his attempt at assistance, she scurried to the oven and cracked open the door, releasing a bigger billow of the acrid fumes. He snagged her arm and hauled her back. Once he’d ascertained that the stove posed no greater threat than a baking sheet full of charcoaled remains, he shut off the thermostat and clicked on the exhaust fan. A quick check of the digital display solved the mystery of the faulty timer. “You set it for two hours.”
“What?” Disbelief widening her eyes, she peered at the readout. Groaning, she plopped her face into her hands. “I can’t believe I did that.” Spreading her fingers apart, she gaped at the wisps of smoke streaming up into the vent. “A few more minutes, and who knows what would have happened?”
“I’d say you might have had to call in the local fire department, but I already came.”
She dropped her arms, her mouth twitching. “That was epically bad.”
“But true.” Grinning, he disposed of the condom in the nearby trash can before leaning down to kiss her. He nibbled on her bottom lip, the lush curves pressing into him doing wonders to rekindle his blood. Deliberately rubbing his growing erection against her belly, he splayed his palms on her buttocks. “You were incredible. I’m dying to get you in a big, soft bed where I can properly make love to you.”
The odd uneasiness descended on her again. Placing her hands on his chest, she pushed away from him a bit. “Ben, we need to talk.”
He damn well didn’t like the sound of that. “Okay.”
“What happened here, it was a one-time thing.” She finally looked up at him. “Nothing more.”
He’d expected her to say as much, but the pain of hearing it didn’t hit him any less. “Don’t do this, Ro. What we have, it doesn’t come around every day. I know that wasn’t some meaningless fuck for you.”
“You’ve been out of my life for ten years, Ben. There’s a lot you might not know about me.”
“You couldn’t have changed that much.” His heart still recognized its missing half. He tended to trust that organ better than any of the others. Shit knows he should have listened to it from the very beginning. It would have saved him a decade of loneliness and misery.
“Maybe I have. I’m not an innocent, naïve girl anymore.”
“Trust me, I noticed. You’re a beautiful, grown sexy woman.” A blush bloomed across her cheeks. Enchanted by the sight, he followed the sweep of color with his thumb. “You have no idea how much of a sucker I am for you. Christ, when you walked into the station today it was like reliving the moment I first laid eyes on you. Do you remember it?”
She averted her gaze. “Of course I do.”
“You were wearing a short plaid skirt with a red sweater, your hair twisted up in that fancy Parisian thingamajig.” He demonstrated the style with his hand, fully aware he was doing a terrible job describing it.
She gaped at him. “It’s called a French Braid.”
He snapped his fingers. “That’s it.”
She continued giving him that bug-under-a-microscope scrutinizing stare. “How could you possibly recall all of that?”
“Why wouldn’t I? Something life changing like that, it stays with you.”
Her forehead scrunched. “Life changing?”
He slid his hands up along her shoulders. “I knew the instant I saw you, Ro. Everything prior to that moment had just been a dress rehearsal. The true purpose for my being on this earth rested here.” He slipped his hand over her heart. “And here.” Twining his fingers with hers, he settled them over his own heart. “It scared the crap out of me for a long time, because I didn’t think I could handle the responsibility. I thought for sure I would fuck it up. That I would fail you.”
She swallowed roughly. “You’re remembering it wrong, Ben. You left me because I would only hold you back. Your words.”
Shame blanketed him. “It was an excuse. A fucking cowardly lie.”
Tension lines bracketed her mouth. “Easy for you to say that now, ten years after the fact. I wonder if we’d even be having this conversation if you hadn’t gotten injured.”
He frowned. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Say you’d gotten your wish of going pro. Somehow I doubt I’d even be a niggling thought in the back of your mind.”
He shook his head furiously. “You couldn’t be more wrong.”
“No? As it stands, you didn’t exactly hunt me down all this time. I couldn’t have been that important to you.”
Remorse vised his chest. “In the beginning I stayed away because I thought it was the only choice I had. You most likely hated me, and I convinced myself there’d be no fixing that.” He took a deep breath and forged on. “But I did try to find you, Rory. A year after we broke up, I stopped by your folks’ place and asked where you’d moved to.”
Befuddlement settled on her face. “They never told me.”
“Yeah, I suspected as much. They weren’t too thrilled to see me, as you can imagine. Your dad offered to give me a nose job—with his fist.”
“Oh Lord. Did he?”
“Nope. Fortunately your mom didn’t seem too keen on having my blood ruining the carpet.” He plowed a hand through his hair. “I also staked out your and Hailey’s old apartment for a while on the off chance you’d show up. That eventually got nipped in the bud when she caught me in the act and threatened to report me to the cops as a stalker.”
She groaned. “Well, I guess that explains why she always insisted on meeting at my place for our weekly Tuesday night taco party.” She gave him a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry if they were all jerks to you.”
“We both know I deserved it. Besides, they were doing it to protect you. They meant well. Anyway, I didn’t tell you this stuff with the intention of painting them in a bad light. I wanted you to know that there wasn’t one second that I stopped thinking about you. Loving you.” Huskiness lent a raw edge to his voice. It was never easy putting your heart on the line, and especially not when there was a good chance of having it returned to you beaten and bruised.
“Ben…” Rory crossed her arms, her knuckles white as she squeezed her fists. The gesture was a symbolic signature of defense, an invisible barricade shielding her heart.
She wasn’t going to let him in. Suffocating heaviness sat on his sternum. “Do you love me, Ro?”
Her gaze dropped to the tiled floor.
“Do you love me?” he repeated, despising the desperation clawing at his vocal chords.
“Don’t ask me that question, Ben. You might not like the answer.”
Yeah, maybe he wouldn’t. But better to know and cease torturing himself. “If you don’t—if there’s no chance of salvaging your feelings for me—then I’ll walk out that door and never bother you again.” Queasiness sloshed in his gut at the possibility of being shut out of her heart forever.
She rubbed her temple, her fingers trembling. “I don’t know.” Her blue eyes held a lifetime of doubt and pain. “You walk back in after all th
is time, stirring up memories I’ve worked so hard to lock away. It’s asking a lot of me to trust you.”
He nodded. At least she hadn’t insisted that her love for him was dead. As long as that remained the case, he would never give up hope. “I have to earn that from you. I realize it, and I’m prepared to do everything it takes to make it happen.”
She hugged herself again. “What are you asking of me? If it’s a relationship, there’s no way I can give that to you.”
A disturbing nugget of a revelation lodged in his mind. “You’re seeing someone.” He’d blindly concluded earlier that she’d only been pulling his leg about that meeting a date for dinner business. What if she hadn’t been blowing smoke up his ass?
“No, I’m not.”
Relief crashed over him, but it was short-lived as she laid down a long list of reasons for why she deemed him non-relationship material, starting with the most obvious and important—her complete lack of trust in him.
“I’m not going to set myself up for another huge fall, Ben. Who’s to say you won’t suffer a major freak out again? I can’t—I won’t—risk it.”
“You’re not the only one who’s changed, Ro. I’m no longer that same stupid punk who’s terrified of responsibility and failure. Because guess what? I’ve failed, big time. I know the bitterness of that taste, and while I won’t say that I particularly enjoy it, I’m not gonna run for the hills at the first sign of it being dished up for me.”
Rory didn’t look entirely convinced. “That’s just one of many obstacles we’re facing. There’s also the fact that you’ve been holding onto this memory of me, and it might not be in alignment with the person I am now.”
“Then give me a chance to get to know the new you. We’ll treat it as a fresh start. For both of us.”
Her expression remained skeptical. “You won’t try to pressure me into giving you more than I’m willing to give?”
“Cross my heart.” He repeated the sentiment with two fingers forming an X on his chest.
She continued to drill him with her assessing stare, her pensiveness unbudging. Finally she gave a weak exhale. “Okay. But this isn’t a promise of a future. I’m not looking for that with you, or anybody else right now. If that’s not something you can handle, this will never work out.”
“I can deal with it.”
“I hope you mean that. Because I’m dead serious, Ben.”
“Whatever you give me, I’ll take it.” Yes, he longed for all of her. Having to settle for anything less than that certainly wasn’t his first choice. All he could do was pray that eventually she’d release the lock on her heart. However long it took, he wasn’t giving up on her. On them.
CHAPTER SIX
It’d been two days since Ben careened back into her world, and Rory was no less dazed and confused by the constant turmoil of her feelings for him. He’d kept his word about not pressuring her—for the most part. There were the daily phone calls to the shop. Sweet little reminders that she was in his thoughts, and he couldn’t wait to see her again. Sooner or later she was going to have to give in and let him have her cell number. If for no other reason than to avoid the chance of getting busted by Hailey should she pick up Ben’s call. And that was another hurdle she needed to jump in the not-so-distant future. Coming clean to Hailey. God knows that wasn’t going to be a fun conversation.
“Ooh, it looks like your secret admirer has another present for you today.”
Rory glanced toward Trisha and noticed the girl had paused her front window washing in mid-spritz. A moment later, an FTD delivery person toting a florist box and a stuffed teddy bear walked into the store. Rory signed for both items and prepared to go back to work on cleaning the glass display cases. Trisha was having none of that. The second the door closed behind the FTD dude, Trisha nudged the florist box toward Rory. “Go on. Open it.”
Completely unnecessary. Rory already knew what was inside. But judging from Trisha’s bouncy excitement, there’d be no living with the girl until the darn box was open. Loosening the pink satin ribbon, Rory slid the waxed cardboard free and removed the lid. One dozen stems of exquisitely fragrant purple freesia rested atop the tissue paper. She gathered the blooms and lifted them to her nose, their lovely essence bringing a mist to her eyes. Damn it, Ben didn’t play fair with all this romantic stuff.
A wistful sigh broke from Trisha. “You’re so lucky. Rich couldn’t even be bothered to get me a card for Valentine’s Day, and here your guy is still sending you gifts two days after the holiday.”
“He’s not my guy,” Rory felt inclined to point out—as much for her sake as Trisha’s. She couldn’t afford to start tagging Ben with possessive labels. If she stood any hope of remaining smart about all of this and not doing anything so foolish as falling in love with him again, she had to keep her heart vigilant and her head strong.
“Fine, your secret admirer then.” Trisha rolled her eyes. “Do you have any idea who it is?”
“Nope.” She didn’t like lying to Trisha, but she had no choice. Until she was ready to tell Hailey that Ben was back in the picture, his name had to stay out of it.
Apparently satisfied she’d gleaned all the intel she could out of Rory, Trisha traipsed back to the front window and took up where she’d left off with the Windex. Picking up her own wad of paper towels, Rory resumed her quest of banishing the last traces of fingerprints marking the display case. Approximately five minutes into it, she was distracted by the wolf whistle that shot from Trisha.
“Holy bulging muscles, Batman. Boss, you’ve got to check this guy out. He’s totes a McHottie.”
Rory had no clue what Trisha just said, but it didn’t stop her from tossing aside her paper towel and going to investigate what all the commotion was about. She hauled short next to Trisha and followed the younger girl’s wide-eyed stare to the fine specimen of sheer masculinity crossing the street. Heart skipping a beat, she locked gazes with Bennet. Her tummy performed an embarrassing flip when he flashed her a grin.
Trisha’s focus veered to Rory. “Did you see that? He just smiled at you.”
“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” she said weakly.
Ben picked up his pace and dashed to the sidewalk fronting The Sweet Spot. Five strides of those long legs of his and he reached the entrance. An instant later, he cleared the doorway and swept Rory into his arms. His hungry mouth came down over hers, tongue seeking out hers. She shivered, melting into him with a soft moan. An eternity passed before she remembered Trisha’s presence. Breaking the kiss, she peeked toward the younger woman and caught Trisha’s stunned gape. Rory inwardly groaned. So much for keeping Ben a secret. Licking her lips, she carefully untangled herself from his embrace and awkwardly waved a hand toward her mute employee. “Ben, this is Trisha. Don’t think you two have met before.”
Ben extended his hand. “Nice to meet you, Trisha.”
Her shock quickly transforming into a beaming smile, Trisha accepted his handshake. “Likewise.” She slid a shrewd look in Rory’s direction. “Don’t suppose you’re a fan of flowers, Ben?”
He glanced at Rory. “So I take it you got them?”
“Um, yes. Thank you. They’re absolutely beautiful.”
“I’m glad you like them, Ro.” His expression was so earnest, it almost made her want to cry. “I know I said no pressuring—and I swear this isn’t—but I couldn’t go another day without seeing you.”
A dreamy sigh floated from Trisha. Ignoring the girl, Rory rubbed her palms on the waist of her skirt. “I guess I’m okay with that. I was thinking about stopping by the firehouse after closing up shop today.”
“Yeah?” His smile threatened to blind her. “I have tonight off though. That’s one of the reasons I swung by. Kinda hoped you’d be up for having dinner.”
“What time?”
“Around seven? I could pick you up at your place.”
She nervously plucked at the side seam of her skirt. It wasn’t necessarily that she didn’t want Ben to have h
er address, but she also knew the lack of control she tended to have where he was concerned. If she invited him into her house there’d be a good chance they’d never even make it to dinner. Even worse than that, seeing him in her bed would only lead to her imagining him there permanently.
No, you’re not going down that road again, remember? Reinforcing her resolve with that thought, she cleared her throat. “Actually, why don’t you just meet me here? It’ll give me a chance to get a little extra work in before calling it a night.”
If Ben was disappointed by her suggestion he did a fantastic job of hiding it. Inclining his head, he back stepped toward the exit. “It’s a date then.”
She wanted to correct his misuse of the term. This was two friends reconnecting over a meal, nothing more. But she couldn’t very well say that with Trisha eagerly listening in. So instead she gave a resigned nod. He awarded her one last hot kiss goodbye before ducking out the door. Turning, she met the wicked sparkle in Trisha’s gaze.
“No idea who that secret admirer is, huh?”
In the current scheme of worries facing her, getting busted by her employee was the least of her problems.
***
The one benefit of staying late at work was she really did kick butt at getting the kitchen in pristine shape. They’d pass the next health inspection with flying colors for sure. The only drawback was now she was a grimy mess. Grimacing at the soot marks marring her forearms, she rolled down her latex gloves and pried the snug material from her fingers. Well, at least she didn’t have to worry about gross nails. She cranked on the faucet and grabbed the scrubber brush and a bar of soap. While she sudsed up she mulled over her options as far as a clothes change went. The skirt was fine, but she definitely couldn’t be seen in public in the sweater. Not unless she wanted everyone assuming she was a chimneysweeper. Maybe she could sneak home before Ben showed up.
Sweet Sizzle: A Red Hot Valentine Story Page 5
