by Jaleta Clegg
"You don’t trust anyone," Tayvis answered. "Jerimon was acting on Lowell's orders. He isn’t going to sell you out again." It was as much a threat for Jerimon as it was reassurance for me.
"Don’t get in trouble," Jerimon said and started down the hill, hands in his pockets and whistling.
I watched him walk away in the predawn light and shivered. The night was cool.
"You want to tell me what’s wrong this time?" Tayvis asked.
I turned around. He sat on a patch of grass growing at the side of the dirt road. A small stand of trees grew behind him. I folded my arms around me. Trying to stay warm, I told myself.
"Nothing," I said.
"Don’t play this game with me."
"You never answered my question. Which would you choose, me or the Patrol?"
"Which do you choose, Dace? Me or your ship?"
"That’s not fair."
"That’s exactly what you’re asking me to do. You want me to give up the Patrol for a big maybe. Would you do the same if it were you who had to choose?"
"Did you have to go back to Lowell?"
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I already answered that one."
"You said you did it for me. Is that really the truth or are you just happier working with Lowell? You’ve got rank and privileges." I turned away. The truth was as raw and hard to swallow as a bucket of nails. What could I give him that could even begin to compare with what he had working for Lowell? He was going to realize that and walk out of my life.
"The Patrol’s been my family for over ten years, Dace. The only place I’ve ever felt I belonged. You want me to throw that out for a vague promise sometime in the future."
"What are you asking me?" I kept my back to him. It would hurt too much to see his face. "You want me to promise something I’m not sure I can give you?"
"You could at least turn around and look at me."
I turned around. "What do we really know about each other? How do I know I can stand you when I’m not being chased around the Empire? You have no idea who I am. I have no idea who you really are."
He looked away, off to where the rising sun painted the sky gold and magenta. "Quit getting in trouble and maybe we could find out."
"Do you think I go looking for it? Do you think I enjoy this? I hate it." I kicked a rock. It rattled down the hill and under a bush.
"You’re good at it," Tayvis said.
"I don’t want to be. I still have nightmares about shooting Vunia."
"I’m surprised that’s all you have nightmares about."
"I don’t know which is worse, being awake or sleeping. They’re both bad anymore."
We watched the sunlight creep over the clouds overhead. The silence between us was strained.
"What do you want, Dace?"
"I don’t know. I don’t want to keep watching you walk away from me, but I don’t know what else is there. What future do we have? If any."
"What future do you want? What can I do on your ship besides feel useless?"
"I can’t give it up. I can’t shut the door on my ship and just walk away." I tugged at the burning phoenix patch on my arm. "This is who I am. This is who I want to be. Not some kind of Patrol spy or bait for Lowell to play with."
He pulled at the commander’s clusters on his black collar. "And this is who I am."
"Then I guess we’re through." I turned away from him, walking down the road. He caught my arm and pulled me around to face him. He was tall, I barely came up to his shoulder. I couldn’t look at his face.
"Is that really what you want, Dace? You want to just walk away and go back to Jerimon?" He took my other shoulder, trapping me.
"No. I don’t want Jerimon anywhere within ten light years of me ever again."
"You want to walk away from me?"
I shook my head.
"And what about what I want?" Tayvis dropped his hands. "I don’t want you to give up who you are, but I’m beginning to wonder if there’s any room left for me."
I blinked back tears. This wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted Tayvis, more than I wanted anything except my freedom. I loved him. Was there any common ground? Was there any way I could compromise? Was I willing to?
"I never planned on falling in love with you," he said. "I’d almost given up hope of ever finding anyone I could love. My mother always told me not to settle for ordinary. I don’t think this was what she meant."
"What do you want from me? A promise I can’t give?"
"Do you love me enough to trust me?"
I made the mistake of looking up at him. His face was more open than I’d ever seen it, he looked vulnerable.
"Do you love me enough to make room for me in your life?"
"I don’t know." I closed my eyes and backed away a step. He was too close.
"Do you trust anyone? You don’t even let Jasyn in, do you?"
It hurt because it was true. I kept myself isolated as much as I could. Life hurt less that way. "I wasn’t looking for anyone to love. I was only trying to survive. Isn’t that what life is about? Surviving?" I opened my eyes.
The sun lifted over the horizon. One long beam of gold caught Tayvis, lighting the side of his face, turning his hair to dark copper. How could I let him go? How could I live without him? How could I live with him? The sun glittered on the Patrol emblem on his sleeve.
"Only if you want to be miserable," he said.
"Love is pretty miserable."
"It doesn’t have to be." He held his hand out. "Trust me. Let me into your heart. You’re already in mine."
I slowly took his hand. I wanted to trust him. I wanted to love him. I didn’t know how.
"Am I going to spend the rest of my life watching you walk away?"
"You can always walk away with me." His lip twitched, the best smile I was going to get. He squeezed my hand.
Jerimon came whistling around the corner. He stopped a few feet away. "I hope I’m interrupting something."
"One of these days, I’m going to break your nose," Tayvis said.
I tried to pull my hand back. Tayvis wouldn’t let go.
Jerimon said, "I found us a way in. If you two are through with whatever deep conversation you were having." He sauntered back down the road, whistling again.
"Do you find that as irritating as I do?" Tayvis muttered to me. "If we didn’t need him, I’d ditch him here."
"I’ve been trying to ditch him since I met him. He’s not easy to get rid of."
Tayvis squeezed my hand. I quit trying to pull it free.
Jerimon led us down to a battered cargo hauler that had been modified to run cross country. Big wheels lifted it high off the ground. The bed of it was filled with a variety of products, including three large slobbery dogs and a dozen chickens. A woman leaned against the cab, watching us.
"I already paid her," Jerimon informed us. "Standard fee for smuggling us into an alley in the city. After that, we’re on our own."
The woman came around back and shoved the dogs to one side. She shifted a bag of roots and opened a compartment that I never would have guessed existed. She squinted at us.
"There’s only two compartments and neither are very big. You," she pointed at Tayvis, "you’ll have to squeeze down here. You won’t fit in the other."
Tayvis let go of my hand and wiggled his way into the space. The woman shut the cover and shifted the roots back over it. The second compartment was right behind the cab, disguised as part of the drive train. It was short and wide.
"Both of you’ll have to fit in," she said. "Good thing you’re small."
I didn’t want to do it, but I didn’t see I had a choice. Jerimon scooted into the space and I slid in after him. It was tight. I was practically sitting in his lap. One of the dogs stuck its nose in and started licking my face. I tried to shove it away.
"Skee, get out of there," the woman shouted. The dog whined and retreated. I wiped dog spit off my face. "Dogs are there to help confuse any bioscanner. Confoun
ded nuisances, all of them." She sounded fond of them all the same. She shut the cover on our hiding place.
It was dark and stuffy and smelled of old oil and dog.
Jerimon shifted back an inch. He twisted his legs to the side. "Lean on me. It’s more comfortable."
"Don’t touch me, Jerimon." I tried to push his hand away. There wasn’t anywhere to push it.
"It’s hard not to."
The engine started with a loud rumble and the hauler lurched into motion. I slid sideways into Jerimon. I pushed away from him and ended up smacking my head on the cover.
"You like banging yourself up? I’m sorry for what I did. Not for kissing you. That was rather enjoyable."
The hauler lurched again and I slid into him. This time he wrapped one arm around me and braced himself with his feet.
"Stop squirming," he said in my ear. "I appreciate you don’t like me. I’m not blind or stupid. I can see what’s between you and Tayvis and I won’t interfere. Lady Rina’s cards were wrong. I’ve been an idiot. Can we at least be friends?"
"Isn’t that what you proposed on Onipas?"
"You agreed to it, too."
"Why did you sell us out like that?"
"Lowell gave me little choice. He said it would get them off your tail. I’m sorry it didn’t work." He sounded sincere. "Do you think Jasyn will ever forgive me?"
"Tell her it’s not your fault." I relaxed a little. Jerimon didn’t take advantage of it. "Blame Lowell instead."
The hauler lurched again. The dogs barked and whined. One of them jumped on top of our hiding place and howled. The hauler slowed. The engine wound down to a low rumble. The hauler stopped.
"Produce for the market," we heard the woman say.
Someone muttered something too low for us to hear. The engine idled. The dogs barked more and started jumping around. The hauler finally lurched into motion. Jerimon slowly let out his breath.
"How do you stand this?" he whispered in my ear. "You do it often enough."
"Not on purpose."
The hauler crawled forward. I heard the sounds of other equipment and transports. The hauler made a sharp turn and rumbled a bit farther before it crunched to a stop.
The dogs barked and scrambled over the bed of the hauler. Things were shifted and moved over my head. The cover popped open. The woman gave us one glance and moved away. Jerimon nudged me. I took the hint and scrambled out of the hiding hole and off the bed of the hauler. Jerimon and Tayvis were right behind me. We watched the hauler start up and rumble away down the alley.
"Now what?" I said, looking around at the trash and blank backs of buildings.
"We find some less noticeable clothes," Tayvis said.
"Can’t buy any," Jerimon said. "I’m out of money."
My stomach rumbled. "I guess breakfast is out."
"We need to find a ship," Jerimon said.
"We need to find out where we’re going," Tayvis corrected him.
I pushed between them before they could start arguing. "We need to find a place to hide, before they catch up to us." I pointed at a man watching us suspiciously from farther down the alley.
"Move," Tayvis said.
We moved, walking rapidly away from the man.
The city was a warren of narrow streets and unmarked stores and warehouses. Nothing had signs. It was as if the residents were deliberately trying to keep outsiders from finding anything. We found a doorway, more sheltered than most with enough rubbish in it to suggest it wasn’t used. It was almost noon. Hot sun beat down on the city. I was hungry and tired. I sat in the doorway.
Tayvis and Jerimon whispered fiercely at each other. Jerimon finally threw his hands in the air and stalked off. Tayvis sat by me.
"He’s going to try to find us transport," he said.
"How?"
"That’s his problem, isn’t it."
The sun beat down on the alleyway in front of us. Reflected heat filled the sheltered space around the door. Time passed. I dozed off.
Tayvis shifted. I opened one eye.
"There’s a bin around the corner. I’ve been watching them put bundles in. Stay here," he ordered.
He left, running silently across the alleyway. I leaned back and let my eyes close again.
I woke some time later, to find myself still alone. The shadows crept farther across the alley. I shouldn’t have been there alone. I looked up and down the deserted alley.
I saw no sign of Tayvis or Jerimon. Maybe they’d gotten lost. I walked a few steps down the deserted alley to an intersection of three streets. To my right was a big bin full of bundles of cloth. A few of them were on the ground in front of the bin. They looked like rags.
I looked up and down the alley. It was still empty. I walked over to the bin and stirred the rags with one foot. The doors in the backs of the buildings, windowless and blind, were all closed.
I went back to the doorway. The shelter was just as empty of everything but garbage. I hesitated in front of it. It was getting late. I was hungry. And I had no idea where the others had gone.
I went back to the intersection. The alleys were still empty. I couldn’t see very far down them. They twisted and turned unpredictably.
The door next to the bin swung open. I had no time to hide. A man walked to the bin, lugging another bundle. He stopped when he saw me and just stared. I backed away slowly.
"You!"
I turned and ran.
Chapter 35
The reentry alarm beeped insistently. Jasyn looked at the two men tied up on the floor. "Where do we put them, Clark?"
"How about we lock them in the cabin?"
"Unless they’d rather have Habim sit on them again," Jasyn said. The men shook their heads. "Then get up and get in there."
Clark picked up one of them, hustling him into the cabin. Ginni had tied them both up with spare wires and cables. She had done a thorough job of it.
Jasyn slipped into her chair in the cockpit. The alarm beeped again.
"Watch them, Habim," Clark said as he took the pilot’s chair. He looked over the boards. "Ginni? How would you like to be a pilot?"
Ginni stood uncertainly behind Clark.
"Sit," he said, swinging the pilot’s seat out with his foot. He hit buttons, the alarm went silent.
Ginni sat, her hands tucked out of the way. She looked scared.
"See this?" Clark said, pointing at an indicator. "You push these sliders and keep the line here, in this zone."
Clark caught Jasyn’s look. "The stabilizers aren’t working right."
"Half the systems in the ship aren’t working right." She reached across the cockpit to warm up the scanning equipment.
The ship reached transition and slid through. It was rough. The sublight engines came online. Something was out of tune. The engines vibrated badly enough to be felt.
"Habim’s going to insist on rebuilding it," Jasyn said.
"It needs it." Clark’s hands flew over the control boards, trying to shut down the hyperdrive at the same time he used the sublights to brake the ship.
Ginni watched him, her hands twisting in her lap. "What sliders do I push?"
"These," he said and swept his hand over the line. "Just a little at a time."
"I’ve got a beacon." Jasyn read the heading. "We’re at Haviland." She swung back around and pulled up data on the planet. "There isn’t much here. Mass, climate, star specs, nothing else."
"No tourist vids?" Clark flipped the last of the switches to shut down the hyperdrive, leaning around Ginni to reach.
"We could try beating more information out of our guests," Jasyn said, "but I don’t think they know any more than we do."
"Let Habim sit on them a bit more, and do his bouncy thing and they’ll tell us whatever they do know," Clark said.
Ginni giggled.
"Keep it steady," Clark told her.
She checked the indicator and nudged a slider.
Jasyn made contact with the planet. "We’re set to land. There
are currently six other ships there, plenty of room."
Clark didn’t answer, he was busy keeping the ship flying straight. Jasyn saw the winking yellow lights on his board and knew something wasn’t right. She hoped Ginni was enough help for him.
Jasyn coded a message on the com unit and sent it out in one quick burst. It was a call for help, on the frequency that only Family ships would be looking at and in a code only they would understand. If there were any on this planet or in this system.
The planet grew in the viewscreen, a swirling bubble of blue and green and brown. The planet was a good one, plenty of free water and the usual mineral resources. It was sparsely settled more because it was on a dead end route. Beyond Haviland was a stretch of empty space three thousand light years across. It would take a ship like hers a month to cross it, if the engines didn’t burn out on the way.
Ginni did her best to keep the ship steady. The yellow lights in front of Clark started blinking red as they plunged through the atmosphere.
"We’re going too fast," Jasyn said as the air screamed past the hull.
"Half the stabilizers are blown," Clark said. He fired the thrusters, correcting a tendency to spin to the right. "Call up the port and tell them to give us plenty of room."
They plunged in towards a brownish spot on the planet that swelled to fill the viewscreen. Clark deliberately took them in fast, it kept the crosswinds to a minimum. The ship rattled and vibrated from the stress.
"Distance readings," he shouted over the noise of the engines.
Jasyn swiveled her chair to face the scans again. "Fifty," she shouted back. "Forty." She called off the numbers. They were going much too fast.
Clark hit the reverse thrusters when she said twenty. They slowed. He waited until she said five before switching to the maglev drive. The field didn’t hold. They thumped down with a jarring bump. Clark cut the engines.
"I think we’re down now," Ginni said in the sudden silence.
"Good work, pilot," Clark told her as he shut systems down.
"What broke?" Jasyn asked.
"Half the stabilizers aren’t answering," Clark said. "The maglev field needs restructured. Port thrusters are clogged. And probably a dozen other systems need fixed. I’ll have to run diagnostics."
