by Jessica Beck
“We’ve got reservations,” she said, “but I might be able to get them pushed back a little. What’s going on, Suzanne? Did something happen?”
“Yes, but not with the case.” I felt so silly saying it that I wondered why I’d called her in the first place. “You know what? Forget it, Grace. It’s not important. Have a nice night.”
“Suzanne Hart, don’t you dare hang up that phone. Now tell me, what’s going on?”
I took a deep breath, and then said, “Jake just called. Our conversation was kind of abrupt, because he had to go to dinner.”
“That’s understandable,” Grace said.
“With Ashley,” I finished.
There was a longer pause than I liked, and the silence just seemed to drag on and on. I finally asked, “Grace, are you still there?”
“I am. I’m just trying to figure out what to say,” she said.
I didn’t like the sound of that. “You don’t think there’s anything to it, do you? Tell me I’m just being paranoid.”
She paused again, and then said, “Jake cares deeply for you. He’s not about to throw that away, especially with your niece.”
“You know, technically she’s Max’s niece, not mine.”
“You know what I mean.”
“So, I don’t have anything to worry about?”
Grace was a little more somber than I liked when she answered. “I don’t know that I’d say that, either. It might not be a bad idea to visit him at the campus tomorrow.”
I didn’t like that idea at all. “I’ve got work to do, and an investigation to run. Besides, if I just show up, he’ll think I don’t trust him.”
“Do you?” Grace asked.
“Of course I do.” At least I thought I did.
“Then there’s nothing to worry about.” I heard a doorbell ring in the background, and she added quickly, “Sorry, Suzanne, but I’ve got to go. He’s here.”
I was about to say good night when she hung up on me, as well. There seemed to be a lot of that going on lately, and I had to admit, I wasn’t a big fan of it.
As I drove back home, I knew in my heart that Jake was faithful to me, no matter what the temptation. I was just being silly, but it still didn’t help ease the anxiety I felt about his dinner plans. While I knew without vanity that I was at least a little attractive, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I was no raving beauty, even when I’d been in my early twenties, and that was some time ago. Ashley was, for want of a better word, a knockout, and while I didn’t dream for one second that she’d set her sights on Jake, I probably would have felt better if she was back in her dorm studying instead of having dinner with my boyfriend.
CHAPTER 11
Momma was out again—presumably on another date—when I got home, and I couldn’t face more leftovers, so I got back into my Jeep and drove to Trish’s diner. I knew I could just as easily have walked the short distance through the park, but it was dark out, and I was feeling more than a little vulnerable at the moment. I knew what the real problem was. As much as I loved my independence and freedom, sometimes I got lonely, and tonight was definitely that kind of night. I wanted to be around people who were laughing, arguing, having deep discussions, just living their lives. I knew that I could get so wrapped up in my life that sometimes I forgot there was another world out there going about its business without a single thought or care about mine.
After fighting the temptation as long as I could, I tried calling Jake to see if his dinner was over, but when I did, the call went straight to voice mail. That was just about more than my overactive imagination could take at the moment. I almost turned around and drove back home, but I was still hungry, so I decided to keep going.
Trish was working the front when I walked in. “Hey, Suzanne, how are you?” She took a second look at me, and then added, “Is everything okay?”
I glanced around the diner and saw several couples out together, young and old, and the only place to sit was at the bar. “I’m fine. You’re busy. I’ll come back another time.”
She touched my arm before I could go. “You’re not getting away that easily. There’s always room for you here. Why don’t you sit right here and we can chat while I work?”
I couldn’t just leave, not that way. “Okay. Thanks.”
“What can I get you? After you order, we can talk.”
“I’ll have the special, whatever it is,” I said.
“Don’t you even want to know what we’re serving tonight?” Trish asked. “You really are off your game tonight.”
“Okay, what is it?” I asked.
“Country-style steak, green beans, and mashed potatoes.”
“That all sounds great,” I said.
Trish gave her cook the order, and then poured me a glass of sweet tea without asking. She knew well enough that I had usually had Coke with my burgers and sweet tea with everything else, though I changed it sometimes just to be different.
As Trish slid the glass in front of me, she said, “It won’t take a minute, but you still have time to tell me what’s going on.”
I saw an older couple approach the register with their bill. “You really don’t have time for this, and nothing’s wrong, anyway. I’m just feeling a little sad, blue, and alone. I bet you never feel sorry for yourself, or all alone in the world, do you?”
Trish’s smile dampened for a moment. “Trust me, I have more than my share of dark days, too.”
“How do you cope with them?” I asked her.
“Mostly, I just come into work, get busy, and after I start dealing with the folks who come in, my problems just fade away.”
“And what happens when they don’t?” I asked.
“I have a piece of pie,” she said.
“I’m serious, Trish. I’d really like to know.”
She looked at me steadily. “Suzanne, I wouldn’t lie to you.”
There was a bell from the kitchen, and she returned a second later with my plate. As Trish slid it in front of me, I took in the rich aroma of the gravy-laden steak, saw the real butter melting on top of the mashed potatoes, and marveled at the bright green tones of the beans.
“What do you think?” Trish asked me.
“It looks good enough to eat,” I said.
Trish laughed, and then patted me on the back. “I’m really glad you came in tonight.”
“You know what? I am, too,” I said.
I finished my meal, good to the last forkful, and was about to ask her for the bill when she whisked my plate away and put a large slice of apple pie down in front of me.
“I couldn’t possibly eat this,” I said.
“I’ll put it in a box, then,” Trish said as she started to take it away.
I put my hand on the plate to stop her. “Well, maybe I could manage one bite,” I said.
Trish laughed, and then said, “Good for you. I knew deep down that you were my kind of gal.”
“Hey, someone who makes treats for a living can’t afford to turn her nose up at pie when she gets the chance.”
“Don’t sell what you do short,” Trish said. “You make a lot of people in April Springs happy with those donuts you make. It’s not a little thing, bringing some joy into the world.”
“I know, and I love it. I’m just having one of those evenings.”
She looked stunned by the admission. “Still? After eating a slice of my world-famous apple pie?”
I realized that I was feeling better, though whether it was due to the food or the company, I couldn’t say.
It made me glad, yet again, that I lived in a small town.
* * *
I was trying to get interested in a movie on television, but my thoughts kept skipping to a thousand different places. No matter where they went, though, they always returned to Jake. I trusted him, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t curious about why he wasn’t answering his phone.
When the actors in the movie began discussing something that had just happened—something that I�
�d clearly missed—I turned off the show and thought about going to bed, even though it was early, even for me.
I’d just stood when the front door opened, and Momma came in. “Suzanne, how was your evening?”
I considered telling her about Jake and his dinner with Ashley, but honestly, I didn’t feel like rehashing it with her. “I’d love to tell you it was uneventful, but I’d be lying.”
“Do I want to know?” she asked as she hung her jacket up.
“I don’t think so. Can I get a free pass tonight?”
Momma must have seen something in my eyes, because she nodded and said, “Of course you may.”
“How was your date?”
“It was quite lovely, actually,” she said, and though I knew Chief Martin wouldn’t have described it that way in a million years, I was certain that he would have been pleased to hear it nonetheless.
“How goes the decision-making process? Come to any conclusions yet?”
She laughed, a surprising reaction as far as I was concerned. “That’s funny, you sound just like Phillip.”
“I bet his request for the information was a little more urgent than mine,” I said with a grin. I couldn’t help getting a little tweak in.
“I’ll tell you what I just told him. I’m not ready to make a decision one way or the other. If you must know, I think he’s relieved that he didn’t get an outright refusal, and he’s taking my delay as encouragement more than anything else.”
“Who can blame him? You certainly shocked me when you didn’t say no right away.”
Instead of being upset, Momma just nodded as she sat down on the couch. After I joined her there, she said, “At first, I thought he was insane when he proposed. We’ve known each other our entire lives, but we’ve only been dating for a few months.”
I saw a look in her eyes that surprised me. “But now?”
She glanced at me a moment, and then asked, “Do you want the truth, or would you like to hear what you want to hear?”
That answer wasn’t as easy as it should have been, but I knew what to say. “The truth. Always the truth.”
I hoped I meant it, but even if I wasn’t entirely convinced that it was true, I was still glad I’d said it.
“The idea of being with him has some real advantages,” she finally said. “As much as I love having you here and sharing this home with you, the prospect of spending the rest of my life with a man who clearly adores me isn’t to be discounted lightly.”
“I guess the real question is, how do you feel about him?”
She took a deep breath, and then let it out slowly. “That is the heart of the matter, isn’t it?”
“Do me a favor, Momma.”
“For you? Anything,” she said as she touched my shoulder lightly.
“Don’t turn him down because you’re worried about me. Grace has offered me a room at her place, so if you decide to marry him, I won’t get in your way, and I certainly don’t want to be used as an excuse for you to say no, if marrying him is what you want to do.”
She looked shocked by the declaration. “Why, that never even occurred to me.”
It was time to lay my position out on the table. “Momma, I can’t stay here when you’re trying to build a new life with someone else. It’s nothing against you or the police chief. I just don’t want to get in the way.”
“Suzanne, I would never bring another man into this house. Your father and I spent our entire married life here together, and I won’t do anything to touch those memories. I thought you understood that if I say yes, I’ll be the one moving out, not you. The house will be yours, and yours alone.”
That was a blockbuster, and I wasn’t sure how to react. “Momma, are you sure? This is the only place you’ve lived all your life. How could you leave?”
“I don’t have to tell you that getting married involves some sacrifices for both people.”
I looked around our homey place filled with love and memories. “But it’s a lot to give up,” I said.
“And at least as much to gain,” she said. “No matter what happens, this is your home. Do you understand that?”
“I do now,” I said, surprised to hear her say it. “I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here, though. The place would feel as empty as my heart would with you gone.”
She hugged me, and I returned it.
“I love you,” she said.
“I love you, too.” I pulled away, and then said, “I meant what I said. I just want you to be happy. Everything else is just details to work out later.”
She nodded, and then looked hard at me. “Here I’ve been so wrapped up in my life that I missed it completely.”
“Missed what?” I asked.
“You’re troubled, aren’t you? Talk to me, Suzanne.”
How did she do it? Did my momma have some kind of radar for when my heart was weary, my step unsure? No matter how I tried to hide my unhappiness from her, she always found a way to see it, and many times, more clearly than I did.
“It’s Jake, isn’t it,” she said, not as a question, but as an answer.
“Yes,” I said, “but I’m just being silly.”
“Nonsense. When it comes to matters of the heart, especially for Hart women, it’s never silly. Now, tell me all about it.”
I took one last stab at holding her off. “What about my free pass?”
“Rescinded,” she said with a smile. “Now talk.”
“Well, I may have done something really stupid. I pointed a beautiful young brunette college student at Jake, and they’re having dinner together right now.” At least I hoped they were still eating.
“I’m going to need more details than that,” she said.
“I told you I ran into Max’s niece Ashley at the Boxcar, right?”
“Certainly.”
I took a deep breath, and then admitted, “Well, I asked her to run up to him on campus, hug him, and call him Uncle Jake.”
Momma frowned her disapproval. “Why on earth would you do that?”
“I thought it would be funny,” I answered.
I expected to get the scolding I deserved, but instead, she just shook her head. “Sometimes things can blow up in our faces, can’t they?”
“I’m really hoping it didn’t this time,” I said.
Momma patted my hand. “Suzanne, Jake cares for you very deeply. I cannot imagine the circumstances where he’d cheat on you, especially with a young woman who is essentially still a little girl.”
“She may not be as old as I am, but if you’d seen her, you’d never think she was a little anything. Ashley was always pretty, but she’s turned into a real beauty.”
“Still, Jake wouldn’t do anything with her. I’m sure of it.”
It felt good hearing her say that. “I am, too, but then again, I was sure of Max, and look how that turned out.”
Momma pulled her hand away and frowned as she looked at me. “Max has no right to be mentioned in the same breath as Jake. They are two completely different men, as opposite as you’re ever likely to find. Don’t paint your new boyfriend with the same brush you use for your ex-husband. If you do, that will be your major mistake, not introducing him to Ashley.”
“I know you’re right, but it’s so hard. Once you’ve been cheated on, there’s no way to keep from being a little jumpy.” I sighed, and then added, “If there is, I haven’t found it, anyway.”
“I’m happy to say that I never experienced that myself, but you’ve got to find a way to let the past stay where it belongs. It’s the only way you’ll ever have a future.”
“Hey, are we still talking about me?” I asked with a grin.
My jibe could have gone either way, so I was relieved when Momma just laughed. “Perhaps a little of both, if I’m being honest myself. Have you tried to call Jake again?”
“Yes, but his phone goes straight to voice mail,” I said.
“Which could mean any number of things,” Momma said. “Sometimes your imagin
ation can get the best of you, Suzanne.”
“I know, but there’s nothing I can do about it.” I stifled a yawn, and then asked, “Would you like to play a game or something?”
“Thank you for the offer, but it’s late, and we both need our rest,” she said as she stood.
“I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep tonight,” I admitted.
“You at least owe it to yourself, and all of your customers tomorrow, to try. After all, you don’t want to put blueberries in the strawberry donuts now, do you?”
“Well, that would make them blueberry donuts, wouldn’t it?” I asked with a laugh.
“Good night, Suzanne.”
“Good night, Momma,” I answered. I walked up the stairs, and she went into the master suite downstairs.
As I lay in bed trying to sleep, I tried to imagine our cottage without my mother’s presence all around me. If she did marry the police chief and left to start a new life with him, I wouldn’t move downstairs, I promised myself then and there. This was my bedroom—it had always been such, with the exception of four years away at college and the time I’d wasted with Max—and I wasn’t about to move. Besides, if I did that, I’d miss my lovely views of the park. That had directly led to some problems in my past, but for the most part, it had been a joyful place to live, and I wouldn’t change rooms just because I’d get a little more space. Then again, if Jake and I ever decided to get married, there wouldn’t be enough room for us both upstairs, and I’d be forced to move down with him.
“Whoa, slow down, girl,” I said to myself. I wasn’t exactly certain that he was still my boyfriend at the moment, let alone a potential mate. I wasn’t just putting the cart before the horse, I didn’t even have a cart yet, and barely a horse.
I had to laugh at the nonsense of it all, not letting myself consider the fact for one moment that because of the way Jake had lost his wife and child, he might never want to get married again. Goodness, he couldn’t even tell me that he loved me.
With mixed emotions, I finally drifted off to sleep, wondering what tomorrow would bring, and if I’d ever hear from Jake again.
* * *
Emma came in late the next morning, despite our new hours, and I wasn’t in the best of moods to begin with.
