by Staci Hart
“We can’t discuss an ongoing investigation, although I will say that we’ve potentially connected her with a few other robberies in the area. I have a list of dates here, mind taking a look?”
“Not at all.” I reached for the offered notepad and glanced at the dates and names of some of the stores we’d knocked off.
“Do you recall where you were for these dates?”
I studied the list a moment, wondering how much the girls and I were suspected. “I need to sit down and really look at the calendar. Can I get a copy of this?”
“Sure.” He flipped to a blank page and began to write, eyes on the paper, though he didn’t stop speaking. “You said you girls hadn’t been friends with her in a long time. Bad blood?”
Morgan shook her head. “Not really. She just wasn’t ever what one would call ‘cuddly.’”
Lucero chuckled and glanced up. “Then why keep living with her?”
Erin sighed. “She paid for our place, and we lived there for free. In Manhattan. Jade was always throwing money around, and I just thought her and Jace’s business was a success.”
“And do you all …” he checked his notepad, “parkour too?”
I nodded. “We have since high school. That’s how we started hanging out with Jade in the first place. Why do you ask?”
“Just seems like it would really help out if you were trying to steal something.”
I shrugged. “I never really thought about it like that. We run because we love it. Ever seen a view that just takes your breath away?”
Lucero smiled. “My wife and I honeymooned in Hawaii. I was lucky enough to have breathtaking views every day. Of the island, too.”
I smiled back. “It’s like that, but in the city we love.”
“Well, let’s start with getting you girls cleared on these dates.” His eyes twinkled as he ripped the paper off and handed it to me.
I took it and rested my hands in my lap. “Thanks. We’ll get this over to you.”
They stood, and so did we. “All right. Thanks for your time, ladies. We’ll be in touch.”
We escorted the detectives out, breathing a collective sigh when the door had closed behind them.
“The fuck,” Erin said and opened the fridge, pulling out four beers. “I think we earned these.”
Morgan shook her head and reached for a beer. “She must have kept her mouth shut because they didn’t even really seem suspicious. More like they were doing it out of obligation or as a formality.”
My stomach fluttered at the thought that we might pull it off. “I’m sure this isn’t the end. We’re going to need to clear ourselves, and they’re not going to take ‘We were all at home alone together’ for an answer on every night.”
Morgan gave a crooked smile. “I’ve got that. I’ll fudge the books at the coffee shop and say you were there with me. But they seemed less worried about the robberies as they were about the business side.”
Cher picked up her beer. “Yeah, well, laundering money is a federal offense, aside from the whole grand larceny thing, and they’ve been pumping money through that business for years. Who even knows how much. Feds don’t fuck around when it comes to money laundering.”
“I’ll say it again,” Morgan chimed. “Staying out of that shit is the smartest thing we ever did.”
“Hear, hear.” Cher raised her bottle and took a swig.
Erin smiled at me. “I think we might be off the hook.”
I tapped the neck of my bottle with hers. “I think you might be right.”
I SAT ON THE bare floor of Jill’s empty room, pulling packing tape off the roll with a rip. There were just a couple of boxes left, and I stretched the tape over the seam of the last box, ready to get the fuck out of there.
Erin walked in and grabbed one of the two boxes. “Is this it?”
I ran a hand over the tape. “Yup.”
Jill walked in behind her and looked around her room, and Erin nodded once at me before leaving us alone.
I picked myself up and looked her over. “Are you ready?”
She sighed, turning just a bit to look toward her window. “Yes. No. I think so. It’s so weird to see it empty like this.”
“I know.” We had taken everything, mattress, dresser, desk, bookshelves. It was all mine, anyway. They hadn’t bought her anything in years. “Need a minute?”
She gave me a small smile. “No. Let’s go.”
I smiled back and picked up the final box, leading us out of her room for the very last time.
What I found in the doorway to the apartment shouldn’t have surprised me. It shouldn’t have shocked me or upset me. But it did.
My mother stood still and quiet in the threshold of the open door, purse hanging on her arm, face colored with disdain and annoyance.
I stopped, but only because she blocked my path.
She shifted, hung a hand on her hip and addressed Jill. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“Jill’s coming with me.”
“Oh, is she?” She raised an eyebrow at me.
Anger rolled through me at the thought that she might try to stop me. “Don’t act like you give a fuck.”
Her voice dialed a little lower. “Don’t talk to me that way, Corrine. I’m still your mother.”
The laugh that burst out of me was bitter and cold. “The fuck you are.”
Her teeth clenched before she spoke. “You have no idea the sacrifice involved in having children.”
I sucked in a breath. “Don’t you dare talk to me about sacrifice.”
“Oh, don’t act like you understand,” she said with the shake of her head. “Is it hard running around all over the city and riding your bike for a living? You don’t have any responsibility. You don’t have people who are constantly in your way, needing things, demanding your attention until you’ve given so much of yourself that you don’t recognize yourself anymore.”
“When did you ever give anything to us besides grief? It’s not our fault that we exist. It’s yours. You don’t want us, so we’re leaving. I don’t understand what the fucking problem is here? You can’t decide you care now, after all these years. I’m not hearing that.”
“You have no idea. You’re just some asshole that thinks you have everything figured out, but you don’t know anything.”
“Don’t pretend that you know me. I thought we gave up that pretense years ago.”
“Whatever, Corrine. Get out.” She rolled her eyes as she moved out of the doorway and set her purse down on the coffee table. “Take Jillian. I honestly couldn’t care less. I’m done with the two of you.”
Jilly sniffled behind me, and I looked back to find her face bent, tears rolling down her cheeks. I dropped the box and followed Mom through the room, stopping outside of the kitchen as she walked in and leaned against the counter with her back to me.
“Goddammit, don’t you care about anyone? Anything?” I screamed, willing her to turn around and face me. “What is so broken in you that you can’t give a fuck about anybody but yourself? How could you be so fucked up as to reject your own children? It’s all we ever wanted. To be loved. For someone to give a fuck, because you and Dad sure as hell never did.”
I stared at the back of her head and shoulders as she leaned against the counter.
“The only thing you ever did right was to give me Jill.”
She didn’t respond, didn’t even look at me, only lit her cigarette. The sound of her lighter marked the end of our entire relationship, punctuated by the long line of smoke as she exhaled.
I turned to Jill, grabbed her hand. “Come on,” I urged.
She nodded and stepped toward the door, and I picked up the box and followed, never looking back.
I twisted my hair into a fresh bun as I walked into my room and towers of boxes. Jill was leaned over her bed, tugging her comforter until it was lying evenly. She reached for her pillows and stacked them neatly on top.
I shook my head. “Of all of the things to s
tart with.”
She rolled her eyes. “If I have my way, that’ll be the first place I end up.”
“I bet you make your bed every day.”
Her brow quirked. “You don’t?”
“Nope. And it’s going to drive you bananas, isn’t it?”
“Just don’t get mad at me if you come home and I’ve made yours, okay?
“Deal.” I hung my hands on my hips and looked around at the mess. Every inch of wall space was covered, and I was glad I had minimal furniture and a big-ass room, by Manhattan standards at least. “Where should we start?”
“I think there are more boxes of books than anything.”
I laid a hand in the small of my back and leaned with a dramatic flare. “Pretty sure I knew that.”
She laughed and plopped down on the floor. “Come on. It’ll be easy.”
I sat down next to her and ripped a box open. “Can I just put them on the shelves, or are you going to micro-manage me?”
She rolled her eyes. “Just stick them in there. I’ll sort it out later.”
“That’s what she said.”
Jill snickered. “No one says that anymore.”
I shrugged and shelved a handful of books. “Still funny.”
Erin pushed the door open and came in with beers. “Knock, knock.”
“Hey,” I said over my shoulder.
“It’s been a long day, you two. I think you should each take a break and have a drink.” She handed me a beer by the neck.
I took it from her. “I feel like I shouldn’t give my sixteen-year-old sister a beer on my first night as her guardian.”
Erin rolled her eyes. “Please, it’s not like she hasn’t had one before, right, Jill?”
“Actually …”
Erin and I swung around to gape at her. “No way,” Erin said and shoved a beer at Jill. “Now you definitely have to drink it.”
I sighed. “Bottoms up.” I raised my bottle and brought it to my lips, as did Erin.
Jill took a tentative sip, and her face jacked up in disgust. “Ew. This is terrible. People really drink this?” She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and passed her beer to me. “Seriously, gross.”
Erin laughed. “I’m glad you’re here, Jilly.”
“Why, so you can torture me with disgusting adult beverages?”
“Among other things.” Erin dropped down to sit on the end of my bed. “So what’s new with you, besides the whole moving out thing? I haven’t seen you in ages.”
“I know, right?” Jill reached for her water bottle and took a drink. “Well, let’s see.” She paused. “I don’t really know. I’m pretty boring, actually. I just go to school and study, mostly. Hang out with Sarah and a couple other girls. I’m pretty focused on graduation though.”
“That’s two years away, Jilly.” Erin shook her head.
“See?” I gestured to my sister. “Tenacious.”
“Must be genetic.” Erin took another drink. “So, no boys?”
Jill shrugged and picked at her nails. “I dunno. I mean, there are a couple of guys I could see myself dating, but I really don’t have time.”
“That’s so boring,” Erin huffed. “Tell me about these boys.”
Jill grinned and settled in. “Well, there’s Jack. He’s super cute, really tall. And, like, his waist does that thing, like where it tapers down into that ‘v.’ He stretched in Chemistry one day, and I almost fell out of my chair trying to catch a glimpse like a creep.”
I laughed. “Jack and Jill? He gets auto-vetoed.”
“Ugh.” Jill rolled her eyes. “It would be worth it. How about you, Erin? Got any men on your radar?”
Erin shared a look with me. “No, I haven’t dated anyone in a minute.”
Jill’s eyes bounced between us. “I sense a story there.”
I pursed my lips and then just sort of blurted it out. “So, you know how I’ve dated chicks?”
Jill nodded. “Yeah.”
I glanced at Erin, and Jill’s mouth popped open. “Oh!”
“We never really dated, per se,” Erin said with a snicker. I threw a book at her, and she ducked out of the way, laughing.
“Hey!” Jill slapped me on the arm. “Careful with my books, asshole.”
My cheeks were hot. “Anyway, that’s pretty much the whole story.”
“Are you still … together? Hooking up?” Jill stammered. “I don’t know what to call it.”
I laughed. “It’s okay, neither do we. Not since everything with Van.” It still hurt to say his name.
Jill’s face went a little soft. “Yeah. I can see that.”
Erin changed the subject, thankfully. Van was the last thing I wanted to get into. “How’s it feel to be out of the evil clutches of your jerkass parents?”
Jill smiled. “I mean, that fucking sucked today, but now that I’m here and it’s all behind me, I feel good. Really good. Sort of like life starts now.” She shook her head. “I don’t know. That sounds dumb when I say it out loud, but I think I can really be happy now. I’ve been alone for a long time, but now I have my sister back.”
“I missed you too.”
Erin grinned at us. “One big, happy family. We should go to Sears and have portraits made.”
Jill clapped her hands. “Oh my God, please tell me we can actually do that.”
I laugh bubbled out of me. “Anything you want, Jilly.”
I WOKE WITH ERIN tucked behind me, her arm hanging across my waist in the early morning light. I sighed, eyes blinking slow, and she stirred.
“Morning,” I said through a yawn.
“Hey.”
We’d slept like this most nights, even though we hadn’t hooked up since the night I’d stolen from Van. Too much had changed. I had changed. Something had broken in me, or healed. Both, maybe. But Erin never pressured me. She understood, though neither of us wanted to sleep alone.
I rolled over to face her, tucking my hands under the pillow. “What are you doing today?”
Erin brushed her hair back from her face and stretched. “I don’t know. Days off suck now.”
“I know. So aimless. Maybe we can run later.”
“For sure, and play some Diablo. I’m so close to hitting Torment 3, and together we can slay the ultimate demon, Malthael.” She had dropped her voice like a super-dramatic radio announcer.
I laughed. “You’re obsessed.”
“So are you, so whatever. Pot, kettle, black.” She watched me for a moment. “How are you doing?”
I shrugged. It was a conversation we had every few days, a check-in. It’s just that I never knew what to say. “Same.”
Erin rolled over and flopped her arms, letting it slide. “Life is so slow now. Everything has calmed down, and I thought I’d be more grateful than I am.”
“I miss it too, the thrill of stealing, at least. But this feels right. It’s like everything is starting to work itself out.”
“Well, almost everything,” Erin said to the ceiling.
And just like that, my thoughts were occupied with Van. I’d been trying out this new thing where I talked about it more with Erin in the hopes I could work it out of my system. So far, it hadn’t worked, but I hadn’t given up. Yet. “There’s not much I can do about that situation. It just sucks because I don’t even know him, but I can’t help but think about him. Think about what we could have been.”
“You miss the idea of him. You’re allowed to mourn that. It’s not like you’re screaming from the rooftops that you love him.”
“No. But I think I could have. He made me feel connected and grounded when I’ve spent my whole life running away. As unstable as my life’s been, he just showed me how to be … I don’t know. More.”
“But at least now you know. You can’t un-feel that.”
“No, I definitely can’t un-feel it. Part of my heart feels like it got blown off with a shotgun.”
Erin chuckled. “That’s colorful.”
I shrugged. “That’
s what it feels like. The timing was wrong. So wrong. But at the same time, if I hadn’t met him, I wouldn’t have changed, maybe ever. I just wish the circumstances had been different.” I sighed. “Whatever. I wish a lot of things had been different. But they aren’t. They’re exactly what they are.”
“Have you thought about trying to reach out to him?”
“Of course I’ve thought about it. But he told me he never wanted to see me again. That’s about as final as you can get.”
“Yeah, but he was pissed.”
“Understatement,” I deadpanned.
“Seriously, though. I just don’t think you can take whatever he said one hundred percent to heart because he hadn’t had time to process it.”
“I keep wondering whether or not it would have changed things if I’d told him about Jill and Jade. I just couldn’t. He was so angry that he just shut me down.”
“Was that all you wanted to say?”
“That’s the big thing. I just want closure. I want to let it go, but I can’t. I think about it all the time. I replay our last conversation and picture that painting. I dream about it, about him. I see reminders of how I got myself into this everywhere.”
“You have so much guilt. Are you sure you’re not Catholic?”
I sighed. “I’m just not meant for relationships. That’s all there is to it.”
She rolled over to face me again. “That’s not a thing.”
“Disagree. I even let you down.”
“What are you talking about?”
I shifted and picked at the hem of the sheets. “I abandoned you. You’re alone now.”
“Don’t do that. You and I were never like that. It’s okay. I love you, just like you love me, but I’m not in love with you. And you sleep in my bed every night, so it’s not like I’m all alone. I’ve always been happy to be whatever we are, whenever we are. So don’t. You’ve been through a lot, and it’s changed you. And that’s okay. I’m okay. We’re okay. Okay?”
I chuckled. “Okay.”
“Okay.” Erin smiled.
I flipped over onto my back. “It’s so nice around here without Jade.”
“God, can you imagine how pissed off she is right now?”
