He knew the present would be different. The time he spent in that hellhole in the desert helped him to think. Now it was time to face the world and reality.
As Danny lumbered down the stairs to the lobby, he spied a female form he recognized. There stood Page. Danny misread Page’s intentions as he had done in the past. Page running from her failed attempt to get Anthony back, chose Danny to dupe once more. She thought Danny would stay a sap, and she could seduce him again with lies and drugs.
Danny hated being alone. He did not want to be alone, eat alone, sleep alone, or live alone.
Page ran to Danny and gave him a big hug with a small kiss. Danny sober could feel what he had not felt before from Page—a cold heart. Page’s heart beat for only Anthony. Danny was able to recognize it for the first time—a cold gratuitous kiss, masquerading as something warm.
He stared at her for a moment, because the kiss jarred his senses. His lips could feel the lies her heart hid. Because Danny is off the drugs, his senses became acute. He felt her lies beyond any doubt. He touched her hands, but he couldn’t feel the electricity that ran through his body when Sydney put her hands on him.
When he last saw Sydney, she slapped his face, yet it bristled with love and revulsion. She made love to him and the warmth scorched his soul. At least there was some heat in Sydney’s slap, some semblance of feelings, but there was nothing from the kiss from Page, and he knew it this time!
Danny didn’t know what to make of his new awareness. Danny’s animal instincts heighten his sense of smell, taste and hearing, which gave him a new life. His senses had become extreme since he no longer bombarded his body with drugs and pills. He ran out of his search for the next great high. The next one may have killed him if Sydney had not intervened.
His eyes are clear that he appeared much younger than his 23 years. His looks took on a new essence. His face evolved into an extraordinary handsome young man. Danny’s hair had grown longer, and his hair graced his smooth face in the form of a beard. His voice was strong and calm and Page saw all of this. Page wanted her old Danny back the way she knew him. She saw herself losing him, and she could not stand another loss. She realized once the Jennie was out of the bottle, it would be difficult putting it back. She didn’t know what to do, so she fell back on her old tricks.
As they drove through Arizona desert, Page pulled over to a store. It was a place where an assortment of characters frequent on their bus ride to L.A. She stepped out of the car dressed in tight jeans, high heels, and a spaghetti strap blouse.
“I’m going to get me a drink, want something?”
“What do you want with a drink this early in the morning?” Danny said a bit confused.
“You never asked me that before, come on lighten up. I’ve never seen you this serious before.”
“You know I can’t drink.”
“I thought you couldn’t take drugs.”
“Drinking was my drug of choice,” Danny explained without elaborating.
“Well I never said I would stop, where is all the fun? I can’t stand this shit.” Page continued to talk to herself as she entered the store.”
Even if Page did not see it, Danny knew his time with her had ended. It was obvious to him on all levels. He was no longer under the clutches of alcohol and drugs, and Page’s allure had faded a long time ago. Their lovemaking based on need, involved his sexual desire, then the thoughts of “let’s get this over with.” That was the extent of how much they cared for each other. It was casual sex with causal lovers.
Page walked out with bottles of beer, and did not appear to be pleased. However, she remembers stashing a pint of liquor under the seat of the car.
She bent down and put her hand in the back seat, and came up with a package. She sat and drank most of it, as Danny looked on. He felt a sadness looking at her. He saw himself in her and did not like it. She is a beautiful young woman who has lost her way, but she wasn’t looking for a way back. She liked her addiction.
“I’m going to drive,” Danny announced. Page didn’t object, she agreed because she had been despondent over Anthony. Celian Dion’s song, “The Color of My Love” was playing, and all Danny could hear was the ending, “devoted love until we die.” Those words shot through both their souls and warmed their hearts for their lovers, but not for each other.
Danny and Page looked at one another and knew they could never want the same things that they saw in each other before, because they were not the same people. Danny is not the heartbroken young fool he once was. Even Page had graduated. She was now a drunken drugged out callous woman who refused to change, she liked herself that way—the way Anthony wanted.
Page’s thoughts were on Anthony, she had to get back to him before she lost him completely. Her mind focused on ditching Danny and returning to New York as soon as she arrived in L.A..
Anthony rejected her for another woman, but he would not rid himself of her just like that. She didn’t put up a fight for him because she thought she could run to Danny. Page would give Anthony time to get over the bitch.
The long boring ride through the desert appeared to be worth Page’s time, viewing the sun climb from behind the mountains, and the burst of colors of orange and yellow caused a feeling of ecstasy. She thought it would be wonderful to see this with Anthony
Page saw Danny as nothing more than a mark. She couldn’t see the beauty of his soft kind spirit. She couldn’t see that if she had shown him a little love instead of sex and drugs, Danny would have been hers for the taking.
Page could look into his eyes and not see the green pools of warmth. That was not what turned Page on. She couldn’t understand kindness, she wanted to be treated the way Anthony treated her—tough and nasty, that’s what she understood, that’s what she lived for.
Sydney saw something different in Danny. A sensitive, handsome, beautiful young man, who wanted marriage and children in his life, yet he had nothing. He wanted a family. He wanted what he never had—a woman’s love and devotion!
His mind wrapped around those thoughts, and the only person he could ever visualize as his wife was Sydney. She was the only woman he saw in his dreams that satisfied him. She is the mother of his child. Sydney appeared to show all indications that she preferred someone else. There was nothing else for him to think. Nothing. His thoughts surrounded him like a cage.
Suddenly, Danny found what was missing in his life, his freedom. He freed himself of drugs and now he had the freedom to love again—he knew it in his soul. The warmth of his heart signaled that the animosity for Sydney was gone, and a wave of cold air calmed him.
* * * *
Page dropped Danny off and barely said goodbye. She was long gone and the drugs left with her. Danny heard of Sydney’s marriage to Phillip, but he didn’t allow that to affect the calm he enjoyed for once. He was preparing himself for fatherhood, marriage, and the woman he could welcome into his warm heart. He was a young man, and his once cold body, now hot as the mid-day sun.
Danny woke up in his bed to the music of Sheryl Crow, “I Am Leaving Las Vegas, and I Won’t Be Back.” His mind did not drown him in the thoughts of the last four years. It’s only a song, he thought.
It was as if the heaven parted and released him and he took a freefall back to earth. His mind was free, his body was free. It had been a year since he had felt as if the chains and bondage of his mind, body, and spirit released him. When he heard that Sydney and Phillip were married, he felt relieved. It took a long time, but he no longer thought of Sydney. He only thought of his son. He became himself again. He developed confidence. He worked hard on the many jobs that came his way, and Phillip turned down work, because of his marriage to Sydney.
Chapter 20
Robert Farrell
Robert a man born and raised in the town of Beaumont, Texas, which is about ninety miles from Houston, educated in public and private schools, and attended college in Texas, graduated with honors from Texas A and M with a law degree.
A
true Texas Longhorn, he could work and party with the best of them. He garnered as much respect for his athleticism as his brains. Nevertheless, he became a lawyer, and commanded a hefty salary once the big oil companies came courting.
For Robert a lifetime slipped by since then, now Robert sat in his office in a home he bought for Sydney, another empty home. This time it was vacant not because of the absence of furniture, but of the absence of Sydney and Sean. The laughter died, and anger, resentment, jealousy replaced it.
Robert made too many mistakes and now he had to pay the cost. Because of lust, greed, and ill-gotten gains, he sat, thought, and sobbed. His lose became unbearable, everything he worked his life for—money, prestige, his job, all gone. He could list his mistakes, starting with Sydney, then pride, then his soul. He lost that the day he accepted the job at Galaxy Oil.
It was the lost of Sydney and Sean that was the deepest cut and caused his soul to weep. He had been a whole man when Sydney was in his life. He knew she didn’t love him, but he thought she could eventually, in time. However, there appeared to be not enough time for him to correct some of his mistakes.
Sitting in his comfortable leather chair in his home office, Robert aimlessly peered out the window. He stared into nothingness, hours passed before his mind engaged his thoughts. He looked into the water of the pool and beyond that into the Gulf of Mexico.
He remembered Sean swam in that pool and he turned and thought he saw Sydney sitting under the palm tree. The palms swayed from the breeze of the Gulf, and he envisioned Sydney lying in a pool chair taking sun and reading—he began to smile. She was there most afternoons until the arrival of Danny.
The thought of Danny disturbed his dreams so he concentrated on the morning dew, and the smell of grass from a mowed lawn. The smell of grass gave reality to life, and separated the illusions. He no longer smelled the fresh alluring scent of Sydney and the lust that he had for her. The smell of fear surrounded the air and chocked his feelings, smothering his desires and dreams, clearing his head with the aroma of seawater.
The summer storm passing increased his longing for what was lost in his life. Robert now a broken man, sat longing for what was never to be. It was Danny’s child and Danny’s woman. His whole life was a lie. Losing his job, he faced twenty years in prison.
He sat and thought how he could get out of this mess. There is no way out. He acquired everything easy, a job at a prestigious firm, a woman, and a child. The things he obtained so easy proved so hard to keep.
As Robert looked around for someone to save him, he knew it was impossible. Twenty years in federal prison with no chance for parole for ten counts of fraud, he exhaled, head jerking and arms trembling. “How did I get here?”
He could not fathom when and how he created this quagmire. Galaxy Oil created Robert’s identity, and Galaxy Oil was where he lost it.
Robert the lead lawyer in the division of a large oil company in Houston began to create a fortune. No bells rang when the chief officer offered him a sign in bonus of four hundred thousand dollars, and a salary of three hundred and fifty thousand dollars with another bonus of a hundred thousand the first year. Seven years passed and now his salary was over ten million dollars.
It was a greedy wife, who caused him to commit to this company, even when he knew something was amiss. Robert’s wife, whom he met in college, the most popular young woman at Texas A and M, a beauty with cool blue eyes, and dyed blond hair, caused him to sell his soul.
The rich and the famous young men wanted her, but she settled for Robert, as she harped repeatedly until he felt he could strangle her.
Just as he began to engage in illegal deals to buy her all the things she wanted and the social circles she had a passion to belong to, she left him for his next-door neighbor.
Sydney told him to get out and do it quickly, but because of his resentment of Danny, he would not listen. Now he is wondering where Sydney is and if she would be back. He knew the answer—she would not. He begged Sydney to come back to him but she refused. Not because of ingratitude, Robert knew too well it was because of his cold-hearted approach to her regarding her son.
Robert only knew one way to love and that was controlling, stifling, take no prisoners kind of love. He was a smart executive, sometimes brilliant, sometimes stupid.
He lacked what it took to keep a woman, he thought. Now he had lost two beautiful women. Robert once negotiated a half billion dollar deal, now he was being investigated for those deals, and all he could think of was the night he finally convinced Sydney that he could be the right man if only she would consent to him making love to her.
To Robert that was his greatest achievement. Not all the business deals in the world meant anything to him, only that night that he could love Sydney. He smiled as he remembered every moment of that night, because it was his only accomplishment that mattered. His thoughts strayed.
“Sydney I know you are an attentive mother, but you haven’t had any time to rest. Let me take you to dinner and give you a break. What do you say?”
Sydney thought for a moment, she was exhausted and needed to feel beautiful again.
“I think I will take you up on that offer,” she smiled and Robert’s heart went in overdrive. “I’ll be ready in an hour,” Sydney walked into the bedroom.
She walked out of the bedroom dressed in a yellow silk strapless dress. Robert’s mouth salivated from the sight.
Robert surprised Sydney by taking her to the restaurant where they first met. They sat at the same table, because Robert wanted to remind Sydney of happier carefree times. They may have been carefree for Robert, however, he did not realize that these were the most stressful and unhappy times in Sydney’s life.
Robert reached for Sydney’s hand and Sydney flinched as she reluctantly placed her small hand inside of Robert’s robust hands. He looked her in the eyes and decided that this was the best time to tell her.
“Sydney, I know that you are under a lot of pressure, but I want you to know that I will stand by you no matter what happens.”
“I know you will Robert. You have done so much for Sean and I, and I appreciate everything.”
“I want to be more than a friend I want to be your husband.”
“I don’t know what to say, but I can’t give you an answer now. I’m too confused, I need time to think.”
“Take all the time you want,” Robert said, knowing he wanted an answer soon. He tried not to show his disappointment. He would try again later.
Robert and Sydney to the outside world appeared to be happy; they even found time for laughter and discussions. After dinner and wine, Robert suggested a ride in his convertible Mercedes, where he drove to Galveston and up a circular driveway to a waterfront home, surrounded by colorful bougainvilleas. Surprised by Robert’s generosity, Sydney kissed him and hugged his body, which for Robert was extreme pleasure.
Now he sits alone in this home, and it’s killing him with memories.
He didn’t heed the signs in his marriage, he didn’t heed the signs in his business dealings, and he didn’t speak out when he saw bad investments. He didn’t quit when his boss requested he sign off on a deal that he knew to be fraudulent. He didn’t speak out when he knew his wife was unfaithful.
He sat peering at the simplicity of nature. Birds stopping to drink water from the beautiful fountain overlooking his expensive pool and its setting, above the Gulf of Mexico—a playground for the rich and not so famous who take advantage of its waters through boating, swimming, and water skiing.
He watched the cheers and smiles of the boaters as they sped past his home with nothing but their colorless pleasures and thoughts. His thoughts were full, so full they could fill an ocean, and there would still be room to fill another.
Robert downed his empty feelings with full glasses of wine to ease his loneness and loss. He is a torn man that can’t put himself back together.
A letter arrived early that morning stating what he knew all along—that he should exp
ect indictment. Federal prosecution was imminent because of the problems at Galaxy Oil. A decision on whether to make a plea bargain and turn over fifty million dollars and get ten years in prison, or go to trial with a possibility of getting twenty years. Either alternative was a death sentence to him.
As Robert sat and thought, he realized his life was too empty to be full. He stared at the water and saw its calmness and peace. He walked closer; he could see over the wall and see his future.
The courts made him surrender his passport. He had to post a million dollars bond. He hid his assets by putting fifty million in trust for Sydney and Sean in Switzerland.
His future is as dark and dank as the hole he placed himself into. His legs shook and he stumbled to the wall separating the Gulf from his pool. Looking into the trance of the water, he saw no image of himself, he saw Sydney’s smile and warmth and Sean calling him—daddy.
He found the warmth of his body, he found the warmth of his heart, and he jumped into the cold water!
Chapter 21
Back in New York—Crazy Love
Anthony arrived in New York after living in L.A. for six months. He neglected everything to watch Page and Danny. This jealousy was new and he couldn’t afford it again, however, his desire for Page had reached fever pitch, and the heat surrounding her made her irresistible. It was the thought of another man sexually abusing her that made her so desirable to him, where he could not think.
The possessive nature of Anthony became a sickness only those in love could explain, yet he couldn’t recognize what had happen to his mind and body. If he desired a woman, he wasn’t turned on to her until he found out that someone, man or woman desired her more. He drifted through painful violent behavior where he could not focus, or think straight, and that’s why he became obsessed with Kesha, a Harlem beauty.
Obsession: Warm Bodies, Cold Hearts Page 19
