Zane released a sigh of pure disgust with himself. While shaving this morning, he had looked himself in the mirror and hadn’t liked the person staring back at him. Everyone who had been on him for the past few days was right. Channing deserved a better man than him. She deserved the right to find a man who could love her, make her happy and give her the marriage and family she wanted. She deserved a man who would cherish her, who would show her every day how much she was adored and how proud he would be to have her at his side. Somewhere, that man was out there. The thought made Zane’s gut clench. He would rather cut off his arm than lose Channing to another man.
He froze, stunned by what he was thinking. What man would willingly lose a limb for a woman he didn’t love? Zane’s throat suddenly went dry, and he tilted the beer bottle up to his mouth, quickly chugging down what was left.
It was then that Rico’s words came back to haunt him... I knew I loved your sister when I realized I couldn’t live a single day without her.
Zane drew in a deep breath. He could finally admit that he felt things for Channing that he’d never felt for another woman. He didn’t want to let her out of his life. In other words...he couldn’t imagine living a single day without her. His heart began pounding in his chest when he knew immediately what that meant.
“Ah, hell,” he muttered to himself, glancing down at his empty beer bottle. “That means you’ve fallen for her, man. And you’ve fallen hard.”
Everything suddenly made sense. Why he’d felt so down in the dumps after she left Denver for Atlanta and why every woman he’d dated after her seemed lacking. It also answered the question of why the thought of her being with another man constantly ate at him. More importantly, it explained why he’d kept that locked box under his bed for two years, unable to let go.
For the first time in his life, Zane Westmoreland loved a woman.
* * *
“Hello, Gramma, this is Channing.”
“Hi, sweetie. I hope you got to the beach house all right and you’re getting settled.”
“Yes, I’ve been here for three days now, and I’m starting to unwind. I needed a break,” Channing said, pushing hair back from her face.
“Yes, a break from work is always nice,” Adele Hastings said.
Channing glanced out the kitchen window. She had gotten up early to go jogging on the beach. Then she’d returned, showered and prepared breakfast, which she’d enjoyed while catching up on the news on television. The meteorologist had reported a heat wave that was spreading all the way up to New England. This prompted her to check on her grandparents since they liked spending time outdoors. Her parents, who lived within five miles of her grandparents, would usually check on them but they had left last week for a two-week cruise to Hawaii, leaving out of San Diego after visiting with her brother.
“You and Gramps okay? I heard about the heat wave.”
“We’re fine, but what about you?”
She knew her grandmother was someone she could always talk to, and she felt blessed to have two confidantes, her mother and grandmother. “I’m through with men, Gramma,” she said honestly.
There was a pause at the other end of the line, and then Adele asked, “Are you?”
“Yes. You love them, and they don’t love you back. And then there are those who claim they do but don’t know the meaning of the word—like Emmitt.”
Why she had brought up Emmitt Sawyer she would never know. Emmitt had been part of her college days. The first guy she’d ever slept with and the first guy she’d given her heart to. She’d thought he loved her; he’d even told her so a number of times. She’d believed him and had taken him home on spring break to meet the family. Then, at the start of their junior year, when they’d been dating for almost a year, she’d discovered he’d been messing around with a girl who worked as a waitress at some café in town...the entire time he’d been spewing words of love to Channing.
She had returned home brokenhearted. It had been her mother and grandmother who’d convinced her that not all men abused a woman’s love. There were men out there who would cherish it. It had taken her five years before she’d put her heart on the line again for Zane.
She had moved from a man who told her he loved her all the time to a man who didn’t hesitate to let her know he didn’t love her at all. Both had been heartbreakers.
“So you think men are the problem, Channing?”
Her grandmother’s question sliced into her thoughts. “No, I’m the problem. I expect too much and trust too soon. So I’m quitting men.”
“Um, that sounds interesting,” Adele said calmly.
Channing scowled. “Men aren’t good for anything but sex.” She suddenly sucked in a quick breath when she remembered who she was talking to.
She could hear her grandmother’s chuckle on the other end of the phone. “I’ll remember to tell your grandfather that.”
Channing dropped down into a kitchen chair. “Oh, Gramma. Gramps is like Dad. They are the greatest. They just don’t make men like that anymore.”
“Don’t they?”
“I thought they did, but now I’m not sure. I’m tired of getting my heart broken. I’m locking up my heart and throwing away the key.”
“Are you sure you want to do that, sweetie?”
No, but she felt she didn’t have a choice. Like she’d told her grandmother, the problem wasn’t with the men but with her. She was the one who had to make changes in the way she thought about love. She could see now that her problem was that she took relationships too seriously because she’d always had an agenda. Maybe it was time to loosen the shackles and be set free. Live a little and have fun.
“Channing?”
She blinked upon realizing she hadn’t answered her grandmother’s question. “Yes, Gramma, that’s what I want to do. That’s what I’m going to do.”
Knowing she needed to get off the phone before her grandmother tried to talk her into giving men another chance, Channing stood up. “I need to get dressed. I’m going to spend the day on the beach.”
“Oh, all right. If you want to talk again, I’m here.”
Channing tightened the belt on her robe. She had the best grandmother in the whole wide world. “Thanks, and I love you.”
“I love you back.”
* * *
Zane felt tired and drained. He didn’t have to be told he wasn’t pulling his share of the work today. It disgusted him even more when Derringer and Jason gave him pathetic gazes.
When they took a break for lunch, Jason left to meet his wife, Bella. They were adding more rooms to her grandfather’s home, which they’d turned into a bed-and-breakfast, and they were meeting with the contractors.
Zane glanced over at Derringer as they sat across from each other outside at a picnic table eating the sandwiches and drinking the tea Derringer’s wife, Lucia, had made for them. “You’re quiet,” Zane said.
Derringer met Zane’s gaze. “I was just thinking. I couldn’t sleep last night and woke up around two. After checking on the baby, I went downstairs to get something to drink.”
Zane nodded. That was what he’d been doing around that time.
“Do you know what happened when I walked into my kitchen, Zane?”
Zane frowned. “No.”
“I swear I could smell gingerbread.”
Zane didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. All he had to do was remember the days when he and his siblings would wake up to the aroma of gingerbread. Their mother loved to bake, and gingerbread cookies were her favorite as well as theirs.
“Then it hit me that it’s been almost twenty years, but damn it, I still miss Mom like yesterday,” Derringer said, obviously trying to keep the pain from his voice. “Both her and Dad...but especially Mom. She had a way of making all our wrongs right.”
Zane had to agree. Their mother had been special, and Susan Westmoreland had fostered a close relationship with all her children. He’d been in his late teens when his parents had died—in his second year of college. He recalled when he’d been around sixteen. At the peak of his dating years in high school, he’d thought he was a Casanova, the school’s stud. His mother would warn him about breaking some girl’s heart and claimed that if he wasn’t careful someday a girl would come along and break his.
“I’ve been thinking of her a lot lately, too,” Zane confessed. “I often wonder how different things would be if that plane hadn’t crashed. Dillon would be retiring from the NBA about now, and Ramsey would have come out of college to become a sheep rancher and not have gone to work at Blue Ridge. And,” he added with a smile, “we wouldn’t have had the trouble that we did out of the twins, Bane and Bailey. The first time Bailey said a curse word around Mom her ass would have been grass.”
“Yeah.” Derringer chuckled. “Mom didn’t play. But she also had a soft heart. All the neighbors loved her and Aunt Clarisse.”
Zane had a feeling his mother would have liked the spouses her sons and daughters had married. Ramsey was happy with Chloe, Derringer was head over heels in love with Lucia and both Gemma and Megan had married good men who worshipped the ground they walked on. He drew in a deep breath, suddenly convinced his mother would have loved Channing, as well.
Neither Derringer nor Zane said anything for a minute, and then Zane asked, “When did you know you loved Lucia?”
If Derringer found the question odd, he didn’t say. Instead, he took a sip of his iced tea. “First of all, I fought it like hell. The reason I never let any woman get close to me was because the very thought of falling in love and getting attached to someone sent chills up my spine. The thought of losing them the way we lost our folks and Uncle Adam and Aunt Clarisse was unacceptable to me. I had this fear of loving Lucia and then losing her the way we lost Mom.”
Zane studied his brother. He wondered if Derringer knew that Zane had similar fears. “How did you overcome them? Those fears.”
“By realizing that life is full of risks. Things happen. I couldn’t live my life waiting for something bad to come my way. Then I decided that nothing, especially not my fears, weighed more heavily than my desire to be with Lucia, to build a life with her and make a family. That’s when I admitted to myself that I cared more for her than for any other woman before, that I loved her. And when a man loves a woman he will move heaven and hell, if necessary, to make her the most important person in his life, regardless of the risks. She is worth the risk. She becomes your life.”
Zane didn’t say anything as he continued to sip his tea. He knew in his heart that Channing was worth the risk. She was a vital part of his life, but up to now he’d been too afraid to admit it.
The thought of loving a woman was scary as hell, but what was even scarier was the possibility that he’d lost her and might not ever see her again. Or the thought that wherever she was she hated his guts.
“Can I ask you something, Zane?”
Zane glanced over at his brother. “Yes.”
“Do you love Channing?”
Zane sucked in a quick breath at his brother’s question, but then only moments later he answered by saying, “I believe I do.”
Derringer shook his head. “That’s not good enough. You need to know for certain. You owe it to yourself, as well as to her, to know what your true feelings are. Do you know what I think, Zane?”
Zane poured out the rest of his tea. “No, what do you think, Derringer?”
“You’re afraid to admit to falling in love for the same reason I was. Losing people you love is hard. But you need to weigh all the options. Think of all the things that might happen and those that might not. Then ask yourself if spending time with Channing every day for the rest of your life is worth the risks.”
Derringer glanced at his watch when he saw Jason returning. “I guess it’s time for us to get back to work.”
Zane found it hard to focus on work without thoughts of Channing and what his brother had said consuming his mind. For years, his brothers and cousins had considered him the know-it-all where women were concerned, and he did know a lot. But the one thing he didn’t know was how to love and appreciate the one woman who should have mattered. The one woman who was meant for him.
Channing was meant for him. He could see that now.
A few hours later, telling Derringer and Jason that he needed to leave for a while, Zane got in his truck and drove over to Megan’s Meadows at breakneck speed. He figured his sister was still at work and was glad it was Rico who opened the door. Before Rico could say anything, Zane spoke up and said, “I want to know where Channing is.”
At the frown that settled on Rico’s face, Zane held up his hand. “I love her, man.”
Rico studied Zane, and then he nodded slowly.
“I figured you would come to your senses sooner or later. But be prepared. Love or no love, I don’t think she’s going to make things easy for you. Personally, I wouldn’t.”
Zane wasn’t surprised by that. “Yes, but there’s no way I’m not going to try.”
Six
One of Channing’s favorite spots in her grandmother’s beach house was the window seat. She remembered when her grandfather had knocked down the wall to build it—a huge bay window with a padded seat long enough to stretch out on. One night in her teen years she’d even slept here. She’d woken up staring out at the ocean.
So here she sat with her legs stretched out in front of her while reading a book. The story had held her attention for the past two days, and she planned to finish it later tonight. After reaching a good stopping place, she placed her book aside, stood to stretch and decided to go to the kitchen to get something to drink.
Her brother hadn’t called, which meant her grandparents hadn’t mentioned anything to him and she appreciated that. The last thing she needed was for Juan to call wanting to know why she wasn’t in Denver when she’d told him she would be there awhile. He was five years older and could be overprotective at times.
Although neither her parents nor Juan had met Zane, she had mentioned him on a number of occasions, so there was no doubt in her mind that they were aware she’d fallen in love. Just like there was no doubt in her mind that they knew the relationship had ended. No one had asked, but her family was astute enough to know her decision to leave Denver two years ago had something to do with Zane.
She was heading back to her window seat with a cold glass of lemonade when there was a knock at the door. She smiled, figuring it was the six-year-old girl she’d met yesterday on the beach. The youngster, Sandy Farmer, was an absolute doll. She and her parents and her adorable nine-month-old baby brother had rented the beach house next door for the entire summer. The parents were probably in their early thirties, and it was easy to see that they were in love.
Jennifer Farmer had let Channing hold her son, and the moment she had held the baby in her arms she recalled a time when she’d dreamed of marrying Zane and having his child. But then, in that same dream, she had fooled herself into thinking he loved her. The Farmer family was beautiful, and seeing them together made Channing realize just what she might never have.
But she’d decided not to take men or relationships seriously, she reminded herself, as she placed the glass of lemonade on the table and moved toward the door. Sandy had paid her a visit a few hours ago to see if Channing wanted to build sand castles on the beach.
Ready to tell Sandy she couldn’t go out on the beach with her just yet, she opened the door.
“Hello, Channing.”
* * *
From Channing’s expression, Zane knew he was the last person she’d expected to see. She looked amazing with bare feet and wearing a short denim skirt and a lavender T-shirt. While she was still
standing in the doorway, stunned, he figured he would ease inside before the shock wore off.
When he closed the door behind him, shock was replaced with anger. “Hey, wait a minute! I didn’t invite you in. What are you doing here, Zane?”
“I came to apologize, Channing,” he said, leaning back against the closed door. “The reason I did what I did that night at McKays was because I thought you were engaged to Hammond, and I didn’t want to see you get hurt.”
She gaped at him. “You didn’t want to see me hurt? So seducing me just for the hell of it, to prove a point, wasn’t going to hurt me?”
Zane crossed his arms over his chest. “I did not seduce you for the hell of it, Channing. I did it to make sure you would break off your engagement. At the time, I thought it was a good idea. Hammond was screwing around on you. How was I to know the two of you weren’t really engaged?”
Channing clenched her jaw before saying. “That’s beside the point! How Mack was treating me wasn’t any of your business.”
“The hell it wasn’t. Was I supposed to stand around and let him mess with you?”
She looked livid. “Yes, that’s precisely what you were supposed to do. It wasn’t your business, Zane. I’m not your business. You didn’t want me, remember? Who I became involved with after leaving Denver wasn’t your concern. You can’t have it both ways. You don’t love me yet you didn’t think twice about sabotaging what, for all you knew, was my happiness with another man.”
Zane shook his head at their senseless argument. “I do love you.”
Channing froze. And then seconds later, when he leaned in closer, she blinked. When he grasped her chin to tilt her face up to his, the only thing she seemed able to do was stare up at him. Did he really think she would believe that he loved her after all the times he’d denied it? No, Zane didn’t love her. He just didn’t want anyone else to have her. Hadn’t he all but told her that very thing at McKays?
Brenda Jackson The Westmoreland Collection: ZaneCanyonStern Page 6
