“I'm praying, Andi,” he said as he pulled the tighter harness around me and buckled it. His hands shook so hard it took him three tries to manage the last buckle. “I won't stop praying.”
I just nodded. I heard Stacey cry out, but could no longer see what was happening.
The buckle clicked, and August looked at me, his big brown eyes full of fear. He took my face between his cold hands. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I whispered, forcing the words past the taste of bile in my throat.
He let go and climbed down the ladder. I watched as his face slipped below the rim of the seat, clinging to the last glimpse of his hair before it disappeared.
I heard a thump as he hit the ground, then voices.
“Ready?”
“She's secure.”
A moment of silence, then the room came to life. Panels glowed, cables buzzed, and the engines whirred gradually into a soft din that made my head feel fuzzy.
“Ready, Captain,” Crash's voice called from below me. It sounded as if it were lightyears away.
“Are you leaving?” I heard August ask.
Crash didn't verbalize an answer, but August replied, “Me neither.”
I wanted to scream at them to leave. I was doing this to save them; how dare they stay and endanger their lives and everything I was trying to do?
Heat radiated from behind me, and pain shot outward from my knee again. I gritted my teeth and gripped the chair with both hands.
The Lord is my shepherd.
I didn't have time to think, I just prayed, and the old words the Doctor had taught me when I was three years old rose to the top of my mind.
I shall not want.
The room started vibrating, and heat pulsed through my body again, scorching my lungs and burning my eyes.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures.
My head banged against the reactor behind me, and the heat made me scream. Sparks burst from one of the cables on my left.
He leads me beside the still waters.
One of the sparks landed on my skirt, instantly boring a tiny hole through the fabric. A man's yell sounded below me.
He restores my soul.
The harness pressed against me until it seemed to become a part of me, two thick lines running down my torso and another around my middle. The noise of the engines grew louder.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.
Another burst of sparks exploded from the wall opposite me, but I heard no sound except the engines. My body felt radioactive; it burned; it exuded energy.
I will fear no evil.
Two heads appeared below me, and I watched as both Crash and August stumbled across the room, gripping each other by the arms. They fell away from each other, and August steadied himself against the elevator door, while Crash fell against the wall.
For thou art with me.
My body was going numb, not as though the pain was any less, but as though my nervous system was shutting down to avoid any more. The heat zapped me of all energy, and my head drooped.
Thy rod and they staff, they comfort me.
Crash stumbled and fell, and I could barely make out the fact that his eyes were closed.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.
My grip on the seat loosened as I lost control of my fingers.
Thou annointest my head with oil.
August slumped against the elevator door, eyes shut.
My cup runneth over.
One more intense spasm of pain rushed through my body, then I couldn't feel anything.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.
The whirring of the engines started to die down.
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
My body relaxed, and everything ended.
Chapter XXI
I woke up slowly, taking in the aching stiffness of my body one piece at a time.
I was still strapped to the seat.
The engines were quiet.
I found I could move my fingers, though slowly and painfully.
Looking down, I saw that Crash and August still lay where they had fallen. I blinked slowly. Could it be—had we made it out this time?
My blood simmered as I moved my arms around to unbuckle the harness. I undid the first one, then the second one, then sat back for a moment. Every part of me burned and ached, but I was alive. I was thinking clearly. I could move.
After a minute, I sat up and adjusted my position so that I was on my knees. My right knee burned like fire as I leaned on it, sending waves of nausea over me, but I tried to ignore the pain as I grasped the back of the seat. I lowered one foot, then the other, onto the first ladder rung.
I tried to put weight on my legs, but it immediately proved impossible. They collapsed, burning, at the slightest try.
Instead, I moved one hand down to the bottom of the seat and held on. I let go of the back of the seat with my other hand and clutched the bottom with it, letting my body pull down and my legs break free of the ladder.
Gripping the top rung with one hand I started the long journey down, moving one hand, letting go with the other, and letting my body fall a little further. I didn't bother to try and rest my legs against the rungs, and when I was a meter from the floor, I moved my hands to the sides of the ladder and let myself slide down, biting my lip as the metal rubbed along my hot, raw hands. My system jarred as I hit the floor, and I let myself crumple.
For a long time I just lay on the cool metal, glad of the opportunity to be still. My half-closed eyes took in the fact that the skin on my hands and arms was Mars-red, and I wondered if my whole body looked like that.
I rested until my worries began to awake and clamor for my attention. Were we really out of the cloud? Were August and Crash alive? Where was everyone else?
Wincing with pain, I pushed myself up onto my knees and scooted to face the elevator. Stacey lay a couple meters away from me, eyes closed, and I scooted to him first, using my sore hands to propel me across the floor. I couldn't stop some moans as my aching knee dragged over the hard surface, but it wasn't unbearable now. Just a deep, hot, throbbing pain.
When I reached Stacey, I felt his wrist. His skin was hot and damp, but his pulse was normal.
I rested for a moment, then dragged myself to Crash, who lay on his face a meter from the elevator door. He too was hot, moist, and alive. I dragged myself to August and found the same story.
Pressing my hands against the wall, I rose high enough on my knees to push the button to open the doors. They slid apart and I crawled in, my heart beating fast with hope. If it was the same all over the ship—if everyone else was unconscious—it could be—
It was possible that they had passed out from malnutrition, but August and Crash had still been fairly strong. Besides, everyone was different, and if everyone on the ship was unconscious—
“B-Deck,” I said, and breathed deeply as the elevator started up.
The elevator looked so much bigger than usual from my position on the floor.
When it reached B-Deck, I crawled to the door and looked out. The halls were empty and silent.
I pulled myself out and began dragging down the corridor, feeling the hot anxiety grip my stomach tighter as I approached sickbay.
It was as silent as the Pigeon had been. The mental comparison made me shudder and I crawled a little faster, even though every motion made the heat in my chest, stomach, knees, and arms hurt worse.
When I first pulled up to the door of sickbay, I could see nothing. Only empty cots stretching away down the room. A hot shudder convulsed my body.
Then I saw black hair contrasted against some sheets four cots away from me. I dragged myself towards it, hardly able to bear the heat that shot through my nerves as I peered around to see who it was.
Almira's plump body rested against the cot. Her eyes were closed, and her hands rested in her
lap as though she had just sat down for a rest.
I crawled to her, reached for her wrist, and felt her pulse.
It was steady.
Breathing an inward prayer of relief, I backed out from between the cots and began looking between the rest. McMillan and Olive were on the floor, their hands still clasped together—both alive. Yanendale was draped over one of the cots—alive. Whales and Ralston were strewn on the floor next to the medical cabinet—alive.
With each pulse-check, my own heartbeat slowed, and warm relief flooded my chest, relieving some of the tension. But I wasn't entirely reassured just yet.
More tired by the minute, I pulled myself over the last few meters to the door of the Doctor's office. It was still open, and when I reached the doorway I looked in.
The Doctor's thin body was propped against the wall at an odd angle, his head cocked to one side.
I drew close to him, trembling, and reached for his wrist. I stopped, drew my hand back, and hesitated, just looking at him.
Then I watched as his chest rose and fell beneath his lab coat.
Tears burned my eyes, and I collapsed to the floor, numb with gratitude. It's true... we're okay... thank you...
I just lay there for several minutes, then my thoughts drifted to Guilders and the Captain on the bridge. I should make sure they were all right; I should make sure everything was fine with the ship—
Not giving myself time to think about it, I pushed off the floor, turned around, and pulled myself out of the office and through sickbay, tears still sliding down my hot cheeks. Were there any hoverchairs nearby? Maybe I could commandeer one for the rest of my journey.
They were kept in the hold, along with other infrequently used medical supplies., but sometimes the Doctor kept a couple in the corner in case of emergencies. I glanced over to check.
No such luck. And there was no point in getting one from the hold—it was a longer journey than the bridge. I might as well see how far I could make it on my own power.
I made it down the rows of cots, out the door, and into the hall before I had to admit that I couldn't make it. I couldn't get there. I was so hot, so exhausted, so sore. My muscles trembled with every movement, and my skin got hotter rather than cooler as I moved.
I had done all I could.
Without thinking, I turned and pulled myself through the lounge doorway next to me.
The lights were off and gentle starlight through the windows made the room dim. I crawled over to the couch, settled in front of it, and leaned against the cushions, feeling immense relief as I let my body relax.
Tears kept making their way down my face as I sat there, too tired to form thoughts. I just looked across the room and watched the fish, swimming in the starlight.
***
I drifted awake, intensely aware of a numb throbbing in every cell of my body. My cheek was pressed against a warm, thick fabric, and I could hear slow breathing next to my ear.
My eyelids didn't want to open, so I just pressed myself close to the fabric, becoming aware of the chill against my skin. A hand squeezed my shoulder, and I identified the pressure of an arm supporting my back.
“We're out,” an Austrian accent whispered.
Without opening my eyes, I lifted my heavy arms and put them around him. He pulled me tighter, and I listened to the steady beating of his heart as we rested, exhausted.
“There you two are,” came a tiredly cocky voice from above us. I opened my eyes and tilted my head up to see Crash standing there, arms crossed, trying to smile.
August let go of me, making sure I was leaned against the couch, and stood. “Is everyone awake?”
“Looks like it.” Crash nodded. “They're worse off than we are, though. What say you and I go get some food to deliver to everyone?”
“Right,” August said, and looked down at me. “Maybe we could take her to help us figure out what to serve?”
“What, you think we need a supervisor to pass out a few snacks?” Crash's lopsided grin didn't match the look in his eyes.
Without bothering to reply, August bent down. “Can you walk?”
I put an arm around his neck and let him help me up. Every joint was stiff and numb, but now cold instead of hot. I cautiously leaned on my legs and they trembled. “I think I need help.”
Crash stepped to my other side and slipped an arm around me. “I think we can bear this, at least until we get to the galley.”
Again, August didn't reply.
In silence, the two led me out of the lounge, letting me move my legs as they supported me through the empty corridor, into the mess hall, and through it to the galley. When we got there, August held me up while Crash darted out to get a chair for me.
Once I was situated, my brother and cousin turned to the temp regulator. Crash yanked it open and surveyed its contents. “What will people need most, Miss Medical Officer?”
“Water first,” I said. “Warm water. Just don't let them drink too fast.”
August vanished into the pantry and emerged bearing a pack of twenty water bottles on his shoulder. “I can start with this,” he said.
Crash nodded. “Good. I'll get some bags of food ready for when you're finished.”
August disappeared into the dark mess hall.
Crash kept his back to me as he dug through the temp regulator for some protein to pass out to the weak crewmembers, and the silence hung around his occasional shuffling noises. I didn't dare broach the subject that ate at my mind.
August came back ten minutes later with an empty bottle holder and ducked into the pantry for another twenty.
When he left again the silence was even heavier.
“All right,” Crash said at last without turning around. “I know you're disappointed in me.”
I opened my mouth to lie, “No,” but he didn't give me time to say anything.
“Don't deny it, And.”
I closed my mouth, not knowing what to say.
He opened a package of paper bags to carry the food in, threw the plastic wrapper down the recyclator, then stopped, leaned on the counter, and sighed.
“And you should be.”
I licked my lips. “Crash...”
“Don't, And.” One by one he opened the bags and put a few cubes of cheese and turkey into each. “I knew what I was doing.”
“But why?” I protested, watching him pack.
“Isn't it obvious?” He slipped into the pantry for a moment and returned with a brown box full of wheat crackers. “Do you have any idea how many friends and... how many people hate me, how many jobs I've lost, how many opportunities I've missed... because I'm so... assertive?” He swore, and then stopped talking.
“Crash,” I scolded.
He turned to face me. “And why shouldn't I be assertive? I'm the best of the best, and I know it. I'm the most capable pilot, the best student, the handsomest face, the most charming personality, and the brightest, most talented, most resourceful explorer. And the really sad part is, I can say all that without a hint of irony and without bragging. I know it. Everybody else knows it. So why shouldn't I have my way?” His blue eyes bored into mine. “But when we were in there... it made sense. I saw it. I saw myself. I didn't even want to have my way in everything.”
“Except... in that,” I murmured.
He just looked at me, inviting me to continue, but I didn't. He went on.
“I thought if I could just buy us a little more time, I could... learn to get used to it, find a way to harness it... I don't know. I just wanted more time. I didn't know we would starve, how could I? I knew what Stacey wanted, so I told him I'd pull strings and get him his own command sooner. I would have done it, too. And when I heard their plan with you, I got scared. I wanted to stop it, to save you and find a better way, but I didn't want anyone to know what I'd done, so I used Stacey again. I didn't know how he'd react, I swear.”
He kept his eyes locked with mine as August walked back into the room.
My brother saw us
, stopped in the doorway, and hesitated. “Is everything all right?”
“Everything's fine,” Crash said, eyes still fixed on mine. Then he turned back to his work.
August looked at me and I felt a tear, cold and ticklish, slide down my face. But I only nodded at him, and he moved back into the pantry to get more bottles.
From that moment, Crash changed the subject and seemed to have forgotten he had said anything. In his normal, upbeat tone he made jokes about the food, asked me what else should go in the bags, and laughed good-naturedly when August dropped a pack of bottles, causing them to roll into all corners of the room. A sick feeling nestled in my chest, but as if agreeing to an unspoken pact, I laughed and joked along with him as we worked to get everyone fed.
It took almost two hours for the two of them to get all hundred and thirty bottles of water and bags of food delivered. Just as Crash was gathering the last set of food bags, I heard the “ahem” of a clearing throat from my left.
I jerked my head to see the Doctor leaning against the doorway, smiling wearily at me.
“Dad!” I cried, reaching for him. He straightened, a centimeter at a time, came to me, and hugged me close.
I clung to him, shaking with the sobs I'd been holding back for the past several hours. He stroked my hair, seeming to brush the tension and pressure away with each movement of his hands.
“Is everyone all right?” I asked at last.
“They will be,” he said, pulling back but keeping his hands on my shoulders. “I'm more worried about you.”
I opened my mouth to argue that I was fine, but the stiffness of my muscles and the growing chill that seeped into my bones arrested my assurances.
“You're coming to sickbay now.”
“Yes sir,” I said, and let him help me up.
Chapter XXII
The Doctor made no comment as he examined me, and I was too tired to care. I fell into a light sleep to the soft buzzing of the CMR scanner as he moved it above me, checking me inside and out for injuries.
It seemed like just a moment later that men's voices woke me, but as I forced my eyes open I saw that the examination was finished and the Doctor had his back to me. He was a blurry white-and-black shape, standing next to two fuzzy green-and-black ones. I closed my eyes and tuned in their words.
Firmament: Reversal Zone Page 14
