by Amber Garza
“I’m sorry.” Lifting my free hand, I cover his fingers with my palm.
“I know everyone thinks I’m a jerk, especially the girls. And they’re right. I have been. But it’s just because I’m scared. I’m scared that if I let someone in they’ll leave me like my dad did.” Embarrassment splashes over his features, and he lets out a stilted laugh. “I cannot believe I just told you that.”
“No, I’m glad you did.” I squeeze his fingers. Abandoning my fork on the blanket, I scoot forward until our knees our touching. Then I reach up and cup his face with my hand. My palm curves around his cheek speckled with prickly hair. As I rub it with the edges of my fingertips, he leans into my hand. “I know what it’s like to be scared. I’ve felt the same way. But not because I was ever neglected by my parents. Actually, it’s because they’re so perfect that I’ve always felt like I don’t measure up, you know? Like I’ll never have what they have. It’s a lot of pressure. And then, of course, Ashley’s been my best friend since we were little, and I’ve never felt like I could measure up to her either. Even Anna kind of intimidates me with how smart and pretty she is.” I clamp my mouth shut, stunned with my long, rambling confession. I’ve never told anyone that before.
“You’re smart and pretty, Tals. A lot more than you think you are,” Josh says gently. Then he drops his chopsticks near his thigh and brings his face closer to mine. I drop my hand from his face. It slides down his chest and rests at his waist. His eyes smolder, desire dancing in his irises like flames over a fire. “You should never feel like you don’t measure up. Trust me, you’re the most amazing girl I’ve ever met.” Tilting his head, his lips hover mine. Reaching up, he cradles the back of my head with his hand while his gaze travels down to my lips. Curling his other hand around my waist, he tugs me forward until I’m practically in his lap. Then he presses his lips to mine. We start off slowly, our lips lightly touching, opening and closing in tandem. Every once in awhile he draws back as if to control himself. It’s the first time he’s done this. Usually our kisses are fast, manic. This time he’s taking his time. When his lips find mine again they are gentle, moving deftly over mine. His tongue juts out, causing my lips to part. Then his tongue sweeps into my mouth, tasting of Chinese food and faintly of mint gum. I lift my other arm, my fingers playing with the belt loops on his jeans, hooking them in to steady myself. As if in response to my touch, he kisses me even more firmly, causing a satisfied sound to erupt from my throat. Growling, he rubs his hand over my neck and tightens his hold on my waist. His lips grind against mine, his tongue exploring my mouth with vigor. When our lips part, he drops his forehead to mine and our labored breaths mingle. “I’ve been wanting to do that for so long,” he breathes.
“But we’ve kissed a lot of times.”
“Yeah, but this time you meant it.”
***
“So how did you become so proficient with chopsticks?” I ask Josh as he drives me home. Personally, I was hoping we could stay out longer, but Josh takes my curfew very seriously. And I guess I appreciate that, even if I had been hoping for more time with him. As unconventional as this date was, it was also the best one of my life.
“My mom taught me. She thought it was important that I know how to eat properly in any culture.” He chuckles as he flicks on his blinker and prepares to turn. “I think she always had high hopes that we’d do a lot of traveling. She and Dad used to talk about it a lot.” His tone darkens. “Now maybe he’ll be traveling with Olivia.”
Reaching over, I place a hand on his thigh. “Well, maybe she’ll meet someone new, and he’ll take her places.”
Josh glances over, wearing a funny look. “I’m sorry, you’re gonna have to take your hand off my leg if you want to have a serious conversation. I’m tryin’ real hard to be a gentleman here, but I am still a guy.”
Giggling, I slide my hand back. “Not used to showing this much restraint, huh?”
Josh shakes his head. “You mentioned my mom dating, and I think about how upset I’d be if a guy took advantage of her. How angry I would get if a guy treated her the way I’ve always treated girls.” He peers over momentarily and then faces forward again. Disappointment fills me as we near my street. “I don’t want to be that guy anymore, and I have you to thank for that.”
“Why? What did I do?” I’m genuinely curious. I have no idea what I’ve done to elicit this transformation from him.
He pulls his car up to the curb in front of my house and turns to me. “I don’t know. Girls were always just so eager to be with me before, and I guess that made me feel like it was okay. But you challenged me. Plus, you became a part of my life, hanging with my mom and stuff. And once I started letting you in, it was all over for me.”
“I’m glad you decided to let me in.” Leaning forward, I press my lips to his.
Groaning, he draws back. “You better get inside before I don’t let you leave.”
“I thought you were showing restraint?” I joke.
“I only have so much. After that, we’re sorta pushing it.”
Chuckling, I reach for the door handle.
“Hang on,” he stops me. “I’ll walk you up.”
“Wow. You walk girls right up to their front door. I’m impressed.”
“I’ve actually never done it before, but I’ve seen it in movies, so I’m thinking it’s probably the gentlemanly thing to do.”
Amused, I rest my head against the seat while waiting for him to come around to my side. When the door opens, I slide out. Josh takes my hand and guides me up the front walk.
“I know this date wasn’t what you expected,” he starts.
“It was perfect,” I interrupt him. When we reach my front door, I turn to him. “No other guy has ever shown me so much of himself on the first date, so thank you for that.”
“Hey, I kept myself covered up.” He glances down at his body. “But I can uncover somethin’ if that’s what you like.”
Giggling, I slap him softly in the shoulder. “On that note, I think we should call it a night.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Placing a hand on my arm, he stamps a kiss to my lips and then draws back. “Good night, Tals.”
“Good night, Josh.” I watch him as he walks back to his car, marveling at how bizarre this entire night was. Not bizarre in a bad way. Bizarre in a very, very good way.
Mom and Dad are both waiting up for me when I step inside, which is not unusual. Not only are they nightowls, but they’ve both admitted that they can’t sleep until they know all four of us are safe under one roof. Ashley used to tease me about it, saying how cheesy my parents are, but I knew she was just jealous. Besides, it doesn’t bother me. Sure my parents are a little overprotective and sometimes it’s annoying, but I’ve seen the other side with Ashley, and that would be much worse.
After kicking off my shoes, I join them in the family room where they’re sitting on the couch reading. Mom has one of her glossy women’s magazines, and dad has a tattered paperback novel. Probably some crime drama. When I sink down on the recliner, I notice a little grass stuck to my dress. I hurriedly brush it off.
“How was your date?” Mom asks, laying the magazine down in her lap.
“It was great.”
“Where did Josh take you?” Dad asks, setting his book down and plucking the glasses from his face.
I swallow hard, wondering what my parents will think of our date. Part of me thinks I should tell them we went out for dinner or something more appropriate date-wise. But I thought our date was perfect, and I don’t want to lie about it no matter what my parents think. “Well, first we picked up takeout at the Chinese Restaurant, and then we had a picnic on the baseball field at the school.”
“That sounds so romantic,” Mom gushes, and I stare at her a little dumbfounded.
Dad sits forward, eyes narrowed, tenting his fingers. “He didn’t try anything, did he?”
It’s always the same question. He’s asked it after every date, so I’d been expecting it
. Actually, it’s surprising it took this long. “No. He was a perfect gentlemen,” I say honestly. We had the most mind-blowing kiss ever, but that was it. Of course I don’t share this tidbit of information. It’s only for me to know. And truly it’s only for me since we were totally alone. Funny how Josh knew exactly what I needed tonight. Who knew the guy was so perceptive.
“I knew he would be.” Smiling, Dad settles back on the couch, his shoulder relaxing. “You know, Talia, I owe you an apology.”
My eyebrows raise at this. “For what?”
“You’ve always made wise decisions about the guys you date, but when you first told us you were dating Josh, I wasn’t sure. I’d heard a lot of unsavory things about him around town. But now that I’ve gotten to know him, I see that he’s just really misunderstood. He’s a good guy, kiddo.”
“I think so too,” I say, and I mean it.
JOSH
“Looks like they’re back from their honeymoon,” Talia says when she spots Olivia and my dad walking on the sidewalk toward us. It’s Saturday morning, and we’re leaving the coffee shop, drinks in hand.
“Yeah. They got in yesterday,” I respond before taking a sip of my drink.
Talia raises her brows in surprise just like I knew she would. “You knew their itinerary?”
“No. Dad called me when they got in.” I was as shocked as Talia is right now. We hadn’t exactly left things cordially at the wedding. After Talia left, I took off without so much as a goodbye to either my dad or Olivia.
“Really? And you answered?”
“Yeah.” I shrug, hoping she’ll drop it. I’m still not used to sharing all my feelings with someone else. Sometimes it’s tiring. Besides, I don’t know how I feel about Dad right now. A part of me wants to forgive him and move on. It’s not like my anger is changing anything. And in some ways I think it’s hindering not only my life, but Mom’s. My anger seems to be stopping Mom from moving on as well. It’s like she sees how upset I am with Dad, and she’s scared if she starts dating I’ll be like that with her. But I don’t want her to keep being alone for me. She deserves to be happy.
“Hey, son,” Dad greets me. “Hey, Talia.”
“Hi, Josh. Hi, Talia,” Olivia echoes cheerily.
“Hi,” Talia responds sweetly.
For some reason I can’t get my mouth working.
“What a treat to run into you this morning,” Dad says, staring directly at me as if willing me to answer.
“Yeah,” I finally force my mouth and mind to work in sync. “Just getting coffee with my girl.”
“I’m doing the same.” Dad places his hand on the small of Olivia’s back. “It’s her first day returning to the shop, so she needs some liquid courage.”
“Oh, stop.” She giggles. “I don’t need courage. I need stamina to sit in that shop bored out of my mind all day. It’s going to be hell after the amazing couple of weeks we’ve had in Hawaii. No work, no cell phones, no busyness.”
My stomach sours when I think about how my mom spent the last two weeks, running around like a crazy person taking care of me and the house and her job. Then I swallow the emotions down forcefully. This line of thinking is getting me nowhere. I can constantly stew about this or I can accept it. Dad and Olivia are married, and from what I can see they’re happy. There’s no chance for Mom and Dad to get back together. And besides, what kind of life would that be for her. In some ways I guess Dad did her a favor by leaving. Now she can meet someone who will love her completely. Someone who can give her the life of her dreams.
“Sounds wonderful,” Talia jumps in after a few seconds of awkward silence.
Snatching up her hand, I thread our fingers together, grateful for her support. “Yeah, it does,” I agree. Then I throw Dad a conspiratorial look. “So, does Olivia order milkshakes at the coffee shop too?”
Shaking her head, Talia nudges me with her shoulder. “I do not order milkshakes. It’s a coffee drink.”
“Coffees consist of coffee. Your drink consists of whipped cream and fudge sauce. That’s a milkshake,” I counter.
Dad laughs.
Olivia leans over to Talia. “Don’t listen to them. I like those drinks too.”
“I guess it’s a girl thing,” I surmise.
“I’ve known guys who like them,” Talia says smugly, but it only makes me laugh harder.
“Please tell me it was one of the guys on the team, because I am so giving him crap now,” I say.
Talia sticks out her tongue, and it’s supposed to be defiant, but it instead it causes desire to ripple through me. I have to look away to regain composure.
“Now that we’re back, I plan to go to your home game this week. Can’t wait to see you play, son.”
Despite how much I’ve pretended I couldn’t care less, my heart swells at his words. Swallowing back the emotion I feel, I nod. “Sounds good.”
“Heard it’s been a little rough with Chase, but rumor has it you’ve been playing really well,” Dad adds, and Talia beams at me.
“Yeah, but Chase is coming around. We’re still winning more than we’re losing.”
“That’s great.” Olivia throws Dad an apologetic look, and he says, “Well, we better get going. Olivia’s gotta get to work.”
“But you two will have to come to dinner soon,” Olivia interjects.
Talia gives me a questioning look as if expecting me to turn it down swiftly.
“Okay. Just let us know when,” I answer.
Dad and Olivia wear matching smiles as they pass us and head into the coffee shop.
“Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?” Talia’s mouth gapes open.
“I’m the same guy as always,” I say.
“Don’t downplay this.” She pushes up on her tip toes and kisses my cheek. “I know that couldn’t have been easy.”
“Actually, if I had known it would earn me a kiss I would’ve been nice to them sooner,” I quip as we start walking again.
“But you didn’t know, so that was all on you,” she points out. “Between going to the wedding and now agreeing to dinner at their house, I’d say you’re growing up, Josh.”
Maybe.” My shoulders slowly bob up and down. “But I do have a little confession to make.”
“You do?” I almost laugh at the worried expression leaping to her face.
“My decision to attend the wedding had nothing to do with maturity. I only agreed to go because you said you’d go with me, and I was kinda hoping I could seduce you.”
“Why, Josh, are you telling me that this was all part of your plan?”
I know she’s joking. Her flirty tone makes that clear. Still, her words concern me. Snaking my arm around her middle, I bring her close, and I stop walking. Knitting her eyebrows together, she peers up at me.
“I’ve told you before that there’s no plan here. Not anymore. Yes, I thought the wedding would be the perfect romantic place for you to finally realize you had feelings for me.”
“Finally realize, huh?” She chuckles, and I feel like an idiot for my choice of words. Even when I’m trying to be the good guy, I still come off as arrogant.
“I’m not really good at this kind of thing, Tals.”
“You’re not the best, but you’re not the worst either.” She grins. “But I do appreciate how hard you’re trying.”
“I am trying. And I’ll keep trying for as long as it takes. This isn’t a game to me.”
“I know,” she says. “And for what it’s worth, the wedding thing was a pretty good call. Weddings are romantic, and you looked amazing in your tux.”
“You liked that, huh?” I joke. “Man, I wish you would’ve told me sooner. I would’ve kept it.”
Shaking her head, she tugs on my arm to keep us walking forward. And I follow her, because, let’s face it, I’d follow her anywhere.
***
“You know you don’t have to drive me to school every day. I could pick you up,” Talia says when we pull into the school parking
lot Monday morning.
“Yeah, right.” I bite back a laugh when I catch a glimpse of her serious expression.
“Why not?”
“What kind of guy lets his girlfriend drive him around?”
“Lets her?” Talia’s eyes bug out.
She’s angry, and that should bother me. But, honestly, I think she’s so cute when she gets like this. After cutting the engine, I turn to her and grab her hands. When she tries to pull them back, I hold them tighter. “This isn’t something to fight me on, Tals. This is not me reverting back to my old self.”
“Although you do that sometimes, especially around your friends.” She sticks her bottom lip out in a pout.
“I know, and I’m sorry about that. But change takes time,” I point out. “However, not this time. This time I’m being a gentleman. And gentlemen drive their girlfriends to school.”
“Yeah, I know. You made that clear when we were pretending. You liked to drive me to school and parade me around.”
Ah, so that’s what this is really about. Releasing her hands, I gently run my fingers over her smooth skin. When goosebumps arise on her arms, it gives me a sense of satisfaction. I know I’m getting to her. I shouldn’t like it as much as I do, but I can’t help it.
“There are going to be some similarities in our fake relationship and our real relationship, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In some ways I think our pretend relationship taught me what a real relationship should be like.” I smile. “I was a much better boyfriend when I was pretending than I’d ever actually been before. Maybe I learned something from myself during that time.”
Talia’s mouth twitches at the corners. “I guess it was kinda the same for me. Usually if a guy pushed my buttons as much as you had I would’ve kicked him to the curb. So, I guess you taught me patience. Thanks for that.”
I laugh. “See? It was good for both of us.”
She shrugs. “Well, it was definitely easier for you.”
