Benny was doing an excellent job with the garden. It was full of color; a display of greenery and ornaments pleasing to the eye. My gaze settled on the small summerhouse at the bottom, my lips turning into a smile when I replayed some of my adventures with Cade in there.
It didn’t lift my heart, though. Nothing could.
I’d spent so much time at Cade’s house that my own home wasn’t mine anymore. It was a building that catered for me whenever we’d had an argument. That was all it was now. Another prison that would house my heartache.
For the first time in months I’d spent a night alone in my own bed. It was large, it was cold, and it broke my heart as I’d sobbed myself to sleep.
I didn’t know what to do. My eyes squeezed closed when Cade’s face came swimming into my vision, his hurt and pain when I’d told him I wanted to go home. I wanted nothing more than to curl into him and stay there until my heart forgot to beat. But I knew I would never have that again.
He’d always risked so much for me. His strength had held me up time and time again. Yet it was time to find my own strength to do what was needed. To let him go.
I jolted when Frank popped his head through the door to the house. “Faye.” I turned to him. “You okay?”
I sighed and lifted a brow. He nodded in understanding and came to join me, sitting beside me on the top step.
We both stared out for a while in silence, him with his coffee, me with mine. Although Frank worked for me, my ‘bodyguard’ as he liked to call himself, we were more like friends. He treated the house as his own and I couldn’t imagine my life without him.
“I guess the two guys sat out front aren’t yours.”
His lips twitched before he took a sip of his drink. “No flies on you, is there?”
“Nope. Should I offer them a drink? Invite them in for breakfast?”
He shrugged. “I’m sure they’re okay, it’s their job. They’re used to sitting in a car for hours.”
“Still, it can’t be nice.”
Frank sighed and I shifted, swallowing the sudden lump in my throat. “We gonna talk about Cade’s men all morning or are you gonna start telling me shit, lady?”
Okay, Frank had also taken on the role as father. And as much as I loved him for it, even he shouldn’t be witness to what was in my head.
“You know I love you Frank.” He nodded, but narrowed his eyes when I continued. “What happened between Dante and me, it stays between him and me. There is no one on this planet I would want to hurt with the truth of it all.”
He pursed his lips, shaking his head slightly as his gaze remained on the garden. “That may be. But there is only you on this planet that I hurt for.”
I saw the pain in his eyes, the worry lines that had appeared across his forehead. His heart was so large but there should be no room for me in it.
Taking his hand in my own, I squeezed it as I turned back to the garden. “And there is only me who isn’t worthy of it.”
“That’s your view,” he said as he dropped my hand and snaked it around my shoulder, pulling me into him until my head rested on his shoulder. “I have some idea what happened.” His body stiffened beneath me. “But you’re letting him win, Faye. You’re allowing him to rule you. You need to be strong now and take care of what you want. You need to put things on the table to Cade.”
I closed my eyes. “But I’m trying not to hurt him by doing this.”
“I know, and believe me, I understand. But Cade won’t back off, Faye. You know him. He will fight the fucking Devil for you.”
“That’s what I’m trying to keep him from.”
“Dante isn’t the Devil, he’s just a demon that needs to own things.”
A tear dribbled off my nose and I swiped at it. “I wasn’t talking about Dante,” I whispered. “I was talking about me.”
He paused, finally listening to me. “What do you mean?”
I pulled away, refusing to look at him. “It isn’t Dante that has the capability of burning Cade. It’s me, Frank. I’m the one who has the power to finish Cade. And that’s why I need to push him away.”
He regarded me, confusion written all over him. “Lady, I’m not . . .”
“And I’m not strong enough to explain, Frank. But you think, you all think I’m the victim in this!” I was growing angry, with myself, with Dante, even with Cade for refusing to accept what life was. “The only victim in this is Cade. The truth will crush him and I won’t allow that. I’m prepared to break my own heart to free the man’s that I love.”
Frank stared after me as I walked away.
“DELIVERY, MISS AVERY.”
“Has it been checked?”
“It has,” the crackly voice came through the speaker.
“Okay, come on up.” I pressed the button to the gate allowing Hanson, the designated mail guy, access to the house.
“Good morning, Miss Avery.” Hanson beamed at me when I opened the door. “It’s been a while since I’ve delivered anything here for you.”
I smiled back at him, taking his clipboard and signing on the dotted line.
“Are you back for a while?” he asked over his shoulder as he walked to his van and opened the back doors.
“I’m not sure. How are Maisie and the kids?” I asked as he leaned in and pulled out a few packages.
“They’re great, thank you. Sarah just got her first tooth.”
I smiled widely at him but it faltered when he pulled out a huge arrangement of flowers. Sensing my nerves he pulled a face and shrugged.
“You and Mr. Troy not so . . .” His sheepish smile dropped. “Sorry, it just says the flowers came from Mr. Troy, so I presumed things weren’t going so great, especially since you’re back home.” He lifted a hand and nodded respectfully as he handed me the bunch. “But that is none of my business. I’m sorry.” He walked back to the van and pulled the door open. “Have a good day.”
I nodded, giving him a smile as I went back into the house and closed the door behind me.
I couldn’t help but bury my face in the enormous arrangement and inhale deeply. Gerberas, my favorite, in a variety of colors. They brought a much needed smile, although it seemed wrong, enjoying the simplicity of them. Cade had always been hyper aware of my mood and what I needed. The pure beauty of these simple flowers was it this morning.
I placed them on the dresser and pulled open the card.
I gritted my teeth at the rage that coursed through me. Taking the flowers, I smashed them to the floor and stomped on them like a sulky four year old, my foot crushing the delicate petals, my screams destroying what I thought they were.
“You bastard!”
I looked up to find Gina, my cleaner, staring at me with a wide mouth.
“Clean it up!” I spat. “Get rid of them. Fucking burn them!”
She continued to gawp at me as I fled up the stairs.
FRANK SLAPPED ME ON THE back when he opened the door and let me in. “How you doing?”
I shrugged. “Is she here?”
I could tell by the way his eyes shifted behind my shoulder that he was angry, but not with me. “She’s ‘busy.’” He quirked an eyebrow as he air quoted ‘busy.’
I nodded, scoffing. “Oh, is she?”
He didn’t stop me when I pushed past him and took the stairs two at a time. I was so fucking angry. It was time to sort this shit out.
I burst through the door to her bedroom. She was facing the window in yoga pants and a small shirt, sweat trickling down her back. She’d been working out. My teeth sank into my lip as the image of her with the weights tightened my pants.
She turned and frowned at me but carried on talking into her phone. “Well, if you think it’s worth it. Of course. Who’s the leading male?” She sighed, her eyes fixed on mine as she continued. “Look, Elle, I’ll leave it with you. If you think it’s a good role then arrange it. Of course I’m still working and this isn’t until next year, it’s great to get things lined up.” She stiffened, swal
lowing. “No, Theo isn’t with us anymore so I’m promoting you.” A squeal echoed from the phone making Faye cringe and me blink. “Yes, well tell them we’ll look at the script.”
She ended the call, her eyes staying on her phone. “New Scorsese coming up,” she explained quietly.
“I don’t care.”
Her eyes flashed up to mine. She gulped, reading the way my body was strung. She took a step back when I took several towards her.
“You look like shit.” She gasped when I closed in on her.
“I feel like shit.”
She stared up at me, her striking eyes locking onto mine. I could see the mix of emotion in them; the ache, the hurt, the anguish, the devastation. I grabbed her face, my own eyes mirroring everything in hers.
“Baby, please talk to me. Don’t cut me out. I won’t survive that.”
My forehead dropped to hers, my nose inhaling the sweet scent of her perfume and the sexy smell of her sweat.
“Cade.” The word left her in a choked whisper. She lifted her hand and ran two fingers across my lips. Her eyes fluttered closed as she took a deep breath of me and slid her hands over my face and into my hair.
“I love you, Faye. Every single beautiful inch of you. I don’t understand. I want to help you, take it from you.” I gulped past the barricade and spoke openly, as much as it killed me to voice it. “I know . . . I know he raped you, baby.” Her whimper tore my throat out. She clung to me harder. “But don’t ever think that I will see you any differently because of it. Let me help you heal.”
She dropped her face into my chest, a strangled cry making my heart ache. “Cade.” She gripped my t-shirt in her fists, holding on like her life depended on it. “Whatever happens, you need to know that I love you so much. I’d die for you, baby.” She lifted her face to look at me, tears streaking her flawless face. “I’d take the Devil’s fury to stop you from hurting.”
“I know that, Faye. But you don’t seem to realize that I would peel my own skin off for you.”
A slight grimace twisted her lips. “Very graphic.” She smiled. “Thank you for that.”
I grinned, relishing in her smile, as small as it was. I stroked my thumb across her cheekbone, wiping her tears. “Each tear that falls from you drowns my heart a little bit more. I want to take them from you, Faye. I want to see you smile again. I want to make you smile again.”
“I know you do, Cade. But . . . I need time.”
“You can have all the time in the world. But I need you to spend that time with me. Don’t push me away. Don’t think I can’t help, because I can. Together we can take on the world, and I know we’re strong enough to get through this. You want to be here then that’s fine. I’ll be here too.”
I took her lips, not asking but demanding. Her little moan brought my body to life. She kissed me back furiously, her hands fighting to touch me as I wrapped her ponytail in my fist and yanked her head back. The skin of her neck was soft but tinged with salt from her sweat. Unable to resist, my tongue sneaked out and tasted her, my cock throbbing appreciatively at the hit of sex on my taste buds.
My hand slid down between her breasts, the tip of my finger pressing into her as I ventured lower and rested it against her stomach.
She clammed up then pulled away, refusing to look at me. “I’m sorry.” I shouldn’t have pushed her, even this was progress. “I’m sorry, baby. I’ve just missed you so damn much.” Swiping at the tears slipping from her eyes she nodded her head.
“I need to finish working out.”
“Okay, I’ll be downstairs with Frank, and Amy is coming to bring me a few things.”
“She’s sweet.”
I quirked a brow at the tone of her voice, grinning internally. There was my little spitfire. She was still jealous of Amy.
AMY ARRIVED A COUPLE OF hours later, bringing pizza for everyone. Faye hadn’t ventured downstairs but we were under the same roof. I could breathe easier just knowing we were in the same place.
“This was delivered today. It has important stamped on it and the name it was addressed to is the one you told me to always bring to your attention if any mail came.” Amy faintly smiled, dropping a thick brown envelope into my lap. The addressee was a Mr. Sure. It was the name I used for the private investigator, to separate from the fan mail and scripts and shit. I flicked through all the documents inside. Theo and his girlfriend were missing and there had been no activity on either of their bank accounts. They had both fallen off the grid, a lot like my Faye.
I moved up the stairs and pressed my ear to her bedroom door, listening for movement.
“That’s pervy.” A dainty voice came from behind me. I spun to lay my eyes on Faye, her hair pulled back off her face, her expressive green eyes holding tinges of amber fire. Not a lick of makeup graced her face; her full red lips were begging me to taste them. Her scent encompassed me. Damn, I loved her. Her thick black lashes closed and then fluttered nervously as I quenched my thirst with her appearance.
I stumbled back, surprised when she jumped forwards, latching on to me. Her mouth crashed down on mine, her tongue angrily swiping at my own. Her supple little body pressed into mine making me come alive. I needed her so bad I could hardly function.
I turned us, kicking the door open, and then closed it once we entered her room. Her frenzied hands tore at my clothes and flesh. “We’re on borrowed time, Cade. Please just love me tonight. Show me your love, our love.”
The intensity of my yes and her desperation made everything we were doing feel like it was the last time we’d ever be together.
I wanted to tear off my bandages so I could feel her flesh beneath my palms. I would repay him for this tenfold.
I placed her down on the bed and marveled in her lust. She slipped her night shirt over her head, leaving her bare in all her perfect glory. There was a reason Hollywood wanted her as their leading lady; she was magnificent in her beauty. Her body hummed with nervous need and I would deliver what she needed, reminding her who loved her beyond any other.
I knelt before her, grasping her foot and kissing her toes, grazing my teeth over the sole of her foot and then kissing up her calf and thigh. Her foot pressed against my chest, pushing me from her. I looked down at the tear in her eye before she spun her body, pressing her tits into the bed, her ass rising up against my hard dick. “Just fuck me hard, Cade. Own me.”
I stood and stripped out of my clothes, staring down at the love of my life as she pushed her face into the cushion. I loved doggy style with her. I always held her hair or throat with her head tilted up to mine so I could watch her come. This was not how we fucked. She was either trying to forget something or thinking of someone else. Did he not force her? Did she love him? Fuck, my own thoughts were sending me insane and her silence about what happened and her actions were fuelling the thoughts.
“Turn and face me, baby. I need to look at you.”
Her body shook. God, I wanted her but never like this. “I can’t.” She hiccupped. “Forgive me Cade, please.”
“Do you love him?” I had to ask, she was killing me.
“It’s so complicated.”
Fuck complicated! “I love you.”
She turned to face me, swiping her messed up hair that had fallen from the bind holding it back. “It’s weird being here. In a way I don’t feel like I left there.” That stung like a motherfucker. How much emotional pain can a heart withstand before it just combusts in your chest? Her words were like fire lashing at my soul, disintegrating me from the inside out. She saw him when she looked at me, and how could she not? We shared a fucking face, but not a soul, and she had always been able to make the distinction . . . or had she? Was I always just his stand in? No . . . No way, she loved me.
“Did you want to be there, Faye? Did you go to him? Fucking tell me something!”
She sat up her features scrunching up into a scowl, looking pained that I would even ask, her perfectly groomed eyebrows pulling together. “No! How could you think tha
t?”
“You’re not telling me anything! You’re the other half of me, but fuck, I don’t recognize you right now!”
Tears pooled in her eyes. She jumped from the bed and slapped me across the cheek, the crack loud in the quiet of the room. It stung but I deserved it.
“I was raped!”
My insides tensed, my heart exploding into an inferno of hate, despair, guilt and need for retribution. My baby went through what no woman should ever have to endure. “I’ll kill him.”
“He’s already dead. At least I think he is.”
My head spun, making the room tilt. “What?”
Her arms came around to cover her body, hugging herself. “I’m so sorry Cade. He was too strong and . . .” Her eyes were unfocused, her head shaking back and forth, lost in the memory. “I was made to shower and he came in. I hit him and he attacked me.”
“Who, baby?” Tears burned my eyes.
“He didn’t use his . . . his . . .” I was going to puke on her fucking carpet. I wasn’t there to protect her. “He was so hateful. I never knew he hated me so much. I never did anything to him.”
“Faye, who?” I whispered.
“Theo.” The word left her lips like poison, spitting and sputtering. “Dante killed him.” Her eyes rose to mine. I hated that Dante killed him because I would never get the pleasure. I wanted to find where Dante dumped the body just so I could see him dead for myself.
The rage inside me was going to combust and destroy everything in its wake. My fucking woman was raped! He didn’t protect her. He may have killed Theo but he didn’t prevent what happened to her. I wanted to reach inside her and heal her soul, take every horrible thing she suffered and burn it up, erase it and fill the space with happy memories of how loved she was.
“Did anyone else touch you?” I didn’t want to know but needed to. I needed to know everything she went through. “Dante . . . did he force himself on you?” Guilt was written all over her. Her fingertips dug into her thigh as her tears came down in thick droplets, tainting my soul. “Do you want to be back there with him?” Did she see him as her savior from that sick fuck?
CADEnce (Deception Book 2) Page 7
