“Thank you,” she said, opening the car door. “Timothy, wake up.” She reached back and tugged on his arm. “C’mon, Timothy.”
He sat up and wiped a slender hand across his face. “Sorry about that, guys.”
“No problem. We’ll have to get together under better circumstances.” Jake got out of the car and gave Timothy half a hug. The same way Venus felt that she’d known Jake all of her life was the way he and Timothy looked together. Like old friends. True friends.
She walked up to Jake and kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll see you later.”
He dug up a smile from somewhere deep. “Give your mom my best.”
Venus watched his SUV pull away. She didn’t understand what was happening here, or why. Just as she’d tried to explain to him, her world had changed overnight, in one blink of the eye. Nothing gradual or slow about it, just a complete shift.
SHIFT
SHE and Timothy drove over first thing in the morning as their father had instructed. Pauletta was half sitting up, sipping water from a straw, when they walked into her hospital room. Her father steadied the cup in one hand and supported Pauletta’s head with the other.
Venus felt a major change happening in the Johnston family. Her mother would have to let someone help her, when usually it had been the other way around. Pauletta had always been in charge. As long as Venus could remember, her mother had been the disciplinarian and the decision maker. Pauletta paid the bills, analyzing the paychecks that were brought home by Henry each month, making sure it was all accounted for. He didn’t seem to mind. It was an easy way to get along, no arguing, no fighting. That is, until he’d started collecting trains. He wouldn’t let Pauletta, who called it immature and a waste of money, dissuade him. He explained to Pauletta, he’d never asked for one thing for himself while the children were small, in need of the best school clothes and being driven in the best car. Venus usually listened to their conversations uneventfully, knowing it would be the same, her mother having the last word, but for the first time she’d heard her mother say something endearing, “Okay, Henry, you’re right. I couldn’t have asked for a better husband, I know that’s for sure. Hell, buy the whole train station, you deserve it.” That summer, Venus started seeing her father differently, understanding differently; it wasn’t that he’d been weak, or small—he’d been the complete opposite. He’d been the strong one, doing what was necessary to keep his family together, keeping the pieces whole and healthy. Sacrificing. That was what love was all about, making compromises.
“Hey, Mom.” Venus pressed her lips on the side of her mother’s head. Her skin was cool, dry. She winked at Venus and gave a half smile.
Dr. Prah walked in as soon as Venus had pulled out her lotion to rub on her mother’s face and arms.
“How’s our patient doing today? How’re you doing, Pauletta?”
Venus stood up from the side of the bed. “How do you think she’s doing?”
Dr. Prah ignored her. “Good news, you get to go home tomorrow.”
“Home!” Venus walked around the side of the bed. Henry stuck his hand out. “Precious, you sit with your mother. I’m going to go talk to Dr. Prah, outside.”
“I know she didn’t just say ‘home.’ ”
Timothy stood up, cornering Venus. He was smart to do so. She felt a surge of something dangerous, clawing. “How in the world is she supposed to go home that quickly? She just had a mastectomy, or weren’t you there?”
“Ms. Johnston, your mother would not be released if she were not able. Everything is going very well. Her blood pressure is normal, her platelet count is good. She’s definitely doing well, and two days is standard after this type of surgery.”
“What happened to, every case is treated for individual needs? Now we’re back to standard.”
Pauletta grunted, pushing herself up, slightly.
“Mom.”
Henry rushed to her side. “Sweetie, wait a minute, now. Let me help.”
“Venus, go.” Her mother’s voice was light and scratchy, but there was no doubt about what she’d said. “Leave, just go.”
Venus stood in shock, her heart racing. She wanted to slap some understanding into Dr. Prah, make her see this was all her doing—her mother, sitting up in pain asking her only daughter to leave.
“No, Mom. This isn’t right. You shouldn’t be going home this soon.”
“Get out!”
Venus jumped with the tone of her mother’s voice, the awful way her face had turned into one sharp stab. She picked up her purse and stormed past Dr. Prah. The elevator wouldn’t come quickly enough. She hit at it again and again, pushing, holding. “Son of a bitch, hurry up.” When the doors opened, she saw her brother trotting toward her. She stepped inside and pushed the Lobby button so the doors would close.
“Venus.” He called her name and attempted to stop the doors from closing, but too late.
THERE were times when the Los Angeles coastline looked like a painting, full of purple and fucshia swirling around the yellow sun. Venus had been told that the smog and pollution in the air created the majestic sunsets. She didn’t know how it could be true, that something so completely beautiful and perfect could be caused by something so foul.
She drove along Pacific Highway, keeping an eye cautiously on the road while still staring into the fiery dusk. She parked the car and sat, watching the white foam of the ocean waves rolling into the shoreline. With the moon high and the sun finally set, the waves could still be seen dancing in the distance. She picked up her phone and pressed the redial button.
“I’m here. Right out front.” She closed the phone and waited. The lights in his house popped on in the downstairs area. She could see him through the window, shirtless, walking to the balcony. He waved her over. Venus only stared. He leaned on the balcony with both arms extended. Venus threw her head back, imagining those arms around her waist. “What am I doing?” she whispered.
She opened the cell again. She saw him go back into the house and pick up the phone. He was back outside, standing with the phone to his ear.
“I know you’re going to think I’m crazy, but I can’t stay. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the false alarm.”
“You’re here, you might as well come in.” It was odd, sort of strange to watch him talking to her at a distance. The wind blew in a steady stream making his long white pajama pants cling to his muscular thighs, his smooth chest brilliant with the sheen of light from the moon, just like the waves in the ocean.
“I reassessed the situation. It’s not smart, even if we planned to just talk.”
“Can I come sit with you in the car?”
Venus looked at him, standing on the deck, “Only if you put a shirt on.”
“I’ll be right down.”
“So how is she?” Jake slid into the seat and buckled himself in, probably out of habit.
“She’s good, I mean, as well as can be expected after losing a body part. Is a breast a body part? I never thought about it till now. I mean it’s not like they’re organs, like a liver, a kidney. You need all of those parts. A lung …” She trailed off, she was in tears again. She’d driven halfway there with her eyes foggy and sightless. She thought she was through. Now here she was crying, again. It seemed she hadn’t stopped since she’d met him.
“Let it out,” Jake whispered in her hair while he hugged her. She felt his arms pull tighter. She knew how good it would feel to stay in those arms. It would be the easy way to do things. This was crazy. She sat up, feeling an immediate void when she separated from the heat of his chest.
“My mom is doing well, really. I’m the one that’s a mess. She acts like this was just one more thing on her to-do list. One more day in the drudgery of life. ‘Gotta keep moving, Venus. You won’t get nothing done by standing still.’ That’s what she’s always told me. But I feel paralyzed. How can she just think this is another day?” She cleared her airways with a tissue from the large box of Kleenex she had to stop and buy on the way
over.
“Today, she asked me to leave. She sent me away, told me to get out of her hospital room, like I’m the one that’s crazy. Just because I want answers, some justice. I have a right to be angry, to grieve.”
“Why do you use that word? No one died, Venus.”
“I feel like someone has. I know she’s still here, but a part of her, a vital part of her, is missing. If I was the one in that bed, in that hospital with tubes coming out of me, with bandages wrapped around my body, I assure you, it wouldn’t be business as usual. I couldn’t take it. How can she sit there and act like nothing’s happened? How she isn’t mad at the world is beyond me. And then to tell me to get out, to leave because I wanted answers … she kicked me out of the hospital room.” She said it again with an incredulous frown.
Jake grabbed the hand that gripped the steering wheel. He rolled it into his, smothering it with his wide smooth palm. “Your mother’s going to be fine. Sounds like she wants to put all of this behind her. There’s nothing wrong with that. It sounds like you’re angry, and you want her to be mad, too; but she’s accepted it. You’re going to have to do the same.”
Venus snatched her hand back. “Why? Why do I have to accept it? Why can’t I try to do something about it?”
“What exactly would that be?” Jake looked at her. His face was half masked by the darkness and half lit by the moonlight.
“I don’t know, but there has to be something. Don’t you see how wrong it is, to take something like that away from a woman? And it keeps happening over and over, not just my mother. Millions. Women. It’s like some awful punishment. Who’s next? Our lives aren’t even our own. We could be struck down by this awful disease, that serves no purpose … at any moment. You know, you’re moving along thinking you’re in complete control of your life, you’ve finally got the life you’ve worked for, the career of your dreams, the house, the family, the entire package, then zip, bap, boom! It’s destroyed! It’s not fair!”
“That’s the way you see it. Maybe your mother doesn’t see it as the end of the world.”
She took a deep breath, speechless, unable to respond. Yes. Certainly. That was it, her mother saw it as one more pothole in the street. Just keep moving. Go around them if you have to, just keep it moving. Come on, Henry.
Then where did that leave Venus? Who was going to help her get past it, the fear, the unknowing? She’d never had that ability to just keep moving, to run over roadblocks, to jump over potholes. Venus had to understand why the obstacle was placed before her, its mission and cause. Understand its meaning.
The cell phone rang, creating an unsettling tension in the car just as it had the night before outside the café. Venus looked at the lit screen but didn’t reach for it. Jake stared at it, too, as if it were some alien that landed near his lap.
“You probably should get that. I’ll be inside if you need me.” He stepped out of the car and strode in long steps, creating an amassed distance between them before Venus could ask him to wait.
She got out of the car and hurried behind him. “Jake!” He turned around. If it was annoyance she saw, she ignored it. “Can I stay here, with you … tonight?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
The wind pushed his words over her head, soaring, floating out to sea. She stepped closer, “It’s not complicated. I just want to stay.”
“It will be complicated. I do things no other way.”
She caught those words and their meaning. She took a few more steps toward him. The sand swallowed her deeper. She put out her hand.
“You’ve been forewarned,” he said, taking her hand, pulling her to follow him inside.
VENUS didn’t care about the danger signs, the hidden curves or slick terrain. She’d taken the safe route all of her life, doing what was right, doing what was best. The same road her mother and father had taken for nearly forty years. She didn’t want to end up that way, never having taken a chance, a detour. If her destination were predetermined, it didn’t matter. She’d take the long way.
The sound of running water kept her in a semiconscious state as she lay in the center of the large bed. Jake touched her on her shoulder, telling her to get up. He led her from his bedroom to his bathroom where there was a huge tub filled with steaming water and a continuous flow of bubbles moving in circles. He turned around and left, closing the door behind him. The music flowed from an invisible source, the votive candles burned in the corner.
She slipped her sweater over her head, then unzipped her skirt. She unsnapped her bra and let it slide down her arms. She turned and looked at the door once more, then quickly slid her panties down around her ankles, kicking them off. She bent over to run a trail in the water with the tips of her fingers.
She climbed the tiled steps to the tub, cool underneath her feet, then sank into the perfect warmth. The water caressing her skin overwhelmed her for a moment. She cupped a handful and rinsed her face. She was being cared for. A bath had been run for her. Candles lit, lights dimmed. For her. She laid her head against the smooth curve of the porcelain. She closed her eyes and let the music and the flutter of the bubbles calm her spirit.
A quiet knock at the door interrupted her reverie. She’d been soaking for a while. The water had cooled. Chill bumps rose on her skin. She sat up then grabbed a towel off the rack. “Come in.”
“You all right in here?” Jake came inside the bathroom, covering his eyes. “Here’s a robe.” He pushed the thick terry fabric on the chrome towel rack.
“Okay” was all she could think to say. She felt entirely helpless and, with that, completely dependent on him, his kindness.
Jake fumbled for the doorknob, still with his eyes closed. Venus got out of the water as soon as he closed the door, pulling the robe tight around her wet body. It hung on her like a man’s robe should, large, oversized. If it had fit perfectly, she would have gone into a panic, having to acknowledge that he dutifully housed and bathed women all the time, a normal practice for him. One more wasn’t a feat.
The bedroom lighting flickered with the movement of the candlelight. Venus saw the covers pulled back, the burgundy sheets folded back to a corner. She looked around for Jake. The same sweet music played through the walls. Small candles burned on each side of the bed. She climbed into the cool soft linens, sliding her feet into the tightness. She inhaled the covers, knowing they’d hold Jake’s scent. Crisp, light, sweet.
A knock, then the door opened partially. He stuck his head in. “You look good sitting there.” He walked to the edge of the bed.
“Bet you say that to all the girls that find their way into this spot.”
He tilted his head, analyzing the question and all that she implied. “Nope, only to the ones who actually look good.” He pointed his finger at her. “Don’t ask a question if you don’t want to know the answer.” He’d been prepared for the direction of this conversation.
Venus pulled her knees close to her chin. “But I have to ask.”
“Then ask and be quick about it.” He sat down next to her and pulled her legs across his lap. She was glad she’d painted her toenails, even though she’d given up on the whole daunting war of keeping her fingers and toes sparkling. Out of boredom one night, she’d dipped the brush in the half-empty Petal Pink polish and painted them, making it a project, just as she’d paint the walls, or a mural.
“Are you seeing someone, as in a mutually agreed upon relationship?” she asked, being quick about it and getting it over with as he’d suggested.
“Do you really want to know?” he whispered, before reaching across her into his nightstand and pulling out a small jar. He unscrewed the top and dove right in. He slathered her feet with the moist cream, rubbing and massaging. She squeezed her eyes closed and bit her lip so not to moan or let the words I love you leak out involuntarily. Because she did, at that moment, love him.
He worked and kneaded the heel of her foot with his palm, pressing his thumbs to the center of her arch, then moved to
the base of her toes, sliding, rolling, pushing. She slid down deeper. He moved around and positioned himself directly over her feet. He dipped for more cream, warming it in his hands before starting again, then moving up the firm part of her calves, circling her knees, then higher to her thighs. She tried to remember that tomorrow she would wake up and still be on earth with a real life, with real problems, that regardless of his answer, she was the one obligated. She was the one in a committed relationship.
His hands smoothed with a light friction to the rise of her hips, then down again. He motioned for her to turn over, edged the robe off her shoulders and began to massage the tenseness around her neck. Venus took a deep long breath, but didn’t exhale, afraid it would come out, a heated cry for help. She concentrated on breathing out slow and careful.
“That’s better, let it go.” Deeper penetration came with his words. He rubbed the base of her skull spreading his hands into her hair and scalp, taking full control of her mind and thoughts. She would scream if he stopped. His hands in gentle claws trailed down the length of her torso, taking the robe with him. Before she could comprehend the coolness on her exposed body, he was back, gliding his hands from her head to her toes. She turned over to face him. The rhythm of her heart was pounding wildly in her head. He wet the skin of her clavicle with his mouth. Venus kept her eyes on his refined face. The noble line of his chin, the bridge of his nose rising into the sculpted line of his brows—he would age gracefully.
She grabbed his head and pulled him down on top of her. His tongue, his lips, the kiss, washed her ashore leaving her weightless. She wanted to disappear inside him. He let the weight of his body fall on her, still managing to move his hand against the length of her waist, trailing the bones of her ribs to her breast.
Her breast.
Venus gasped, rising up with strength she didn’t know she had, pulling the robe tight around her chest. Jake rolled off, to the side, shocked. “What happened?” He reached to touch her. Again, she flinched. “What’s wrong?” He blinked confusion.
Would I Lie to You? Page 10
